Grief and loss

Is this for ever?

replies: 4

Hello everyone Hopefully I won't bore you, I'll make it brief... My Dad passed suddenly a few years ago and I don't think I've been the same since. I miss him terribly, and even though the raw feelings of grief have eased, I have this constant naggin... View more

Hello everyone Hopefully I won't bore you, I'll make it brief... My Dad passed suddenly a few years ago and I don't think I've been the same since. I miss him terribly, and even though the raw feelings of grief have eased, I have this constant nagging fear that I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop - so to speak. Who's next? What's next? Since my Dad passed I have been the primary carer for my Mum, whom I love dearly. I am so worried about her, all the time. Has she taken her medication? Has she had a fall? My husband is wonderful, he's my rock. We don't have kids (we are unable to) and I worry about him, all the time. Is he ok? Has he been in accident? I love my pets so much. Unfortunately, they are elderly now too and I worry about them, all the time. Will they be alive when I get home? My job involves caring for the elderly with disabilities. That in itself is stressful. The time before my Dad passed now seems like a distant, foggy memory. Even though I've always had social anxiety, I'm pretty sure I used to be happy quite a bit and maybe even carefree at times. Now, I dread getting out of bed. I don't have any close friends, and I hardly ever hear from my 2 sisters. Rarely a day passes when I'm not on the verge of tears. I don't have any motivation. I feel like I'm not living, just existing, waiting for the next inevitable tragedy. I hope someone reading this can understand, as I've almost given up hope that my life will ever be any different. Thank you for taking the time to read my story

Pets

replies: 5

This will probably seem really stupid to most people but my dog is getting old and I find myself dwelling on what to do if she dies. She was recently diagnosed with a mid-range heart murmur soI now worry about her all of the time, I don't want to los... View more

This will probably seem really stupid to most people but my dog is getting old and I find myself dwelling on what to do if she dies. She was recently diagnosed with a mid-range heart murmur soI now worry about her all of the time, I don't want to lose her, I just want her to live forever and be with me in my life. My dog is so much to me and I can't imagine what my life would be like without her in it. I adopted her two years ago and my depression has been much better with her in my life, she makes me happy and I love her so much, she is just like this burst of joy that I was lucky enough to have come into my life, I still can't believe I was so lucky that noone else wanted her and I was able to have her, I feel like she was meant to be with me and I was meant to be with her. Even when she is just sitting beside me having a snooze, like now, I feel 100% better, I don't know what to do if she dies or how to cope with losing her. I don't know if I should bury her or have her cremated, I worry about what bad things may happen to her soul if she is buried or cremated. Not sure if anyone can help.

And will he not come again?

replies: 4

... But let it be. Horatio, I am dead; Thou livest; report me and my cause aright To the unsatisfied. Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane:Here's yet some liquor left. As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll hav... View more

... But let it be. Horatio, I am dead; Thou livest; report me and my cause aright To the unsatisfied. Never believe it: I am more an antique Roman than a Dane:Here's yet some liquor left. As thou'rt a man, Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I'll have't. O good Horatio, what a wounded name, Things standing thus unknown, shall live behind me! If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart Absent thee from felicity awhile, And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain, To tell my story. Hamlet For those who follow these post, you might know that my dear son Nick hastened into this god night. Well, it is now almost 6 months ago, but only last night. But I feel cursed. Suicide seems a family trait.My father. my son, others. These past few months have been as bad as you can imagine. Oh, I have a few supportive friends, a partner who tolerates and cares for me in equal measure and doctors who are wise in when to express sympathy and when to challenge. Most others are useless. My bosses way of support was to advise that they didn't feel I'm "a good fit" at this time. I little cared. We maddies are use to platitudes. Anyway, I'm posting this by way of reassuring BB online monitors, who I feared interpreted a previous post that I may be suicidal. To praraphrase one of my favourite TV shows Sling and Arrows, when the lead character Geoffory Tennant is ask by a Police Officer after a pub brawl if he is a suicide risk, he quibs "isn't everybody" But for myself,I'm more like Haratio than Hamlet. I wish I wasn't. And there are never gurrantees. My doctor finds it acceptable that I've no wish to add to his gallery of the dead but it is a professional hazard. He sort to reassure me that my father and son would have been in a dissociatiated state when they died. I'm not completely convinced. I certainly reserve it for myself to die I chose clear headed. But we have a safety plan; I report in, take my medication, follow advice and stay away from dangerous locations. I find solance is Ophelia's lament. "And will he not come again? And will he not come again? No, no, he is dead: Go to thy death-bed: He never will come again. His beard was as white as snow, All flaxen was his poll: He is gone, he is gone, And we cast away moan: God ha' mercy on his soul! And of all Christian souls, I pray God. God be wi' ye." Anyway, allow me m pain. It tells me Nick was alive and I loved him. Its my journey and I would wish anyone else to join me. .

Where is my post?

replies: 2

My dad passed away on 26th may. I had a post that both parents where in hospital and was getting help from jacko and mary. Now i cant find my post.

