Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Djellie Still struggling to cope after the death of my husband
  • replies: 3

Hi This is my first post here and figured this would be a therapeutic thing to do after a bad day.... My husband of 7 years became ill ten days after our second daughter was born. I'm sick of retelling the story but with a newborn, two year old and a... View more

Hi This is my first post here and figured this would be a therapeutic thing to do after a bad day.... My husband of 7 years became ill ten days after our second daughter was born. I'm sick of retelling the story but with a newborn, two year old and a husband heading for ICU and family members arriving left right and center it was the begining of what life would be like over the next three years. My husband (I'm not sure if you use names here so I'll just keep it formal for now), never recovered and at 25 I became a full time carer and mother for the next three years. I lost my husband in June of 2012 and sometimes the pain of his loss can come shooting back down my spine in an instant. I did receive 16 weeks of grief counselling and it was really useful, in many ways I have picked my self and my girls up off the floor and started moving forward and I was even close to being happy for a little while. But then life started to catch up to me and I'm struggling again. I had an incredibly rude GP tell me I was gaining weight (and the look of disgust on her face made me feel like I had gained 100kg). I was shocked as I was still a size 10 and I exercise regularly. Watching my husbands body break down certaintly ingrained to eat healthy so I couldn't understand how that was possible. Thank fully I found a new gp who measured me and I am smack in the middle of the recoomended BMI scale and told me not to loose a thing, which is great but ever since this event it's like she is haunting me. I constantly find myself checking my appearance and weight. Constantly worrying if I eat slightly unhealthy am I going to gain weight. I've become obsessed with it but the weird thing is underneath the obsession of my weight, I know I am fine. So why do I keep fussing about how look? It's driving me crazy as I have never been one to put my self image down as much as I am and I don't like this change in my confidence. It will be hard to raise two confident girls if their mother is a basket case about such trivial things! I've recently lost a close friendship as they couldn't adjust to who I am now as to who I was when my husband was still alive. I carry guilt about this as if its entirely my fault. I tried to sell our family home to start fresh in a new place with new memories and I got screwed by the real estate agent and my lawyer. I'm still in our home but $2000 down. I beat myself up for this everyday. I hate the thought of loosing money over trusting people I shouldn't have. Then christmas has come and gone and its our second one without him here and I think it will always be a hard time of year. Trying to sell the house took a lot of my already single mum pressed time and now I am behind on my study and starting to stick my head in the sand about it..... which is so productive of me! But mostly I've noticed this week those old symptoms of wanting to sleep longer then I need, withdrawing form socialazing and bascially just wanting to be at home alone and being quiet snappy to my girls are back. I went to church this morning which usually makes me happy. (I'm proud of leaving behind a church that was really judgemental to find a place that lifts me up not drags me down). But today all I could see in front of me was couples hugging and touching. The couple directly in front me almost made me scream in the middle of the service because she wouldn't stop running her fingers through her husbands hair and stroking his back. It was driving me crazy. I miss being a wife, I miss having someone else who cares about the children as much as I do. I miss having another decision maker in the house, every decision is up to me now. I miss the most mundane and boring things in life like him driving the car while I got to sit in the passenger seat gazing out the window. I have no time for window gazing now and most importanty I don't have my best friend cheering me on from the sidelines. Telling me I'm beautiful and that the GP is wrong, stepping in when people are overstepping. I've been left alone in everything, the good and the bad. My youngest starts school this year and her life has flashed before my eyes because it has been nothing since drama after drama since she was born and I'm really struggling with my husband not being there on her first day of school and me coming home to an empty house. I'm not sure if I need to go back to more counselling or if I'm just having a bad month but I do know that writing some of this down has helped. So if you've made it this far, thank you for listening!!

