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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Feeling_Sad Grieving loss of someone else's child I never knew, but reminds me so much of my own child.
  • replies: 2

With over 40 years of being a fairly happy female and never having really had much to do with grief, I have recently been confronted with the death of someone else's child I don't even know and never met through social media (Facebook). It has broken... View more

With over 40 years of being a fairly happy female and never having really had much to do with grief, I have recently been confronted with the death of someone else's child I don't even know and never met through social media (Facebook). It has broken my heart, and I feel like my life is crumbling around me. I was just a light user of Facebook, but over the last couple of months, friends have shared stories of other parents' Community Facebook pages of their own children recently having died of cancer. They continue their Facebook pages as a way of grieving. Not knowing much about childhood cancer, I read through their stories and the mothers' constant updates throughout their journey, their photos, even the ones closer to their child dying - so confronting for me. I was coping ok with them, although I was feeling different about life as I knew it, and then I read about a beautiful little 6 yr girl who only died only a few weeks ago from soft tissue cancer, and she reminds me so much of my 5 yr old daughter. I am totally devastated by reading about the pain this little girl endured for over 2 years, and every photo she has a smile on her face, and then her final days in extreme pain, and now her mother's painful grief. I can't stop thinking about the little girl and her mother and feel guilty if I try to return to my family's happy and healthy life. I constantly cry, can't eat, don't want to face life and feel like I will never be the same person I was once before. I keep going back to her Facebook page as her mother updates most days, and the only good thing about it all is that she died in the arms of her mum and with medical supervision. But, why can't I get over this? Why do I need to revisit her Facebook page? Many friends have said stop reading it, but I feel like her mum might post something beautiful up and I will miss it. I have started to see a psychologist to try and find out what went wrong with me, and she thinks I may be suffering from Vicarious Trauma, which is more related to Health Professionals dealing with constant trauma. There isn't much on the internet about social media and the effects it can have on us. Is it this little girl triggered something in me as she reminds me of my daughter, or is it that I can't cope with all these sad stories on Facebook and the internet, news etc.

dam i am struggling
  • replies: 3

my little brother died by suicide a few days before christmas in 2012. it was the hardest thing i have ever experienced. not just my own pain but seeing how crushed my mum and dad werejust left me so heartbroken. we were always fighting as kids and t... View more

my little brother died by suicide a few days before christmas in 2012. it was the hardest thing i have ever experienced. not just my own pain but seeing how crushed my mum and dad werejust left me so heartbroken. we were always fighting as kids and teens but we became good mates later in his life. i would stop by his house on my walk home from work and we would have a few cones and watch tv and just talk about what ever was on tv or in the news.they day i knew he died i was at work. my dad had called me that morning quite irate. he couldnt get in contact with my brother and was getting scared. i assumed he was over reacting as parents do.then i saw a news article on facebook about a man who was my brothers age who had died on my brothers street. it was him, not that i was sure at the time but i can admitt in hindsight im pretty sure i was in denial. i read the article, absorbed it and went back to work. i told myself i was stupid to think it was him. my mum called me a bit later and said she was worried about my dad, he had stopped in at her place on the way down to my brothers and she said he was really agitated. i told mum not to worry and that ben was fine, i even told her about the article i read that day and laughed about the coincidence that a man the same age on the same street died. i cant get over how stupid i was, everyone was telling me something was wrong but i just.. i dont even know what the term is.. blocked it out isnt sufficient. it was just.. it wasnt like i felt like i knew it was him and i was blocking myself from thinking it. i just didnt think it. i had all the facts but that last mental domino just didnt clink downwards. so much so i just went to lunch like normal. i bought red rooster.during my drive my phone rang but i couldnt find it so i let the blutooth answer it. it was my other little brother. i told him he would have to speak up cos i was driving and on speaker. "ben died, mum said can you come home?". in that moment everything clicked and i just looked at myself thinking... you ...... it was so obvious. and i had really said all that stupid stuff to my mum and dad... joking about a guy my bros age on his street of like 12 houses dying the day before... my mind just cracked a little that day and i dont think its come right since.

