Grief and loss

Overwhelmed by my brothers loss

replies: 1

A few weeks ago my brothers fience died. He move back home with us (parents and I),and im feeling overwhelmed. I've been suffering major depression for 15 years; I'm agoraphobic, have social anxiety, and schizotypal PD. I'm a loner, highly sensitive ... View more

A few weeks ago my brothers fience died. He move back home with us (parents and I),and im feeling overwhelmed. I've been suffering major depression for 15 years; I'm agoraphobic, have social anxiety, and schizotypal PD. I'm a loner, highly sensitive to exteral stimulus (sounds, sights, smells etc.). I need complete isolation in order to unwind, which I usually have my own space. But now my brother has moved in and I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I don't want to take away from his loss but I am not coping. I'm becoming snappish, highly agitated and relying on anti anxietys too much. My parents are under huge stess, they're picking up the slack for everything. I can't add to that. But i am not coping. How do I tell my grieving brother to leave me alone and get out of my personal space?

I just lost my friend to suicide

replies: 8

This is my first post. Today I discovered my friend took his life two days ago. He had been battling for a while with custody issues with his ex wife. He's seen his kids a total of 2 days this year. I guess it got too much for him. As we'd both been ... View more

This is my first post. Today I discovered my friend took his life two days ago. He had been battling for a while with custody issues with his ex wife. He's seen his kids a total of 2 days this year. I guess it got too much for him. As we'd both been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, we made a pact that we'd call each other if either of us got to that dark place. He didn't call. I'm feeling a range of things but one emotion that concerns me is envy. I find myself wishing I had the courage to go through with it. I know I need help but I don't know what to say. I've had counselling but I'm very hard on myself and tend to scoff at people trying to justify my feelings. I don't know what I'm expecting but just thought I should put something out there.

I lost my brother 6 years ago to suicide

replies: 5

I lost my little brother 6 years ago at the age of 17 to suicide. The only thing we know about the reasons why, is all hearsay. No notes, signs or anything. I do think anything he use to do, as a family we related that to possibilities of why he done... View more

I lost my little brother 6 years ago at the age of 17 to suicide. The only thing we know about the reasons why, is all hearsay. No notes, signs or anything. I do think anything he use to do, as a family we related that to possibilities of why he done it. It is still a touchy subject in my family so obviously I can't talk to family about it in full detail. Unanswered questions have been just as constant in my mind to this day. I now have children but I can't fully be focused on them because I'm always thinking about my brother. I know I'm a good mum but I'm not giving my kids 100% I'd say I'm giving them 90% of my all. Which is unfair. I tried harming myself 3 days after his death. I stopped because I was too scared. No one ever knew or knows. I went back to my family and we continued with our farewells to him. I've struggled with my weight since his death and I feel so much more depressed when weight has piled on. I don't know how to control my weight now. There is still blame and confusion on my part. It's been 6 years of having this in my head. I'm appreciative to have finally let this out. Thank you for reading.

My Mum was killed in an accident, my needy father is draining my emotional resources

replies: 6

On 22nd July my Dad knocked my Mum with the car in their drive, she hit her head & died the next morning. I KNOW it was an accident, but feel guilty that I "let" my Dad still be driving at 87 (he was cleared by a Dr to drive two weeks prior) My hubby... View more

