Grief and loss

Struggling with grief

replies: 7

I lost my husband last year to cancer. We are both young ... in our 30s. In a way, I never thought that I would lose him because he was so incredibly strong. It was like I had spent the whole cancer battle/diagnosis in denial which I labelled as blin... View more

I lost my husband last year to cancer. We are both young ... in our 30s. In a way, I never thought that I would lose him because he was so incredibly strong. It was like I had spent the whole cancer battle/diagnosis in denial which I labelled as blind hope that if he just held on long enough there would be some new treatment that would control it. He died in my arms and my whole world changed. I feel like I've had all my limbs cut off. I thought I was coping okay but recently I've been noticing more and more that I am doing things that worry me. I am struggling to fall asleep at night. I hate eating and it seems like a pointless activity. In fact, I can't really find much enthusiasm for anything. It's not that I feel depressed all the time. More like I just feel numb, angry and irritable. I have been having large crying episodes every day that I hide from friends and family ... but I don't mind these, feeling the pain and the triggers of these episodes is better than feeling nothing at all. I am trying to get out and exercise regularly and to go to work but the level of fatigue I have is awful. Sometimes just having a simple conversation with someone is absolutely exhausting. I sometimes can't bring myself to respond to a conversation. I'm starting to really struggle with concentration at work and doing simple tasks is taking too long. I saw a psychologist after my husband passed and I don't know if it will be worth doing this again. I don't know if talking about any of this is going to help. Nothing is going to bring him back so maybe I just need to suck it up and ride this whole thing out? Being young it is hard to find support groups out there for people my age. I find it hard to talk about him with people because of how they react - people who know me well are grieving too ... people who don't know me well often don't know how to react and it's very uncomfortable between the apologies from them and the looking at me like I need sympathy. I don't know what brought me here, but now I'm here if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears. Thanks for your time.

Feeling devastated after the loss of my dog

replies: 7

Hello, It's been a couple of months since my last post. I am guilty of only checking these boards regularly when I'm not doing too well. Putting my thoughts, fears and worries out there into the universe seems to help somewhat. My little dog had to b... View more

Hello, It's been a couple of months since my last post. I am guilty of only checking these boards regularly when I'm not doing too well. Putting my thoughts, fears and worries out there into the universe seems to help somewhat. My little dog had to be put down this morning and I'm feeling devastated. I loved him so much and as I'm single and not working he was a big part of my day to day happiness. He was such a joy filled little fellow and I'm going to miss him so much. Everything in the house reminds me of him. He was a family dog so I have support from my parents and sister but I'm starting to unravel as I'm terrified that I'm going to relapse and have a terrible episode of anxiety/depression again (they've been triggered before by smaller issues than this). I only got half an hour sleep last night so am hoping I'll be able to think more rationally tomorrow after I've slept but I just don't know how I'll get over this.

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

replies: 14

Hi guys, I am wondering if anyone knows about the relationship with grief and anxiety? It is something I have only come heard of recently. Or if this story sounds familiar to anyone and you have any tips to help, that would be greatly appreciated. im... View more

Hi guys, I am wondering if anyone knows about the relationship with grief and anxiety? It is something I have only come heard of recently. Or if this story sounds familiar to anyone and you have any tips to help, that would be greatly appreciated. im a 24yo male in Melbourne Aus. Have always been fairly shy/ anxious person and never very happy. My father committed suicide when I was 16 who I was very close to, also lost a fair few other friends and family members not long after too. i have always tried to be tough and just try ignore these losses when they occurred, I was back at school 2 days after my Dads death and just tried forcing myself to move on. I still think about what happened that night pretty much every day but never get emotional about it, just try put on a brave face and move on. i suffered with depression and social anxiety issues for the years following my dads death, but it was fairly manageable and wasn't 24/7 life controlling like it is now about 2 years ago I took some MDMA at a party and got my first panic attack the next day. Since then have been anxious as hell, constantly feel like I'm in a dream (depersonalisation), insomnia that never seems to end, and non stop racing negative thoughts to the point I've nearly taken my own life a few times. feel like it has slowly started to get better after all the different councelling and medication. but I feel like there's something else to it and that cbt and meds aren't going completely fix my issues. Came across some YouTube videos of speakers talking about holding grief causing anxiety problems, my therapist also believes this could be a part of my problem too. Does anyone know much about this? any replies greatly appreciated, thanks

Keys to deal with grief? [TRIGGER WARNING]

replies: 3

17/11 my life changed forever. I woke up for work and found my mother on the couch who had a stroke through out the night. The ambulance was called and she was rushed straight to the royal melbourne hospital. She suffered a 19mm aneurysm to her brain... View more

