Grief and loss

A client of mine died by suicide

replies: 4

I have been through an ugly property settlement and thought I was ok until a client committed suicide and now feeling quite bereft and not in control as I thought I was. I invited a good friend over for lunch which helped a lot but still feeling so s... View more

I have been through an ugly property settlement and thought I was ok until a client committed suicide and now feeling quite bereft and not in control as I thought I was. I invited a good friend over for lunch which helped a lot but still feeling so sad that my client couldn't see that tomorrow would be better

Being blamed for my partner suicide

replies: 6

Hi All, I am new here and really don’t know where else to turn too for help, answers or support because no around me knows what to say or do. My fiancé took his own life and has left a massive hole in me and our childrens lives. I don’t know I can go... View more

Hi All, I am new here and really don’t know where else to turn too for help, answers or support because no around me knows what to say or do. My fiancé took his own life and has left a massive hole in me and our childrens lives. I don’t know I can go on any longer the pain I feel is like no other I have ever felt, I can hardly look at my children anymore I feel so empty inside and hearts broken for not only myself but my kids as well. I blame myself for what has happened, I feel like I should have done more to help him, I keep having all these ‘what if’ rolling in my head every second of every day and my gilt overwhelms me that I can’t even think straight or remember things. And on top of all this I’m putting onto myself his parents are blaming me as well, they are confirming everything that’s going inside my head and saying it was my fault this has happened. That our relationship was to blam and I drove him to do this to himself. I can’t even begin to explain how this is effecting me mentally, it’s making all my dark thoughts feel so true. It’s making me feel like I no longer what to be in this world, the pain I feel is to great to even get over. I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel hopeless. I’m not sure what I’m looking for on here but maybe deep down I just don’t want to feel alone, that someone out there knows how I’m feeling? I want to make it through this but don’t know I can.

Dealing with grief

replies: 1

I'm new here but don't really have anyone to talk to. My partner's father died a couple of weeks ago and he is struggling with the grief. I'm trying so hard to be there for him and to help him through this but I keep getting told I don't understand. ... View more

I'm new here but don't really have anyone to talk to. My partner's father died a couple of weeks ago and he is struggling with the grief. I'm trying so hard to be there for him and to help him through this but I keep getting told I don't understand. He's right. I've never lost a parent. I don't understand. I have my own issues with depression and infertility that I'm trying to push aside but if I get upset about anything or he says hurtful things then apparently I'm making it all about me. He's pushing me away when all I want to do is love and support him. I know eventually it might get a bit better but scared I'm going to lose him in the meantime. I've never felt so alone. I self-harmed tonight. I've never done anything like that before and it scares me. I don't expect any miracles but hoping if I can get it off my chest it might make it easier to deal with.

Grief and depression, differentiation of the two.

replies: 1

Hi All My husband died nine months ago after an horrific illness that lasted almost 2 years. I have some PTSD from this. My psychologist thinks that I am over the grieving period. I have been seeing him for 18 years and he saw me and gave me support ... View more

Hi All My husband died nine months ago after an horrific illness that lasted almost 2 years. I have some PTSD from this. My psychologist thinks that I am over the grieving period. I have been seeing him for 18 years and he saw me and gave me support during this hard time. I have also battled depression for over 20 years. I have tried just about every med out there. i put myself second as my husbands carer and I now am at the point where I think my depression is so overwhelming that I want to try ECT. I feel such despair, fear and cry uncontrollably every day. I have had three hospital stays in nine months. I can’t keep living this way. I know I’m going to come up with people saying nine months isn’t long and that’s true. I’m also young <40 so I need to be able to comprehend a future. I think that ECT is my only option. I’m so medicated that I can’t see the harm and it’s worth a try. I have a grief counsellor too so I’ve been very proactive in managing my health in the last nine months. Any ideas about how to differentiate between depression and grief? I know depression is part of grief but my depression was pre existing. Thanks for reading.

