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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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CT0211 How Do I Move Forward?
  • replies: 2

In June of 2014 I moved to Australia to be with my fiance--leaving my family and friends in east coast of the states. I left knowing that my mother's ongoing battle with addiction wasn't improving. My biggest fear when leaving was that something woul... View more

In June of 2014 I moved to Australia to be with my fiance--leaving my family and friends in east coast of the states. I left knowing that my mother's ongoing battle with addiction wasn't improving. My biggest fear when leaving was that something would happen to my mom while I was away. That fear came true on Easter morning when I woke up to a phone call from my father and brothers telling me that my mother had passed away. Since that day my heart has been broken and is nowhere near healed. I went back to the states with my partner for the services and came back 3 weeks later to continue my life in Australia. A month and a half later my partner and I had split and I decided to stay in Australia on my own. The past 5 months have been a constant struggle. Feeling every emotion possible--all at a heightened level. Whenever I feel like I've taken 2 steps forward I find myself going backwards again. I realised in this time period that grief isn't just about death--it's about loss. I lost two things, my mom and my relationship. I lost the two most important people in my life and I feel that no one around me gets it at all. On the surface I seem OK for the most part, people can't see the pain that I'm going through but the pain is so significant and it's not getting easier. I find that I can't talk to anyone to TRULY tell them about my pain. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't find the words. I can't even figure it out myself.

Lost66 I lost the love of my love 7 weeks ago and am feeling very lost
  • replies: 5

I lost my husband 7 weeks ago, although he was ill his death was very sudden, we had been together for 32 years. My hubby was 52 when he passed away. He was my best friend and the love of my life, I am feeling very lost without him. I know people say... View more

I lost my husband 7 weeks ago, although he was ill his death was very sudden, we had been together for 32 years. My hubby was 52 when he passed away. He was my best friend and the love of my life, I am feeling very lost without him. I know people say give it time but for me the pain is more now than when he first passed. The hardest things I have found are not having someone to share your life with, to hold hands and cuddle. The little things that I guess we all take for granted, going out instead of two their is now only one. How do people get over their grief? We have two beautiful children who are older and who have also been traumatised by the passing of my hubby so I try to be strong in front of them but I am finding this harder and harder to do. Does anyone have any advice, I guess I am hoping that others will be able to share their stories and that maybe this will help me to understand grief.

prinka Lost without my man
  • replies: 5

My partner and I got engaged last year and in that moment life felt perfect. After a terrible argument early this year , we split up. I was very angry and though my heart craved for him, I refused to speak to him. He tried really hard - emailing regu... View more

My partner and I got engaged last year and in that moment life felt perfect. After a terrible argument early this year , we split up. I was very angry and though my heart craved for him, I refused to speak to him. He tried really hard - emailing regularly to me - to win me back. Then one fine day cops came around to tell me that he was found dead at his home. We don't know if it was drugs or a heart attack. He was found after 12 days Its been six months and I am still grappling with it. Breaks my heart every time I think my babe was dead for 12 days. the year held so much promise for us and the last 7 months have been in a nightmare. I miss him so much that it overwhelms me.

Kiten 2 losses in 1 month and trying to pull myself together
  • replies: 5

At the start of October I lost my uncle. He and I were very close until this year and while I mourned his death I think I was coping ok. I know this was partly because I had so much to do following his death but also because my best friend was there ... View more

At the start of October I lost my uncle. He and I were very close until this year and while I mourned his death I think I was coping ok. I know this was partly because I had so much to do following his death but also because my best friend was there to support me even though he was on the other side of the world. 2 days after I buried my uncle, my best friend disappeared. This was someone I spoke to online or via phone calls multiple times a day, after a week of worry his son called me to let me know he had passed away from a heart attack (just 48) the day he disappeared from my life. with the news of his death I have literally fallen apart and hiss loss hurts so much more then that of my uncles. I feel guilty that this has hurt me more and I find myself even after 3 weeks not being able to cope. I loved my friend and now find that without ever realising it he infiltrated a lot of my life. Certain times of the day are hard now, for example- we always talked at 8:30pm every night before he went to work. And I find myself reaching for my phone at these times without thinking or expecting the phone to ring. I get angry at myself doing this and often just curl up and cry. im trying so hard to distract myself during these times and I am failing miserably my partner is worried, he thinks I was unable to get closure by not going to the funeral and worried that since my bestfriend was my go to person for most things that I don't have the support I need to get through this. (He feels he isn't enough). I know eventually I'm going to be ok. But now im not only trying to remind myself not to expect the phone to ring etc and break the habits I've spent 15 years doing with my bestfriend but I'm trying to force myself back together to ease the burden this is placing on my partner. I suppose I'm looking for advice not just with coping mechanisms but of ways I can better deal (work through?) this loss without my usual support, instead of burdening just 1 person with everything

