Hi flyy, welcome
Sorry gir your loss and I'm glad you vented.
I lost my brother to suicide in 1979, he was 27yo. I was 24.. He was an Elvis fan and Elvis died the year before. It might have added to his depression.
He left a note. Regardless if that my mother wouldn't accept it was suicide, which is her choice however we as a family were expected to change our views, that it was accidental. The pressure was enormous.
in 2002 my uncle also died by his own hand.
What I have done to help me cope is to keep asking myself...what would my brother want me to do? In your case...would your brother want your Mothering to suffer at all?. Would he want the best for his nieces and nephews?.of course...then dedicate your motherhood to your brother.
When I joined beyondblue I dedicated my efforts to my father that passed in 1992. That's an example. I also write poetry to sooth my memories.
We humans are intelligent enough to recognise death as something that is possible to comprehend. We can't make sense of the fact we'll never see that person again. But we can honour that person, we can use our one and only life to help others. In your case you can nurture and educate your children to not go down that path your brother went by being open about it. How your family members treat the topic is their choice, but you have rights to.
Bare in mind male suicides outnumber the national road toll with over 2000 each year. And guess what...your brothers passing was not your fault! He was unwell.
And it looks like you are a fine mum. And you are not alone.
Tony WK
