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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Iking Loss of my 15yo Daughter
  • replies: 2

Hi my name is Ingrid I lost my daughter to suicide 3 years ago and it is not getting easier, I have grief attacks fairly frequently which throws me into a mix of emotions and depression. I also have very little support and as for friends who I can ta... View more

Hi my name is Ingrid I lost my daughter to suicide 3 years ago and it is not getting easier, I have grief attacks fairly frequently which throws me into a mix of emotions and depression. I also have very little support and as for friends who I can talk to a few and far between which I think makes it harder. Iam no longer the same person and wonder will this ever get any easier, because I don't think I can live my life like this much longer. Thanks for listening..

Grazia We lost my son of 29years of age to suicide.
  • replies: 2

My son lost the will to live almost 3 months ago.He had suffered with mental illness since about the age of 16 years .He was diagnosed with multipal conditions on numerous different medications .Bipolar,scitzaphrinia,DID,mania,ocd just to name a few.... View more

My son lost the will to live almost 3 months ago.He had suffered with mental illness since about the age of 16 years .He was diagnosed with multipal conditions on numerous different medications .Bipolar,scitzaphrinia,DID,mania,ocd just to name a few.i think this last year of his life was the hardest by far.i saw him at least every second day assisted him with daily activities,doctors appts. Just being there for him.He used to talk about suicide and how he wanted his mental pain to stop and this was the only way out .I tried so hard to get help for him .He even admitted himself to 2 private hospitals for 3months.2 days before he was discharged he tried to end his life in hospital.I pleaded with doctors and psycitrist not to that I was concerned .they told me they couldn't help him anymore.He health went down hill after that.i feel the mental health system failed him and feel I have failed my son.my pain is enormous and I miss him soo much.We need more education on mental health .I think it should be introduced in high school.There needs to be more awareness and more help emotionally physical they need empathy ,love,respect and understanding.I keep asking myself where did I go wrong what should've I done differently.I thought even he said he wants out of this mental torture I didn't think he'd go through with it.What can we do as a community to stop all this wasted lives.I thought my son will see me get old .Thanks in advance beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

ink6543 Grief and loss.
  • replies: 2

Hello I am new to this board. I suffered a terrible loss 2 years ago. My partner of 17 years died. It would seem I have not been able to cope with the loss and accompanying other losses associated with her death. There is so much to our story it woul... View more

Hello I am new to this board. I suffered a terrible loss 2 years ago. My partner of 17 years died. It would seem I have not been able to cope with the loss and accompanying other losses associated with her death. There is so much to our story it would seem at time impossible and even like a betrayal to even talk about it all. However i seem to have become chronically depressed over it all. The depression started some 5 months after her death. I did not understand how serious the depression was until I look back at what happened to me. When she died I lost my best friend and partner. As a result of bad decisions ,seemingly motivated by grief on my part I also lost my business ,my friends ,all my associates ,my community ,allot of money ,my country of residence for 13 years . I am an Australian national however we lived in North America . I came back to Australia for business and maybe relocation but accidentally let my visa expire. I thought it would be easy to get it back ,however it has proved an impossible task. I became stranded in a rural town in Australia. I was semi Ok for round 5 months after her passing. I would guess it was because I had my friends and business as a distraction and support. When I lost everything ,including my partner I sunk into a profound depression. These days I seem to wake up and wish I did not. I have lost my social confidence also. I have no thoughts of suicide just a sinking feeling in my tummy. I cry allot over it all and have lost interest in most things I use to enjoy. I have had grief counseling. It was good but still at the end of the day I lost her and everything else. It is very sad and nothing can change that. On top of this I am being screened for cancer but have to wait as i have noprivate health insurance. It all has become too much. I think it would be for anyone. The losses where tremendous. Apologies regarding the length of this post.

bregs Struggling with the loss of my mum
  • replies: 7

My beautiful mum passed away 5 months ago and every day is getting harder. My mum was sick with Cancer but a horrible stroke came out of no where and took her from us leaving us all in shock. In my mind I mentally prepared myself for my mum passing a... View more

My beautiful mum passed away 5 months ago and every day is getting harder. My mum was sick with Cancer but a horrible stroke came out of no where and took her from us leaving us all in shock. In my mind I mentally prepared myself for my mum passing away gradually from Cancer and I thought we still had plenty of time left. The stroke left her on life support and she passed away within 24 hours. I held her hand as she drifted away. I am generally a strong person but this has knocked me for six. I am pining for her - I miss her terribly. My chest feels tight whenever I think about not been ever able to see her again. I keep thinking she is going to walk through the door at any minute. My mum was a huge part of my life and my families life - she was my best friend and I just cant comprehend all of this. She was beautiful, always well dressed and I just thought she would beat cancer and be with us for years to come. I feel shocked and I feel such a huge loss - its quite overwhelming.......