Simone1974 My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope
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My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope. Been having panic attacks and my anxiety is sky high. Am seeing a councilor and have been to see my doctor. Never been through grief before. It's just horrible. Any tips to help would be appreci... View more

My mum recently passed away and I'm struggling to cope. Been having panic attacks and my anxiety is sky high. Am seeing a councilor and have been to see my doctor. Never been through grief before. It's just horrible. Any tips to help would be appreciated

Chris_D I miss my grandmother
  • replies: 4

It was Australia Day last year when this person in my life passed away in the late afternoon on this supposibly happy day. It was a warmish day everyone new it would be anytime and anyday now that she would pass away. She was an absolutely beautiful ... View more

It was Australia Day last year when this person in my life passed away in the late afternoon on this supposibly happy day. It was a warmish day everyone new it would be anytime and anyday now that she would pass away. She was an absolutely beautiful person that was nice to be around. I remember mum coming home after being out all day and walking up to me and saying that "your grandmother has passed away just now". I stood there for what seemed like an eternity with this blank look on my face, my face turning white as a big fluffy white cloud in the sky. The tears swelled up i slowly walked up the hallway to my room closing door behind me and sitting on my bed in shock. I think of her on a weekly basis, i visit her plot at the cemetary to put in some fresh colourful flowers. This person may have passed away but the memories live on in each of us. She used to give us cruskits as young kids when we visit thier house in town, my grandpa is still alive but in a nursing home he drinks abit of ginger beer and whiskey each day which we all think is a bit funny but we all know it is his way coping without my grandmother. She was 85. Kind Rgeards Chris

Beetle Friend died suddenly yesterday.I feel numb. Is this normal?
  • replies: 6

I just lost a friend yesterday. She had an accident. I feel nothing. I am numb. This freaks me out.I feel i am a freak since i am numb.Is this normal? I am on SNRI's and wonder if they can block feelings especailly negative feelings?Or does my body j... View more

I just lost a friend yesterday. She had an accident. I feel nothing. I am numb. This freaks me out.I feel i am a freak since i am numb.Is this normal? I am on SNRI's and wonder if they can block feelings especailly negative feelings?Or does my body just protect itself by not allowing me to feel grief ?( i had 3 funerals this year already) Thanks for your help Beetle

Elias 4 years on ,still grieving.
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Lost my only son 3 and half years ago to suicide.keeping all my feeling to myself,acting that I am fine in front of my wife and daughter,but I just had enough.is there anyone that had similar experience.

Lost my only son 3 and half years ago to suicide.keeping all my feeling to myself,acting that I am fine in front of my wife and daughter,but I just had enough.is there anyone that had similar experience.

mash lost in grief and depression
  • replies: 4

This is a first post for me . my husband of 34 years died of a heart attack 2 months ago this was devestating. I have nightmares of those lasts minutes seeing the many ambulance officers jabbing him with needles etc. It felt like I was on auto pilot ... View more

This is a first post for me . my husband of 34 years died of a heart attack 2 months ago this was devestating. I have nightmares of those lasts minutes seeing the many ambulance officers jabbing him with needles etc. It felt like I was on auto pilot for ages and I was coping but after the funeral it became harder it was like someone had ripped away half of me my stronger half was gone my identity was gone my place in the world was gone I didn't know who I was as a single person, I still don't. I constatly cried uncrontroled especially at night never liked people to see me this way I was the one people came to for help I didn't really know who or how to ask for me. l got intouch with a free councilor after a few sessions I told her every night I thought of suicide even had a plan. then before I new I was having a panic attack but really thought it was a heart attack. I ended up in emergency then the mental health ward for 2 weeks under suicide watch. This alone was another nightmare it felt like I was being punished for telling someone how I felt I was in jail I lost control over my life nobody even myself trusted me. I am at home now struggling again with thoughts of suicide and feeling useless the doctors say its complicated grief depression and anxiety. please this is not all of my story is there anyone who has been through this I need to know there is light up there I keep sinking lower and lower each day. Mental health unit are setting up support and I have found a different councilor I feel I can trust and talk to but I seem to go backwards most nights. I have never been alone or a single person before I feel lost don't know who I am don't know if or where I fit in the world.