They come in threes

replies: 2

Hi there,1 month ago, I lost my grandfather to cancer. It was sad, but it was his time and the family has accepted this loss and is moving forward, last week I lost my cousin who was 33 and fit as a fiddle, He leaves behind his 2 year old baby girl a... View more

Hi there,1 month ago, I lost my grandfather to cancer. It was sad, but it was his time and the family has accepted this loss and is moving forward, last week I lost my cousin who was 33 and fit as a fiddle, He leaves behind his 2 year old baby girl and a pregnant wife with their unborn child. The day after I found out about my cousin, who I spent countless days and nights playing with when younger, my girlfriend broke up with me. She said she didnt want to be in a relationship, and that was that. It happened so quickly and there has been no closure. Whats even worse, she did it over the phone and ultimately, via a text message. I have borken off all contact, but she hasnt attempted to msg me in over a week now. So its not looking good.

Lost the love of my life

replies: 2

My depression started 22yrs ago with the death of my first son but it wasn't diagnosed until the following year when I had twins and the doctor thought it was post natal depression. I have been taking anti depressants ever since and can't go off them... View more

My depression started 22yrs ago with the death of my first son but it wasn't diagnosed until the following year when I had twins and the doctor thought it was post natal depression. I have been taking anti depressants ever since and can't go off them as I plummet down to the depths of despair if I try. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain so need the pills to fix it. 10 yrs ago my beloved husband was taken by cancer and I died that day too. I was left with 10 yrs old twins to raise so I put my life on hold making sure they were ok. In 2010 I decided to start dating again and had 2 disasters. the first was still married and the second turned out to be a serial conman who took me for $20000. I will never trust any man again. my son has been a very troubled boy since his dad died. He smoked weed but got off it but substituted it with alcohol. He's now lost his driving licence on 1 yr probation and has to do 40 hrs community service. He still hasn't learnt a lesson thought and goes out boozing all the time. He'll end up in jail one day. i am so very lonely and sad all the time. I force myself to go out but don't enjoy anything. I sit alone at night crying and long to be with my husband again. I would've thought I would be past this by now but it doesn't pass. I guess I just learnt to live with it. It doesn't SMTP me being lonely though. I don't have anyone to talk to as my family and friends live 16000 miles away on the other side of the world. i know I need help to feel better. Nobody knows about this. It's my secret. Everyone thinks I'm a strong woman but alone I'm a wreck. Can you pls help?

What will become of me?

replies: 3

I must have walked under a ladder with a black cat on Friday the 13th. Since 2007 my life has been one setback after another. My sister-in-law passed away from cancer early that year at the young age of 51. Later that year, my husband and I separated... View more

I must have walked under a ladder with a black cat on Friday the 13th. Since 2007 my life has been one setback after another. My sister-in-law passed away from cancer early that year at the young age of 51. Later that year, my husband and I separated after 35 years together. We had grown apart and no longer made each other happy. I retained the marital home in our financial settlement. Our separation was very amicable and we remained good friends. I continued to work four days a week until in 2008 a change in administration had me answerable to the supervisor from hell. She made my life miserable in a job I had held happily and successfully for 17 years. I tried to battle through this but it was soul-destroying. In 2009 my son went on an extended overseas holiday and he is now a resident of Canada. I miss him terribly. In 2010 my husband announced that he had a new 'companion'. This news was hard for me to hear, but I knew one of us would eventually move on. He went overseas with her and on his return, told me that he was having some health issues. He was diagnosed with bowel cancer and passed away in early 2012. He left his estate to our children. I was not a beneficiary. Later that year, my working life had become intolerable. I walked out and ended up in a doctor's office shaking with anxiety. I was granted sick leave which then extended into leave without pay until I was forced to relinquish my position at the end of 2014. Since then I have been doing a little casual work and with my savings dwindling, have resorted to Centrelink for help. At the age of 61 - 5 1/2 years too young for the aged pension, I am now on New Start allowance and am looking for work. The problem is, I am so depressed about my situation that I don't even want to get out of bed! I do not want to burden my family with my problems. I am embarrassed and ashamed that my life has come to this. To top it all off, I have now discovered that I have termites in my house which is my only asset. I know there are people out there who are worse off than me but I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and I just wish the Earth would swallow me up. I adore my two children and don't want to cause them any pain....they are the only bright light in my life. Please help me!!! How can I rise above this????? beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636. Normal 0 false false false EN-AU X-NONE X-NONE /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0cm; mso-para-margin-right:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0cm; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}

grief and hatred

replies: 9

My son took his own life not long after the New Year. He was 22 years of age. As a child he was diagnosed as having ADHD and later this was clarified as Asperger's syndrome. He was to experience learning difficulties, his parents’ divorce, his mother... View more