Derek64 Suicide 50 years ago
  • replies: 3

I find myself on here after all this time because, if there is something that the social media ought to be able to do, it ought to be able to connect people who otherwise would be isolated from each other. And I have been isolated from anyone by a bi... View more

I find myself on here after all this time because, if there is something that the social media ought to be able to do, it ought to be able to connect people who otherwise would be isolated from each other. And I have been isolated from anyone by a big and horrible word - suicide. More than fifty years ago my father committed suicide and I have never spoken about it with anyone even though I have come to the conclusion that I have to share this experience in order to deal with my feelings properly. Sound crazy? After 50 years! The problem has for me been the big wall of shame and secrecy behind which I have cowered all my life and I think now it has to stop - even if it is only in the "virtual" world that I am coming clean. I have had to speak about this stuff with my wife and three kids of course. And once I admitted to a colleague who was depressed, and whose own brother had committed suicide, that this is what my father had done. But that is it. In fifty years, that is it. For the rest of the time I have felt cripplingly and secretly ashamed of father while loving him at the same time. What happened caused a fair bit of damage as I am sure you can appreciate but, because of the nature of the trauma, I feel like I have not been entitled to deal with it openly / socially. It is like my relative died and was buried in unsanctified ground outside the churchyard. If anyone ever caught me standing with flowers in my hand at his graveside I would be giving the game away. Everyone would know my shame. I got the loss but It feels like I also lost the right to grieve. I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience?

trustlife How to cope with Grief.
  • replies: 1

I was 9 years old when I and my 7 year old brother were alone in the house when we found my father had died in his sleep. In a cruel twist of faith almost 39 years to the day we found our 13 year old boy had also left us while gently sleeping. In my ... View more

I was 9 years old when I and my 7 year old brother were alone in the house when we found my father had died in his sleep. In a cruel twist of faith almost 39 years to the day we found our 13 year old boy had also left us while gently sleeping. In my mid 20's my brother and his friend were walking along a sea promenade in the middle of the afternoon and were both taken by a freak wave. They were never found. I guess that sort of qualifies me to speak about coping with grief. As a little boy I became aware early that I needed to make a decision. I could get all the sympathy and support I needed, but I never liked it. For some reason playing that card did not make me feel good. I didn't understand why at the time. The grief would occupy all of my mind and I found the same thoughts going around and around in my head. They weren't taking me anywhere. No parent should ever have to bury their children but it does happen. Yes of course I get a bite of pain when I see his friends now driving around in cars and wonder what life would be like if he was here. But this next paragraph, I believe, is the key to coping with grief. On one hand we have sadness, a sense of loss, confusion or maybe even anger. On the other we have pride, treasured memories and admiration. We have a choice which one we can put into our mind. The mind is like a computer. It will take and run whichever program we give it. I wake up on their birthdays and am immediately faced with a choice. THERE IS NO UPSIDE WITH SADNESS. So I swap a sense of loss with a sense of admiration. Of course I miss them and any psychologist would probably have a field day with me, but when I carry that sense of admiration around with me, and as those beautiful memories come forth, I develop a little inward smile that just radiates my day and lights up everything.

elljay86 Anticipatory grief for my Dad
  • replies: 2

I moved to Australia from the UK just over three years ago for a two year secondment through work. Three months into my adventure here, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The day that they called to tell me, the first thing Dad told me was th... View more

