Trying to cope

[Tennison]

I recently lost my mom who I was very close to. We were best friends and shared a lifetime of experiences. Losing her is the toughest experience I have ever had to face. If it was that alone I know I would eventually learn to live with her loss but for now it is very raw. To complicate my journey I am trying to cope with my husband who had been suffering depression for a long time and has not been able to provide much support. Because of his illness we have almost no friends and family rarely visit. He refuses all help and rarely tells me what he is thinking. I can't lean on him as my not coping is making him worse. I feel quite trapped.

[Carmela]

Hi Tennison and welcome to Beyondblue. I am so sorry for your loss. I have not lost my Mum so cannot comment on experiencing this type of grieving. All l can do is send you a big virtual hug and lots of love.

It sounds from your post that it is time now to reach out to family and friends regardless of your husband's depression. If he refuses help, that is his decision, but it doesn't have to be yours. My husband had depression for many years, and like you, I could not rely on him to support me when l was troubled. His depression was a 24/7 journey that l believe consumed all his energy, thinking and emotions. There wasn't anything left in his emotional tank for me. Therefore l turned to others to be my support. It was two close friends, but that is all I needed to get me out of the feeling of 'l am so alone'.

I also turned to online support groups on Facebook and sought out people who shared a common experience. I remained anonymous but gained so much from the experience. There are many grief sites available for you to tap into if what you need right now is support for this.

Can l also suggest that you see your GP and have a chat about your feeling and identify some coping mechanisms for you. Every little bit of advice could make a difference in how you manage your emotions and push through this period of your life.

[Kathryne]

Hi Tennison

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I understand where you're coming from.

I realize you are unable to find the emotional support from your husband, however have you thought about joining a community group, this will provide you an outlet away from the stress.

Feel free to contact beyond blue on 1300224636 to chat with one of the friendly staff, they maybe able to guide you through this extraordinary emotional times.

I De stress by knitting or craft work maybe this will assist.

They say time relieves the grief, that depends on the relationship and how one handles the grief. My dearly loved sister I miss as much today as over thirty years ago. Our culture seems to not allowing discussion in regard to recently passed persons. It's changing slowly.

I hope you are able to find peace.

Regards Kathryne

[Jillby]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I too lost my mum recently and am also struggling with the grief. Some days are ok, some days it sneaks up on me and slaps me in the emotional face! My husband is an aspie so his ability to support me is yes, enthusiastic, but limited. I'd like to share my feelings and think It would be helpful for me to hear yours or others experiences of grief. Maybe I can be of help to others too, who knows? Thank you for sharing. 💜

[Jillby]

I have found that I was allowed to talk about the loss of my mum but only for certain period, then "life goes on!" But it's really not that simple. One year on and little things still trigger my grief. I have outbursts, like a massive emotional volcano. I think it's because i feel like I can't talk about it, talk my mum, talk about the trauma of finding her body. Hence I've joined this site and forum.