17/11 my life changed forever. I woke up for work and found my mother on the couch who had a stroke through out the night. The ambulance was called and she was rushed straight to the royal melbourne hospital. She suffered a 19mm aneurysm to her brain a well a lot of intense swelling. Whilst on life support on an induced coma in ICU after 3 days she sadly passed away. This was VERY UNEXPECTED I am 26 and my mother was 61. She is my best friend and my everything. The rock to my family. Her death was unfair and so heart breaking. I cannot sleep at night because I think about all the “what if’s”. I find it hard to get out of bed and have been relying on friends to help me rest my brain. I’m often dehydrated and my heart is constantly pounding. Do I need counciling, therapy, a visit to the doctor? I just find each day getting harder and harder.

My Dad just died

replies: 5

My Dad was so good. He was everything you could imagine a kind hearted, selfless person could be. I cannot believe he is even gone. Even writing “was” is bringing me to terms with the fact he is no longer here. I’m still half expecting him to call in... View more

My Dad was so good. He was everything you could imagine a kind hearted, selfless person could be. I cannot believe he is even gone. Even writing “was” is bringing me to terms with the fact he is no longer here. I’m still half expecting him to call in and give me a lecture about how my car needs a service or that my lawn should be mowed. It doesn’t feel real, yet he died 4 days ago. I still haven’t really accepted it. He was only 51 and leaves behind my sister, brother, mother and my two children (who ADORED him) He was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer about a year ago. Underwent chemo for eight months then, when it was discovered the chemo wasn’t doing anything, the doctors gave him 3 months to live. I watched on as he slowly deteriorated and feel like I never really got to say all the things I wanted to before he left. Why can’t I feel like he is actually gone? This is crazy.

New user- not dealing with a friends death from road trauma

replies: 2

Hi guys, I am a newbie here and am not really sure if this is the right thing for me. A few months ago, a friend of mine was suddenly killed in an accident. She was fairly well known in the community and it hit everyone hard, but because I have been ... View more

Hi guys, I am a newbie here and am not really sure if this is the right thing for me. A few months ago, a friend of mine was suddenly killed in an accident. She was fairly well known in the community and it hit everyone hard, but because I have been trying to be the strong one and help everyone I haven't really been able to help myself. I continually have meltdowns caused by the smallest of things that remind me of her and it just seems to get worse every time. I am not really sure how to deal with it anymore and I just keep closing myself out from everyone and telling them I am okay. I just wish there was someway to deal with the pain and stop these constant feelings of sadness and getting upset when I think of her What should I do?

How Do I Process His Suicide

replies: 15

My brother took his life on the 31/10/2017. I’m still in the process of organising his funeral, he is the 2nd brother in 2 years. My 1st brother, official coroner’s report stated “Death Due To Misadventure” he has self medicated his entire life, Bi-P... View more

My brother took his life on the 31/10/2017. I’m still in the process of organising his funeral, he is the 2nd brother in 2 years. My 1st brother, official coroner’s report stated “Death Due To Misadventure” he has self medicated his entire life, Bi-Polar was his official diagnosis, and now, my closest brother also end his life!! I battled his depression with him for years, I put my own PTSD and depression on the back burner to get him better, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing another brother!! I couldn’t bear the thought of having to tell my mother again and listen to that gut wrenching wail and her screaming we are lying to her! I promised my brother we would kick this together, and I dropped the ball... now I’m beginning to think, they should never have relied on me in the beginning, I tried so hard to protect them, their fellings, my mother, her “shame” you know, cause “Boys don’t cry” and all that!! I really don’t know how the hell im meant to move forward when I can’t process the fact he’s gone! I was only able to look at his photo yesterday, before that, I have stomped around making threats of violence to anyone who looks at me! I told my kids to stay away for a few days in case I said something I didn’t mean.... I can’t understand why he left me with this heartache! He knew how I felt! I would have hidden him forever!! I would have lied to everyone... if it meant keeping him here, I would have done it! Can someone please make sense of this!! I’m absolutely devastated

Dealing With The Sudden Loss Of My Small (Disabled) Sister

replies: 3

I just turned 18 this year and I was excited to discover and explore my newfound freedom, so much so that I didn't get to spend as much time that I wanted to with my small 10yr old sister (who happens to have severe cerebral palsy) before she passed ... View more

