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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Elizabeth CP Grief for my previous way of life & loss of husband's health
  • replies: 10

There is usually sympathy given when someone loses a loved one but in my case my husband is still alive but we have lost the way of life we previously had. I have had to stop work to care for him. He is blind so going to a movie, playing card or boar... View more

There is usually sympathy given when someone loses a loved one but in my case my husband is still alive but we have lost the way of life we previously had. I have had to stop work to care for him. He is blind so going to a movie, playing card or board games no longer work. We used to enjoy camping, exploring & hiking but now I do all the driving, navigating , packing, setting up camp, cooking cleaning etc so going away is no long the relaxing holiday it was. When walking I am on alert for obstacles such as over hanging branches etc that his cane won't pick up & the more adventurous walks are too difficult to manage. Planning holidays results in disappointments because every one planned over the last 18mths has been foiled by illness or injury. i also miss having his support to do daily tasks Have others dealt with this.

Tup Will it ever seem real
  • replies: 2

I received a call on the 9/2/16, from my dad saying mum was in hospital. Who would have known less than 24hrs later we would have to turn off life support. Mum went into complete kidney and liver failure over night and her organs just shut down on he... View more

I received a call on the 9/2/16, from my dad saying mum was in hospital. Who would have known less than 24hrs later we would have to turn off life support. Mum went into complete kidney and liver failure over night and her organs just shut down on her, my Aunty and myself refused to leave her side, the Drs said there was nothing they could do for her so at 9.55am on the 10/2/16 my father, sisters, aunts and uncle and our children stood around her hospital bed as she passed away 5 mins later. Mum was only 61. We could not cremate her for 9 days due to a autopsy having to be performed. Coroner has been unable to find a cause of death, we have been told it could be a year before we know. Since she died I have had to organise a funeral, then pack up a house that has 20yrs of memories and help my dad move my two sisters are fighting so no help from them. Dad had to move as its to hard for him. When I was going through the house I came across hand written notes that give me the impression that mum knew she was sick and dying. It rips my heart out to think that she had to go through all of that on her own it must have been the most terrifying experience and It eats at me daily that she couldn't tell me, or felt she needed to keep it to herself. I feel like a failure of a daughter. Nothing anyone says makes a difference

Ajn86 Losing a friend/lover
  • replies: 3

Hi, i recentley lost my friend Daniel to suicide. We used to date back when we were 16. We bonded over music and we always had a great laugh together, we got along easily. He returned to my life six months ago and we fell in love. He was recently out... View more

Hi, i recentley lost my friend Daniel to suicide. We used to date back when we were 16. We bonded over music and we always had a great laugh together, we got along easily. He returned to my life six months ago and we fell in love. He was recently out of a marriage and wanted to slow down. We ended up having a chaotic few months as i wanted to date and he didnt. Finally things came together and we began to make plans to start dating. He was having trouble with his ex wife and the parenting of his kids and committed suicide after leaving me an angry voicemail saying i had caused him nothing but pain. After that i lost contact with him and suffered a nervous breakdown/pshycotic episode and was hospitalized. When i was discharged i called him and his best mate to see what had happened and he said he had committed suicide. Im struggling with the loss as we would have such a great time together when we hung out and i saw him as my future. He was the closest id come to love and a relationship since the breakdown of my marriage and i feel alone and wonder how will i ever meet somebody else. I feel isolated and sad that i lost such a great person and old friend.

HelpingHayley Client's Dad passed away- any camps?
  • replies: 1

Hello, I have a client whose dad passed away 5 months ago and he is struggling to emotionally regulate and vocalize his emotions. He tried to attend just a kids camp (nothing specializes) but got sent home due to his disengagement and non compliance ... View more

Hello, I have a client whose dad passed away 5 months ago and he is struggling to emotionally regulate and vocalize his emotions. He tried to attend just a kids camp (nothing specializes) but got sent home due to his disengagement and non compliance to camp rules. Is there any kids/teen camps that might be more suitable for what his going through in Perth, WA?

Marcsa Young Person Gone
  • replies: 2

Hi, I feel so ridiculous. A friend of mine, not that close.... but still. Took his own life yesterday. He was 28. So talented, so good looking, such potential. I'm nearly twice as old as him and have done maybe half as much. It is so senseless. I don... View more

Hi, I feel so ridiculous. A friend of mine, not that close.... but still. Took his own life yesterday. He was 28. So talented, so good looking, such potential. I'm nearly twice as old as him and have done maybe half as much. It is so senseless. I don't know the details of how it happened. There is an enormous outpouring of emotion on Social Media. I am myself depressed about other issues in my life, I have two similarly aged young adult children. My tears for this young man seem so disproportionate. There is nothing I could have done I think, I really don't know. I regret not appreciating the small interactions that I had with him. I wish that this were a joke or some fantasy story that is not the reality. It's very sad. I don't know how to get past this. So much grief flows through my entire life. ( Sounds so pretentious) I didn't want to put these thoughts on other online media, because of the disproportionality. It is a kind of letter to the young man and Cosmos of how I'm thinking.

nichollsanddimes How to support your support person through grief
  • replies: 2

I am a sufferer of depression and anxiety (GAD). I am very well now, after a long journey through many treatments and like to think I live a very fulfilling, happy life and keep my wellbeing in check. I absolutely credit my great place to my partner ... View more

