Grief and loss

Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down

replies: 7

I dont live with mum anymore, i wanted to have my own life, and didnt want mum clinging to me. but now, between mum's memory loss and her depression getting far far worse. she talks about wishing she was dead, crying all day, being unbearably lonely ... View more

I dont live with mum anymore, i wanted to have my own life, and didnt want mum clinging to me. but now, between mum's memory loss and her depression getting far far worse. she talks about wishing she was dead, crying all day, being unbearably lonely all the time. i have tried to get her to see the GP. and her psychologist. neither has really helped. Finally mum met a woman who has had ECT and thought she too might benefit from hospital treatment to get on the right meds. she told the doctor and the doctor gave her a psychiatrist. she didn't like last years psychiatrist. this years psych, she can't see for 2 months. two months of her telling me every day that she never wants to leave the house again, that she hates where she lives, that she wishes she were dead. then of course every other day where she seems aware of her situation and wants to try to fight it... but I know by the time she gets around ot doing anything the feelings will change (within the day). i suffer depression and anxiety too. not to her extent, i'm able to self manage. talk myself up, mostly. but i dont wantto be around mum when she is like this. she makes me so angry, she one day is asking me to help her get a dog trainer, the next day she's cancelling and telling me it's all too much... i dont have much time or energy in my own life, i work full time and i barely cope with that. i like my alone time. i sleep poorly. amd i'm generally just struggling to have any social life at all. i called the crisis team and they told me to get a sooner appointment with the psychiatrist, but i dont know who they are, mum will never get around to doing anything about it, and her doctor wont tell me anything, or generally do anything much of use... they've left her like this for thirty years... they did nothing for my dad either. i feel trapped. i want to take her to a hospital and say to them" take her, make her better." but i know because she doesn't actually plan how to commit suicide they wont do anything. i'm the only person in the world she has. i feel guilty half the tie, angry the other half and overlay it all with a desperation. i know others have it harder, i know some daughters are full time carers for their parents... but i want to have a life.. and i dont know how to cope the next two months or longer until some medical professional sees how serious it is and bothers to get involved and actually help her.

How do I deal with this unbearable grief?

replies: 3

Hello, My mum died of cancer almost six weeks ago, and I am not coping at all. I was living and working in another city and as soon as I found out I dropped everything and came to be her full-time carer. She was diagnosed at the beginning of December... View more

Hello, My mum died of cancer almost six weeks ago, and I am not coping at all. I was living and working in another city and as soon as I found out I dropped everything and came to be her full-time carer. She was diagnosed at the beginning of December and died at the end of January. I never left her side and slept every night in the hospital for three weeks. I called an ambulance after New Year's because I felt I wasn't coping at home, and I feel tremendous guilt about that because I felt it made things happen faster. I am still beside myself with grief every day. I miss her so much. I don't really have anyone here that I can talk to either. My dad (who has never been reliable) has stopped talking to me, which hurts a lot as well. My friends are all in other cities. I don't know the rest of my family that well and even so, they all live overseas. I feel completely alone. I am still paying rent on an apartment in Sydney as I haven't had the capacity to make any decisions about my life yet. I am going back to work in Sydney on the 19th of March. They're letting me come back part-time, which is nice. But I don't know how I'm going to do it. I have to be at my Mum's house, in another city, to look after her three animals and to sort out the house, which she still has a mortgage on. So at this stage I will be commuting, but it's a 6-hour commute every day by train, and it will be very exhausting. I need to get out of my lease, but I feel unable to do anything. There are bills piling up and I need to call various places to explain what's happened, but I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't do anything. I feel triggered by every little thing. I see a bill and it makes me cry, I hear an ambulance and it makes me cry, I feel like making a cup of tea and it reminds me of her and makes me cry. I'm paralyzed. All I can think about all the time is my Mum and what she went through and what happened. Every time I close my eyes I see her last moment or I hear her struggling to breathe or I remember every little detail of the hospital and the cancer. I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's unbearable. I feel like I can't do it anymore and I really need help and I don't know how to get it, so here I am.

