Lost my Wonderful Husband of 42 years 7 weeks ago

[Dial]

to lung cancer, he lived almost 12 months to the day we found out, 

He did all the chemo & 5 weeks of radiation & while going through this he had a huge blood clot sit near the heart & we thought we were going to lose him then & there but thankfully he pulled through & then at easter this year he had to have a lot of fluid removed from around the heart, in July he started to cough up blood & so Drs suggested another week of radium & he said yes, thinking he would pull through again but after the 5 days he was told to go home & that he would get one month to 2 months but not to expect 2 months, we only had him a little over 2 weeks, 

Yesterday a grief councellor came to the home & talked to me for over 2 hours but I seem to be doing what she suggested so she said I was experiencing what  most people do & that until I accept that he will not be back I will not be able to move on, I understand that but I just cannot let go yet.

I did read where another lady said she feels she is getting worse & I said the same thing to a friend today. My husband was a very patient loving man with a wonderful smile & a great laugh that everyone say's they will remember him by  but OMG noone said the pain is this bad, I remember losing my parents & thinking nothing can get worse than that but it really has...........Grief is so bloody painful

[Neil_1]

Dear dial

I do hope that you’re still here on Beyond Blue.  I would like to express my deepest sympathies to you for the loss of your husband.  I know you don’t know me, but though I cannot feel what you’re exactly feeling right now, I do know what it’s like to lose loved ones.

I’ve lost my closest brother (1991), I lost my Dad (2007) and I lost my Mum (next week will be one year).  I was so close to both my parents and I can so understand the pain that you’re experiencing.

My Mum grieved so much for Dad in those 8 years and she never really got over it;  they were married for just on 53 years.  Mum would tell me that each night she would say “goodnight” to both my Dad and my brother.

Leukaemia stole my Dad from me, and cancer took Mum from me.

I’m not sure if I agreed fully with your grief counsellor – while what they were saying is correct;   it’s another thing completely to be able to get to that point of acceptance.  Then once you do get to that point, the ability to move on is bloody difficult also. 

As we’re told so often, there is no timeframe for grief – where someone might be able to grieve and get over a loss reasonably quickly, another person may take months and even years.  Now I’m not saying here for the first person that they don’t miss and hurt over their loss, it’s just that they are able to perhaps compartmentalise it so they are able to continue on, without the raw emotion being there all the time.

I’m sensing you have that raw emotion right there at the forefront and you know what – that’s 100% fine.  It’s a process and it’s a bloody hard one.

Look I won’t ramble on much more, but hopefully if you’re around and you’ve read this response, I would dearly love to hear back from you;  we might be able to strike up a bit of a chat thing;  that is, if you find this a helpful outlet.

Lastly, I do hope that you have other support mechanisms in place to help you at this time?

Kind regards

Neil