cuddlegoth My son
  • replies: 5

Hi i lost my son 12 years ago i am finding it hard to cope with the loss i havent had any help in the past i feel i need to talk to some one about this

Hi i lost my son 12 years ago i am finding it hard to cope with the loss i havent had any help in the past i feel i need to talk to some one about this

__kit Sisters loss
  • replies: 2

I'm having a difficult time dealing with the upcoming anniversary or my sisters passing. Two years ago I lost my sister to her 5 year battle with breast cancer. She passed away on my birthday. The trauma of the event has been extremely difficult as I... View more

I'm having a difficult time dealing with the upcoming anniversary or my sisters passing. Two years ago I lost my sister to her 5 year battle with breast cancer. She passed away on my birthday. The trauma of the event has been extremely difficult as I find it hard to talk to anyone about the way I feel. My mother makes the situation much more difficult as she has picked up post traumatic issues with paranoia. My feeling have been pushed towards the back and I am constantly made to feel as though my pain is not adequate enough in comparison to 'a mother losing a child'. I struggle with an eating disorder and have been for the past 8 years. I feel as though I an spiralling downwards and I cannot sleep at night due to my depression. I need help with how to cope?

Scargill Sudden death of my husband who had Dementia.
  • replies: 4

It is now almost 7 weeks since my husband was found neardeath on the floor of the Dementia Specific Unit he was in. He died soon after. The DR thinks it was possibly a massive heart attack. But they don't know for sure. He had been in the Unit for ab... View more

It is now almost 7 weeks since my husband was found neardeath on the floor of the Dementia Specific Unit he was in. He died soon after. The DR thinks it was possibly a massive heart attack. But they don't know for sure. He had been in the Unit for about 2 months & prior to that in a low care facility ( at the same place ) for about 20 months. I had written here before as I was very depressed. My daughter was able to come home from Canada for what turned out to be 5 weeks which was really good for both of us. She has found losing her dad so suddenly very hard. She is now back in Canada & I guess I am now finding that the strength I had to have for her is goin' missin'. I am getting so down, tearful & depressed again ( not suicidally yet thank God ) that I am finding it very hard. Now I know that tears are okay. I know that grief is okay. But the fact that my husband was the only person I had ever been out with, trusted & wasn't scared of is coming back to haunt me I guess. Yes, I was assaulted as a kid & a young person & so was very scared of men. Until I met my husband.He had been my rock for 45 years. I miss him so. I guess I just want to hear that it's okay Ellen. And don't be afraid to ask for help.

Namu 15 years ago a very good friend of mine took her life and I didn't get to say goodbye
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I just signed up today. I was feeling pretty good until a few days ago. I have my anxious days but there's always a reason for it - uni stress usually. But I read an excerpt of anacquaintances upcoming book at 1am on a freezing night and it's... View more

Hi all, I just signed up today. I was feeling pretty good until a few days ago. I have my anxious days but there's always a reason for it - uni stress usually. But I read an excerpt of anacquaintances upcoming book at 1am on a freezing night and it's been my undoing. The book is about drug addiction and the piece I read was about a suicide attempt. (Which she was brought back from). 15 years ago a very good friend of mine took her life. She wasn't fortunate enough to be in a public place. She had gone through treatment, rehab and detox during the time I knew her. She decided to move out of the city so we wrote letters and I visited her twice. She was going to meetings and seemed in a good place. But the letters stopped and I couldn't call her. I finally called her mum three months later to find out she had died a week after I last saw her. I didn't get to saygoodbye at the funeral, I just had I get on with things. It was very sad and weird. But I did get over it. Until I read that piece of a book. As it's all back again. This week I've teared up at everything. Had a stupid altercation with my stupid neighbour / landlord so home sucks too. My gf is away, my children are with their dad until tonight. I feel lazy and miserable and kinda pathetic right now. thanks for letting me just write that out. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Bella_Louise A lot of Grieving Going On
  • replies: 4

