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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Mg1986 Sudden death of a parent at a young age
  • replies: 1

We found my mum passed away on Christmas Day 2014, cause still unknown. On top of it, my brother and I are looking after everything as mum was divorced a year before this after 35 years of marriage. I wish I got time to say a proper good bye, the sho... View more

We found my mum passed away on Christmas Day 2014, cause still unknown. On top of it, my brother and I are looking after everything as mum was divorced a year before this after 35 years of marriage. I wish I got time to say a proper good bye, the shock has been intense. This is on top of various family issues. I want to try and make sure that everyone makes the most of time with their loved ones. This grief is unbelievable especially with the sudden and unexpected circumstances. There's a big hole in my life and I know it'll get better. I'm very fortunate to have beautiful friends and colleagues. I don't know how I'd have survived without these people. One strange thing is, the very little information on grieving when this happens (direct contact) I'm still waiting nearly 3 months later for counselling via the coroners court, although I ended up sourcing out my own. I now cry every time I see a news article on accidents, or sudden deaths, feeling for the family that weren't able to tell the deceased how they feel. I feel for those family members and friends so much.

Ely1994 I miss my mum!
  • replies: 6

It's been 10 months since mum passed away, and it's getting harder instead of easier. I hate burdening family and friends with my grief when they are dealing with their own problems, but I need to vent and cry and scream and let it all out. I thought... View more

It's been 10 months since mum passed away, and it's getting harder instead of easier. I hate burdening family and friends with my grief when they are dealing with their own problems, but I need to vent and cry and scream and let it all out. I thought time made things better but it hasn't at all. Just want my mum back!

GK_73 Loss of Parents
  • replies: 2

Have started writing this a number of times now, and am not sure where to start so I guess I’ll jump right in... My parents passed away within 5 weeks of each other last year. Mum passed first, which came as quite a shock, as although she had emphyse... View more

Have started writing this a number of times now, and am not sure where to start so I guess I’ll jump right in... My parents passed away within 5 weeks of each other last year. Mum passed first, which came as quite a shock, as although she had emphysema we had been told time and time again by the specialists that she was not anywhere near end stage yet. Dad had dementia, so we made the tough decision not to tell him mum had passed as he was at long last settled in a care home, and hadn’t known mum the last time she had visited. We felt he had had a tough enough time and it would only cause him unnecessary distress. But it would seem that after 50 plus years of marriage there are ties that dementia cannot destroy as on the day of my mums funeral, my dad turned to one of his carers and said “you know my wife is gone”. From that moment, he moved quickly through the end stages of dementia, stopped eating and drinking, and slowly slipped away from us over the following weeks. The best thing we could do for him was to make sure he was not in any pain and let him know it was ok to go, after years of mental torment it was time for him to find peace. I thought I was ready for losing dad, I had mourned our relationship years ago, when he no longer recognised me – although I still felt there was always an emotional connection when I saw him. I know now you are never fully prepared. I have good days and bad, and had actually felt I was doing really well as this year started, but the last couple of days have been tough, I have found myself exhausted and the tears have started flowing again... It would have been their 53rd wedding anniversary in the middle of Feb, and around this time last year was the last time I spent any quality time with my mum – I’m an ex-pat so all my family are overseas. I have a great doctor and have been for counselling and I know everything I’m experiencing is a normal part of the grieving process. I also know how lucky I am to have had both my parents with me for so long. I just needed an outlet today so hope it’s ok to share on here, I’m sure I’m not the only one who is experiencing this sort of situation so maybe it will help others to know they’re not alone.

