Lost the love of my life

[Camfam]

My depression started 22yrs ago with the death of my first son but it wasn't diagnosed until the following year when I had twins and the doctor thought it was post natal depression. I have been taking anti depressants ever since and can't go off them as I plummet down to the depths of despair if I try. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain so need the pills to fix it.

10 yrs ago my beloved husband was taken by cancer and I died that day too. I was left with 10 yrs old twins to raise so I put my life on hold making sure they were ok. In 2010 I decided to start dating again and had 2 disasters.

the first was still married and the second turned out to be a serial conman who took me for $20000. I will never trust any man again.

my son has been a very troubled boy since his dad died. He smoked weed but got off it but substituted it with alcohol. He's now lost his driving licence on 1 yr probation and has to do 40 hrs community service. He still hasn't learnt a lesson thought and goes out boozing all the time. He'll end up in jail one day.

i am so very lonely and sad all the time. I force myself to go out but don't enjoy anything. I sit alone at night crying and long to be with my husband again. I would've thought I would be past this by now but it doesn't pass. I guess I just learnt to live with it. It doesn't SMTP me being lonely though. I don't have anyone to talk to as my family and friends live 16000 miles away on the other side of the world.

i know I need help to feel better. Nobody knows about this. It's my secret. Everyone thinks I'm a strong woman but alone I'm a wreck. Can you pls help?

[Jacko777]

Hi Camfam,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. I am so sorry to hear of all the horrible things you have been faced with. Over time you will meet people on this site that have had similar experiences and you will find support and advice.

I hope you have regular checkups with a doctor so you can be sure you are on the best medication for you, you could ring the BB phone service for more professional advice. 

I am sad to hear about the passing of your husband and it must have been terribly difficult to raise your children and grieve at the same time, somehow you got through it. And I am sorry to hear about your attempts at new relationships, I hope you have informed the police about the conman. Some men are trustworthy, it might take time to learn to trust again and obviously you would be cautious and take it slowly.

I too have grieved for a lost loved one for a long time, my mum, gone too soon. I too was constantly depressed and lonely. I can tell you that it didn't pass as such but I did change my thinking. I came to a point where I was sick and tired of being sad, a bit like you now. I came to the realisation that my mum would not want me to be like this, she would want me to be happy and I can honor her by being the best I can be, by being a happy, loving and calm person, that is what she would want to see if she is looking down from above. She still lives on in my heart, I go forward in life knowing that she is in my heart, with me always. It ended up being a small shift in focus, from being sad of the loss to loving her despite her absence. Now, if I have a cry it is tears of joy because I love her, not grief from missing her.

It helps me to build on the parts of my life, I am constantly investigating who I am, what gets me going, what I am passionate about, then I am planning how I can reach the goals that are important to me. This keeps me busy and keeps my focus on the positive things in my life that I care about.

You can talk to us anytime, love to you.

Jack

[geoff]

dear Camfam, I was about to logoff as I start early, but I saw your comment and felt as though I really wanted to reply back to you.

When somebody in the family that is close to you passes away from this terrible disease, it is just so sad that words can never be enough, as there are so many illnesses, diseases and mental illnesses that have such a devastating destructive and damaging outcome on anybody or in particular those that we love so much that there is not any positive outcome.

So not only you but also your son are suffering badly from your husband's passing away that it has left scars which will be difficult to heal, so I feel so sorry for you all.

The new company that you definitely were looking for have both failed, that's not your fault, it was 2 guys who wanted to take advantage of you, and unfortunately one of them skimmed you, so I hope that there is some recourse for you to recover the funds, however I would think that he has flown the coup, but a debt collector will find out where he is.

I do agree that you are feeling so low, probably exhausted, and not being able to trust any other guy.

I personally understand all of this as my brother in law stole $66k from my then wife and myself, never said thank you, and has never paid a cent back, this I blame on my ex and him, I should have never been such an idiot, but I believed her when she said he will pay us back.

This is just to say hello and would love to hear back from you. L Geoff. x