grieving husband, mother, mother-in-law, children, brothers and sister and myself

[Torn]

My husbands father was diagnosed with advanced melanoma 10 weeks ago he passed away 2 weeks ago. The day of his funeral my father died suddenly from a heart attack. 

I now have a grieving husband, mother, mother-in-law, children, brothers and sister and myself. 

As the eldest child I have always  been the one everyone can depend upon. While my sister has been wonderful in helping my mum I still feel that this is largely my responsibility. 

My mother-in-law appears to be coping quite well whereas my mother is not my husband seems also to be coping ok but the amount he is drinking tells me otherwise. 

I miss my dad terribly. I can't enjoy anything as I keep thinking he should be here doing whatever it is we are doing. I want to cry all day everyday but I do t for fear of upsetting everyone so I leave it till bed time or in the shower. 

I just don't know what to do first. I can't be everything to everyone and I can't expect to "get over" all of this quickly but I'm just on edge constantly. I can't sleep with everything going through my head and I don't feel I can turn to my husband as he has his own grief to deal with. It's all too much !!!!!! 

[white knight]

Hi Torn,  welcome to beyond blue forums.

While reading your post it was like "been there done that" for me.

1979 and my brother had taken his own life. 27 and a teacher he had diabetes type 1. An illness we know much more about today. My parents had nurtured him all his life and they simply fell in a heap. It was left to me to struggle with the family for 6 months or so.

I acknowledge your situation is indeed more complex and tragic. But you have taken the reins and you can hold your head up high for doing so.

I suggest you now look after your own health. Visit your GP, take whatever recommendations he/she suggests. Counselling will help. Dont expect too much of yourself. you are not a superwoman.

Write !.  Write down your thoughts. Be it in prose, essays, comments you recall from your dad etc.  It helps. I have around 300 poems and its my therapy. It works!

Life with throw things at you when you least expect it. Project your thoughts 2 years down the track and things will be better.

take care Torn.

[Torn]

Than you White Knight. 

I will make an appointment with my GP. She is usually very understanding  so  I'm sure given my current circumstances  she will have some good advice for me. 

Writing the first post was a big step for me but it felt good to put it out there and ask for help. I think your idea about writing is fantastic.

i appreciate your reply! 

[Torn]

I also talked to my husband this morning who was wonderful. He said not to bottle it all up for fear of worrying him. He is more worried when he doesn't know what I'm thinking. 

I guess the lesson of the day is I don't have to deal with this alone. I need to ask for help and it will be there. It's just a bit deal for me asking for it. 

[white knight]

Hi Torn,

Thankyou. We dont get feedback a lot.  

Yes, you are on your way.  We cant do everything ourselves. And what a great hubby you have

take care