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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Onepa 5 funeralsin 3 months
  • replies: 2

Between june and august i went to 5 funerals. My uncle (very sick) and one of my friends fathers whilst i was growing up. Then my partners grandfather died. Two weeks after that my best friend called me at work and said he and his father had found hi... View more

Between june and august i went to 5 funerals. My uncle (very sick) and one of my friends fathers whilst i was growing up. Then my partners grandfather died. Two weeks after that my best friend called me at work and said he and his father had found his mother (suicide). Her funeral was on a friday. Then the Sunday of that weekend my Nan passed away. I was at her bedside and it was peaceful. But when it was all happening i sort of felt like i was making a recovery from one death and boom. Another would come along. So i just got on with it and tried to cope the best i could and supporting my mum. Im also building a house which is stressful in itself. My partner is a police officer and whilst trying to be helpful its been a bit rough. Now im finding that everything has calmed down and is back on track, all the deaths are catching up to me at once. And i find it really hard to get up. Im crying and lashing out at my partner but he doesnt understand. Work (law firm) is also stressful and everything is just piling up and i feel like i cant breathe.

Rose2015 I don't know how to deal with loss
  • replies: 1

Two weeks ago, my uncle died. Growing up, I had very little family outside my immediate one. I had my parents, my brother and sister, my grandmother and her husband and my uncle. That was it. I would like to recognise that I know I am incredibly fort... View more

Two weeks ago, my uncle died. Growing up, I had very little family outside my immediate one. I had my parents, my brother and sister, my grandmother and her husband and my uncle. That was it. I would like to recognise that I know I am incredibly fortunate just to have had that much. I know many don't. I have not known grief or loss. Growing up on a farm, losing pets was never that much of a sad occasion. You were grateful for the memory but the loss wasn't usually unexpected. The only other two people I know who have died were great-grandmothers - and their deaths were not unexpected. We celebrated their long lives and all they had accomplished. There was some mourning, but I never knew them well enough to feel that great loss. My uncle was 48. He was my dad's best friend for almost four decades. He was diagnosed with brain tumours two years ago. He leaves behind two tween children. Even writing this, I tear up. This was the only person who I have in my memories outside of my immediate family who has been there. He let me live with him for a few months when I moved to the city for work before I found a place to live. When I did move out he was the person I knew I could call at any time if I was in trouble and he'd be there. He is in many of my memories as a child and teenager. I don't even know how to handle such a loss. The family didn't have a funeral, and while I went home to be with my mum and spend time being supported by my boyfriend (long distance), coming back to my regular life has been incredibly difficult. I live across the other side of the country to all I know and love. I find myself mindlessly watching TV or sleeping or pacing. If I'm not forgetting to eat, I'm eating a lot. I'm recognising signs of when I suffered depression almost two years ago. Does it get easier? Do you feel normal again? Even those I know who have lived through loss haven't been able to help me - no one I know has any kind of similar story. I'm at a bit of a loss.

2by2 Reaching out and thinking of me
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, 4 months ago my husband, well we weren't married but we were in a 14yr relationship passed away from an aneurysm. He was away at work when I got the phone call. He was put on life support so he could be transported by Royal Flying Doctor... View more

Hi everyone, 4 months ago my husband, well we weren't married but we were in a 14yr relationship passed away from an aneurysm. He was away at work when I got the phone call. He was put on life support so he could be transported by Royal Flying Doctors and he never woke up from it. The next day I had give a day and time I was ready to turn the machines off. Fast forward to now I have kept myself busy, not busy to forget what's happened but kept moving. Now I have stopped to think about me. I have booked me an appointment to see a professional and have committed to myself to attend 6 sessions. The 1st 2 appointments I cancelled, I was and to be honest still scared to go. Scared this 1hour is all about me, said I have to face it I supposed but I want to do it at the same time. I don't really know what I am expecting out of writing in here but I do want to know if anyone knows of any groups in Perth that I could attend for people grieving. Anyway, that's all I have to say.

trainer recent loss
  • replies: 2

I recently lost my husband to suicide. I had no idea that he was in such a dark place. since this happened I have continually thought about what I could have done to prevent it and why didn't I see the signs. I have also now been dealing with some ho... View more

I recently lost my husband to suicide. I had no idea that he was in such a dark place. since this happened I have continually thought about what I could have done to prevent it and why didn't I see the signs. I have also now been dealing with some horrible legal battles which is only adding to my problems. I have been having panic attacks and nightmares which relate to his death (I was the person who found him). I am really struggling.

wanted_a_simple_life Still struggling
  • replies: 4

It's been 8 months since my wife has left me and took the kids and moved away. It still doesnt make sense that she has done this as I treated her really well. Yes we had our ups and downs like every marraige, but to say I ruined her and then proceed ... View more

It's been 8 months since my wife has left me and took the kids and moved away. It still doesnt make sense that she has done this as I treated her really well. Yes we had our ups and downs like every marraige, but to say I ruined her and then proceed to have an affair was horrible. The problem is I would forgive her and take her back to right the wrongs. Ive being doing OK and starting to see other people. I just cant proceed any further than friends with these women as when I compare them to my wife, I find I still love her. Ive been freaking out lately knowing Ive probably lost her for good and wont see my children day to day. I want to talk to her to win her back. I thought after 8 months I would be getting better, but Im not. Is this normal??