Debz89 i lost my mum who had been sick for over 10 years
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My ex has been in jail now for almost 2 years. i was with him and dedicated to staying with him there was no doubt about it. A year into him being in jail i lost my mum who had been sick for over 10 years. Losing my mum really hit me and up until tod... View more

My ex has been in jail now for almost 2 years. i was with him and dedicated to staying with him there was no doubt about it. A year into him being in jail i lost my mum who had been sick for over 10 years. Losing my mum really hit me and up until today i still havent dealt with losing her, it will be a year next week. This changed things for me so much i ended things with my ex. At this point i wasnt looking for another relationship but found one anyway. Ive been with him for a while now but recently my feelings came back for my ex. It has been so hard for me because i have felt so torn between both of them, it wasnt fair to either of them i know. I spoke to my partner and told him the situation and it crushed him. He knows about mu ex and all the dramas there. So ive been talking to my family about it who where close to my ex, and i feel like they are judging me and trying to push my ex back on me. I just feel so over whemed and since making the decision to stay with my new guy one my family members arent too happy about it. I just feel so alone right now, the people that are suppose to be there for you through thick and thin and support you regardless of the choices you make. To judge you when they dont know how your feeling or even understand. i have no friends lost contact with them after i finished school so i dont have anyone to talk to.

Brooke It's just too much!
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I am so tired of it all. Just want to curl up in a ball and forget the world. Here's my story. After busting my husband 3x on dating websites, we split up for a year. The kids stayed with me but visited him often. Then my little sister came to visit,... View more

I am so tired of it all. Just want to curl up in a ball and forget the world. Here's my story. After busting my husband 3x on dating websites, we split up for a year. The kids stayed with me but visited him often. Then my little sister came to visit, and ended up staying for 5 MONTHS! Her son was quite problematic, and she desperately needed help with him. However, my eldest who has Aspergers really wasn't coping with having this other child there, the routine was out of whack, they hated each other etc. when his grades started slipping I decided to send them to live with their father, as it was a better place for them at that time, and my sister had nowhere else to go. So, fast forward, hubby and I decide to get back together, and move to Qld from Vic. I went first, then a month later they all came and joined me. Start getting things worked out, next thing, my father finds out he has cancer. So I went down to visit him, I had to argue with my husband who didn't want me to go, but I put my foot down. Every time I tried to talk to my husband about Dad he would just say "it's his own fault, because he's a smoker." In a really nasty tone. So I stopped talking to him about it, I think that is when I drew into myself, and started holding everything in. Looking back, that is about the time my depression started. One night, I meant to ring Dad but was at work and forgot. At 3:30am I got a phone call saying he had died. I can't help feeling guilty for forgetting that phone call. i went down for the funeral, after again arguing with hubby about how long I was going. Dad has left his estate in a mess, and out of all the family, I'm the only one who even has a remote hope of fixing it and being able to keep our childhood home. My brother has had lots of mental health issues before, and honestly, I fear for his sanity if we lose this house, it's the only thing he is clinging to at the moment. i went to see my doctor who put me down to see a counsellor. This was 4 months ago, I still haven't been able to see one. At this point I felt like the world was depending on me to be the strong one, and i am crumbling under the weight of it. My work is slipping, I'm ignoring my kids and husband in favour of sitting staring at the wall. I can't even remember the last time I felt happy. One day, we took the dog for a walk, and I thought to myself that I was actually feeling pretty close to happy for the first time in months. 2 hours later, I found out my hubby was making arrangements for his ex to come stay in a caravan nearby, so he could go over there and be "friends with benefits". Yes, my world crumbled again. I confronted him, and he denied it at first. I snapped then, it all came to a head, and I punched him. First thing he did was call the police on me and get a DV order. Yeah, I'm dirty on that, he hit me a few times over the years and I never did anything. Stupid me. So when he finally admits it, he tells me it's all my fault, and that I haven't even been trying to love him, and that I'm "not enough" for him. Didn't help that the girl was telling me thAt I obviously wasn't good enough or else he wouldn't have had to look elsewhere. I couldn't help wondering if they were right? I know I haven't been as attentive lately, I felt like there was an opaque wall between me and the world. I tried to explain this to hubby, but he just took it as me meaning I didn't care about him. I tried to tell him it was not just him, I haven't been caring about anything. Even to cook or shower seemed too much trouble. My husband and I decided to separate, but because of what drama the kids have been through already, we decided to continue living in the same house, to try to keep things stable for them, as my youngest is already having problems at school, and anger issues at home, he once pulled a knife on his brother. What kind of mother am I that my 6 year old pulls a knife on someone!? 3 nights later, I ended up contemplating suicide. I just couldn't handle any more. It's all just too much, all within the space of a year. The next day I went to the doctor and got sleeping tablets and anti depressants. About a week later, I admit it, I picked the argument with hubby, and yelled at him which ended up me getting charged with breaking the DV order. So now my job is in jeopardy because of that, I look after disabled people, and they are currently deciding if I get to keep my yellow card. this was about 2 weeks ago. The last 2 days, I have felt good, and I thought excellent, the tablets are working, I'm getting better! Today I went to reach for my husbands hand while we were walking, just out of habit, and remembered I can't do that any more. That made me really sad, and I started thinking about everything again. Then my son asked me a question and I answered wrong, and he acted so superior like I was a total moron. Normally it wouldn't worry me, but I was already feeling down, and it just increased my feelings of inferiority. I ended up sitting in my bedroom this afternoon writing horrible nasty things all over my body, which is not something I have ever done before. I found myself thinking of suicide again, but I have two beautiful boys to live for, they would never understand why Mum left them. So I have to keep slogging on, even though I don't feel like it. and that is my story up until now. If you got through the epic, well done and thank you.

