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Finding Myself after a loss

Community Member

My husband passed age 46 of cancer 2.5 years ago and instead of things getting easier I find it’s getting harder. Today I just come to the hard truth that I will never be anyone’s first choice ever again. I am feeling more lonely than ever before. I struggle to leave the house only for work and groceries other than that I stay home. I feel I am constantly working either at work or around the house. I never have fun anymore I don’t even know what that looks like now. Anyone else feel the same?

2 Replies 2

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi TeenieWeenie,


I am so sorry for your loss, losing a partner leaves a hole that can't be filled by anyone else.

I have lost family members to cancer and have had cancer myself so I empathise, however, I have not lost a partner (actually, I don't have one) so I can only imagine how alone you feel.


I have been alone for a long time so it the norm for me, but I think you probably need to be patient with yourself for the time being. 2.5 years may seem like a long time but in reality, when it comes to grief, it can effect you in a number of ways for many years. Have you had any counselling to help you get through the loss? If not, this may be helpful in finding your way forward.


As far as never being anyone's first choice again, you are still quite young and none of us knows what the future holds in store for us.


I think aiming for fun is the long term goal, aiming for contentment may be more attainable in the short term. Can I suggest perhaps taking up a hobby, something you have always wanted to try but didn't have the time until now. Reading a funny book or watching a comedy show can lift your spirits, if you do that often enough, it can have a long term effect.


I think it is possible at some point to reframe your view of loneliness. I live alone, but I rarely feel lonely because I have the opportunity to read about and do things that interest me, I have a fur companion who gives me lots of love and affection and when I want some human interaction, I can call a friend for a chat. I think it is about becoming comfortable with your own company, but I know not everyone is able to live that way.


I'm not sure that any of this is helpful to you, but I am happy to continue the conversation if you wish.

Please be kind and gentle with yourself,


Community Member

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my partner at 46 as well. I  get what you are saying. It’s so hard isn’t it. Empty is the best way I describe my existence. Although no one would ever know. Gym helps me a bit, yoga and mindfulness it’s a distraction anyway. I wish you well.