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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Lost- Lost my 'soul mate'
  • replies: 4

Soon to be one year ago I lost my ex-boyfriend/boyfriend to suicide, I have a lot of pain and guilt that is ruining me. There's also a story behind the reason I feel guilty. As many of his family, friends, specialists tell me it's not my fault I just... View more

Soon to be one year ago I lost my ex-boyfriend/boyfriend to suicide, I have a lot of pain and guilt that is ruining me. There's also a story behind the reason I feel guilty. As many of his family, friends, specialists tell me it's not my fault I just can't seem to think otherwise. He had alot of mental health problems also, which is why we bonded as much as we did. I just feel empty, like there's a part of me missing, I don't feel as if I am ever going to find someone that i connect with or is as similar as me, and I don't want too. I miss him so much, I'm physically and mentally in pain every day, I even googled 'How to bring someone back to life' with the knowledge it's not possible, I check my messages everyday hoping I get a message from him saying it was all a joke (which I know it's not). I would never put my family through the pain I've been constantly feeling for the past year but I am in so such pain that I think about suicide constantly. I have PTSD plus many more diagnoses from this accident. The flashbacks, the nightmares every night, the deep depression, the memories are crippling me, every second of each day. Medication/therapy isn't working for me, I don't know how to get over this, Or if I ever will. When does the pain go away?

Laura_Jane Loss of a brother
  • replies: 5

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he... View more

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he's not coming back I don't want any farther mother sister brother to feel the loss that I have felt to know that I could have done something to change that day so I am on here to try and help anyone who is struggling and know that you are important and it's ok to say I'm not ok

Budz Lost!
  • replies: 2

My sister's husband committed suicide 18 months ago leaving behind 4 kids. Now 17, 14, 11 & 9. It's been a horrendous 18 months trying to support & be there for my sister & their kiddies. The eldest neice has taken it the hardest & only now has she s... View more

My sister's husband committed suicide 18 months ago leaving behind 4 kids. Now 17, 14, 11 & 9. It's been a horrendous 18 months trying to support & be there for my sister & their kiddies. The eldest neice has taken it the hardest & only now has she spoken about her dad's suicide by saying that she smokes dope to be closer to him. Her dad was a dope smoker & when he drank alcohol he became very aggressive. She also harbours a LOT of hatred against my brother (her uncle) as he has a drug problem himself & bludges a lot of money from my sister (which she has stopped giving). She treats her mum extremely bad! & thinks she needs to be the parent of her siblings as her mum works a lot. There is SO much more going on. I really need some kind of advice as to where/what we can do for her to help with her aggressiveness & loss. As she is over 16 we can't force her into medical health ward at our local hospital.

lee74 I've lost Mum and Dad
  • replies: 14

Hello, Now both my parents are gone I feel so lonely, lost and struggling to cope. My Dad passed away in 2010, he was in high care nursing home with Mum (Mum had been in care since 2007) . It wasn't unexpected but still so hard. Dad was scared to lea... View more

Hello, Now both my parents are gone I feel so lonely, lost and struggling to cope. My Dad passed away in 2010, he was in high care nursing home with Mum (Mum had been in care since 2007) . It wasn't unexpected but still so hard. Dad was scared to leave Mum, he had cared for her for so many years (Mum also suffered with mental illness from her mid 40's). He asked me, the youngest of us 4 kids and the only girl, to look after Mum. This seemed to make it more peaceful for him. He was 76 when he passed away. Through looking after Mum for 5 years we had alot of ups and downs. In 2007 she had renal failure, had her last rites read to her, we were told it was her time. She was such a strong willed woman she recovered. At this time she also had suffered 8 strokes which we only found out through a cat scan. She was unable to walk from here on in, although mentally she was wonderful. We had some extremely funny times as Mum would just say what was on her mind not caring too much for other people's feeling, also very sad times. But I guess this was Mums way of coping. She passed away 7th November last year. She deteriorated over a few months, she was worn out. It was so hard to see, I was the only one with her when she passed, daunting but grateful. She also was 76. I like to think I did exactly what Dad had asked of me right to the end, he would not have wanted her to be alone. This is my first post, hope it's ok. My name is lee and I'm 41yo. Thanks for your patience. xox

