Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

gravelly Robin fan
  • replies: 5

So sad about the genius Williams. Am new to this forum. I suffered severe depression last year, got better and stopped my meds in september 2013. Was great until a few weeks ago and noticed early relapse - poor sleep and appetite. Didn't want to go b... View more

So sad about the genius Williams. Am new to this forum. I suffered severe depression last year, got better and stopped my meds in september 2013. Was great until a few weeks ago and noticed early relapse - poor sleep and appetite. Didn't want to go back on meds cos of side effects. I spoke to the only friend who knows what I was going through, and she recommended a book called 'The Apron and Napoleon's Hat', by Dr H.Murray. It's an ebook available on the ibook store and I think it's on Kindle and a few other e-readers. Brilliant!! If you like a bloody funny read about real and gross medical stuff, and more importantly, a book that tells mental illness like it really is and helps to remove the stigma written by someone who knows what he is talking about, read it and tell your friends. We need doctors like this who can genuinely relate. Feel much better now and without meds.

Doolhof stillborn son's 21st
  • replies: 6

Later this month it will be the 21st anniversary of our son's stillbirth. Part of me would love to celebrate this occasion with a party, I don't think any of the family remember the date or year of our son's birth/death, and that is fine. We never ta... View more

Later this month it will be the 21st anniversary of our son's stillbirth. Part of me would love to celebrate this occasion with a party, I don't think any of the family remember the date or year of our son's birth/death, and that is fine. We never talk about the loss of our children to our families, I have a couple of very close friends I can share some of my feelings with, so at least that is something. Instead, I will remember our son in my heart and mind on his special day, take myself out to lunch somewhere nice as my husband will be busy that day doing his won stuff, and he doesn't want to know about our children any more than the family do. I might buy something special to celebrate the occasion, and to keep as a memory of what would have been our son's 21st. Just writing this, has me in tears. Just wanted to share my rambling thoughts with someone who might care. Cheers, from Dools.

gmc Their death meant a lot to me
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, I am active on these forums from a while now and it's now that I feel that I have to write in this one forum too. Hello I am here. Hello and thanks in advance for reading and replying. I am writing now to share my story. I have been s... View more

Hello everyone, I am active on these forums from a while now and it's now that I feel that I have to write in this one forum too. Hello I am here. Hello and thanks in advance for reading and replying. I am writing now to share my story. I have been suffering from anxiety since I don't remeber when and it's a while since depression hit me too. I am on treatment and I feel a bit more stable. Its not the grief for someone that got me where I am, but it contributed too. In March, the last one from my grandfather died. This sad event which happened all of a sudden, very brutal, made me realise a lot of new things about myself and life in general, I leaned a lot from the guit I felt from not visiting him for a long while, from the pain of losing the last representtive of my childhood. It basically faced me to the death in such a way that I never faced before. Being in a depressive episode when it happened made it even harder, was like I couldn't take it anymore of what was happening in my life. I still feel the pain, still wearing black, still keep him in my memory and all the stuff that you already assume it's happening to me. Well, not an usual thing to write, but yesterday, my mom's baby cat was killed by y father's dog. The little cutie was so amazing, so full of joy and energy, that her loss meant a lot to us. Unfortualtely, I can't stop thinking that something similar would happen to my cat also. I fear for his life, I fear that I'd lose him once he walks one evening from whatever reason. Events in my life like these ones are important to me. They make me face how ephemeral life is. I am wondering how will I face my cat's death when he will get old enough, more that how would I face my parents' death. I was thinking about taking my life also, in my most horrible moments of depression, when I was thinking about how down I was and that made me want to get out and shine more that anytime. I don't have a concrete question or something, I just wanted to share my story and maybe find someone here who may have som empathy with me, to have someone write to their oppinion based on their experience on how does it feel and how to get prepeared. Meanwhile, I will kepp on with mourning for the ones I lost and didn't live the bereavement at that time. That's something else to deal with. Thank you guys.

Aquarius2014 Greiving for my child
  • replies: 1

So at 14 years of age, and 14 years of doing it solo, my daughter no longer speaks to me. Is there any other condition with such an awful stigma?At the start of the year I had a 'nervous breakdown' or whatever you want to call it .... I was happy wit... View more

So at 14 years of age, and 14 years of doing it solo, my daughter no longer speaks to me. Is there any other condition with such an awful stigma?At the start of the year I had a 'nervous breakdown' or whatever you want to call it .... I was happy with status quo, however those around me decided I needed help, ie. locking up. During my 2 week voluntery "respite" my girl went to stay with her Dad, now 6 months later and I can no longer see her or even speak with her. I just don't have much hope left to go on. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Doolhof Needing a lift today
  • replies: 4

It seems this morning is one of those where I feel like I just don't want to do anything much more than go to bed and cry! It is one of those days that if my Doctor was here, he would ask me what has caused this to happen, and I would answer "It is b... View more

