Dear Elly~
It can be very hard to see that light, I know. My wife died young we were both well under 50, and after that first flurry of activity that death brings things seemed to stop.
Coming home to an empty house full of reminders everywhere, simple things, even knives and forks were reminders of her, that she was absent. My son was adult and lived with his partner elsewhere. They tried, offering their house, offering to stay. Did no good.
So what did help? I was under treatment for MH illnesses and talking to my psychiatrist was a bit of a relief. He did not try treatment, just talked, must have got sick of me saying the same things over and over. Loosing myself in my work (teaching). Doing more, occupying the mind to cram out grief.
A year later I'd met someone else, and now after over 20 years we are still together in love. It didn't happen by itself, I consciously looked for someone else. I'd been married for a very long time and had not realized how much having someone else was necessary for me. The death showed me that so I sought another and was blessed.
So I found the light I needed.
I've spent the first half of this post talking about myself. I needed you to see I understood your pain, and for you to also see there can be a cessation of that pain and loneliness. Your light my be different from mine, I guess there are all sorts of happy endings.
Now might I ask you to say a little about yourself and what has happened. Perhaps how old your son is, if you live with him, anything you'd like to share.
Strength is surviving anyway you can in the most terrible of circumstances. If you don't feel greatly and struggle desperately then why call it strength? If respite in bed eases you a little then grasp it with both hands, it is very precious.
I hope you have come to understand that Dory, I and others here want you to feel welcome.
Croix
