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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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My-life-is-a-constant-Mess My grandpa died this morning & I need to rant
  • replies: 1

So my grandpa died this morning and I need to rant. Ok so a bit of backstory, I was really close to my grandpa he was like my parent as a kid when my parents divorced I lived with them for years and he and my nana live next door so I see them everyda... View more

So my grandpa died this morning and I need to rant. Ok so a bit of backstory, I was really close to my grandpa he was like my parent as a kid when my parents divorced I lived with them for years and he and my nana live next door so I see them everyday, he was my favourite relative. He was diagnosed with skin cancer about 5 months ago and he was in a lot of pain and was in hospital for a while but he was slowly getting better but then they found out he had cancer in his lymph system that it was aggressive and was incurable that was less than 3 months ago. He was really depressed and lost 50kg in a month and has been in and out of hospital and in pain and he has been really mean, grumpy and depressed for a few months. Last week he got pneumonia and went into hospital and has been there since and he just wanted to die so he wouldn't let the doctors treat the pneumonia so they just kept him comfortable. I have been really detached and unfeeling since we found out he was sick and I was fine I didn't feel anything unlike the rest of my family who have been sad and worried. I went to see him last night and he was unresponsive so we just sat there and the others were talking to him but I didn't because it made me uncomfortable and didn't know what to say or do. My parents told me he died this morning and I just went oh ok and went back to sleep and was fine all day I studied did a test and went to uni all fine and I haven't cried until I wrote this & IDK why? maybe because he hasn't been himself since and it feels like he was already gone, maybe its because I'm mad at him for not letting them treat him, maybe something is wrong with me idk, I'm ok and then I remember I'll never see him again I didn't even go see the body I just went back to bed. I hate showing feeling in front of people especially family so I will never cry in front of them or tell them how I feel. Sorry about the rant I don't really know what the point is.

Felix05 Dealing with grief, anxiety and depression
  • replies: 3

Hi all, My first time posting here. Perhaps a trigger warning for people who have experienced a loss. On the 20th of December my mum passed away from a 3 month batttle with brain cancer. It was a very quick decline, and toward the end she wasn't very... View more

Hi all, My first time posting here. Perhaps a trigger warning for people who have experienced a loss. On the 20th of December my mum passed away from a 3 month batttle with brain cancer. It was a very quick decline, and toward the end she wasn't very lucid, and sometimes didn't even recognize me. She was only 44 when she passed, I am only 21. I've really struggled the last 6 weeks. I took 2 weeks off work before her death to care for her, and I was there until the very last moment. She passed away at home with myself and my sister standing beside her. After she passed I took about a week and a half off work and have been back at work ever since. Been back at work for a month now. It's been pretty hard, and my job is very demanding, not allowing me to take a moment when I need to, I have to be on the job and in the moment every minute of work. I've taken one day off work since being back, and I guess I'm wanting to take a bit more time off, to gather myself and deal with all my emotions. Do you think it's okay for me to call in sick once a week or fortnight to have a mental health day while I'm still grieving? I've struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, and I'm struggling now. It's hard to get out of bed, to be motivated and to go to work, but I do. I'm never fully in the moment, well at least that's what it feels like. I feel so hazey and foggy all the time. Has anyone got any tips or advice? Things that have helped them in these kind of situations?

Meg027 Trying to deal with finding my father dead.
  • replies: 3

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read, I really appreciate having a platform to get things off my chest. I was inviting my dad who lives alone on his farm to Christmas when i wasnt gettting a response and his mobile was turned off... View more

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read, I really appreciate having a platform to get things off my chest. I was inviting my dad who lives alone on his farm to Christmas when i wasnt gettting a response and his mobile was turned off. I went to check on him and found him dead on his bed. I was spared seeing his whole body and an autopsy done the next day which revealed he had a gastrointestinal bleed. I had watched my mother pass away from cancer four years earlier and now to find my father passed away. I’m Not even 30 years old and I have no parents left and I only ever had one brother. I’m married with 3 beautiful children who have helped me get through. But I find when they are in bed and I suddenly have all this time to think, it’s all I think about and I get this heavy sadness over me. we are also clearing out his property for sale and it’s been hard to wrap my head around that he is gone. He was a very healthy man so it came as a huge shock. Thank you again for anyone reading, it has already helped just writing my about experience and hope maybe someone with similar experience can share some light on their experiences.