It seems this morning is one of those where I feel like I just don't want to do anything much more than go to bed and cry! It is one of those days that if my Doctor was here, he would ask me what has caused this to happen, and I would answer "It is because I woke up!" I am sure a lot of you have had days like this. To be honest, there are probably lots of thoughts and emotions that have added to this feeling of loneliness, sadness, depression and that life is too difficult sometimes. My husband and I are not getting on all that well at present. That is ongoing and something I need to deal with each day and accept the good times as they come along. August 19th is going to be the 21st Anniversary of our stillborn son's birth and death. I would love to be able to celebrate that day with my husband, but he has never mentioned our son's name and doesn't like to talk of his existence, or our other stillborn children. I have to accept that as well, just as he accepts how I feel about our children. A guy who I have loved for ever is married to someone else and I am often jealous of the posts his wife sends on Facebook. I am still great friends with this guy, I like his wife and try to think of my friend as a big brother, sometimes I just wish it was me married to him instead of her. I messed up and missed out on that opportunity. Or maybe if we had been in a relationship it might not have lasted and I would have missed out on his friendship over all these years. Sometimes I feel so very lonely and depressed living with a man who no longer desires any physical contact of any sort, who seems to enjoy the company of email friends and chats with his mates on the phone more than he does his wife. Even the cat gets to sit next to him on the couch. At least the chooks don't complain too much when I give them a cuddle! Sometimes they poop on me, but at least they are sharing! Ha. Ha. I feel a little better now. Thankfully I have some casual work today so that will get me out of the house and I have made a list of little jobs to do later when I get home, so if I manage to do a few of those things I will have achieved something today. Usually I do my crying on the inside, maybe today I will let the tears run free.

Samantha3142 Depressed (i think?) post stillbirth of my son
  • replies: 1

Hi, My name is Samantha. On Valentines Day this year I went to hospital when 5 months pregnant with my first baby.Things went terribly wrong whilst I was in the hospital..they didn't recognise that I was in labour and after 12 hours I delivered my so... View more

Hi, My name is Samantha. On Valentines Day this year I went to hospital when 5 months pregnant with my first baby.Things went terribly wrong whilst I was in the hospital..they didn't recognise that I was in labour and after 12 hours I delivered my son alone in the toilet (they had sent my partner home 30 mins earlier). After a couple of days I went home. I was very unwell and taken by ambulance to a different hospital where they discovered that placenta had been left behind which had caused me to become gravely ill. I had emergency surgery and spent over a week in ICU and further time in the ward. I spent about a month off work, recovering physically.My relationship with my partner was strained going into the pregnancy. Now, we are mess..we fight all time, he's moved out and back in a few times in the past few months alone. I have gained weight..I weigh more now than I ever have - even more than when I was pregnant and im generally unhappy.We've had no counselling as the original hospital were calling to offer their services (which I wouldn't take!) when I was in the other hospital fighting for my life.I met with the hospital once...they said lots of sorry..but couldn't explain anything further about why this had happened to me or what has been done to ensure this never happens again. They also agreed on some follow-up actions but never followed through.In the past few months I've contacted approx 15 lawyers to see if anyone will help me fight for my son? Everytime I hear the same story...what happened to me was tragic & terribly wrong, however under the eyes of the law the loss of my son does not count.I've lodged a complaint with the Office of the Health Commissioner. After almost 3 months, the Health Commissioner is still waiting to receive the report from the hospital. I cried a lot when they told me that last week.I guess you could say I have a lot of anger still. I am angry that I don't have my son. I am angry that noone seems to care apart from me. I am angry that I have to keep fighting for anything and that noone will listen! I am angry about the toll this has taken on me, my partner, may family. I don't sleep very well anymore and am tired as a result. I am very emotional all the time.Ive been to the gp and told him this. He gave me a referral to get some counselling. I lodged that with the hospital a month ago and recently followed up only to find that somehow the referral had gone missing so I've asked it to be resent again.

Hopeful83 Help
  • replies: 1

I am not coping ATM, I have just broke up with my boyfriend, I'm having severe financial difficulties and trying to get on top of everything in my life, I want to have my son back, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm really strugglin... View more

I am not coping ATM, I have just broke up with my boyfriend, I'm having severe financial difficulties and trying to get on top of everything in my life, I want to have my son back, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm really struggling. My bf and I were together for only 8 months but I love him, I know we are better off apart but I finding it so hard to cope, I'm trying to keep busy, but I can't stop crying.... Please can someone help me get through this????

beyoncebooty How to celebrate birthday/death day of a person who has committed suicide?
  • replies: 3

I lost my 19 year old brother in Feb this year, I'm notbsure how to celebrate his birthday/ death day. Does anyone have any ideas or struggled with a happy way to celebrate?

I lost my 19 year old brother in Feb this year, I'm notbsure how to celebrate his birthday/ death day. Does anyone have any ideas or struggled with a happy way to celebrate?

Missing_you_always Lost
  • replies: 1

My name is Mandy , I lost my mum to cancer 7 years ago, I lost my brother to suicide last year and a cousin to cancer last week! I can't deal with it, I suppress it , I don't know how long I can do this , grief is consuming me

My name is Mandy , I lost my mum to cancer 7 years ago, I lost my brother to suicide last year and a cousin to cancer last week! I can't deal with it, I suppress it , I don't know how long I can do this , grief is consuming me

JN2014 Not coping with a death
  • replies: 3

Hi My brother passed away - too early he was only 48 years old - and i am not coping. He passed away in March 2014 and I am still having trouble coping. I want him to be here, to answer the phone when I call, to talk to me, to tell me I am an idiot w... View more

Hi My brother passed away - too early he was only 48 years old - and i am not coping. He passed away in March 2014 and I am still having trouble coping. I want him to be here, to answer the phone when I call, to talk to me, to tell me I am an idiot with some of the things that I do. Our mum passes in july 2000 and we never quite got over it, now I can't see how to get over losing him. Have any of you gone through this, and if so how do you cope? Any help will be very much appreciated. Thanks JH2014