M6100S Lost my dad 6 weeks ago
  • replies: 5

My dad died in a surfing accident 6 weeks ago, he was only 54 and a professional surfer, so it was a shock to us all. I have also had several relationship breakdowns in the past 6 months - a falling out with my 2 best friends and my boyfriend moved t... View more

My dad died in a surfing accident 6 weeks ago, he was only 54 and a professional surfer, so it was a shock to us all. I have also had several relationship breakdowns in the past 6 months - a falling out with my 2 best friends and my boyfriend moved to America. I am having money trouble at the moment so I need to go to work (I work full time), however I'm really struggling to feel motivated, the day to day stuff is really hard. I just feel so sad and guilty most of the time, and worried about my mum and my two brothers (as I don't live with them). I feel like I can't cope. I have recently made an appointment with a therapist, but would you suggest taking time off work and removing myself from the situation, or keep going and try and deal with it? I just don't know what the best thing is for me to do right now. Any advice would be great

Dial Lost my Wonderful Husband of 42 years 7 weeks ago
  • replies: 1

to lung cancer, he lived almost 12 months to the day we found out, He did all the chemo & 5 weeks of radiation & while going through this he had a huge blood clot sit near the heart & we thought we were going to lose him then & there but thankfully h... View more

to lung cancer, he lived almost 12 months to the day we found out, He did all the chemo & 5 weeks of radiation & while going through this he had a huge blood clot sit near the heart & we thought we were going to lose him then & there but thankfully he pulled through & then at easter this year he had to have a lot of fluid removed from around the heart, in July he started to cough up blood & so Drs suggested another week of radium & he said yes, thinking he would pull through again but after the 5 days he was told to go home & that he would get one month to 2 months but not to expect 2 months, we only had him a little over 2 weeks, Yesterday a grief councellor came to the home & talked to me for over 2 hours but I seem to be doing what she suggested so she said I was experiencing what most people do & that until I accept that he will not be back I will not be able to move on, I understand that but I just cannot let go yet. I did read where another lady said she feels she is getting worse & I said the same thing to a friend today. My husband was a very patient loving man with a wonderful smile & a great laugh that everyone say's they will remember him by but OMG noone said the pain is this bad, I remember losing my parents & thinking nothing can get worse than that but it really has...........Grief is so bloody painful

moviesul Lost two important people
  • replies: 2

Hello, I'm not used to doing this whole thread thing but I need advice. I lost my best friend (18) to suicide in mid August this year. In the following 24 hours, I lost my brother (15) to respiratory failure. It happened two months ago and I'm still ... View more

Hello, I'm not used to doing this whole thread thing but I need advice. I lost my best friend (18) to suicide in mid August this year. In the following 24 hours, I lost my brother (15) to respiratory failure. It happened two months ago and I'm still waking up to forgetting they're gone. Every time I remember it tears me apart like it did initially. My heart aches and I can't stop crying. This happens on a daily basis. My brother was like my secons best friend. I can't even begin to think how I'm going to remember that the two of them are no longer here... I never thought I'd ever had to think about it before. ​I see my psychologist once a month and I'm no longer in school so I can't see the counsellor. I try to drown myself in work and music and cleaning but whenever I stop something, I just breakdown. I don't enjoy the things I once loved. I bought myself a baby rabbit and he's helping me by keeping me company and keeping me busy. But I have exams coming up and I just can't push myself into studying like I need to. Part of me feels selfish whenever I smile or laugh. I feel like I shouldn't be happy. I'm just really lost. But yeah, any suggestions?

jdee Grief and loneliness
  • replies: 3

I lost my sister - my best friend - about 2 and a half years ago. About three months ago my boyfriend left me, in many ways related to my inability to move past my grief but for other reasons as well. I have been prone to depression on and off throug... View more

I lost my sister - my best friend - about 2 and a half years ago. About three months ago my boyfriend left me, in many ways related to my inability to move past my grief but for other reasons as well. I have been prone to depression on and off throughout my life, but when I have been at my lowest over the past few years, he was my rock, my saviour, the one who understood and knew what to say and do. I am trying to get on with things, I am trying to focus on myself and the things that bring me joy but I find that there are so few of these things these days. The worst for me right now is the loneliness. Without my sister and through my grief, my relationships have all changed, with my friends, with her friends. Some of them can't handle who I am now, the new less fun, more sad version of me. Some of them have moved on and made families in the period that I was focused on my sister's health, then my relationship and now my own wellbeing. Some are just harder to be around; our values and views are different. The things that I used to enjoy doing are more difficult to do now and I have less people to do them with. I feel like what I need is to find people who can relate to me, where I don't feel pressure to be happy and fun all the time. People who understand what it's like and accept me for who I am now. Are there groups like this? Two years ago I didn't think I would benefit from this kind of support, but now I think I would. I just need more supportive friends around me and I don't know where to look. I don't know how it got to this point for me, how I have gone from having so many friends to being so alone. I guess what I need from my friends has changed and what I am able to offer seems less than it was. Does anyone else know where to look?

blokeybloke Need tips for dealing with grief
  • replies: 5

Hey guys, straight to the point, I've never really been in touch with my emotions and have recently been told that my God mother passed away a few months ago (been fighting cancer a few years) and my grandmother may have bowel cancer (which her fathe... View more

Hey guys, straight to the point, I've never really been in touch with my emotions and have recently been told that my God mother passed away a few months ago (been fighting cancer a few years) and my grandmother may have bowel cancer (which her father passed away from). Any tips are appreciated.