Miss_TB A new type of grief
  • replies: 3

Hi My mother died 12 years ago. She was a wonderful mother and I was lucky to have her. I always thought I would still be able to have a normal and happy life and be ok. I’m now in my mid 30s with no kids and this is causing me immense grief - equal ... View more

Hi My mother died 12 years ago. She was a wonderful mother and I was lucky to have her. I always thought I would still be able to have a normal and happy life and be ok. I’m now in my mid 30s with no kids and this is causing me immense grief - equal to losing mother. My life is not normal. I am in a relationship with a married man with 2 kids. The grief that my life hasn’t turned out how I planned has resulted in day time drinking, heavy night drinking and small amounts of drug taking every weekend. I feel like I am watching my life from the sidelines. Knowing I’m not being wise in my choices, but unable to get the life I want.

Wonder__woman Lost my beautiful boy
  • replies: 1

Hi guys.. Im so utterly sad and overwhelmed .. I lost my beautiful cat Ollie yesterday. Turns out he was hit by a car.. Im burying him today. I feel sick.. haven't stopped crying..He was so so so BEAUTIFUL I miss him too much already .. its so painfu... View more

Hi guys.. Im so utterly sad and overwhelmed .. I lost my beautiful cat Ollie yesterday. Turns out he was hit by a car.. Im burying him today. I feel sick.. haven't stopped crying..He was so so so BEAUTIFUL I miss him too much already .. its so painful. Every little beautiful memory racing through my mind of what gave me so much joy and now what i will no longer enjoy anymore.. But I serve a mighty wonderful God who allowed this for a reason..therefore it was right..but that doesn't ease the pain and significant loss I feel... Ollie was only 1 year old..but gave me so much

tashi My fathers passing leaving me not knowing how to grieve
  • replies: 11

I’m a young mother just starting out in life and my father has recently passed away from prostate cancer. I feel incredibly numb . I’ve been walking around like everything is normal . People say “I’m sorry for your loss “ and I say that’s ok . Even t... View more

I’m a young mother just starting out in life and my father has recently passed away from prostate cancer. I feel incredibly numb . I’ve been walking around like everything is normal . People say “I’m sorry for your loss “ and I say that’s ok . Even thought it’s not . My dad was 55, to young to leave us . I keep seeing him everywhere and then realising it’s not possible. At night time I feel sick knowing that I will never talk to him again or see his face . My heart is seriously aching I don’t know how to move forward from here and continue to be a happy healthy mother for my baby

Fozzie Dealing with two different types of loss at an already difficult time
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the depression or relationship forums as it’s a bit of both. I’m currently really not in a good place mentally and emotionally. My motivation to do anything is pretty much non-existent and I’m feeling... View more

Hi everyone, I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the depression or relationship forums as it’s a bit of both. I’m currently really not in a good place mentally and emotionally. My motivation to do anything is pretty much non-existent and I’m feeling so lonely. Long story short, my grandma died three months ago, and at that already turbulent time my three and a half year relationship with my girlfriend ended. I was already not in a great place before all this happened, I wasn’t happy where I was in life mostly because 1. I’m in a job I no longer get any satisfaction out of, and it feels like my life is going nowhere and 2. I hurt my back really badly a back in June and had to stop lighting weights which is the only exercise I enjoy. Because of this I stupidly started pushing my girlfriend away, and things boiled over shortly after an overseas trip where we felt more like friends than SO’s at times. On top of the negative thoughts I already had, I’m so full of regret and guilt that it’s eating me away, both over my relationships with my grandma and my now ex-girlfriend. I’m trying to make changes in my life, but it’s really hard to do even the smallest things. I’ve applied to go back to uni to follow my career dream but I didn’t get in for the first round and that hit me hard. I feel like my happiness is tied to whether or not I get in to uni this year. But at the same time even if I do get in I can’t help but compare myself to my peers, many of whom are off getting married and/or are in careers they enjoy. It also really didn’t help that the night I told my parents my girlfriend and I had broken up my dad let slip that my previous ex is now engaged. Meanwhile I’m back single again at 28 and wanting to go back to uni to do another undergraduate degree. I have zero motivation and I’m so tired with life in general. I have a history of melancholic depression and I’m currently seeing my GP and a psychologist, but I feel they’re not helping me as much as they have in the past.