On 22nd July my Dad knocked my Mum with the car in their drive, she hit her head & died the next morning. I KNOW it was an accident, but feel guilty that I "let" my Dad still be driving at 87 (he was cleared by a Dr to drive two weeks prior) My hubby and I were 300km from home for a much-needed break (I was feeling depressed) We got "the phone call" & drove home immediately, half way home we got a call saying there was no hope, Mum would certainly die. My heart broke, "not my beautiful Mum" My sister (who usually lives 400km away) happened to be up, was on her way home actually when she got a call Mum had managed to dial, she called an ambulance & saw Mum just as she was leaving, she was conscious then, by the time my sis got to hospital Mum had lost consciousness, she never woke again. I live less than 2km from Mum and Dad and keep thinking "what if I hadn't been away" "at least I would have had the chance to talk to her, if only for a minute. Mum was my best friend; I spoke to her at least once every day and saw her at least three times a week. She & Dad shared much of our lives. Mum and I had a lot in common, she was my support person. She said little about how my Dad's memory was failing but it was obvious that it was becoming a problem. I told her how worried I was about her dying first and what to do about Dad, he and I were not close, okay but not close My Dad's dementia has spiralled since her death, he can't be left alone, cries a lot & is very difficult; cantankerous, even aggressive. I have done all those "things" you have to do when someone dies; undoing my Mum's life file number by licence number was hard!. I try to stay "up" to counter Dad's "down" and he accuses me of not caring.... when I am home alone I am in pieces. I am now my Dad's PoA and running his house as well as ours & our business. My sis (retired) is staying with him for now; her home and partner are too far away for it to continue long term. We can afford a nice nursing home, but he is very resistant. Also I KNOW that once he is in a place, my sis will go home and the visiting and care (Dr visits etc) will all fall to me, & I've done more than my"share" over the years, I am saddest that I can't grieve for Mum with all the worry and "doing" for Dad taking my time & energy... I am sad too that I resent my Father for being so needy, I know it's unreasonable but when he says it would be best that he die all I can think is, "it would" or if I did.. I am very down

Grieving an abusive parent

replies: 15

I am being slammed by complex grief.My father was an extremely abusive man, a depressed narcissist in fact that terrorised his wife and kids.He took his own life 6 years ago.My grief has been protracted because life wasn't polite and didn't give me s... View more

I am being slammed by complex grief.My father was an extremely abusive man, a depressed narcissist in fact that terrorised his wife and kids.He took his own life 6 years ago.My grief has been protracted because life wasn't polite and didn't give me space to grieve straight away like other people can. I had to hold up my traumatised Mum who has a psychotic illness, quit my job, leave my friends to ensure she didn't go the same way. When I was little I was certain it would be her to do it - but I was wrong.12 months later our Nana died. And then 9 months later Mum's best friend died, who was my "earth mother" that looked after me when I was little whenever Mum was hospitalised. Everyone was gone.I am haunted by my fathers death. Haunted.He was so abusive.............................but he was my Dad.

Looking for the light in the dark tunnel

replies: 2

Firstly I would like to say I'm not the best at spelling , I'm actually not the best at many things to be honest , I am here because I feel like it's the only place out of my head were I can actually tell someone what's on my mind , I am 23 years old... View more

Firstly I would like to say I'm not the best at spelling , I'm actually not the best at many things to be honest , I am here because I feel like it's the only place out of my head were I can actually tell someone what's on my mind , I am 23 years old , I have a 18 month old son and I also am off and on with his father for the passed 3 years , I struggle with anxiety to the point I can't sometimes leave my house or cross a road alone , I have depression even writing this I am laying in my bed anyways that's a short idea about me .. so here goes a little bit of my last 3 weeks,First started off like any other day I have been feeling abit sick so I went to the doctors only to find out I was 3 months pregnant , I was scared because I can barely handle my son at the moment , I told my partner he told me he wanted to be a family again and pretty much painted a picture that we would live happy ever after , i started to get really depressed I was none stop crying for two days with the stress of having another baby when I live in a small two bedroom unit with my son and his father , then Couple days later I started to see that we would do it we can be a family again and just enjoy life but if only it was that easy, I went to the doctors because I felt like something was wrong with the baby the doctor told me the baby wasn't eating and a lot of different things , I can't see him telling me this I just see black and hear his voice , my baby was slowing dying inside me and nothing I could do about it , after hearing this I walked out his office I got home put my key in my door and broke down crying , I crawled into bed to see a letter it was from my landlord saying I had 24 days to move out , I started to think very dark I started to think nothing else could go wrong but I spoke to soon , me and my partner had a fight he blames me for the death of the baby because I wasn't happy at the start because I stressed to much because I don't do enough , today he his packing his things and leaving, I feel like my whole world is falling apart , that I'm hurting myself on the shattered peices of what's left of me , my heart is broken , only thing I have left is my son and even then I think he deserves someone better I try so hard and still not good enough , still not doing enough , I feel like I'm losing myself , I know no one really cares what I have to say I am a shadow fading into the dark

