I miss my mum!

[Ely1994]

It's been 10 months since mum passed away, and it's getting harder instead of easier. I hate burdening family and friends with my grief when they are dealing with their own problems, but I need to vent and cry and scream and let it all out. I thought time made things better but it hasn't at all. Just want my mum back!

[geoff]

dear Ely, I am just so sorry for your loss of your beautiful mum, the closeness that the two of you must have been incredible.

Time doesn't necessarily heal the loss, in fact it can make it even worse, because the many things that the two of had discussed over the years unfortunately doesn't happen any more, so this is a big loss for you.

I'm also sure that there were many discussions that only went between the two of you in the privacy of her house.

You have to vent to the many wonderful people on this site, who are all very compassionate and caring people, all of them understand this sadness that you are trying to cope with.

I wonder whether you have been to your doctor who maybe able to help you with some medication, I know that this will only cover up your loss, but it maybe able for you to help you with this sadness.

We won't be able to help you understand why this had to happen, but what it will do is just realise that you have a very big support basis here, so that you can talk to us as option as you would like, and I really hope that you can do this.

My deepest condolences and my heartfelt sorrow for you. L Geoff. x

[white knight]

Hi dear Ely, welcome also to BB forums.

Losing a loving parent- the hardest thing of all to get over....and you never do.  My dad left us in 1992. The salt of the earth. So how did I move forward.?

I used his passing as my legacy. Everything I did that was honourable like helping my kids through uni, cradling them when they have trauma, building our rotunda in the garden. It was all in his memory.

But I also write. Poetry isnt for everyone. But it vents my heartache. I've re-written this one for you.

LOVE DROPS

You wont ever need reminders

that her love is still there

she will provide the moments

to tell you she still cares

To you, her daughter, you can imagine

of the times you miss her love

proof will come one day

conveyed to you from above

Within the lords loving arms

memories will pass her mind

and tears will fall down her face

as the memory of you shines

Those drops will fall down

into a lake or reservoir

then in your sink one morning

you'll get a tingle you cant ignore

When you wash your face this day

then dry with a handkerchief

the overwhelming feeling you'll get

is that you aren't alone in your grief

And as you pull the plug

to drain her away forever

these love drops from the mother that cares

will be the memory you will always treasure

Sometimes we need reminders

that her love is still there

its comforting to know when the chips are down

you know in your heart she cares....

I hope you turn this into a positive reminder of her love.  cyber hug

[CrashCoyote]

Dear Ely1994,

We all welcome you to the site and hear you when you speak of the emptiness in your life since mum passed.

I must disagree with my good friend Geoff, though. It seems tough to miss someone that much but we, as people, are wired to have our memories of pain and loss dull with the passage of time. I guess the obvious example is women giving birth. Few would go again if the memory of labour was sharp forever!

Grief is a process and the duration of each stage varies from individual to individual. If you can, read some of the source material on here or search online for the stages of grief, first propounded by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. (Who was also a mum!)

I am not just waxing bull poop here. As others on this site know, my middle daughter Jessica passed away at eight weeks of age. That was sixteen years ago. I could never have imagined getting past the first day, then week, then year. You may be wondering why I am on this site for depression, but that is from PTSD after a long career in law enforcement, not losing my beautiful girl.

After all is said and done, the saying that "it is what it is" stands. You cannot change what has happened, but please grieve at your own pace. Losing a loved one is not an illness you recover from, it is an amputation you learn to live with. We are all with you.

Some on here know I am fond of using quotes. For you, "My mother's wonderful. To me, she's perfection." Michael Jackson.

Kind regards. John.

[geoff]

dear WK, this piece of poetry is lovely and I do hope that Ely can relate to it, and John point taken, I accept what you have to say. Geoff.

[Mg1986]

I completely hear you. I lost mine suddenly Christmas Day. And it's only gotten harder and confusing. I also just want her back. I hope you're working it out, how to feel a bit better, everyone's different so I personally have no advice other than to work out what is going to work for you! X

[mysharona]

Hello. I'm a mum and I've lost my mum and it's hard to believe it was 1987. So hard to believe it is 28 years ago. I was 27 and hadn't had my own babies yet and just married. I grieved so badly and did not cope for a long time and still to today there are so many occasions that I wish my mum was around. But, we as humans learn to cope and at the time and in the early times you think you never ever will but somehow you do. There are moments when you will cry and miss her badly and then there will be times that her memory will put a smile on your face. I live in the hope that they are there somehow for us and that just maybe one day we will be together again.