HelloMissEmily I feel like I'm dying
  • replies: 3

NB: If you are not an animal person, no need to read Less than 12 months ago I lost my Lab, Buddy. Woke up one morning and he was paralysed from the waist down and the vets couldn't figure out why. Shortly after, my partner and I got a puppy, a beaut... View more

NB: If you are not an animal person, no need to read Less than 12 months ago I lost my Lab, Buddy. Woke up one morning and he was paralysed from the waist down and the vets couldn't figure out why. Shortly after, my partner and I got a puppy, a beautiful Staffy x Corgi. We named her Sierra. She was our baby, and as any animal-lover knows, fur babies mean just as much as a human baby could. Yesterday, at the young age of 10 months, my partner came outside to find our little Sierra not moving, and unresponsive. He rushed her to the emergency vet only to confirm what we already feared: she had died. They suspected a snake, which was confirmed when my brother raced home to bring our other dog inside and found the dead snake in our backyard. Sierra had managed to kill it, but at the cost of her own life. She was my little baby. After losing Buddy, I thought I would never be the same, but Sierra brought a light into our lives when we needed it most, and now she's gone. I'm so angry. At myself, at the universe, at everything. And so, so, so wrecked. I miss my baby girl so much. Between losing Buddy and now her, I don't know what to do. I can't breathe. I can't stop crying. I feel like I'm dying. I also have an older Lab, Bella, who probably does not have much time left with us. When she passes..... I don't even know. I'm so lost. So confused. Why? Why did this have to happen? If I had just been home earlier, I could have brought them back inside like I always do and she would still be with us. I would have woken up this morning to a hyperactive puppy jumping on my head, instead of hyperventilating and wiping the tears from my eyes. I wouldn't have ended the day at the vet, saying goodbye to my baby girl, instead I would've stayed up way too late binge-watching on Netflix. There are so many "what if"s. So many "should have"s. So many regrets. I don't know how to get through this. I don't know if I can.

Scotty2013 I lost my companion
  • replies: 3

Well this is tough, last month i lost my companion of 4yrs Parrot, who got me through so many dark times. I've never fallen to bits so much, i thought i was going to die from distress. I'm still not right, its a tiny bit better, but now it's turned i... View more

Well this is tough, last month i lost my companion of 4yrs Parrot, who got me through so many dark times. I've never fallen to bits so much, i thought i was going to die from distress. I'm still not right, its a tiny bit better, but now it's turned into who's next?, what other bad things will happen?, i feel so down daily, some nights i cry myself to sleep. I was with him in the end, watched his poor little body give up, i think he had a lung infection, noticed his voice was a bit funny night before. I woke up to him sitting down panting, the trauma i somehow relive it daily, mentally i see it all the time his last breath?, how do i get that out of my head?. It's unfair the bond i had with him was so strong, like he knew me, I knew him. The positive thing that came from all this, his companion had babies and now i 3 nice baby parrots that look like him, but they are not him!!!, I'm trying to bond but it's difficult.. I have the fear of things being taken away from me in life, and this kind of re-affirms it, the pain is so unbearable emotionally. Anyhow perhaps time is the healer idk, i just know it's flung me into this awful depression of sorts..I'm prob rambling on thanks...TC :D.

