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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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HelenM suicide of close friend
  • replies: 5

I've been handling my mental health problems somewhat better lately. But 2 weeks ago a very good friend took his life whilst struggling with a very bad depression. For 9 or 10 days I cried alot or put it out my head, but at the end of last week that ... View more

I've been handling my mental health problems somewhat better lately. But 2 weeks ago a very good friend took his life whilst struggling with a very bad depression. For 9 or 10 days I cried alot or put it out my head, but at the end of last week that all changed. Whilst there is grief I also have a great deal of fear; that my mind can't cope with it all and I'll become ill and maybe very ill.To let you understand. J, another friend and I were very close friends because of our illness. I'd known J for over 15 years. Because we'd all been in a terrible place we understood each other and I would say that we knew each others illness better than anyone else. For 9 months was very ill and though he has family I was his only other confidant as for whatever reason he didn't want the other friend to know. We weren't constantly in touch but each call was charged with J's illness. Anyway, 2 weeks ago his wife rang to say he had taken his life. He'd never attempted suicide before. I think if he had I could have accepted it more easily but J was the greatest fighter I knew. Thank God I don't feel guilt. As I said I feel frightened. I went to see my gp yesterday. He asked me if I wanted to harm myself - I don't but the question really freaked me out as he never asks me that. I wanted him to say you'll be fine. He said he thinks I'll probably pick up but is seeing me in a month. I am so scared. Suicide frightens me so much and I have a very good idea where J was in his head. People tell me that I'm much better than I realise (I've been recovering for 13 years now). I have no confidence in my mind and I'm scared. The funeral is tomorrow and naturally it will be good to get it by. I just don't know where I am.Helenbeyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Monty-Finn Double Whammy
  • replies: 3

Two weeks ago, one of my best friends died. An aneurysm. Sudden. Shocking. She was only 32. I'm moody. Teary. Irritable. So incredibly sad. I also live with my mother. She has terminal cancer. I try to juggle work (although, now four days a week) and... View more

Two weeks ago, one of my best friends died. An aneurysm. Sudden. Shocking. She was only 32. I'm moody. Teary. Irritable. So incredibly sad. I also live with my mother. She has terminal cancer. I try to juggle work (although, now four days a week) and caring for her. This is hard enough. I love her so much. Mum is the nicest, warmest most giving person... The loss of my friend has really exposed a nerve. Just so vulnerable and raw. I'm trying to grieve, but without overly affecting my mum. This morning I had meltdown over boiled eggs. Maybe it's too soon to expect normal 'reasoning'... I'm trying to live a simple life. Remove myself from stressful situations. I don't want the stresses of my corporate job. It's too much. I try to relax doing creative things. I create crochet hats for mum. Booties for my friend's kids. Scarves. I just feel so overwhelmed with sadness. I hate when people tell me to be strong for my mum. I mean 'wow, really, I'd never thought of that'. If only it was as simple as putting a smile on my face and everything would be ok. But it just doesn't work that way. I don't believe in prayer. I don't understand how prayer will fix mum's cancer cells. My father died from cancer 14 years ago. I'm an adult... but I'm an only child. There is no other family to help me. I think I need reassurance that my emotional state is not 'out of the ordinary' given my circumstances. Just struggling at the moment.

Rita48 How do you find resilence
  • replies: 2

Hi Im new to this forum. Struggling at the moment. Lost my sister 6 months ago unexpectedly. Dad died when I was 13. Mum suicide when I was 14. My brother suicided in 96. Ive managed to keep it together till this year by pushing all the sadness and g... View more

Hi Im new to this forum. Struggling at the moment. Lost my sister 6 months ago unexpectedly. Dad died when I was 13. Mum suicide when I was 14. My brother suicided in 96. Ive managed to keep it together till this year by pushing all the sadness and grief into a back corner in my brain. For some reason cant do it now. Im just not sure where my resilence has gone. How do I find it again?

White_Owl Grief - son gone at 22yrs
  • replies: 36

this is my first time here. i don't know where to turn as losing my son in January this year has killed my soul. i feel as if i have exhausted all the support i have had around me and i can see how everyone has gotten on with their lives and rightly ... View more

this is my first time here. i don't know where to turn as losing my son in January this year has killed my soul. i feel as if i have exhausted all the support i have had around me and i can see how everyone has gotten on with their lives and rightly so, but that's not where my life is at. this is the loneliest feeling i've ever experienced. it's so hard to listen to people talk about the struggles in their lives as i would give anything to swap my struggle with theirs, i find it difficult to not think of their "complaints or issues" as quite trivial, in fact but i do recall that given one year ago, i too was one of these people thinking i had problems. how a day can change your life, actually not even a day, just those crucial few minutes that you wish you could take back and change. i wish i had a mundane life again with trivial complaints. i feel the only place to turn now is here, where i can be anonymous, where maybe there is someone else feeling what i am feeling to help ease my feelings of loneliness. i don't like it when people say i'm looking good, that doesn't feel like a compliment at all, it feels as if losing my son doesn't matter at all and i have just moved on with life and superficial appearances....even though i know full well that's not at all what they meant. i just cant be happy about anything any more. i also despise it when people say i need to look after myself now and get on with my life.....how offended i am when people tell me that ! let them walk in my shoes and see if they feel like just moving on with life as if they just lost a job or something bearable like that. there's no joy, no passion, no excitement, i'm just an empty shell without my baby boy and can't see the light.