I am a sufferer of depression and anxiety (GAD). I am very well now, after a long journey through many treatments and like to think I live a very fulfilling, happy life and keep my wellbeing in check. I absolutely credit my great place to my partner who has been nothing but amazing for the entire time, and been right there by my side where others have not throughout my mental health challenges. Recently, my partner lost his father suddenly to cancer. I have found myself in a position where I now need to be the absolute rock for my partner as he goes through this, whilst also dealing with the grief and processing the situation myself. I have found this especially hard on my mental health, where before I have felt like I can call out a bad day- considering everything he is going through I don't want to pile anything else on him. I wanted to see if anyone else who has mental health challenges has been in a similar situation and has any advice on how best to manage not only the wellbeing of my best friend and partner, but myself?

clovia Is doing exercises bringing out my grief more???
  • replies: 1

Yesterday was a horrible day... went to work , turned on the radio and the DJ was talking about someone receiving an email from his father after his father had passed.. as he read the email it sounded word for word what dad would say to me... they cu... View more

Yesterday was a horrible day... went to work , turned on the radio and the DJ was talking about someone receiving an email from his father after his father had passed.. as he read the email it sounded word for word what dad would say to me... they cut to a song and it was one of dads that we played at his funeral.. this got me going to the bathroom for a cry (thank god I work alone some days)..busy day seeing clients and helping them.. the only quite moment during the day I have another song came on the radio that was a song that ment a lot to the family that he sung a lot...spent all that night having dreams about him.. today I am seeing a new client with her parents only to find out that the clients mum is a nurse and helped dad whilst he was in hospital.. she couldn't stop crying telling me how sorry she was.. I normally walk each morning to help reduce my stress. I stopped when dad passed unable to find the energy and started again over the weekend...But over the last two days these seems to be making it harder as I think its bring back the grief.. its been two months since his passing and I have been ok and at peace with his passing normally walking helps me for my mental state and listing to music help me remember him in a good way and not pulling at the heart strings.. but not this week.. do I walk through it or find a new exercise to be my stress relief

Comfort How to cope without any family?
  • replies: 1

My siblings haven't been in contact with me since they each married 30-40 years ago. I'm now middle aged, both my parents have died, and my fiancé after which I felt like I went through a nervous breakdown, the new career I'd spent 3 years studying f... View more

My siblings haven't been in contact with me since they each married 30-40 years ago. I'm now middle aged, both my parents have died, and my fiancé after which I felt like I went through a nervous breakdown, the new career I'd spent 3 years studying for collapsed into a heap before I could finish. While my fiancé died 9 years ago and was really the catalyst, the grief of losing my mum returned and has remained raw. It's contributed to my social phobia coming back. I find other people talking about their family too painful to bear and keeping me isolated. No one understands the pain of having no family, or none that want to know you. I wish I could hit a delete button on some of my emotions! and develop a thick skin. I've wondered about rewriting my 'story' for the purpose of answering all the polite 'get to know you questions'. Only people with similar lived experiences get it, I really need to know how other people cope.

Legion Reality bites….HARD
  • replies: 10

On this day 36 years ago my life changed irrevocably. I became alone in the world. Without warning my mother had a severe stroke and a few hours later the machine that was keeping her body alive was turned off. Meanwhile at home, my terminally ill fa... View more

On this day 36 years ago my life changed irrevocably. I became alone in the world. Without warning my mother had a severe stroke and a few hours later the machine that was keeping her body alive was turned off. Meanwhile at home, my terminally ill father who’s mind had long ago left his body had no idea that his wife and carer for so many hard years had left this mortal coil. Later in the afternoon he was taken to hospital and after pulling many strings I had him admitted into a fine nursing home to live out his last few years oblivious of this harsh new reality. Call me cruel for those actions but first think hard about it. I have now been alone for so long. No brothers, sisters, cousins, no one at all and a failed marriage but fortunately no children.For those of you that have “family” cherish every moment. If you don’t speak or even acknowledge a relation for whatever reason, they are still there. They are still on this planet and deep down in your subconscious th0e link is not broken. Take a moment to reflect on the Christmases, birthdays and those many events that give the word “family” real meaning. Whether it’s good or bad believe me, the alternative is an emptiness that in time makes you sour to so many things, believe me, I know. I didn’t write this for sympathy. I didn’t write this to cry “why me?” I wrote this to remind you to take a moment to think about your respective families, of who you have in your life and how they may have helped to shape you into the wonderful people you are.

Mollyandme Can you suffer PTSD after losing someone suddenly?
  • replies: 1

In 2011 my mum was killed in a hit and run whilst on holidays in Qld. She lived in the same town as me in Vic. My dad was up there too but wasn't riding with her that day. The shock was massive and my life just plummeted into a dark hole. I was basic... View more

In 2011 my mum was killed in a hit and run whilst on holidays in Qld. She lived in the same town as me in Vic. My dad was up there too but wasn't riding with her that day. The shock was massive and my life just plummeted into a dark hole. I was basically crippled socially. I didn't want to see anyone for a very long time. I thought everyone was going to die so what was the point in having friends? Every time I drove my car, every vehicle I passed I would think "Is this the one that will veer into my lane and kill me?" I was always waiting to be hit and killed. I cried all the time and panicked if I was in any social situation. I had no social life for years because of it. It will be 5 years this Sept and I am only just starting to enjoy going to dinner with my friends instead of avoiding it. I was and am a single mother and my daughter pretty much had to fend for herself for much of the first year. There is nothing I can do about it now, but for my own knowledge, I am wondering if it is possible that the shock led to PTSD? I have never considered it until I heard someone speaking about it and thought, that sounds like I was until very recently...

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