shesawallflower How to deal with my mothers death
  • replies: 4

I lost my mother almost 2 months ago. It was a very big shock and very unexpected. She had a massive stroke right in front of me. She was in ICU for 3 days whilst on life support suffering from severe brain damage caused from the stroke. I keep getti... View more

I lost my mother almost 2 months ago. It was a very big shock and very unexpected. She had a massive stroke right in front of me. She was in ICU for 3 days whilst on life support suffering from severe brain damage caused from the stroke. I keep getting flashbacks of the traumatic event that I usually can’t block out. I am tired of crying myself to sleep every night. I am still grieving, I need to talk to someone but I am unsure where to start. Do I need counseling, therapy, or a psychiatrist?

CLMFP Loss of a pet. Depression trigger?
  • replies: 7

Hi, 2 days ago we had to put down my 16-year-old cat. I had him for over half my life, he was there when I was diagnosed with depression, when I was suicidal and when I started getting better and being 'normal' (somewhat). He was my constant. I was d... View more

Hi, 2 days ago we had to put down my 16-year-old cat. I had him for over half my life, he was there when I was diagnosed with depression, when I was suicidal and when I started getting better and being 'normal' (somewhat). He was my constant. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety over 10 years ago and for about 4-3 years it's been for the most part controllable. I have my ups and downs, but mostly up or neutral. Because of this event, I feel like I don't know how I will be able to get through this, I don't want to slip back in to depression but I don't want to move on either. I have upped my anti-depressant dose and made an appointment with my psychiatrist (unfortunately it won't be until early January). In the meantime my mum and other cat are helping me through this, but I still can't see an end to this pain, especially with Christmas coming up, my cat loved christmas. By the way he wasn't just a cat or pet for me, he was/is family and always will be. Please let me know if you have had a pet that you went through depression with and lost them later. How have you coped with it? CLMFP

RW85V Struggling with grief
  • replies: 7

I lost my husband last year to cancer. We are both young ... in our 30s. In a way, I never thought that I would lose him because he was so incredibly strong. It was like I had spent the whole cancer battle/diagnosis in denial which I labelled as blin... View more

I lost my husband last year to cancer. We are both young ... in our 30s. In a way, I never thought that I would lose him because he was so incredibly strong. It was like I had spent the whole cancer battle/diagnosis in denial which I labelled as blind hope that if he just held on long enough there would be some new treatment that would control it. He died in my arms and my whole world changed. I feel like I've had all my limbs cut off. I thought I was coping okay but recently I've been noticing more and more that I am doing things that worry me. I am struggling to fall asleep at night. I hate eating and it seems like a pointless activity. In fact, I can't really find much enthusiasm for anything. It's not that I feel depressed all the time. More like I just feel numb, angry and irritable. I have been having large crying episodes every day that I hide from friends and family ... but I don't mind these, feeling the pain and the triggers of these episodes is better than feeling nothing at all. I am trying to get out and exercise regularly and to go to work but the level of fatigue I have is awful. Sometimes just having a simple conversation with someone is absolutely exhausting. I sometimes can't bring myself to respond to a conversation. I'm starting to really struggle with concentration at work and doing simple tasks is taking too long. I saw a psychologist after my husband passed and I don't know if it will be worth doing this again. I don't know if talking about any of this is going to help. Nothing is going to bring him back so maybe I just need to suck it up and ride this whole thing out? Being young it is hard to find support groups out there for people my age. I find it hard to talk about him with people because of how they react - people who know me well are grieving too ... people who don't know me well often don't know how to react and it's very uncomfortable between the apologies from them and the looking at me like I need sympathy. I don't know what brought me here, but now I'm here if anyone has any suggestions I'm all ears. Thanks for your time.

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