My son took his own life not long after the New Year. He was 22 years of age. As a child he was diagnosed as having ADHD and later this was clarified as Asperger's syndrome. He was to experience learning difficulties, his parents’ divorce, his mother dying much too soon, having to take what work might be offered and various tribulations of life. As you can imagine I miss his more than be imagined. I have other children whom I need to be available for. My friends and partner, and my own medical professionals have sought to help me. I take each day as it comes, but with each day the realisation that my son is gone. This is not what I want to talk about. But the context. What keeps distressing me is every time I see some article in the newspaper or professional journal asserting that suicide among young people is getting worse. Only this week, I felt anger when I heard a welfare professional on the radio claim that young people were more likely to kill themselves than die in a car crash. I wanted to yell at them that there has been a fantastic improvement in reducing suicides, but even more dramatically reduction in road fatalities. My partner thinks this anger is just my sense of grief. My doctor nods wisely advising that we know folk twist things to get media attention. I’m still left with my anger. I have told my doctor that I was responsible for keeping my son safe. My doctor at least offers I would feel like that, instead of most folk lamely say I did the best I could. Even if I did, he is still dead. My son sought medical advice on his own initiative about the increased anxiety he was experiencing. He took the prescription medication he was prescribed. I had accompanied him to see a clinical psychologist and did not miss any appointments. I’d helped to arrive had also enrolled in a TAFE course. Spent increasing time with him, listened, reassured, tried to get him to come out places. He’d sometimes come to my partners for dinner, to the cinema, cooked together, but other times said he was tired and just wanted to stay home. It still wasn’t enough. But it is people who know better lying about statistics that angers me. I can’t change this. I hate those who tried to big note themselves by making a horrible situation worse. I really hate them! I miss my son. I want him back.

Miss you everyday Dad

replies: 4

I lost my father three months ago, he was diagnosed with bone, lung and liver cancer in December 2014. It was so unexpected to hear he was so unwell and it was so serious. I was away on holidays when he was diagnosed and given only two months left on... View more

I lost my father three months ago, he was diagnosed with bone, lung and liver cancer in December 2014. It was so unexpected to hear he was so unwell and it was so serious. I was away on holidays when he was diagnosed and given only two months left on this earth. He made my family promise not to say anything to me until I got home. This was the first news I heard when I came home, my dad was in hospital from the unbearable pain. I didn't know how to cope with the news and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. We brought dad home from hospital and got to spend my brother's birthday, Christmas, New Years and Australia Day as a family. These were the moments we all cherished and held onto so tightly. The two months we got were so full of life, dad always stayed positive and tried to make everyone laugh on a daily basis. Dad became more and more ill and eventually had to be admitted to hospital for pain management. On the day he passed we were expecting to bring him back home and he was so excited to be coming home. This was such a big shock for everyone as he was so bright the day before. I spent almost the entire day by his bedside and didn't want to leave him. It's been three long painful months and I still miss him everyday and expect him to walk through the door with a big smile on his face. It's been so difficult trying to deal with the grief and be able to talk about how I feel. I'm also at university in my third year of studies and my focus this semester is completely gone. I feel upset everyday and don't know what to do? I love and miss my dad so much! I'm only 21, he is going to miss out in so many life events

Hi Pete in Heaven

replies: 3

We all missed you today at your nephew's Naming Day. But you live on in Deb, Dean, Shan, Kiesh and Zay. I hate when people think I should be "over it" . I will never be "over" losing you. I just have to try to learn to live without you in my life, af... View more

We all missed you today at your nephew's Naming Day. But you live on in Deb, Dean, Shan, Kiesh and Zay. I hate when people think I should be "over it" . I will never be "over" losing you. I just have to try to learn to live without you in my life, after 20 wonderful years. . 16 months on and I'm slowly getting there, but it still sucks. I love you and miss you like crazy Pete. You were too young to die. You are "Always on my Mind". Love you mate, Ciao for now. No need to respond. Just needed to express how much my soul mate is loved and missed. Love you Pete. xxx

Pinned discussions

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

All discussions

Is this for ever?

replies: 4

Pets

replies: 5

And will he not come again?

replies: 4

Where is my post?

replies: 2

They come in threes

replies: 2

Lost the love of my life

replies: 2

What will become of me?

replies: 3

grief and hatred

replies: 9

Miss you everyday Dad

replies: 4

Hi Pete in Heaven

replies: 3

Grief and loss

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section replies: 0

Is this for ever? replies: 4

Pets replies: 5

And will he not come again? replies: 4

Where is my post? replies: 2

They come in threes replies: 2

Lost the love of my life replies: 2

What will become of me? replies: 3

grief and hatred replies: 9

Miss you everyday Dad replies: 4

Hi Pete in Heaven replies: 3

Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

replies: 0

Is this for ever?

replies: 4

Pets

replies: 5

And will he not come again?

replies: 4

Where is my post?

replies: 2

They come in threes

replies: 2

Lost the love of my life

replies: 2

What will become of me?

replies: 3

grief and hatred

replies: 9

Miss you everyday Dad

replies: 4

Hi Pete in Heaven

replies: 3