I Miss You

replies: 7

I miss my father in law. He represented the goodness and humanity of a man who encouraged community. He reminds me that Father's Day is about good men. His son, my husband is also an exceptional man and a wonderful father. He has survived and endures... View more

I miss my father in law. He represented the goodness and humanity of a man who encouraged community. He reminds me that Father's Day is about good men. His son, my husband is also an exceptional man and a wonderful father. He has survived and endures living with me and my ongoing fight with my past. I struggle to get through Father's Day, but I suck in my grief for my wonderful husband and our incredible children. I see them and am reminded that I must focus on the beauty of life now as it should be. But I am miserable and I am furious. In the 10 years my husband has been a father, he knows of my struggle and that just ruins his day. He lost his dad 6 years ago and that just ruins his day. I have let him be cheated of what is rightfully his, what he has truly earned. A wonderful and meaningful Father's Day. I am sickened and revolted by thoughts that my childhood rape gave a paedophile 11 Father's Day's. I am heartbroken for the beautiful people in my life who are affected by the pain that I let out and I hate myself so much for letting my past affect those I love. I realize now that I can't move on because I don't know where he is and it angers me that he continues to celebrate Father's Day. Why is he not dead? Why do I let him ruin Father's Day for my beautiful gentle husband? How do I push all his ugly aside and make space for someone who truly deserves it? Help me

Lost a brother in a road accident and a close friend to cancer

replies: 4

I don't want sympathy but I feel like I haven't had the easiest of lives! There is a family history of depression and I have also lost a sister to cancer, my father to suicide, a child who was stilborn, a brother in a road accident and a very close f... View more

I don't want sympathy but I feel like I haven't had the easiest of lives! There is a family history of depression and I have also lost a sister to cancer, my father to suicide, a child who was stilborn, a brother in a road accident and a very close friend to cancer. The last two within the last two months! I am a firm believer in life goes on (not in a heartless way) but sometimes I feel like I should be cut some slack! My husband seems so cold, like I just make excuses for not cleaning! I believe I am depressed but I have been like this my whole life, on and off medication, so I just keep doing what needs to be done... I finally found a job that I look forward. I'm not perfect! I'm not the most motivated person but I think I do my best... I don't even know what I am asking, I just wish I had someone who understood that I'm not lazy! I'm just tired! I'm tired of losing people! I'm tired of being afraid of talking about it because I think people will think I'm fishing for sympathy or not believe me.. I Just wish he knew... Thank you

Been told to get over it 2 months after my fathers death

replies: 3

Hi all, I would consider myself a mentally well adjusted person in general. I lost my father who lives overseas to a sudden cardiac arrest on July 16th of this year. I went home for the funeral, and to help mum sort out his affairs, and came back to ... View more

Hi all, I would consider myself a mentally well adjusted person in general. I lost my father who lives overseas to a sudden cardiac arrest on July 16th of this year. I went home for the funeral, and to help mum sort out his affairs, and came back to australia about three weeks after that. I was very close to my father (I was his first born and a daddy's girl), and losing him at the age of 66 (I am 32) was crap. No other way to put it. After the initial horrible crying all the time of the first three weeks, I tried to pull myself together and sunk myself into work and the gym, rather than wallowing in it. I have a dog and found that walking him was very therapeutic. My partner is from country vic and a bit of a blokes bloke, so I know that emotional support can be limited. Last night, as I was putting clothes away in our bedroom, I saw a jumper of dads. It just hit me then, and I couldnt control the tears. I quickly went to my office as I didn't want to bawl in front of my partner, I am pretty private in general with this, even with him. I had a good cry and went back to the bedroom where he was reading the news in bed, but couldnt shake the feeling of sadness. I said to my partner that I was feeling shit, and that I missed my father, and that I tried not to be a debbie downer by going and crying it out in my office but I still couldnt shake it. He looked at me and said "you have been a debbie downer for the last 3 months, I'm tired of your shit. First world problems, you need to get over it, theres people with bigger problems!" I was aghast. He stabbed his finger at me as he talked, his face contorted. He had bigger problems than me he said, but when I asked him what they were he told me that he wouldn't tell me as I was useless! Then he stomped off to the spare bedroom. So here I am. I'm being told to get over my fathers death like its the death of a cat, and I have a partner who is a dickhead. I feel shit. Just writing it all out to get it out. Thanks for reading.