To many examples. To young to loose a Mum.

replies: 3

So not sure how this all works or where to go or what to say. On February 21st of this year my mum passed away at the hands of depressions close to 8 years after my pop passed the very same way. Since feb I have struggled to feel any sort of emotion ... View more

So not sure how this all works or where to go or what to say. On February 21st of this year my mum passed away at the hands of depressions close to 8 years after my pop passed the very same way. Since feb I have struggled to feel any sort of emotion or even connect to anything. I feel broken on the inside but unable to express or convey it in any way. Things have been nothing but stressful with my partner feeling like I don’t have any support, yet also feeling like I can’t put to much pressure on him. My friends have decided they don’t like my partner which has caused nothing but added stress, drama and unwarranted anxiety. I feel like “what next” on a daily basis and just feel lost all around. In myself I know self harm is not the answer as unfortunately I’ve now seen at the age of 25 two family members suffer for to long and knowing the after shock that follows. Never having questions answered nor having an exact reason why. I lay here tonight missing my mum hearing her voice remind me it’s ok to be sad, don’t be ashamed to ask for help. So I guess I’m going out on a limb and expressing how I feel in a place I feel could and should be safe. As a young man I wonder how to go on. I can’t fathom a life without my mum but great full I had the time I did. I can’t picture my mum not being the one to show me how to hold my first child as she held me, I can’t imagine marrying the man I love without my mum by my side saying “cmon let’s poor a wine it’s your wedding day” Just like my Mum I’ve stepped out to help and support so many others, in the short almost 3 months to the day multiple friends relationship breakups, friends parents giving their last fight before cancer wins, fall outs between friends and family and my partner then to my own health taking a turn and being forced to stop for a minute. I feel like this is all over the place but that is just how my head feels one thing after another no time to stop and then when I decide to take a moment something else happens someone else happens. And don’t get me wrong I tell my friends I’d rather they come to me and talk when they feel their breakup is to much or parent is to sick or work is to hard, rather then suffer in silence before it’s to late like my mum and grandfather. Not sure if all or any of this is suitable relatable or helpful but I just thought I’d let some of what’s going on in my head out.

My mum committed suicide

replies: 3

When I was 20 my mum committed suicide. I'm now 26 and I feel deeper in my grief than ever before. I had a really delayed reaction to her death (I did not express any emotion for 2 years). We were a pretty normal tight family unit and I needed to be ... View more

When I was 20 my mum committed suicide. I'm now 26 and I feel deeper in my grief than ever before. I had a really delayed reaction to her death (I did not express any emotion for 2 years). We were a pretty normal tight family unit and I needed to be the strength for the rest of my family. My mum left no note, and nobody really has any explanation of why she did what she did. She was such a great mum to my brother and I, and while I know she had problems (she was an alcoholic) she was a successful business woman and excellent mother, and nobody had any idea she was suicidal. In addition to all the normal stuff you feel when someone dies this way, there is a lot of blame towards me and the rest of my immediate family from my extended family on her side. I get through this by understanding that sometimes people need to blame someone to cope but honestly it's so wrong that anyone could think anyone was responsible. Particularly my brother and my dad and I. We would have moved heaven and earth had we known she was in danger. Even so, I feel like I have failed the most important person in my life and I'm haunted by what happened. The permanence of her death still has not settled in and it hits me in waves and knocks me right off my feet. What should I do? Is there anything I can do?

Grief, depression & suicidal thoughts

replies: 3

Hi, I'm 18 yrs old and new to this forum. I'm in my first year at uni and I live at a residential college about 3 hours from home. Just over 7 weeks ago my dog passed away. She meant everything to me and her death was so sudden and such a shock becau... View more