Azza779 I'm headed for a nervous breakdown
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone i'm new here my tragic story takes place in 2009 my brother was murdered that day everything changed. I lost my best friend and though it's been 6 years i can't let go of the anger and guilt I feel, as though I should of done something to... View more

Hi everyone i'm new here my tragic story takes place in 2009 my brother was murdered that day everything changed. I lost my best friend and though it's been 6 years i can't let go of the anger and guilt I feel, as though I should of done something to stop this tragic event. Recently I met someone its not the best relationship but I have noticed I have become a cold person I don't allow intimacy to occur as i have now locked my feeling away and find it hard to express my love for my partner. We have recently moved in together. I feel that i'm at breaking point i have organized everything from the bond to the lease, utilities, purchasing the white goods. I have episodes of anxiety and feel so overwhelmed and don't enjoy these happy moments in life i feel as though i'm headed for a nervous breakdown my partner knows nothing of how i feel i should add i am also gay cheers beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community areencouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

RainbowBubble My Dad passed away recently. My Mum died a few years back. Struggling.
  • replies: 7

My parents are both gone. I'm an adult with my own family but having lost both my parents while almost all my friends and cousins still have both parents and even Grandparents. I'm really struggling to get over the feeling of being completely and utt... View more

My parents are both gone. I'm an adult with my own family but having lost both my parents while almost all my friends and cousins still have both parents and even Grandparents. I'm really struggling to get over the feeling of being completely and utterly left on my own. I do have a brother but we've never got along and I am finding it's one sided communication as I don't want to lose touch with him but it's as if I no longer exist at all. I feel as if I have no family and am trying to turn my attention to my husband and babies but it's unbelievably difficult to deal with all of this. The other thing is I feel so guilty as I'm in Australia and my Dad passed away back home in the UK. I didn't make it back in time and he passed away before I'd even got on the flight home. When we moved to Australia a year ago I promised we'd be back to visit him hopefully in 2 years for a holiday. Of course, I can't believe this has happened and I never did get to see him again. Also, my Father's passing has opened up the old feelings of when Mum died suddenly. Now I miss her more than ever and it feels unbearable that they're both gone. My Mum was my best friend before she died and we'd only really bonded like friends over the few years before she died as I'd only just moved out of their house into my own place. Sorry, I'm rambling a lot. It just all came out when I started typing. I hope you understand as I've literally no one to talk to about this now. Everyone thinks I should be trying to move on and concentrate on my own little family. My husband is a bit fed up of me to be honest. I feel like a dark cloud in their lives just now. Thanks for reading. I hope someone understands.

Ms_D How to cope with the loss of my Dad
  • replies: 8

I recently lost my Dad on New Years day after a 10 year illness. Each day it seems to get harder not easier. I feel like I have lost a piece of myself and I have no idea how to deal with his loss. I'm not used to feeling such overwhelming intense sad... View more

I recently lost my Dad on New Years day after a 10 year illness. Each day it seems to get harder not easier. I feel like I have lost a piece of myself and I have no idea how to deal with his loss. I'm not used to feeling such overwhelming intense sadness. I don't sleep, I can't concentrate on anything and I physically feel unwell. He was such an amazing man, an amazing Dad and Pop to my 2 young boys. I don't know how to process what I'm feeling.

fishes time doesnt heal my grief
  • replies: 8

hi everyone I am new here .three and a half years ago I lost my husband and cant seem to move on. I have tried and even at times seemed to be on the right track. Then a problem would come up ,the house or extra bills and I panic and miss him so much.... View more

hi everyone I am new here .three and a half years ago I lost my husband and cant seem to move on. I have tried and even at times seemed to be on the right track. Then a problem would come up ,the house or extra bills and I panic and miss him so much. He was my rock for thirty years and looked after me when my epilepsy turned me into a vegetable. Bought me back to life again. made the decisions and sheltered me from all the worries. now I am alone and lonely and feel I have nowhere to turn. my local GP is run off his feet and doesn't even look at you ,let alone invite confidences. the nearest other clinic is 50kms. I cant make friends and my family are all living away. some days when I have no reason to leave the house I just stay in bed and read. I even joined the local mental health group ,we don't even talk.so that was a waste of time. Ended up at the pokies just to get out of the house and they became a big problem.so it was a call to lifeline and self barring .only way to stop that. Trouble is I am even more isolated now. am I just feeling selfpity? or am I heading for something much worse?

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