Breichiau mam sy'n dynn amdanat(Mother's arms are tight around you).

replies: 28

Nick died tragically early in January 2015. He was 22 years of age. Nick was part of the usual less than perfect family; with brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends and various others who loved and confused him with equal measure.As ... View more

Nick died tragically early in January 2015. He was 22 years of age. Nick was part of the usual less than perfect family; with brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends and various others who loved and confused him with equal measure.As a child Nick was diagnosed as having ADHD and later this was clarified as Asperger's syndrome. This meant that Nick's experience of the world was more confusing than for most of us, as the analytical stream of his brain and the emotional stream were less interconnected.He was to experience learning difficulties, his parents' divorce, his mother dying much too soon, having to take what work might be offered and various tribulations of life.Nick had a powerful memory. Before he started school he could name each of the Thomas-The-Tank-Engines. But while he could place one or two of his toy trains away in his toy box, when faced with too many he was unable to comprehend a solution. As an adolescent Nick mastered catching after back-flipping at trapeze.He had abundant patience, which he drew on when working as a personal care attendant. He cooked meals for his brothers and father. Nick enjoyed drawing, as did his grandfather and great-grandfather who shared a family curse of depression. Nick could be maddening to live with; he might tidy up but not completely, staying up late and expressing decided opinions. He often preferred activities that were familiar, with people he knew; especially his brothers and cousins.He joined a drawing group at a burlesque club, and few months ago went to the Russian Film Festival, with musicians, dancers, vodka shots and pretty girls. Nick had sought medical advice on his own initiative about the increased anxiety he was experiencing. He took the prescription medication he was prescribed. He accepted a referral to a clinical psychologist and did not miss any appointments.Nick had also enrolled in a TAFE course in bakery. He had not been shy about early hours, hard work.We cannot know what was in Nick's mind on the evening he died and why he so hastened into this good night. His family is earnestly reflected on how we might have better supported Nick.Nick is buried with his mother.Breichiau mam sy'n dynn amdanat(Mother's arms are tight around you).

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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

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Overwhelmed by my brothers loss

replies: 1

I just lost my friend to suicide

replies: 8

I lost my brother 6 years ago to suicide

replies: 5

My Mum was killed in an accident, my needy father is draining my emotional resources

replies: 6

Grieving an abusive parent

replies: 15

Looking for the light in the dark tunnel

replies: 2

I Miss You

replies: 7

Lost a brother in a road accident and a close friend to cancer

replies: 4

Been told to get over it 2 months after my fathers death

replies: 3

Breichiau mam sy'n dynn amdanat(Mother's arms are tight around you).

replies: 28

Grief and loss

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section replies: 0

Overwhelmed by my brothers loss replies: 1

I just lost my friend to suicide replies: 8

I lost my brother 6 years ago to suicide replies: 5

My Mum was killed in an accident, my needy father is draining my emotional resources replies: 6

Grieving an abusive parent replies: 15

Looking for the light in the dark tunnel replies: 2

I Miss You replies: 7

Lost a brother in a road accident and a close friend to cancer replies: 4

Been told to get over it 2 months after my fathers death replies: 3

Breichiau mam sy'n dynn amdanat(Mother's arms are tight around you). replies: 28

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

Overwhelmed by my brothers loss

replies: 1

I just lost my friend to suicide

replies: 8

I lost my brother 6 years ago to suicide

replies: 5

My Mum was killed in an accident, my needy father is draining my emotional resources

replies: 6

Grieving an abusive parent

replies: 15

Looking for the light in the dark tunnel

replies: 2

I Miss You

replies: 7

Lost a brother in a road accident and a close friend to cancer

replies: 4

Been told to get over it 2 months after my fathers death

replies: 3

Breichiau mam sy'n dynn amdanat(Mother's arms are tight around you).

replies: 28