JFD Losing my husband
  • replies: 3

I just don't know what to do. I've been married for 2 years, together for 10, and now my husband says he's no longer in love with me. We have a 2 year old child and hubby is sleeping in another bed the past couple weeks. Yesterday he told me he's bee... View more

I just don't know what to do. I've been married for 2 years, together for 10, and now my husband says he's no longer in love with me. We have a 2 year old child and hubby is sleeping in another bed the past couple weeks. Yesterday he told me he's been happier since doing this. We've both seen a counsellor individually a couple times and hubby admits he's depressed. I'm pretty sure it's mostly based on relationship issues we've had for 3 years or so (I think I got depressed after my Dad died and then I possibly got postnatal depression too and somehow put up walls against intimacy, so barely any sex. He then felt rejected and now no longer loves me. We've been together since we were 18). It's just that I love him so very much and haven't shown it and now I'm scared it's too late. He's leaning towards separation and has even taken his wedding ring off. There was also a brief infidelity moment on his part, I guess because he felt so emotionally rejected himself. He says he isn't sure what he wants which is why he's still living with us, but the counsellor makes him question things but he's no longer sexually attracted to me either. He has mentioned not making any big decisions until he is sure but I feel so hopeless sometimes. I feel so rejected. We also work together. He has brought up such issues of splitting our belongingings and who should get what and seems to think too much water has passed under the bridge but is being plenty nice to me. I don't know how to deal with my pain. I really want us to try and work through this and love each other again (a long road I know), but he just seems genuinely like he's lost those feelings. Do I just give up? I feel like he's going to move out soon. I've tried to back off but have told him I'm there and I won't give up. But I'm gutted and just don't know what to do. I feel like giving up. He really is the love of my life.

Joie Grieving before death.....
  • replies: 3

I always think I am crazy, grieving for my Grandparents when they are still alive. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I do not want to lose my Grandma. Because of situations, my maternal Grandparents practically raised myself and my brothers.... View more

I always think I am crazy, grieving for my Grandparents when they are still alive. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I do not want to lose my Grandma. Because of situations, my maternal Grandparents practically raised myself and my brothers. Their home was a safe haven; a happy place. Whether we were inside in the kitchen with Grandma or outside in the paddocks with Grandpa...those are my favourite memories. I haven't been particularly close to my own Mum because events made her very reserved and in her own little world. So when I needed someone to talk to (especially a female) I would go to my Grandma.I would talk to her about my struggles, my broken heart, dreams that I had. Grandma never passed judgment, only kindness and love. However, she was strong enough to correct me if she thought I needed it. She taught me everything that a young lady needs to know in life. The last couple years her memory has been getting rather bad. At first it was just little things, but now she can hardly put sentences together. It's like she knows what she wants to say, just doesn't know how to say them anymore. Apparently she is having lots of little strokes at the front of her brain which affects her thinking ability. It breaks my heart to see this beautiful woman slipping away. I have tried not to question and not to get angry at God but I can't help it. I honestly don't know how I am going to cope without her. She is my Grandma, my sister by heart, my angel and my best friend. I almost wish I didn't love so much because then it wouldn't hurt so. When I was little and they would go on holidays; I would go into total shut down mode. I would not eat or sleep, so in the end they would take me with them. All I know is that when they (my Grandparents) got to their eternal home; I want to go with them.

needingempowerment Fear of dying
  • replies: 2

Recently our family has undergone several deaths , my husbands grandfather, my stepfather and a close friend. I have over 20 years having had depression, and it has been diagnosed. I am finding lately i am continually worried about when my own time w... View more

Recently our family has undergone several deaths , my husbands grandfather, my stepfather and a close friend. I have over 20 years having had depression, and it has been diagnosed. I am finding lately i am continually worried about when my own time will be. I know that no one has the answer to when or how, and i understand it is nature, but i am so focussed on the fact that one day i wont be here and this is causing me so much grief and anxiety. I havea wonderful husband, and a three year old son, and the thought of not seeing them makes me have anxiety attacks. I am having morbid thoughts about it, and it is impacting my ability to enjoy life fully im focussed almost obsessing over it. I don't know if this is a phobia, my psychologist is on maternity leave so i am looking for a new one, and i don't want them to think im weird, finding someone i trust is really important to me. My own parents are aging, and the thought that one day i too will age, and die is so painful for me. What can I do? Are there any suggestions out there for how to help me deal with this continual worry? How can i get over these feelings?