Living57 My husband passed away on 16th September
  • replies: 6

My husband passed away on 16th September, I found him, in our lounge room, collapsed on the floor. I thought that he had fallen and hit his head, but when I moved his arm there was no response, I think I knew he was dead, but called 000 and did cpr a... View more

My husband passed away on 16th September, I found him, in our lounge room, collapsed on the floor. I thought that he had fallen and hit his head, but when I moved his arm there was no response, I think I knew he was dead, but called 000 and did cpr and mouth-to-mouth until help arrived. It was awful. Probably the worst thing I have ever experienced. I thank God for my kids (all adults) who were with me as soon as they could. I am grateful for the friends who have rallied around me. It hasnt been long, I realise that, but I am so lonely. I cry so much and when I think I can't cry any more the tears come again. I wander around the house lost. I don't know where to turn. I am seeing my psych more at the moment that ever before. I take my meds, more aware of how much I need them now. But I find coping on a day to day basis so hard. And the anger, it is so intense. I let people see only a part of me, they dont see the loneliness, the hurt and pain, the depression that is worse than ever. I try not to let people in to my empty world, I pretend all is ok and I am getting on with life, when in reality I am not. My step daughters (both adults) want to come and go through their fathers stuff, I have said no, they dont understand that I need to do it in my own time, when I am ready. They tell me I am selfish, but I need time with what I have left of him, and that is just his material possessions. I dont know what is right or wrong with regards his things. We had been together 15 years. It wasnt a lifetime in some peoples lives, but it was our life time. I am scared of being alone and I am scared of how this is affecting my depression and bi=polar. Its funny people always tell me I am a strong person, but I am not. I am not coping and don't know where to turn. The loss is so immense, part of me wishes I was with with him, not that I am suicidal, just lonely and lost. My children tell me to call anytime, but I don't want to burden them. I wonder where I am heading now, what do I do with my days, how do I continue on. He was my world, we did everything together and I am just broken. Have you experienced what I am going through? How did you cope? How did you get through? Life seems so unfair, we had just moved to a new house, we had made plans. So lost, so lonely, so angry, so heart broken, so depressed, so very very sad

Onepa 5 funeralsin 3 months
  • replies: 2

Between june and august i went to 5 funerals. My uncle (very sick) and one of my friends fathers whilst i was growing up. Then my partners grandfather died. Two weeks after that my best friend called me at work and said he and his father had found hi... View more

Between june and august i went to 5 funerals. My uncle (very sick) and one of my friends fathers whilst i was growing up. Then my partners grandfather died. Two weeks after that my best friend called me at work and said he and his father had found his mother (suicide). Her funeral was on a friday. Then the Sunday of that weekend my Nan passed away. I was at her bedside and it was peaceful. But when it was all happening i sort of felt like i was making a recovery from one death and boom. Another would come along. So i just got on with it and tried to cope the best i could and supporting my mum. Im also building a house which is stressful in itself. My partner is a police officer and whilst trying to be helpful its been a bit rough. Now im finding that everything has calmed down and is back on track, all the deaths are catching up to me at once. And i find it really hard to get up. Im crying and lashing out at my partner but he doesnt understand. Work (law firm) is also stressful and everything is just piling up and i feel like i cant breathe.