I moved to Australia from the UK just over three years ago for a two year secondment through work. Three months into my adventure here, my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The day that they called to tell me, the first thing Dad told me was that he didn't want me to stop having my adventures, that I was to continue living my life as normal and that was what he wanted. So I did. I've settled here and I love my life. This year I've fallen in love for the first time in my life and I should be happier than I have ever been... And some days I am. But my Dad's doctors have run out of options and he is deteriorating fast and I can't handle it. I'm going back for a visit soon, taking my boyfriend with me (it is so very important to me that he meets my family and now especially my Dad)... But I can't help but think that I'm going back to say my goodbyes to a man who I love dearly, that will not be around to walk me down the aisle, to see his grandchildren, to see my life here and realise why it makes me want to stay. And I don't know how to say goodbye. I feel selfish staying here and yet to go back to the UK would mean I'd just be going there to wait for him to pass, which neither him nor me really wants, I'm sure of it. And yet I feel like I've abandoned my family when they need me the most. I'm just sat at my desk at work crying right now, it's one of my bad days. I get good spells and bad spells and yesterday I got a message from Mum telling me that she thinks I'll be shocked at how much he has deteriorated and it's triggered another down spell... But I feel like I need to be strong for my parents because I'm not even there to see the reality of the situation, dealing with it day to day. If I can't cope with this, how am I going to cope when the inevitable time comes and he's no longer here?

Purple___Blue Miscarriage bringing up old grief
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm 44. I miscarried last May and I'm finding it tough going. It's bringing up post-traumatic-stress style old grief I have from my unhealthy mother-child relationship. I also have fibromyalgia and wonder if this is caused by the old, long-term g... View more

Hi, I'm 44. I miscarried last May and I'm finding it tough going. It's bringing up post-traumatic-stress style old grief I have from my unhealthy mother-child relationship. I also have fibromyalgia and wonder if this is caused by the old, long-term grief. I've basically carried this for my whole life and I'm not sure what it's like to feel 'normally' happy. I'm looking for helpful ways to express my grief, old and new, so I can stop holding onto it and live a proper life.

Soulmate Loss of My Soulmate in a tragic accident at home
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I lost my beautiful husband 7 weeks ago in a tragic accident at home. I had not been able to contact him during the morning so came home early from work to find the car he had been working on had crushed him when the jack stands collapsed... View more

Hi everyone I lost my beautiful husband 7 weeks ago in a tragic accident at home. I had not been able to contact him during the morning so came home early from work to find the car he had been working on had crushed him when the jack stands collapsed. My life has been turned upside down and a good nights sleep is a thing of the past. I am trying to deal with a couple of major issues - finding my gorgeous husband crushed under a car, losing my soulmate (we only met when I was 42 - I am now 55)), a financially motivated step son and people dropping out of my life left, right and centre. I am struggling to keep my head above water and have sought the assistance of a psychologist. My husband and I never fought as we discussed everything and always came to an agreement about everything. We had a rule that we never went to bed angry and we also parted each day with an "I love you". We spoilt each other rotten and did absolutely everything together so life now is extremely difficult. We were best friends and we crammed so much in our 12 years together that we felt like we had been married for 50 years. In fact, we lived life to the full. There are probably many more people on here that have sad or tragic stories, so any help you can offer me would be very much appreciated. Thank you Donna

HelenM suicide of close friend
  • replies: 5

I've been handling my mental health problems somewhat better lately. But 2 weeks ago a very good friend took his life whilst struggling with a very bad depression. For 9 or 10 days I cried alot or put it out my head, but at the end of last week that ... View more

I've been handling my mental health problems somewhat better lately. But 2 weeks ago a very good friend took his life whilst struggling with a very bad depression. For 9 or 10 days I cried alot or put it out my head, but at the end of last week that all changed. Whilst there is grief I also have a great deal of fear; that my mind can't cope with it all and I'll become ill and maybe very ill.To let you understand. J, another friend and I were very close friends because of our illness. I'd known J for over 15 years. Because we'd all been in a terrible place we understood each other and I would say that we knew each others illness better than anyone else. For 9 months was very ill and though he has family I was his only other confidant as for whatever reason he didn't want the other friend to know. We weren't constantly in touch but each call was charged with J's illness. Anyway, 2 weeks ago his wife rang to say he had taken his life. He'd never attempted suicide before. I think if he had I could have accepted it more easily but J was the greatest fighter I knew. Thank God I don't feel guilt. As I said I feel frightened. I went to see my gp yesterday. He asked me if I wanted to harm myself - I don't but the question really freaked me out as he never asks me that. I wanted him to say you'll be fine. He said he thinks I'll probably pick up but is seeing me in a month. I am so scared. Suicide frightens me so much and I have a very good idea where J was in his head. People tell me that I'm much better than I realise (I've been recovering for 13 years now). I have no confidence in my mind and I'm scared. The funeral is tomorrow and naturally it will be good to get it by. I just don't know where I am.Helenbeyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

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