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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Mikej Lonely after wife died
  • replies: 1

I lost my wife in 2011 & I tried to be a carer for her too towards the end (she had diabetes & her organs were failing too), I couldn't stay in the house where we were living so now I'm in a Homeswest unit on my own, gradually after she died I didn't... View more

I lost my wife in 2011 & I tried to be a carer for her too towards the end (she had diabetes & her organs were failing too), I couldn't stay in the house where we were living so now I'm in a Homeswest unit on my own, gradually after she died I didn't get hardly any visitors & I got lonely & no-one to care for. i tried my best but for few years now I've been on oxygen 24/7 due to emphysema (30 cigs a day for 30 years. Haven't smoked for 7 years) now I find it hard to get out of bed sometimes & personal hygiene is very poor, I don't care about my appearance much now. i just want to feel a bit of happiness & enjoy life a bit instead of feeling tired & no get up & go, I used to think alcohol would do it but it didn't. This is my first time on bb

Saska Does anyone else hold on to significant dates for years?
  • replies: 7

Hi All Was wondering if anyone else holds on to significant dates for years and relives the hurt? For example this week three years ago I broke up with my ex so I have had a bad week knowing it was the anniversary of our break up and reliving the pai... View more

Hi All Was wondering if anyone else holds on to significant dates for years and relives the hurt? For example this week three years ago I broke up with my ex so I have had a bad week knowing it was the anniversary of our break up and reliving the pain. Is this a common symptom of depression? How do I put a stop to this and move on?

Ellmo Overwhelmed with grief and pressure
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm a newbie. In a nutshell, I work full-time, study part-time at uni (on campus 1 day + online) and a bit over 2 weeks ago my mother-in-law died suddenly at 52. She had been battling cancer for just over 18 months and was recently told to stop t... View more

Hi, I'm a newbie. In a nutshell, I work full-time, study part-time at uni (on campus 1 day + online) and a bit over 2 weeks ago my mother-in-law died suddenly at 52. She had been battling cancer for just over 18 months and was recently told to stop treatment. She was given 6 months to live, 6 weeks ago. She went on the holiday she'd been planning for ages, had emergency surgery whilst away and was finally 'well' enough to travel home. We thought she was recovering and back with us until Christmastime. A dislodged blood clot suddenly took her life whilst in hospital. She never made it home. We buried her a week ago. Prior to this I was already 'down';trapped and overwhelmed with the pressures of juggling work and school, as well as on-going family issues. I went to the Drs today to get more time off work and she suggested putting me on a Mental Health Plan. This has helped somewhat in the past (I intermittently suffer from anxiety and they were at an all-time high around my wedding 2 years ago), but I just feel like it'll be the same thing: relaxation, breathing techniques, medication discussion (which I am resistant of). I was reminded of this site when I googled 'I can't stop crying', as that is the kind of day I've had. I have assignments due tomorrow (which I've already had an extension for), but I simply cannot organise my thoughts right now. I feel numb outside, but my heart is physically hurting inside and I feel alone. I feel guilty, weak, stupid and confused at the intensity of my emotions. What about my husband? He cannot deal with seeing emotions, especially me crying as I am the 'strong type'. He becomes miffed and walks away. His way of dealing with his mother's death is to seclude himself in the shed, whilst 'getting on with it'. He is also planning a week away to see (our) friends, without me. All of this I know he needs to do- and it's his way of grieving, but I can't help but feel unsupported by him- then I feel guilty for those thoughts, guilty for taking our mother's death so hard- afterall, she wasn't MY mum, yet I feel her loss has magnified the 'down' feelings I was already having. I feel like I cannot turn to friends as grief makes people uncomfortable and although people say 'I'm there for you', it's really a token. I guess I will see what the psych says. In the meantime I feel sick about how far behind I am at uni- not just with assignments, but school work also. If I cannot do my best I don't want to do it.

