I just turned 18 this year and I was excited to discover and explore my newfound freedom, so much so that I didn't get to spend as much time that I wanted to with my small 10yr old sister (who happens to have severe cerebral palsy) before she passed away. Growing up as a sibling to a disabled child, you learn to quickly find your place in the family. In my case I have 1 older sister and 4 younger ones after me. So me, my elder sister, including my Mum were her main carers. I always knew that I held 2nd place in my parents' hearts with all my other siblings, right after my 10yr old sister who I knew held 1st place. I learned to never complain when I didn't get the attention I probably needed from my parents, or when I had to stay home most days to babysit, even when as a family we couldn't go for typical family outings, because who was I to complain against my lovely sister. She was never a burden.
About a month ago I woke up in the morning to my 15 yr old sister's screams against my bedroom door, and I quickly went to see what was wrong. 000 was dialled and I was told to perform CPR on her until the ambulance came. I kept crying out to God to help me, that I would do anything, but she still wasn't responding. The medics said the situation looked bad, and they'd take her to the hospital. It was too late she passed away that morning.
The events of that day still haunt me. Walking past her room and seeing the spot where I performed CPR.It's all getting too much for me. I try to go out and forget, but sometimes I find my chest gets so heavy that I can't breathe. I still don't know how I'm going to get through this. I miss her so much and It's just starting to hit me that I'm never going to hold her again.
