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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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PhoebeEmily Double layer struggle. PTSD 4 years and then Grief after illness and death of husband 2 years
  • replies: 1

Hi, About four years ago I was diagnosed as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of a series of unpleasant incidents to do with my work. About two years into that, my husband developed brain tumours and became progressively more ill. My ... View more

Hi, About four years ago I was diagnosed as having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of a series of unpleasant incidents to do with my work. About two years into that, my husband developed brain tumours and became progressively more ill. My poor man died late last year. Prior to his death, I had treatment for the PTSD paid for by the workplace insurers through WorkCover rules and regulations. Several types of treatment were tried and though no doubt good for others, they were not effective for me, or caused other issues. I have since seen items on the use of Neurofeedback for PTSD, including a military study showing high effective outcomes, and an item on Catalyst indicating good results for a traumatised migrant male. My question is, does anyone have any experience of the effectiveness of this type of treatment, and where were they able to access it? I'm in an isolated country area, so any treatment means having to travel, with all the costs that entails. Thanks, I wish all of you the best possible future. PhoebeEmily

Tonileigh Loss of my daughter and only child
  • replies: 3

Hi I lostmy daughter Ashleigh, August 7th 2009.. And I still struggle with overwhelming grief without her.. Flashbacks of that day.. she was born with a congenital heart condition, had 4 open heart ops.. And lots of hospital stays in her 16yrs.. She ... View more

Hi I lostmy daughter Ashleigh, August 7th 2009.. And I still struggle with overwhelming grief without her.. Flashbacks of that day.. she was born with a congenital heart condition, had 4 open heart ops.. And lots of hospital stays in her 16yrs.. She was a little fighter... And 09 her health went down hill with pulmonary hypertension, and she was looking aga heart lung transplant.. It was such a shock! She decided to do all tests for transplant.. And it was then we realised her pacemaker was getting close to being replaced.. And they weren't wrong.. A week later we were back and waiting for adr and anethasist to do her surgery.. Took 2 wks before they did it, and she got so much sicker waiting...I walked up with her to the theatre.. She was so looking forward to feeling better.. As she lay there, I mouthed to her, I LOVE YOU.. She nodded at me with a smile on herf face.. It was only 20 mins later we got called back, because they were trying to revive her.. Complications with surgery and the hypertension... They managed to revive her.. And she went up to icu.. They had stabilised her and our dr said they were going to let her sleep over wkend.. But when we went in the nurses were till weaning her off, and slowly waking her!! The icu dr had not relayed anything of what ourdr had said.l.. And then when they did her obs, she got startled and things were beeping everywhere!! I was telling her I was there with her... And then they sent me out..6pm we lost our beautiful Ash... We miss her so much,and some days I really struggle... I haves great husband, a a great faith, but some days it's not enough!!! I wishi could of taken her place..I dontbelieve she's in heaven watching over me, and I hate it when people say that.. Because really, if Ash saw how much we were suffering, and how much she was missing, she would be devastated.... How do any of you out there cope.. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Toni

ClassicExample Preparing for Death of Loved One
  • replies: 3

Hi! My parents are in their late 50's. They are in good health and there is no reason I believe they will be passing sooner rather than later. However, I worry about how I will deal with their eventual death. I have a history of depression and anxiet... View more

Hi! My parents are in their late 50's. They are in good health and there is no reason I believe they will be passing sooner rather than later. However, I worry about how I will deal with their eventual death. I have a history of depression and anxiety, and my folks have been a huge support. I'm concerned that losing them would be a huge blow and I would struggle to cope with their loss. Does anyone have any tips for how to prepare for the death of loved one's? More so, in the long term. If you have lost a loved one, was there anything in particular you struggled with, or wish you'd come to be aware of sooner? Cheers!