Fletch2014 advice on long term grieving
  • replies: 3

Hi I had a good friend of mine kill himself 17 years ago(I was 17 at the time as well) and his death still hurts me. I haven't really talked to anyone about it before apart from my wife. I was wondering if I should talk to his parents about him as hi... View more

Hi I had a good friend of mine kill himself 17 years ago(I was 17 at the time as well) and his death still hurts me. I haven't really talked to anyone about it before apart from my wife. I was wondering if I should talk to his parents about him as his death so I can finally put it to rest or is taking to them a bad idea.

Breeno Suicide death in a small community
  • replies: 9

Hi Everyone I live in a small community dealing with a suicide. I have been told this is a private matter not by family but friends after I posted the name and said how sad everyone was over the suicide of the person. Should I take it down

Hi Everyone I live in a small community dealing with a suicide. I have been told this is a private matter not by family but friends after I posted the name and said how sad everyone was over the suicide of the person. Should I take it down

emdog Grief...
  • replies: 4

Past: I was lucky enough to say goodbye to my aunt over 2 days last yrafter she had been diagnosed with C, decided no treatment and was starving herself to ensure an earlier departure. She died 5 weeks later. She was like my mother- my mother, her si... View more

Past: I was lucky enough to say goodbye to my aunt over 2 days last yrafter she had been diagnosed with C, decided no treatment and was starving herself to ensure an earlier departure. She died 5 weeks later. She was like my mother- my mother, her sister, committed suicide when I was 5. Their father committed suicide 2 yrs later. Her 2 sisters attempted multiple times.Recent: Easter 2014. So my aunt's gone. Acceptable as she was fit 1 day, suffering the next and it was her choice not to have tment. Then my sister was diagnosed with C. Unacceptable. Treatment offered, given. A week after she was diagnosed, my dad died suddenly. Unacceptable - we weren't prepared, he wasn't sick, it was my sister we were focused on.Then, my ex husband, father of my 3 adult kids, was diagnosed with terminal C. What the ?? My kids are falling apart. He was offered a trial drug, to extend perhaps life expectancy to 30mths - 10% chance. 50/50 of 11mths. Our poor kids. How they're hurting!Back to sister. Treatment completed. All was supposed to be good. Except for new C in pelvic bone, liver and kidney!!Back to ex. Experimental tment - 10 weeks pass before they commence because govt approval was not given until the new tax year. Staff at the hospital required professional devt. 10 weeks may not sound like much but a 10cm tumour in the right lung is now 32.5cm. They don't even check nor treat the cancers within the lymph glands.Today: I've done well. So many family members suffering. Everyone it seems. I gave in yesterday. Took me over 24h to get out of bed just to write this. I don't want to give up. I know what it's like for those left behind. I've been there. My mother's suicide has formed the person I've become. But I'm running out of caring and energy to keep going. I feel as if I' ve got nothing left to give nor the desire to take.My daughter rang 2x within past 24 hours, telling me how she had a panic attack, how she had to leave work early because she just can' t cope. Geez, telling her mum this who has had two days off work as the mere thought of it is totally exhausting. That's why I made the apt with dr 2moro. What do I need? Who knows...pills, counselling, whatever...what do I want? An island where I can hide.The worst is that it's only going to get worse, before the healing can start. That could be months or years or who knows. I don't know whether I can last that long! Or can be bothered to actually.That's my story. 8 points. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

gravelly Robin fan
  • replies: 5

So sad about the genius Williams. Am new to this forum. I suffered severe depression last year, got better and stopped my meds in september 2013. Was great until a few weeks ago and noticed early relapse - poor sleep and appetite. Didn't want to go b... View more

So sad about the genius Williams. Am new to this forum. I suffered severe depression last year, got better and stopped my meds in september 2013. Was great until a few weeks ago and noticed early relapse - poor sleep and appetite. Didn't want to go back on meds cos of side effects. I spoke to the only friend who knows what I was going through, and she recommended a book called 'The Apron and Napoleon's Hat', by Dr H.Murray. It's an ebook available on the ibook store and I think it's on Kindle and a few other e-readers. Brilliant!! If you like a bloody funny read about real and gross medical stuff, and more importantly, a book that tells mental illness like it really is and helps to remove the stigma written by someone who knows what he is talking about, read it and tell your friends. We need doctors like this who can genuinely relate. Feel much better now and without meds.