StateofGrace Depression/Grief- feel like no one around me understands what its really like
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Hi everyone This was a bit of a big step for me to reach out to strangers discuss where i am at in life but felt it is long overdue. I am in my mid/late twenties, I wasn't really sure if i should post this in the depression forum or here under grief ... View more

Hi everyone This was a bit of a big step for me to reach out to strangers discuss where i am at in life but felt it is long overdue. I am in my mid/late twenties, I wasn't really sure if i should post this in the depression forum or here under grief but it kind of covers both. Basically I decided to jump on here as a way to try and connect with others who may or have been in a similar situation as myself. I have a very small group of friends who are great but there is always that part of me that says " they really don't understand what its like" I have battled Depression and severe anxiety on and off since i was about 13, most of it is probably as a result of circumstances. My father passed away recently after a 10 year long battle with multiple illness and his passing i guess has been the catalysis to me reaching out. I've not been doing so great lately, i have just come back from a holiday and thought that i would come back feeling rejuvenated and refreshed and ready to put all the negative behind me and try to move on from everything that has affected me all these years but the complete opposite has happened, i have fallen into a really deep hole, questioning where i am in life and feeling like i have failed at life, feeling guilty about my fathers death and wishing i could have given him more to be proud of. I'm feeling stuck, most days i am just teary throughout and can't seem to shake it, part of me wants to continue being the strong one but part of me wants to just let it all out and just cry until there is nothing left but i still find myself bottling it all up. I am seeking professional help and that is helping me a bit but as i said early i feel that maybe if i reached out more to others who understand, it might be a bit helpful for me. I'm not really sure what else to say but i hope that i can get involved in these forums and reach out more. thanks.

robynmary Alzheimers disease, i hate you so much
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i posted a threat under the depression forum, where maryg helped me... but think maybe i should have posted it here.. i lost my dad to sinister Alzheimers in april 2011 but it feels like last month' i am incredibly angry about this ...... how dare it... View more

i posted a threat under the depression forum, where maryg helped me... but think maybe i should have posted it here.. i lost my dad to sinister Alzheimers in april 2011 but it feels like last month' i am incredibly angry about this ...... how dare it take my dad hate you alzeihmers - you suck