Rose2015 I don't know how to deal with loss
  • replies: 1

Two weeks ago, my uncle died. Growing up, I had very little family outside my immediate one. I had my parents, my brother and sister, my grandmother and her husband and my uncle. That was it. I would like to recognise that I know I am incredibly fort... View more

Two weeks ago, my uncle died. Growing up, I had very little family outside my immediate one. I had my parents, my brother and sister, my grandmother and her husband and my uncle. That was it. I would like to recognise that I know I am incredibly fortunate just to have had that much. I know many don't. I have not known grief or loss. Growing up on a farm, losing pets was never that much of a sad occasion. You were grateful for the memory but the loss wasn't usually unexpected. The only other two people I know who have died were great-grandmothers - and their deaths were not unexpected. We celebrated their long lives and all they had accomplished. There was some mourning, but I never knew them well enough to feel that great loss. My uncle was 48. He was my dad's best friend for almost four decades. He was diagnosed with brain tumours two years ago. He leaves behind two tween children. Even writing this, I tear up. This was the only person who I have in my memories outside of my immediate family who has been there. He let me live with him for a few months when I moved to the city for work before I found a place to live. When I did move out he was the person I knew I could call at any time if I was in trouble and he'd be there. He is in many of my memories as a child and teenager. I don't even know how to handle such a loss. The family didn't have a funeral, and while I went home to be with my mum and spend time being supported by my boyfriend (long distance), coming back to my regular life has been incredibly difficult. I live across the other side of the country to all I know and love. I find myself mindlessly watching TV or sleeping or pacing. If I'm not forgetting to eat, I'm eating a lot. I'm recognising signs of when I suffered depression almost two years ago. Does it get easier? Do you feel normal again? Even those I know who have lived through loss haven't been able to help me - no one I know has any kind of similar story. I'm at a bit of a loss.

2by2 Reaching out and thinking of me
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, 4 months ago my husband, well we weren't married but we were in a 14yr relationship passed away from an aneurysm. He was away at work when I got the phone call. He was put on life support so he could be transported by Royal Flying Doctor... View more

Hi everyone, 4 months ago my husband, well we weren't married but we were in a 14yr relationship passed away from an aneurysm. He was away at work when I got the phone call. He was put on life support so he could be transported by Royal Flying Doctors and he never woke up from it. The next day I had give a day and time I was ready to turn the machines off. Fast forward to now I have kept myself busy, not busy to forget what's happened but kept moving. Now I have stopped to think about me. I have booked me an appointment to see a professional and have committed to myself to attend 6 sessions. The 1st 2 appointments I cancelled, I was and to be honest still scared to go. Scared this 1hour is all about me, said I have to face it I supposed but I want to do it at the same time. I don't really know what I am expecting out of writing in here but I do want to know if anyone knows of any groups in Perth that I could attend for people grieving. Anyway, that's all I have to say.

trainer recent loss
  • replies: 2

I recently lost my husband to suicide. I had no idea that he was in such a dark place. since this happened I have continually thought about what I could have done to prevent it and why didn't I see the signs. I have also now been dealing with some ho... View more

I recently lost my husband to suicide. I had no idea that he was in such a dark place. since this happened I have continually thought about what I could have done to prevent it and why didn't I see the signs. I have also now been dealing with some horrible legal battles which is only adding to my problems. I have been having panic attacks and nightmares which relate to his death (I was the person who found him). I am really struggling.

wanted_a_simple_life Still struggling
  • replies: 4

It's been 8 months since my wife has left me and took the kids and moved away. It still doesnt make sense that she has done this as I treated her really well. Yes we had our ups and downs like every marraige, but to say I ruined her and then proceed ... View more

It's been 8 months since my wife has left me and took the kids and moved away. It still doesnt make sense that she has done this as I treated her really well. Yes we had our ups and downs like every marraige, but to say I ruined her and then proceed to have an affair was horrible. The problem is I would forgive her and take her back to right the wrongs. Ive being doing OK and starting to see other people. I just cant proceed any further than friends with these women as when I compare them to my wife, I find I still love her. Ive been freaking out lately knowing Ive probably lost her for good and wont see my children day to day. I want to talk to her to win her back. I thought after 8 months I would be getting better, but Im not. Is this normal??

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