I am Grieving for the relationship I had with my Brother after he severed all ties with me due to my apparent betrayal of him I am Grieving for the Father I never knew and will never know now I am Grieving for my lost innocence and childhood after be... View more

I am Grieving for the relationship I had with my Brother after he severed all ties with me due to my apparent betrayal of him I am Grieving for the Father I never knew and will never know now I am Grieving for my lost innocence and childhood after being continually abused by my step father I am Grieving for what could have been and the opportunities lost. When you grieve for someone who has passed over, it is so very final but doesn't hurt any less. What I am finding so difficult is the grief is overwhelming. It feels like someone has died but without the finality of attending a funeral or celebration of their life.

pat_the_black_dog I havent recovered from the deaths of my siblings
  • replies: 2

Hiim new to BB and wanted to share my story. I feel like all your threads have spoken to me in some way or another and so hopefully can add something that someone else may draw from.My history starts from being diagnosed with adolesant depression at ... View more

Hiim new to BB and wanted to share my story. I feel like all your threads have spoken to me in some way or another and so hopefully can add something that someone else may draw from.My history starts from being diagnosed with adolesant depression at 11 and being on meds most of my life. I more recently took them up again after an affair and also losing my brother to suicide a few yrs ago and found i couldnt cope. My drinking and drug use got out of control in an attempt to self medicate and then my other brother died from a heart attack due to long term drug abuse. This only pushed my own abuse into overdrive. More recently i have attended drug and alcohol detox and am on my 22nd day of sobriety. Realising its a long hard road to come back from all the anguish i have inflicted upon myself. I am now trialing my 3rd different anti d in the last month and am scared andtired of the self loathing and being in my own company. I havent recovered from the deaths of my siblings nor the daily self punishment for my past/current actions. I feel like im losing grip. beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Suze005 How do I deal with the loss of my 2nd Child, to what I believe, suicide.......
  • replies: 4

I lost my eldest son in 1997 to suicide, now I have just lost my eldest daughter to what I feel is the same. We have to wait for 6 mths for toxicology results as her autopsy was deemed inconclusive. I dont know how to feel or what to do After my son ... View more

I lost my eldest son in 1997 to suicide, now I have just lost my eldest daughter to what I feel is the same. We have to wait for 6 mths for toxicology results as her autopsy was deemed inconclusive. I dont know how to feel or what to do After my son died, it raised all my grief from a miscarriage I suffered about 5 years earlier, and this in turn made me all clucky and I desperately wanted to have another baby. I was just 40 and although my marriage was rocky, we had not just 1 but 2 then 3 more kids, with an oppsy at 45......... At the same time my daughter was also grieving for her brother but had met her partner and they too were having a family, so we alternated having babies for the next few years with both of us having our last 1 week apart in 2003. Soon after my marriage ended. After some years a rift happened with my daughter and I still don't know why, but she moved to qld with her partner and kids.(my grand-kids) Until last week I hadn't seen her or the kids for about 7 years, it was her choice to cut us out and try as I might she refused to have any contact with us whatsoever. It has been really hard trying to deal with the loss of those years and the loss of her. With friends relaying her recent posts on FB the state of mind she was in led me to believe her. I don't know if what I am feeling is self pity or the right amount of grief, I have my kids I have to look after alone, they have no (or very little) contact with their father, so I have to be there for them as well, and life, work, everything I am responsible for is all just too hard right now. I just don't want to do anything. Its all too hard.

Jo3 Anniversary of niece's death
  • replies: 2

This week is one year that my beautiful mixed up niece, at age 23, took her own life. I reflect back to all those years of no contact with her or her parents and it is very sad. I feel sad of the loss that we didn't get to see her for quite a long ti... View more

This week is one year that my beautiful mixed up niece, at age 23, took her own life. I reflect back to all those years of no contact with her or her parents and it is very sad. I feel sad of the loss that we didn't get to see her for quite a long time. She was a lonely girl who just wanted family, wanted her dad - but she never got him; never got to see him. I will remember my niece as a fun loving little girl who used to play with my children down at the beach, making sandcastles and playing in the water. Jo