New user- not dealing with a friends death from road trauma

mg9317 · ‎27-11-2017

Hi guys, I am a newbie here and am not really sure if this is the right thing for me.

A few months ago, a friend of mine was suddenly killed in an accident. She was fairly well known in the community and it hit everyone hard, but because I have been trying to be the strong one and help everyone I haven't really been able to help myself. I continually have meltdowns caused by the smallest of things that remind me of her and it just seems to get worse every time.

I am not really sure how to deal with it anymore and I just keep closing myself out from everyone and telling them I am okay.

I just wish there was someway to deal with the pain and stop these constant feelings of sadness and getting upset when I think of her 😞

What should I do?

SubduedBlues · ‎27-11-2017

Hi there G6695, welcome to BB

There is this theory called broken window syndrome which is about when we see the same thing everyday, it becomes commonplace and we learn to accept it as normal. I have used this underlying principles of this theory to help me get over and come to terms with all types of traumatic events of my past.

What I do is:

Write down and articulate the event
Post it on the fridge, to remind me about it every time I go to the kitchen (which is often)
At first it's hard to read everyday, but it gets easier.
And, where the sting of the memory fades, I find that I am able to deal and cope with the emotional aspects of the memory without breaking down everytime.

I also found that writing about them here on BB helps a lot too.

Hope this helps
SB

romantic_thi3f · ‎30-11-2017

Hi mg9317,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for being here.

I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and I'm glad that you reached out here.

I wish that I could take away the pain that you feel; grief is a horrible ordeal. It can really tear us up and I know from living in a small community (although the city now) how much it can really affect everyone.

I can see that you've been telling everyone that you're okay; and I take it that's because it's really hard to let people know that you're not; when everyone is trying to cope in their own little way. The problem with grief though is that it doesn't really shoo away. I wish we could all just pop all the pain in a little box and never touch it again but sadly it doesn't work that way. Just like everyone around you is coping, you need to cope too. Closing yourself out of it isn't going to help it get easier.

How would you feel about talking to someone else about it? Everyone needs a way to cope. It's okay not to be okay.