Hi, I'm 18 yrs old and new to this forum. I'm in my first year at uni and I live at a residential college about 3 hours from home. Just over 7 weeks ago my dog passed away. She meant everything to me and her death was so sudden and such a shock because she was perfectly healthy, I was a mess for weeks after and just couldn't cope with her being gone. I saw a counselor after a few weeks of grieving because I was just not feeling any better and my mood was not improving at all, I was barely sleeping, I was still crying every day, and I was just not coping well with life. I was having suicidal thoughts and was thinking of ways to end my life. I then saw a GP and have been on 2 different sleeping tablets over the past 3 weeks but they only work for one or two nights before they stop working. I've been on antidepressants for 2 weeks but I don't feel these have made any change to my mood at all. I am just feeling very down and hopeless and exhausted all day. I don't have anything to look forward to in life, and I dread having to go back home because last time I went home, I hated being there without my dog and I really struggled to cope and it just made me feel worse. I find it so hard to talk to my parents about what I feel, I don't want them to overreact or make a fuss, or come up to see me at all or phone me heaps. I also just don't think they'll understand what goes through my head all day. I am trying to go to uni to distract myself and to try not get too far behind, but I am finding it so hard to concentrate on my work, I keep zoning out and thinking about life and dying, and about my dog. I am quite far behind at uni but I am past the point of caring about much anymore. I just feel like every day is the same, nothing seems to get better, and I don't see any point in continuing to live if this is what I feel like every day. I am so unmotivated to do anything and I just feel like my life is meaningless and nothing I do matters anymore. I have been looking up methods of suicide and I am often thinking about ways to end my life, to stop the pain and all these thoughts that are in my head all day. A week ago I got quite bad and wanted to run away anywhere out of this place, I just couldn't handle it anymore, but I managed to force myself to stay and tried to distract myself to stop the thoughts. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm feeling so hopeless and down and exhausted all the time, and just needed to get it all out. Sorry for the long post.

Grieving loss of my Mum

replies: 5

hello I'm a new member. I'm feeling so upset. I thought I was prepared for my Mum's death but I wasn't. It's four months now and the days and nights are such a struggle. I'm dreading all the "firsts" ..this coming Mothers Day, an upcoming family cele... View more

hello I'm a new member. I'm feeling so upset. I thought I was prepared for my Mum's death but I wasn't. It's four months now and the days and nights are such a struggle. I'm dreading all the "firsts" ..this coming Mothers Day, an upcoming family celebration, my birthday, her birthday. ...you get the idea. On top of that I'm dealing with the likelihood of having to have a loved pet put to sleep. I'm very fortunate to have a loving partner and lovely girls but I have never felt so lonely ..if that makes sense. Please tell me I'm not alone. I'm alternating between crying a lot of the time and/or getting upset and angry with my loved ones. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for most of my life..close to forty years so this also multiplies the grief. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down

replies: 7

I dont live with mum anymore, i wanted to have my own life, and didnt want mum clinging to me. but now, between mum's memory loss and her depression getting far far worse. she talks about wishing she was dead, crying all day, being unbearably lonely ... View more

I dont live with mum anymore, i wanted to have my own life, and didnt want mum clinging to me. but now, between mum's memory loss and her depression getting far far worse. she talks about wishing she was dead, crying all day, being unbearably lonely all the time. i have tried to get her to see the GP. and her psychologist. neither has really helped. Finally mum met a woman who has had ECT and thought she too might benefit from hospital treatment to get on the right meds. she told the doctor and the doctor gave her a psychiatrist. she didn't like last years psychiatrist. this years psych, she can't see for 2 months. two months of her telling me every day that she never wants to leave the house again, that she hates where she lives, that she wishes she were dead. then of course every other day where she seems aware of her situation and wants to try to fight it... but I know by the time she gets around ot doing anything the feelings will change (within the day). i suffer depression and anxiety too. not to her extent, i'm able to self manage. talk myself up, mostly. but i dont wantto be around mum when she is like this. she makes me so angry, she one day is asking me to help her get a dog trainer, the next day she's cancelling and telling me it's all too much... i dont have much time or energy in my own life, i work full time and i barely cope with that. i like my alone time. i sleep poorly. amd i'm generally just struggling to have any social life at all. i called the crisis team and they told me to get a sooner appointment with the psychiatrist, but i dont know who they are, mum will never get around to doing anything about it, and her doctor wont tell me anything, or generally do anything much of use... they've left her like this for thirty years... they did nothing for my dad either. i feel trapped. i want to take her to a hospital and say to them" take her, make her better." but i know because she doesn't actually plan how to commit suicide they wont do anything. i'm the only person in the world she has. i feel guilty half the tie, angry the other half and overlay it all with a desperation. i know others have it harder, i know some daughters are full time carers for their parents... but i want to have a life.. and i dont know how to cope the next two months or longer until some medical professional sees how serious it is and bothers to get involved and actually help her.