I just turned 18 this year and I was excited to discover and explore my newfound freedom, so much so that I didn't get to spend as much time that I wanted to with my small 10yr old sister (who happens to have severe cerebral palsy) before she passed away. Growing up as a sibling to a disabled child, you learn to quickly find your place in the family. In my case I have 1 older sister and 4 younger ones after me. So me, my elder sister, including my Mum were her main carers. I always knew that I held 2nd place in my parents' hearts with all my other siblings, right after my 10yr old sister who I knew held 1st place. I learned to never complain when I didn't get the attention I probably needed from my parents, or when I had to stay home most days to babysit, even when as a family we couldn't go for typical family outings, because who was I to complain against my lovely sister. She was never a burden. About a month ago I woke up in the morning to my 15 yr old sister's screams against my bedroom door, and I quickly went to see what was wrong. 000 was dialled and I was told to perform CPR on her until the ambulance came. I kept crying out to God to help me, that I would do anything, but she still wasn't responding. The medics said the situation looked bad, and they'd take her to the hospital. It was too late she passed away that morning. The events of that day still haunt me. Walking past her room and seeing the spot where I performed CPR.It's all getting too much for me. I try to go out and forget, but sometimes I find my chest gets so heavy that I can't breathe. I still don't know how I'm going to get through this. I miss her so much and It's just starting to hit me that I'm never going to hold her again.

Feeling totally alone and lost after my Husbands passing

replies: 3

Dont really know how to start...am feeling more and more anxious as the days go on...people say im strong but in reality im NOT!!! I only feel good when im sleeping which sounds pathetic but facing each day is a challenge...i dont want my Son to know... View more

Dont really know how to start...am feeling more and more anxious as the days go on...people say im strong but in reality im NOT!!! I only feel good when im sleeping which sounds pathetic but facing each day is a challenge...i dont want my Son to know im weak or my work collegues but coming home every night to nothing is killing me...i dont want sympathy or counselling i just need to see there is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel

Grief Relapse

replies: 3

HI. Now I'm here my fingers have frozen with fear. Ok inhale...exhale...go... Can a person relapse back into the once depressed, guilt riddled, grief stricken, sucicidal person she once was 8 years ago? Even after all the work she has done on herself... View more

HI. Now I'm here my fingers have frozen with fear. Ok inhale...exhale...go... Can a person relapse back into the once depressed, guilt riddled, grief stricken, sucicidal person she once was 8 years ago? Even after all the work she has done on herself? I can feel my feet slowly slipping out from me, but the icy ground hasn't cracked yet. Everyone around me says they are here for me but I know everyone is thinking "god her daughter drowned in her care eight years ago, she should be over it by now" whilst telling me how strong I am and how proud of me they are. STRONG!!!! I'm the absolute opposite. I guess that mask I wear is working and no one sees the real me. But why do I pretend because I feel so lonely and completely invisible. Two years ago my post here would have been to help people who have lost a child and now my post is asking for an empathic ear because I've used all mine up. I have managed to successfully isolate myself from my friends and sadly no one has really noticed. I moved four hours away from home and changed my number. It felt refreshing at the start. Is this why I have relapsed? I have told my partner I'm starting to slip and he just tells me I'll be fine. Will I be?

Pinned discussions

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

All discussions

Struggling with grief

replies: 7

Feeling devastated after the loss of my dog

replies: 7

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

replies: 14

Keys to deal with grief? [TRIGGER WARNING]

replies: 3

My Dad just died

replies: 5

New user- not dealing with a friends death from road trauma

replies: 2

How Do I Process His Suicide

replies: 15

Dealing With The Sudden Loss Of My Small (Disabled) Sister

replies: 3

Feeling totally alone and lost after my Husbands passing

replies: 3

Grief Relapse

replies: 3

Grief and loss

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section replies: 0

Struggling with grief replies: 7

Feeling devastated after the loss of my dog replies: 7

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety? replies: 14

Keys to deal with grief? [TRIGGER WARNING] replies: 3

My Dad just died replies: 5

New user- not dealing with a friends death from road trauma replies: 2

How Do I Process His Suicide replies: 15

Dealing With The Sudden Loss Of My Small (Disabled) Sister replies: 3

Feeling totally alone and lost after my Husbands passing replies: 3

Grief Relapse replies: 3

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

Struggling with grief

replies: 7

Feeling devastated after the loss of my dog

replies: 7

Anxiety controlling my life. Holding grief and anxiety?

replies: 14

Keys to deal with grief? [TRIGGER WARNING]

replies: 3

My Dad just died

replies: 5

New user- not dealing with a friends death from road trauma

replies: 2

How Do I Process His Suicide

replies: 15

Dealing With The Sudden Loss Of My Small (Disabled) Sister

replies: 3

Feeling totally alone and lost after my Husbands passing

replies: 3

Grief Relapse

replies: 3