tashi how much can one person handel ! :(
  • replies: 4

i have a huge heaviness in my heart these days. im 21 years old and have just found out my father has a very agressive cancer and has been told by doctors that they cannot cure him of cancer only help maintain quality of life for as long as possible.... View more

i have a huge heaviness in my heart these days. im 21 years old and have just found out my father has a very agressive cancer and has been told by doctors that they cannot cure him of cancer only help maintain quality of life for as long as possible. i dont even know how to handle the emotions surrounding this issue. i live 4 hours away from him with my partner, whom ive been with for 4 years and starting to build a life with. my first instinct was wanting to go home to my family, but my dad does not want this and my partner cannot come with me if i chose to go. but my heart is tearing my in so many direction. on a different note my partner is so unhappy. i have no idea what is going on im trying to be there and be understanding,and try to support his life plans for us, but i have so much sadness in my heart right now i dont know how to hold things together for the both of us its all becoming so hard and stressfull. and there seems so be no happiness in our lives right now and i really dont want everything to come crumbeling down please can anyone relate !

suesie My little dog died today
  • replies: 2

my dog was hit by a car today. I feel like it was my fault because she jumped out the car window just after I had parked. She's never done that before. She died instantly. I was at my daughter's place. I made her go out to the road. I couldn't look. ... View more

my dog was hit by a car today. I feel like it was my fault because she jumped out the car window just after I had parked. She's never done that before. She died instantly. I was at my daughter's place. I made her go out to the road. I couldn't look. It was so terrible. We are all grieving her loss. I lost another dog a few years ago. I actually ran over him. I lost the plot and ended up in hospital. I just hope that this won't send me over again. All I can think is what if! Why did I put the window down? It's terrible. She was my husband's little girl. I'm just feeling so terrible. My heart is aching for everyone and a dear sweet little dog who shouldn't have died like that.

Justtrying Loss of an unborn child.
  • replies: 6

My partner and I recently lost our bubba at 15 weeks pregnant. The grief of this has torn us apart after nearly three years together. We are in our late teens/early twenties, which complicates it further being young. I have both diagnosed anxiety and... View more

My partner and I recently lost our bubba at 15 weeks pregnant. The grief of this has torn us apart after nearly three years together. We are in our late teens/early twenties, which complicates it further being young. I have both diagnosed anxiety and depression prior to this event. I strongly suspect my partner has both too but I can't support him in a way that can convince him to get any help and I am very concerned as he has spoken openly of sucide. I have reached breaking point with this and other stresses in my life. I guess im just hoping someone who has been through something similar might have some advice to offer. Thanks either way beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

EmmaP Nanna Passed away Tragically- Struggling with Grief and Fatigue
  • replies: 1

Hi There,On Saturday I had the police turn up at my work to inform me that my Nan had died. This all comes at a time where my psychologist had started lengthening the time between our appointments because she thought I was doing so well and was well ... View more

Hi There,On Saturday I had the police turn up at my work to inform me that my Nan had died. This all comes at a time where my psychologist had started lengthening the time between our appointments because she thought I was doing so well and was well on my way to recovery since ahuge depression/anxiety bout last year. My doctor also impressed with my improvement said she would look at reducing my antidepressants with the view of weaning off them all together later on in the year if I kept doing well. I also decided to leave the comfort of my salary job to go to TAFE to study this year which was a huge step for me. Now, I feel like I'm not doing well with the grief. I can't cry but yet my emotions are on the boiling point. I'm sleeping but it feels like I haven't slept at all. I'm even falling asleep at my desk or even on the floor of the bathroom at work today. I'm constantly exhausted and everything is an effort. Its a huge effort to get out of bed in the morning and my partner forces me to get up. I don't want to slip back to where I was. I saw my psychologist yesterday to help but we could only cover so much. I see her again next week. She said that these things are normal signs of grief and just to go back to basics to get through this hard time. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with grief, how not to slip back into the dark cloud of anxiety and depression (especially since mine was based on separation and bad things happening to those I love). I just can't get the horrible picture of my Nan dying scared and alone out of my head and its even haunting my dreams