How do I deal with this unbearable grief?

replies: 3

Hello, My mum died of cancer almost six weeks ago, and I am not coping at all. I was living and working in another city and as soon as I found out I dropped everything and came to be her full-time carer. She was diagnosed at the beginning of December... View more

Hello, My mum died of cancer almost six weeks ago, and I am not coping at all. I was living and working in another city and as soon as I found out I dropped everything and came to be her full-time carer. She was diagnosed at the beginning of December and died at the end of January. I never left her side and slept every night in the hospital for three weeks. I called an ambulance after New Year's because I felt I wasn't coping at home, and I feel tremendous guilt about that because I felt it made things happen faster. I am still beside myself with grief every day. I miss her so much. I don't really have anyone here that I can talk to either. My dad (who has never been reliable) has stopped talking to me, which hurts a lot as well. My friends are all in other cities. I don't know the rest of my family that well and even so, they all live overseas. I feel completely alone. I am still paying rent on an apartment in Sydney as I haven't had the capacity to make any decisions about my life yet. I am going back to work in Sydney on the 19th of March. They're letting me come back part-time, which is nice. But I don't know how I'm going to do it. I have to be at my Mum's house, in another city, to look after her three animals and to sort out the house, which she still has a mortgage on. So at this stage I will be commuting, but it's a 6-hour commute every day by train, and it will be very exhausting. I need to get out of my lease, but I feel unable to do anything. There are bills piling up and I need to call various places to explain what's happened, but I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't do anything. I feel triggered by every little thing. I see a bill and it makes me cry, I hear an ambulance and it makes me cry, I feel like making a cup of tea and it reminds me of her and makes me cry. I'm paralyzed. All I can think about all the time is my Mum and what she went through and what happened. Every time I close my eyes I see her last moment or I hear her struggling to breathe or I remember every little detail of the hospital and the cancer. I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's unbearable. I feel like I can't do it anymore and I really need help and I don't know how to get it, so here I am.

Pinned discussions

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

All discussions

A client of mine died by suicide

replies: 4

Being blamed for my partner suicide

replies: 6

Dealing with grief

replies: 1

Grief and depression, differentiation of the two.

replies: 1

To many examples. To young to loose a Mum.

replies: 3

My mum committed suicide

replies: 3

Grief, depression & suicidal thoughts

replies: 3

Grieving loss of my Mum

replies: 5

Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down

replies: 7

How do I deal with this unbearable grief?

replies: 3

Grief and loss

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section replies: 0

A client of mine died by suicide replies: 4

Being blamed for my partner suicide replies: 6

Dealing with grief replies: 1

Grief and depression, differentiation of the two. replies: 1

To many examples. To young to loose a Mum. replies: 3

My mum committed suicide replies: 3

Grief, depression & suicidal thoughts replies: 3

Grieving loss of my Mum replies: 5

Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down replies: 7

How do I deal with this unbearable grief? replies: 3

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

A client of mine died by suicide

replies: 4

Being blamed for my partner suicide

replies: 6

Dealing with grief

replies: 1

Grief and depression, differentiation of the two.

replies: 1

To many examples. To young to loose a Mum.

replies: 3

My mum committed suicide

replies: 3

Grief, depression & suicidal thoughts

replies: 3

Grieving loss of my Mum

replies: 5

Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down

replies: 7

How do I deal with this unbearable grief?

replies: 3