Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Rosie49 My soulmate died suddenly
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm new here. My partner of 20 years died suddenly 12 weeks ago. We never married and had no children. We lived in adjacent units and spent time together every day of those 20 years. I was numb for 6 or 7 weeks then full blown grief hit me like a... View more

Hi, I'm new here. My partner of 20 years died suddenly 12 weeks ago. We never married and had no children. We lived in adjacent units and spent time together every day of those 20 years. I was numb for 6 or 7 weeks then full blown grief hit me like a sledgehammer. He was too young to die, only 54. The past two weeks I have developed anxiety and have daily panic attacks when I feel like I'm going mad. I haven't been to my GP as he was my partner's as well and I cannot walk through the surgery door. I get panicky and tear-up just walking past. I'm having a rare "ok day" today, bv those are usually followed by days filled by unbearable despair. I have trouble sleeping and am panicky the moment I wake. From reading grief sites my symptoms seem to be "norm l" grief. I don't know what I am expecting from my post here. I just had to write stuffwdown. I don't know whether a GP wovld prescribe something to help me sleep. My gp is one of those who tells you to have a paracetamol and a lie down. I feel likeI am not making any progress, just going backwards.

Leigh 8th Anniversary but still feel the pain
  • replies: 1

My Dearest Son Andrew, The 25th of February this year will mark the 8th year since you left us, yet it still feels like yesterday. I know that as a father, I'm not supposed to have favourites but in your ever so short 23 years you were my best mate. ... View more

My Dearest Son Andrew, The 25th of February this year will mark the 8th year since you left us, yet it still feels like yesterday. I know that as a father, I'm not supposed to have favourites but in your ever so short 23 years you were my best mate. So in your passing I lost not only my son but my best mate also. Do you recall when you were only 5 and your Uncle Dudley along with some other friends took you caving at Wee Jasper? You just simply loved playing in the mud and squeezing through the holes and narrow passage ways within the caves. What about the last cave we went through, the 'Dogs Leg' we were both so tired that we fell asleep and waited for the others to return. I remember with deep fondness us playing ball in the backyard as practice for Baseball, the sport you loved along with your football. Your son Lachlan is now 9 and growing very tall. You'd be very proud of him. I was there the day you were born and there the day you left us. I miss you more each day and until we meet again, All my love always, Dad.

Amanda09 Separation from Husband
  • replies: 1

We had been married for almost 12 years until he left me 3 weeks ago. I have had depression for a number of years, he left me 6 months ago which prompted me to seek help. He was back in 1 week. This time he is saying that even after my obvious progre... View more

We had been married for almost 12 years until he left me 3 weeks ago. I have had depression for a number of years, he left me 6 months ago which prompted me to seek help. He was back in 1 week. This time he is saying that even after my obvious progression, he feels that he has fallen out of love with me and that he can not see us working. He is willing to give it 6 months to see if things change for him, he has moved in with his brother at this time. He has never seen a counsellor and feels that he doesnt need help. During the last few years, I have been damaging to his self esteem and all of the other things that generally damage a relationship due to depression and anxiety. I openly admit these problems and have started working with a psychologist to help me past this. Every time we have seen each other it turns into me pushing him to see where things are at, I see now how bad this is and am trying to old contact him regarding our two kids 8 & 4. He has asked me to only contact him for these reasons to give him some space. It's so hard.

Rodb So lost and lonely
  • replies: 1

Even though it has only been a week since my defacto and I split and I have not seen my children in that time it doesn't make it any easier, I am used to seeing my children every day and never being with out them I would look forward to coming home w... View more

Even though it has only been a week since my defacto and I split and I have not seen my children in that time it doesn't make it any easier, I am used to seeing my children every day and never being with out them I would look forward to coming home walking in the door and having my children call dad with excitement that I was home now I come home to a empty home that is quiet and lifeless there is sound of children playing or arguing (I miss the fights too) my ex won't let me see them or talk to them and I won't lie I have had thoughts of ending it all. but I know if I did that only hurt them more than what they are feeling now. I just feel so empty and lost

kthraa Crushed
  • replies: 1

Hi all, My name is Lynden, just as an introduction i'm a 24 yr old male, i was in a committed 4+ (just over 4 yrs) relationship, we were engaged, and things looking amazing, to give you an idea of what happened i need to expand my story a little, so ... View more

Hi all, My name is Lynden, just as an introduction i'm a 24 yr old male, i was in a committed 4+ (just over 4 yrs) relationship, we were engaged, and things looking amazing, to give you an idea of what happened i need to expand my story a little, so bear with me please. My parter had been asking me to fix her laptop for a little while, and after much research and troubleshooting i finally figured out how to fix it, when i finally logged into the computer so i could start repairing the damage, the first thing that popped up was the internet with the last open tabs, one of which happened to be Facebook. There were a lot of message notifications, and the message screen was right in front of me, now i trusted my partner, so it didn't bother me that there were a few guys names in there, but one of them seemed odd as the messages were only an hour or so old, and i didn't recognise the name. To cut a long story short i opened the message and found that she had been cheating on me for the last almost 5 months, what makes it then worse is that according to her we (her and i) were on a break so this guy had no clue, or so i thought when i started reading the messages. as i progressed further with the reading i found more and more that the last 5 months had been a massive lie from her, after checking the timestamps there were messages in there from the day before at the exact time when were out for a meal setting the dates for our upcoming marriage. This may seem like a rather calm thought out response, but I don't know what to do, and how i will handle it when i see her again, we also have the issue of, animals and housing to consider, i have very few friends, and no family to speak of, and i can see myself slowly sinking into a state that is not going to end well for me or someone else if it triggers. I need some help and advice, please?

