Have started writing this a number of times now, and am not
sure where to start so I guess I’ll jump right in...
My parents passed away within 5 weeks of each other last
year. Mum passed first, which came as quite
a shock, as although she had emphysema we had been told time and time again by
the specialists that she was not anywhere near end stage yet. Dad had dementia, so we made the tough
decision not to tell him mum had passed as he was at long last settled in a
care home, and hadn’t known mum the last time she had visited. We felt he had had a tough enough time and it
would only cause him unnecessary distress.
But it would seem that after 50 plus years of marriage there are ties that
dementia cannot destroy as on the day of my mums funeral, my dad turned to one
of his carers and said “you know my wife is gone”. From that moment, he moved quickly through
the end stages of dementia, stopped eating and drinking, and slowly slipped
away from us over the following weeks.
The best thing we could do for him was to make sure he was not in any
pain and let him know it was ok to go, after years of mental torment it was
time for him to find peace. I thought I
was ready for losing dad, I had mourned our relationship years ago, when he no
longer recognised me – although I still felt there was always an emotional
connection when I saw him. I know now
you are never fully prepared.
I have good days and bad, and had actually felt I was doing
really well as this year started, but the last couple of days have been tough, I
have found myself exhausted and the tears have started flowing again... It would have been their 53rd
wedding anniversary in the middle of Feb, and around this time last year was
the last time I spent any quality time with my mum – I’m an ex-pat so all my
family are overseas. I have a great
doctor and have been for counselling and I know everything I’m experiencing is
a normal part of the grieving process. I
also know how lucky I am to have had both my parents with me for so long. I just needed an outlet today so hope it’s ok
to share on here, I’m sure I’m not the only one who is experiencing this sort
of situation so maybe it will help others to know they’re not alone.