Shane82 I miss you Dad
  • replies: 3

I am 32, with a wife and 18 month old son which I love very much. Just over 2 years to the day I lost my father unexpectingly. Loneliness, grief, sadness, longing are all emotions I feel every day. 2 years has passed and things don't seem to get any ... View more

I am 32, with a wife and 18 month old son which I love very much. Just over 2 years to the day I lost my father unexpectingly. Loneliness, grief, sadness, longing are all emotions I feel every day. 2 years has passed and things don't seem to get any easier. I know nothing will change and I can't bring it back but I need to move forward to help, support and love my family. I finally found the courage and saw a counsellor. The first few visits have been productive and helpful and I will continue for a few more visits. I hope my lack of communication, distancing myself and troubles have not caused a divide in my relationship with my wife that can't be fixed. Although seeing a counsellor has been productive I wish I could share my feelings and thoughts with my family as they are my life. I have written this to share my thoughts rather than keep them to myself and am not specifically after any feedback.

MsBlinkers Is this for ever?
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone Hopefully I won't bore you, I'll make it brief... My Dad passed suddenly a few years ago and I don't think I've been the same since. I miss him terribly, and even though the raw feelings of grief have eased, I have this constant naggin... View more

Hello everyone Hopefully I won't bore you, I'll make it brief... My Dad passed suddenly a few years ago and I don't think I've been the same since. I miss him terribly, and even though the raw feelings of grief have eased, I have this constant nagging fear that I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop - so to speak. Who's next? What's next? Since my Dad passed I have been the primary carer for my Mum, whom I love dearly. I am so worried about her, all the time. Has she taken her medication? Has she had a fall? My husband is wonderful, he's my rock. We don't have kids (we are unable to) and I worry about him, all the time. Is he ok? Has he been in accident? I love my pets so much. Unfortunately, they are elderly now too and I worry about them, all the time. Will they be alive when I get home? My job involves caring for the elderly with disabilities. That in itself is stressful. The time before my Dad passed now seems like a distant, foggy memory. Even though I've always had social anxiety, I'm pretty sure I used to be happy quite a bit and maybe even carefree at times. Now, I dread getting out of bed. I don't have any close friends, and I hardly ever hear from my 2 sisters. Rarely a day passes when I'm not on the verge of tears. I don't have any motivation. I feel like I'm not living, just existing, waiting for the next inevitable tragedy. I hope someone reading this can understand, as I've almost given up hope that my life will ever be any different. Thank you for taking the time to read my story

MegW Pets
  • replies: 5

This will probably seem really stupid to most people but my dog is getting old and I find myself dwelling on what to do if she dies. She was recently diagnosed with a mid-range heart murmur soI now worry about her all of the time, I don't want to los... View more

This will probably seem really stupid to most people but my dog is getting old and I find myself dwelling on what to do if she dies. She was recently diagnosed with a mid-range heart murmur soI now worry about her all of the time, I don't want to lose her, I just want her to live forever and be with me in my life. My dog is so much to me and I can't imagine what my life would be like without her in it. I adopted her two years ago and my depression has been much better with her in my life, she makes me happy and I love her so much, she is just like this burst of joy that I was lucky enough to have come into my life, I still can't believe I was so lucky that noone else wanted her and I was able to have her, I feel like she was meant to be with me and I was meant to be with her. Even when she is just sitting beside me having a snooze, like now, I feel 100% better, I don't know what to do if she dies or how to cope with losing her. I don't know if I should bury her or have her cremated, I worry about what bad things may happen to her soul if she is buried or cremated. Not sure if anyone can help.

Cymru And will he not come again?
  • replies: 4

... But let it be. Horatio, I am dead; Thou livest; report me and my cause aright To the unsatisfied. Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane:Here's yet some liquor left. As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll hav... View more

