Lost two important people

[moviesul]

Hello, I'm not used to doing this whole thread thing but I need advice. I lost my best friend (18) to suicide in mid August this year. In the following 24 hours, I lost my brother (15) to respiratory failure. It happened two months ago and I'm still waking up to forgetting they're gone. Every time I remember it tears me apart like it did initially. My heart aches and I can't stop crying. This happens on a daily basis. My brother was like my secons best friend. I can't even begin to think how I'm going to remember that the two of them are no longer here... I never thought I'd ever had to think about it before. 

​I see my psychologist once a month and I'm no longer in school so I can't see the counsellor. I try to drown myself in work and music and cleaning but whenever I stop something, I just breakdown. I don't enjoy the things I once loved. I bought myself a baby rabbit and he's helping me by keeping me company and keeping me busy. But I have exams coming up and I just can't push myself into studying like I need to.

 Part of me feels selfish whenever I smile or laugh. I feel like I shouldn't be happy. I'm just really lost.  But yeah, any suggestions?

[White_Rose]

Dear Moviesul

I am so sorry that you lost these two important people from your life. I know how hard it can be and how painful it is mourning for them. Although you probably do not believe it, it will get easier, but it will take some time. My sister died ten years ago and I still miss her. Not with the intense pain that was once there, which is good, but I really want her back.

To have a friend suicide is is dreadful. She must have been in a great deal of pain to take this action. Please try to think of her with love and remember the good times you had together. It is not selfish or strange to continue to laugh and have some enjoyment. Life would be unbearable if all you had was misery. The name for how you feel is Survivor's Guilt. Not that it helps to know that, but it means that you are not the only person who feels guilty because a loved person has died. I hope that bit does help.

I'm sure you have been told how natural it is to feel grief and you may well think, "So what? What would you know?" We all have these thoughts and it's OK. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Can you see your psych a little more often for a while? It may help to talk more often about this sadness. Also can you talk to other family members about your brother? People shy away from talking about these painful topics but remembering him and all the things you did together plus the things others remember can really help. And it honours his memory.

Similarly with your friend. Can you talk to her parents? It depends of course how well you know them and how you got on with them. They may well be comforted if you visit and talk about the times you spent together. Check this out with your psych first.

Please continue to write in about your feelings.

Mary

[geoff]

dear Moviesul, my deepest condolences for the loss of two people that you truly loved, who both were very close confidants between you and them, and them and you.

There will be many questions why she did it, but you have no answers and wished that she had talked to you, but that's what depression can do to those who are suffering, it's a quiet, aggressive illness and we want to keep it all to ourselves, but as Mary has said you should be seeing your psychologist more often, if this is possible.

Even when someone is suffering from depression doesn't mean that we can't, don't smile or have a laugh, because we can, and there's certainly no limit on how many times we do it, but underneath the depression can still lay, so our grieving will continue until we are ready to keep these precious thoughts locked in our pockets or in box where we can readily access them at any time.

The loss of someone we really love and honour, appreciate what they might have overcome time after time and the way we both helped each other in very difficult times will remain with us for ever.

Your friend and your brother would only hope that you can continue on, because that would be their expectation for you to achieve, but it will take a bit by bit to get back on your feet. L Geoff. x