Doolhof stillborn son's 21st
  • replies: 6

Later this month it will be the 21st anniversary of our son's stillbirth. Part of me would love to celebrate this occasion with a party, I don't think any of the family remember the date or year of our son's birth/death, and that is fine. We never ta... View more

Later this month it will be the 21st anniversary of our son's stillbirth. Part of me would love to celebrate this occasion with a party, I don't think any of the family remember the date or year of our son's birth/death, and that is fine. We never talk about the loss of our children to our families, I have a couple of very close friends I can share some of my feelings with, so at least that is something. Instead, I will remember our son in my heart and mind on his special day, take myself out to lunch somewhere nice as my husband will be busy that day doing his won stuff, and he doesn't want to know about our children any more than the family do. I might buy something special to celebrate the occasion, and to keep as a memory of what would have been our son's 21st. Just writing this, has me in tears. Just wanted to share my rambling thoughts with someone who might care. Cheers, from Dools.

gmc Their death meant a lot to me
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, I am active on these forums from a while now and it's now that I feel that I have to write in this one forum too. Hello I am here. Hello and thanks in advance for reading and replying. I am writing now to share my story. I have been s... View more

Hello everyone, I am active on these forums from a while now and it's now that I feel that I have to write in this one forum too. Hello I am here. Hello and thanks in advance for reading and replying. I am writing now to share my story. I have been suffering from anxiety since I don't remeber when and it's a while since depression hit me too. I am on treatment and I feel a bit more stable. Its not the grief for someone that got me where I am, but it contributed too. In March, the last one from my grandfather died. This sad event which happened all of a sudden, very brutal, made me realise a lot of new things about myself and life in general, I leaned a lot from the guit I felt from not visiting him for a long while, from the pain of losing the last representtive of my childhood. It basically faced me to the death in such a way that I never faced before. Being in a depressive episode when it happened made it even harder, was like I couldn't take it anymore of what was happening in my life. I still feel the pain, still wearing black, still keep him in my memory and all the stuff that you already assume it's happening to me. Well, not an usual thing to write, but yesterday, my mom's baby cat was killed by y father's dog. The little cutie was so amazing, so full of joy and energy, that her loss meant a lot to us. Unfortualtely, I can't stop thinking that something similar would happen to my cat also. I fear for his life, I fear that I'd lose him once he walks one evening from whatever reason. Events in my life like these ones are important to me. They make me face how ephemeral life is. I am wondering how will I face my cat's death when he will get old enough, more that how would I face my parents' death. I was thinking about taking my life also, in my most horrible moments of depression, when I was thinking about how down I was and that made me want to get out and shine more that anytime. I don't have a concrete question or something, I just wanted to share my story and maybe find someone here who may have som empathy with me, to have someone write to their oppinion based on their experience on how does it feel and how to get prepeared. Meanwhile, I will kepp on with mourning for the ones I lost and didn't live the bereavement at that time. That's something else to deal with. Thank you guys.

Aquarius2014 Greiving for my child
  • replies: 1

So at 14 years of age, and 14 years of doing it solo, my daughter no longer speaks to me. Is there any other condition with such an awful stigma?At the start of the year I had a 'nervous breakdown' or whatever you want to call it .... I was happy wit... View more

So at 14 years of age, and 14 years of doing it solo, my daughter no longer speaks to me. Is there any other condition with such an awful stigma?At the start of the year I had a 'nervous breakdown' or whatever you want to call it .... I was happy with status quo, however those around me decided I needed help, ie. locking up. During my 2 week voluntery "respite" my girl went to stay with her Dad, now 6 months later and I can no longer see her or even speak with her. I just don't have much hope left to go on. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.