Struggling to come to terms with my brothers death

replies: 23

Hi, i lost my younger brother in january this year to GVHD after having a transplant from leukaemia, he was 26. Iv gone through so many emotional stages since he passed but now as time is going on I'm struggling to come to terms with knowing iv lost ... View more

Hi, i lost my younger brother in january this year to GVHD after having a transplant from leukaemia, he was 26. Iv gone through so many emotional stages since he passed but now as time is going on I'm struggling to come to terms with knowing iv lost my only sibling , my best friend, my sons uncle and the person i would call daily to talk about anything or ask stupid questions. I'm so lost in life now and every night getting close to bed time i get these sick feelings he wasn't meant to go there was something else they didnt try, flash backs of his final week when they said there wasn't anything more they caN do but to just make him comfortable now , he basically was asleep 24/7 for 3 or 4 days before he passed but a few days before that he was starting to get confused , i remember him getting scared when a nurse entered n he said no no I'm going home, or if he was in pain looking at me saying please help but the look on his face i had never seen before, when i think of all this my heart races and i clench up , i just feel so sad for him he went through 3 years of pain but every hurdle thrown at him he overcame it like a king but then out of no where from a general hospital stay like any other he had had he never came home . i dont have a a lot of friends a couple of close ones but iv pulled my self away from them as i just feel like I'm on repeat, and i know no matter how many times i tell them about all this there is only so much they can say back to me before they are just repeating it too and i dont want to continue to burden them with it . Has anyone else had or been thru something smilier to this

My grandpa died this morning & I need to rant

replies: 1

So my grandpa died this morning and I need to rant. Ok so a bit of backstory, I was really close to my grandpa he was like my parent as a kid when my parents divorced I lived with them for years and he and my nana live next door so I see them everyda... View more

So my grandpa died this morning and I need to rant. Ok so a bit of backstory, I was really close to my grandpa he was like my parent as a kid when my parents divorced I lived with them for years and he and my nana live next door so I see them everyday, he was my favourite relative. He was diagnosed with skin cancer about 5 months ago and he was in a lot of pain and was in hospital for a while but he was slowly getting better but then they found out he had cancer in his lymph system that it was aggressive and was incurable that was less than 3 months ago. He was really depressed and lost 50kg in a month and has been in and out of hospital and in pain and he has been really mean, grumpy and depressed for a few months. Last week he got pneumonia and went into hospital and has been there since and he just wanted to die so he wouldn't let the doctors treat the pneumonia so they just kept him comfortable. I have been really detached and unfeeling since we found out he was sick and I was fine I didn't feel anything unlike the rest of my family who have been sad and worried. I went to see him last night and he was unresponsive so we just sat there and the others were talking to him but I didn't because it made me uncomfortable and didn't know what to say or do. My parents told me he died this morning and I just went oh ok and went back to sleep and was fine all day I studied did a test and went to uni all fine and I haven't cried until I wrote this & IDK why? maybe because he hasn't been himself since and it feels like he was already gone, maybe its because I'm mad at him for not letting them treat him, maybe something is wrong with me idk, I'm ok and then I remember I'll never see him again I didn't even go see the body I just went back to bed. I hate showing feeling in front of people especially family so I will never cry in front of them or tell them how I feel. Sorry about the rant I don't really know what the point is.