... But let it be. Horatio, I am dead; Thou livest; report me and my cause aright To the unsatisfied. Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane:Here's yet some liquor left. As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. O good Horatio, what a wounded name, Things standing thus unknown, shall live behind me! If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story. Hamlet For those who follow these post, you might know that my dear son Nick hastened into this god night. Well, it is now almost 6 months ago, but only last night. But I feel cursed. Suicide seems a family trait.My father. my son, others. These past few months have been as bad as you can imagine. Oh, I have a few supportive friends, a partner who tolerates and cares for me in equal measure and doctors who are wise in when to express sympathy and when to challenge. Most others are useless. My bosses way of support was to advise that they didn't feel I'm "a good fit" at this time. I little cared. We maddies are use to platitudes. Anyway, I'm posting this by way of reassuring BB online monitors, who I feared interpreted a previous post that I may be suicidal. To praraphrase one of my favourite TV shows Sling and Arrows, when the lead character Geoffory Tennant is ask by a Police Officer after a pub brawl if he is a suicide risk, he quibs "isn't everybody" But for myself,I'm more like Haratio than Hamlet. I wish I wasn't. And there are never gurrantees. My doctor finds it acceptable that I've no wish to add to his gallery of the dead but it is a professional hazard. He sort to reassure me that my father and son would have been in a dissociatiated state when they died. I'm not completely convinced. I certainly reserve it for myself to die I chose clear headed. But we have a safety plan; I report in, take my medication, follow advice and stay away from dangerous locations. I find solance is Ophelia's lament. "And will he not come again? And will he not come again? No, no, he is dead: Go to thy death-bed: He never will come again. His beard was as white as snow, All flaxen was his poll: He is gone, he is gone, And we cast away moan: God ha' mercy on his soul! And of all Christian souls, I pray God. God be wi' ye." Anyway, allow me m pain. It tells me Nick was alive and I loved him. Its my journey and I would wish anyone else to join me. .

shenlee Where is my post?
  • replies: 2

My dad passed away on 26th may. I had a post that both parents where in hospital and was getting help from jacko and mary. Now i cant find my post.

My dad passed away on 26th may. I had a post that both parents where in hospital and was getting help from jacko and mary. Now i cant find my post.

coffeeandkubrick They come in threes
  • replies: 2

Hi there,1 month ago, I lost my grandfather to cancer. It was sad, but it was his time and the family has accepted this loss and is moving forward, last week I lost my cousin who was 33 and fit as a fiddle, He leaves behind his 2 year old baby girl a... View more

Hi there,1 month ago, I lost my grandfather to cancer. It was sad, but it was his time and the family has accepted this loss and is moving forward, last week I lost my cousin who was 33 and fit as a fiddle, He leaves behind his 2 year old baby girl and a pregnant wife with their unborn child. The day after I found out about my cousin, who I spent countless days and nights playing with when younger, my girlfriend broke up with me. She said she didnt want to be in a relationship, and that was that. It happened so quickly and there has been no closure. Whats even worse, she did it over the phone and ultimately, via a text message. I have borken off all contact, but she hasnt attempted to msg me in over a week now. So its not looking good.

Camfam Lost the love of my life
  • replies: 2

My depression started 22yrs ago with the death of my first son but it wasn't diagnosed until the following year when I had twins and the doctor thought it was post natal depression. I have been taking anti depressants ever since and can't go off them... View more

My depression started 22yrs ago with the death of my first son but it wasn't diagnosed until the following year when I had twins and the doctor thought it was post natal depression. I have been taking anti depressants ever since and can't go off them as I plummet down to the depths of despair if I try. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain so need the pills to fix it. 10 yrs ago my beloved husband was taken by cancer and I died that day too. I was left with 10 yrs old twins to raise so I put my life on hold making sure they were ok. In 2010 I decided to start dating again and had 2 disasters. the first was still married and the second turned out to be a serial conman who took me for $20000. I will never trust any man again. my son has been a very troubled boy since his dad died. He smoked weed but got off it but substituted it with alcohol. He's now lost his driving licence on 1 yr probation and has to do 40 hrs community service. He still hasn't learnt a lesson thought and goes out boozing all the time. He'll end up in jail one day. i am so very lonely and sad all the time. I force myself to go out but don't enjoy anything. I sit alone at night crying and long to be with my husband again. I would've thought I would be past this by now but it doesn't pass. I guess I just learnt to live with it. It doesn't SMTP me being lonely though. I don't have anyone to talk to as my family and friends live 16000 miles away on the other side of the world. i know I need help to feel better. Nobody knows about this. It's my secret. Everyone thinks I'm a strong woman but alone I'm a wreck. Can you pls help?