KD1234 Partners twin brother passed away, he is depressed and has suicidal thoughts..
  • replies: 9

Hi all, this is the first time I have posted one here.. My partner is 24 and last year his twin brother tragically died in a motorbike accident. He is very good at covering up his feelings. He refuses to cry or show his pain around me. Although he do... View more

Hi all, this is the first time I have posted one here.. My partner is 24 and last year his twin brother tragically died in a motorbike accident. He is very good at covering up his feelings. He refuses to cry or show his pain around me. Although he does open up and cry around his mates it doesn't happen often. I have tried multiple times to get him to seek some counselling as I can see it is affecting him. He drinks a lot and is very angry when drunk (he has never hurt me but always seems to pick fights). Last night while at the pub, he opened up to a girl who he went to primary school with and told her he plans to kill himself on his birthday which is in September. Hes away this weekend on a 'boys weekend' so I haven't had the chance to talk to him about it, and he has no idea that I even know. I have spoken to his Aunty and Uncle who are helping me support him and we are trying to workout where to go from here. He refuses any sort of counselling and says he is fine. We have a 13 month old son and it really hurts me that he thinks its fine to leave myself and our son in this world alone.. I suffer from mild depression myself.. Im also worried he may have bipolar as his mother does and his attitude is much like hers.. Thanks for reading. Sorry it's so long, any advice greatly appreciated..

Raia MOVING FORWARD
  • replies: 1

I lost my best friend in 2008 in a tragic helicopter accident that I was suppose to have been on but didn't as my one year old at the time was unwell. This was devastating to me and for many years I struggled with her passing. Too young and too many ... View more

I lost my best friend in 2008 in a tragic helicopter accident that I was suppose to have been on but didn't as my one year old at the time was unwell. This was devastating to me and for many years I struggled with her passing. Too young and too many things in life yet to complete and achieve. I cant help but think that I was not there in that moment for a reason. I lost my grandmother who grew me up from a infant. I was holding her hand when she passed. She is always in my memory and my heart and thoughts. Its been 7 years since l lost my best friend and 2 years since I lost my grandmother who both played a very important role in my life. I struggle at times but its made me realize that life is too short and all I want is to be simply be happy and love life with the people I have in it. The journey has been hard and long but I've finally overcome the loss. I miss them and shed tears when I think of them but I know they would want me to be happy and to make the most of my life.

Lozano I can't get over the murder of my father then the death of my partner
  • replies: 5

In 2010 August the 20th my father was murdered the guy that did this was arrested and after 3 years of court was found Not Guilty due to mental health he was sent to goal under the NSW mental health team. While going through my fathers murder trial o... View more

In 2010 August the 20th my father was murdered the guy that did this was arrested and after 3 years of court was found Not Guilty due to mental health he was sent to goal under the NSW mental health team. While going through my fathers murder trial on The 18th January 2011 my partner of 3 wonderful years passed away in my arms and I could not revive him . Now 5 years after my dad's murder and 4 years the death of my partner I am still well I don't know what I am? I have 3 wonderful children daughter 31 son 29 daughter 15 and I have 5 wonderful grand kids . My son and his family moved interstate and I am missing them so much. I think I need some help I have had counselling and on medication this dose not seem to help I have isolated my self from my family choosing to stay at home and visit them very little now on the other hand I am drinking a lot more now with friends at the pub and do this at least 2 nights in a row every fortnight some times every week I have been to visit my son and my grand kids a few times but when I leave i am very up set crying for hours while driving home .people say they admire me for my strength and the way I have got through it all as in the April of 2011 3months after the death of my partner I started full time work I know people think I am strong but to be honest I am no were near strong I am at my wits end and don't know how to get out of this spiral down turn I am on I don't talk to my kids much anymore and I know they feel that iam still hurting very bad please help me how do I get over this How do I return to the happy person I was before all this I don't know can someone please help me to return to the happy go lucky person I was and to re open the communication I had with everyone in my life I help people every day in my job but can't help myself ?? Most of the time I sit in my lounge room on my own watching TV but not really watching some times I can go all night and all day without even talking a word I need to get my life back please help me find my way back some how ???? I love my children and family so much but feel I have lost the ability to talk to them I am the eldest of 4 children and my family always turn to me when there is a problem as I am a fix it person and fix everything I can for them why can't I fix myself beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

Laura_Jane Lost my brother to depression
  • replies: 2

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he... View more

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he's not coming back I don't want any farther mother sister brother to feel the loss that I have felt to know that I could have done something to change that day so I am on here to try and help anyone who is struggling and know that you are important and it's ok to say I'm not ok

Laura_Jane Lost my brother to depression
  • replies: 2

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he... View more

5 moths ago I got a phone call from my father one of the worst calls you could ever get he called to tell me that my brother had taken his own life witch was crazy because he was the happiest guy and loved everyone still struggle with knowing that he's not coming back I don't want any farther mother sister brother to feel the loss that I have felt to know that I could have done something to change that day so I am on here to try and help anyone who is struggling and know that you are important and it's ok to say I'm not ok

BundysMum My grief seems to be getting worse
  • replies: 3

I lost my partner of 27 years on May 12th. My sorrow seems to be getting worse with every day that passes.Is this normal?

I lost my partner of 27 years on May 12th. My sorrow seems to be getting worse with every day that passes.Is this normal?