Dealing with grief, anxiety and depression

replies: 3

Hi all, My first time posting here. Perhaps a trigger warning for people who have experienced a loss. On the 20th of December my mum passed away from a 3 month batttle with brain cancer. It was a very quick decline, and toward the end she wasn't very... View more

Hi all, My first time posting here. Perhaps a trigger warning for people who have experienced a loss. On the 20th of December my mum passed away from a 3 month batttle with brain cancer. It was a very quick decline, and toward the end she wasn't very lucid, and sometimes didn't even recognize me. She was only 44 when she passed, I am only 21. I've really struggled the last 6 weeks. I took 2 weeks off work before her death to care for her, and I was there until the very last moment. She passed away at home with myself and my sister standing beside her. After she passed I took about a week and a half off work and have been back at work ever since. Been back at work for a month now. It's been pretty hard, and my job is very demanding, not allowing me to take a moment when I need to, I have to be on the job and in the moment every minute of work. I've taken one day off work since being back, and I guess I'm wanting to take a bit more time off, to gather myself and deal with all my emotions. Do you think it's okay for me to call in sick once a week or fortnight to have a mental health day while I'm still grieving? I've struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, and I'm struggling now. It's hard to get out of bed, to be motivated and to go to work, but I do. I'm never fully in the moment, well at least that's what it feels like. I feel so hazey and foggy all the time. Has anyone got any tips or advice? Things that have helped them in these kind of situations?

Trying to deal with finding my father dead.

replies: 3

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read, I really appreciate having a platform to get things off my chest. I was inviting my dad who lives alone on his farm to Christmas when i wasnt gettting a response and his mobile was turned off... View more

Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read, I really appreciate having a platform to get things off my chest. I was inviting my dad who lives alone on his farm to Christmas when i wasnt gettting a response and his mobile was turned off. I went to check on him and found him dead on his bed. I was spared seeing his whole body and an autopsy done the next day which revealed he had a gastrointestinal bleed. I had watched my mother pass away from cancer four years earlier and now to find my father passed away. I’m Not even 30 years old and I have no parents left and I only ever had one brother. I’m married with 3 beautiful children who have helped me get through. But I find when they are in bed and I suddenly have all this time to think, it’s all I think about and I get this heavy sadness over me. we are also clearing out his property for sale and it’s been hard to wrap my head around that he is gone. He was a very healthy man so it came as a huge shock. Thank you again for anyone reading, it has already helped just writing my about experience and hope maybe someone with similar experience can share some light on their experiences.

A new type of grief

replies: 3

Hi My mother died 12 years ago. She was a wonderful mother and I was lucky to have her. I always thought I would still be able to have a normal and happy life and be ok. I’m now in my mid 30s with no kids and this is causing me immense grief - equal ... View more

Hi My mother died 12 years ago. She was a wonderful mother and I was lucky to have her. I always thought I would still be able to have a normal and happy life and be ok. I’m now in my mid 30s with no kids and this is causing me immense grief - equal to losing mother. My life is not normal. I am in a relationship with a married man with 2 kids. The grief that my life hasn’t turned out how I planned has resulted in day time drinking, heavy night drinking and small amounts of drug taking every weekend. I feel like I am watching my life from the sidelines. Knowing I’m not being wise in my choices, but unable to get the life I want.

Lost my beautiful boy

replies: 1

Hi guys.. Im so utterly sad and overwhelmed .. I lost my beautiful cat Ollie yesterday. Turns out he was hit by a car.. Im burying him today. I feel sick.. haven't stopped crying..He was so so so BEAUTIFUL I miss him too much already .. its so painfu... View more

Hi guys.. Im so utterly sad and overwhelmed .. I lost my beautiful cat Ollie yesterday. Turns out he was hit by a car.. Im burying him today. I feel sick.. haven't stopped crying..He was so so so BEAUTIFUL I miss him too much already .. its so painful. Every little beautiful memory racing through my mind of what gave me so much joy and now what i will no longer enjoy anymore.. But I serve a mighty wonderful God who allowed this for a reason..therefore it was right..but that doesn't ease the pain and significant loss I feel... Ollie was only 1 year old..but gave me so much

My fathers passing leaving me not knowing how to grieve

replies: 11

I’m a young mother just starting out in life and my father has recently passed away from prostate cancer. I feel incredibly numb . I’ve been walking around like everything is normal . People say “I’m sorry for your loss “ and I say that’s ok . Even t... View more

