Lost a brother in a road accident and a close friend to cancer

LonelyBreeze · ‎04-09-2016

I don't want sympathy but I feel like I haven't had the easiest of lives! There is a family history of depression and I have also lost a sister to cancer, my father to suicide, a child who was stilborn, a brother in a road accident and a very close friend to cancer. The last two within the last two months! I am a firm believer in life goes on (not in a heartless way) but sometimes I feel like I should be cut some slack! My husband seems so cold, like I just make excuses for not cleaning! I believe I am depressed but I have been like this my whole life, on and off medication, so I just keep doing what needs to be done... I finally found a job that I look forward. I'm not perfect! I'm not the most motivated person but I think I do my best... I don't even know what I am asking, I just wish I had someone who understood that I'm not lazy! I'm just tired! I'm tired of losing people! I'm tired of being afraid of talking about it because I think people will think I'm fishing for sympathy or not believe me.. I Just wish he knew... Thank you

james1 · ‎05-09-2016

Hi LonelyBreeze,

I understand you.

I haven't been in your situation of losing people which I'm very sorry to hear, but I know what it feels like to be seen as lazy, to be afraid of being seen as lazy, yet be unable to explain to people why. I find it so hard to explain to depression to people who haven't had it.

So I totally understand and hear what you're saying, and I think you're far from lazy.

The fact of the matter is you've spent all your energy just coping emotionally. And to me, you've worked damn hard in that aspect with everything that's happened.

Are you seeing your GP or another doctor regularly? I'd suggest seeing whether your husband could come to a session to help him understand your situation better. It can really help to have a professional tell him because then it won't seem like "the lazy person making excuses", a barb that can really hurt!

I hope you can continue to post here. You're among friends on these forums and you can tell us whatever you feel comfortable telling us. We are not judgemental at all and do not think you're lazy. We get you and we want to help you.

James

Fairywings · ‎05-09-2016

Hi lovely and welcome I'm Venessa very nice to meet you. I too can def empathize with you here i have lost four of my children carried them until 26weeks then i miscarried and i nearly lost my current little boy he wasn't breathing for about 6minutes at birth then after working on him for as long as they did my little miracale began to breathe for me otherwise he would have another one of my angel babies xx This is far from what i call LAZY!! I am going to agree with james here can you tell me if ur linked in with a gp psychologist/psychiatrist if not i do strongly suggest you seek their assistance and like james said see if ur hubby will come along to one of ur sessions so he can better understand what a mental illness does to a person. If he doesn't want to be supportive of you right at that moment then write him a letter and hopefully he reads it this way u can explain things to him without having to talk to him and he can go away and absorb the info in his own space and time xx Please feel free to keep posting here you are safe and we r all here to help you xx Venessa

geoff · ‎06-09-2016

I want to say hello to you and thank you for posting this very sad comment.
There are times when people say that they don't want any sympathy, but from what you have said to us then that's what you really need as it's been a very long road for you to try and find any light, which now you still can't find.
By finding a job that you like will not enable you to see the light at the end of the tunnel, because you have a husband who certainly doesn't understand the pain you are going through, and with this pain depression forms, so a barrier has been building up between you and him.
To be told that you're lazy is far from the problem, it just adds to what ever else you have to try and cope with in your daily struggles and with this comes the tiredness you are continually feeling because your endorphins aren't working probably, and this is what your husband wouldn't know about, but more so is not interested in knowing.
I can't see your husband changing at the moment, but what you have to is to become stronger so that his comments just bounce off you, which means that you now have to look after yourself, by going back to your doctor and try another medication as well as visit a psychologist.
You have to try and stop him pulling you down at every opportunity, because these endorphins are so important to how you feel, and once you start to feel better then you have once again started to activate them and bring them alive.
Would love to hear back from you. Geoff. x

romantic_thi3f · ‎06-09-2016

Hi LonelyBreeze,

Just wanted to give you a warm welcome to the forums and let you know that you're in the right place. I can echo what's already been said here in saying that you're not lazy. It is incredibly exhausting dealing with so much and it sounds as though you've certainly had plenty on your plate.

I'm sorry that your husband doesn't seem to understand. I think with grief it's impossible for people to truly 'get it' but certainly there are ways to help communicate that you're not being lazy! I think people struggle to wrap their heads around grief and therefore react in unhelpful ways - like outpouring of sympathies or just the whole 'get up and go' movement. Truth is everyone reacts in their own way.

I hope that you enjoy being apart of the forums.