I’m a young mother just starting out in life and my father has recently passed away from prostate cancer. I feel incredibly numb . I’ve been walking around like everything is normal . People say “I’m sorry for your loss “ and I say that’s ok . Even thought it’s not . My dad was 55, to young to leave us . I keep seeing him everywhere and then realising it’s not possible. At night time I feel sick knowing that I will never talk to him again or see his face . My heart is seriously aching I don’t know how to move forward from here and continue to be a happy healthy mother for my baby

Dealing with two different types of loss at an already difficult time

replies: 7

Hi everyone, I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the depression or relationship forums as it’s a bit of both. I’m currently really not in a good place mentally and emotionally. My motivation to do anything is pretty much non-existent and I’m feeling... View more

Hi everyone, I wasn’t sure whether to put this in the depression or relationship forums as it’s a bit of both. I’m currently really not in a good place mentally and emotionally. My motivation to do anything is pretty much non-existent and I’m feeling so lonely. Long story short, my grandma died three months ago, and at that already turbulent time my three and a half year relationship with my girlfriend ended. I was already not in a great place before all this happened, I wasn’t happy where I was in life mostly because 1. I’m in a job I no longer get any satisfaction out of, and it feels like my life is going nowhere and 2. I hurt my back really badly a back in June and had to stop lighting weights which is the only exercise I enjoy. Because of this I stupidly started pushing my girlfriend away, and things boiled over shortly after an overseas trip where we felt more like friends than SO’s at times. On top of the negative thoughts I already had, I’m so full of regret and guilt that it’s eating me away, both over my relationships with my grandma and my now ex-girlfriend. I’m trying to make changes in my life, but it’s really hard to do even the smallest things. I’ve applied to go back to uni to follow my career dream but I didn’t get in for the first round and that hit me hard. I feel like my happiness is tied to whether or not I get in to uni this year. But at the same time even if I do get in I can’t help but compare myself to my peers, many of whom are off getting married and/or are in careers they enjoy. It also really didn’t help that the night I told my parents my girlfriend and I had broken up my dad let slip that my previous ex is now engaged. Meanwhile I’m back single again at 28 and wanting to go back to uni to do another undergraduate degree. I have zero motivation and I’m so tired with life in general. I have a history of melancholic depression and I’m currently seeing my GP and a psychologist, but I feel they’re not helping me as much as they have in the past.

Pinned discussions

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

All discussions

Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down

replies: 7

How do I deal with this unbearable grief?

replies: 3

Struggling to come to terms with my brothers death

replies: 23

My grandpa died this morning & I need to rant

replies: 1

Dealing with grief, anxiety and depression

replies: 3

Trying to deal with finding my father dead.

replies: 3

A new type of grief

replies: 3

Lost my beautiful boy

replies: 1

My fathers passing leaving me not knowing how to grieve

replies: 11

Dealing with two different types of loss at an already difficult time

replies: 7

Grief and loss

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section replies: 0

Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down replies: 7

How do I deal with this unbearable grief? replies: 3

Struggling to come to terms with my brothers death replies: 23

My grandpa died this morning & I need to rant replies: 1

Dealing with grief, anxiety and depression replies: 3

Trying to deal with finding my father dead. replies: 3

A new type of grief replies: 3

Lost my beautiful boy replies: 1

My fathers passing leaving me not knowing how to grieve replies: 11

Dealing with two different types of loss at an already difficult time replies: 7

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

Since dad died, mums depression has spiralled down

replies: 7

How do I deal with this unbearable grief?

replies: 3

Struggling to come to terms with my brothers death

replies: 23

My grandpa died this morning & I need to rant

replies: 1

Dealing with grief, anxiety and depression

replies: 3

Trying to deal with finding my father dead.

replies: 3

A new type of grief

replies: 3

Lost my beautiful boy

replies: 1

My fathers passing leaving me not knowing how to grieve

replies: 11

Dealing with two different types of loss at an already difficult time

replies: 7