Jet2014 Breakup
  • replies: 19

My partner and i of 11 years are taking a break/no longer seeing eachother.. or what ever he wants to call it. Im not coping at all. I hate him so much but i want him back so bad. This was his idea, he said he was stck in a rut and wanted change. It ... View more

My partner and i of 11 years are taking a break/no longer seeing eachother.. or what ever he wants to call it. Im not coping at all. I hate him so much but i want him back so bad. This was his idea, he said he was stck in a rut and wanted change. It came out of the blue late one night and i was gone the next day. Its been 3 weeks now and all i do is cry. I wake up anxious and start crying, im anxious all day and i cant eat or sleep. I dont stop crying until the second i fall asleep. I had to move 2 hours away as thats where my closest family is. I dont work now and have no friends or know anyone out here. He says maybe in time wew can get back together but there is no guarantees. I dont know how long he wants. 6-8 months, 2-3 years. We try to talk but i get no answers. Im going to see someone next week to talk to, hoping they can help me.....hope she has tissues!! Im so confused at the moment.

Suzbj I've lost the last of my Biological family member
  • replies: 5

The last of my sisters in my world accused me wrongly of lying. So I said goodbye to her. So I have no family. For a year I thought I had someone but the truth is I have had no family since my mother committed suicide when I was five years old. From ... View more

The last of my sisters in my world accused me wrongly of lying. So I said goodbye to her. So I have no family. For a year I thought I had someone but the truth is I have had no family since my mother committed suicide when I was five years old. From six years old I understood I didn't only lose my mother by her choice, but as a result was stuck with a man who hated me, sisters who hated me, godparents who turned their back on me - I was on my own. In this last year I thought I got one sister or half sister back, And now realise I didn't. Family is not an option for me. It doesn't exist. I am completely alone and need to draw strength from that.

smith anixeity on the edge all the time
  • replies: 5

i am always on the edge with anxiety i think people are against me all the time and i shut my self off from the world at times i am the only child i am living with 2 aging parents i am 45,and i love them so much i will miss them and i worry about wha... View more

i am always on the edge with anxiety i think people are against me all the time and i shut my self off from the world at times i am the only child i am living with 2 aging parents i am 45,and i love them so much i will miss them and i worry about what my life will be without them and i worry about having to speak at the the service which people keep saying i have to do which twists my thinking as i know it would be much for me to stand up and do i am to shy and emotional person to speak on the day i keep thinking people with judge me and think i am weak if i dont speak etc i keep annoying friends about it all the time and alway ringing people for their specialist advice and i cant seem to shake this problem

Izaura Just lost a friend to suicide
  • replies: 5

Hi, I am new here. Today I attended the funeral of a friend that committed suicide. He had been obviously depressed for a long time but refused help. Last week he took his life. Throughout the week I have been going through hell. I have been battling... View more

Hi, I am new here. Today I attended the funeral of a friend that committed suicide. He had been obviously depressed for a long time but refused help. Last week he took his life. Throughout the week I have been going through hell. I have been battling major depression and anxiety for many years and am happy with my progress. Nevertheless I can't stop being dragged down in a situation like this. i have been angry with him but at the same time I understand he was sick. What I am struggling to understand is why he did not accept the help that was offered! I have been thinking that there needs to be a more clear approach to making people aware of what depression is and what it can do to people. I think we are all comfortable talking to a GP when we have Flu or fever or a headache that never goes away. But the community needs to be aware of the symptoms of depression and anxiety and, more so, that there is help out there and that there is no shame in looking for help! Mental illness is as normal as diabetes or kidney disease ! Isn't? my history is very long but, as I said before, I am happy with my progress. 2 years ago I went through a very painful divorce. My psychiatrist put me on a very strong course of medication and I was seeing him every week. Thank god for that. I survived and today I only take one tablet a day. Never mind, if that keeps me heathy I am happy with that. but today the pain was unbearable and I had to talk about it. Maybe I am losing the plot here but I am really set into getting into some sort of crusade to make the wide community aware of this killer disease. What can I do? Any ideas?

cobber44 losing dad
  • replies: 6

i am 49 and have just lost my father to lung cancer on the 10/01/14. he was the only man who ever loved me unconditionally and i was his blue eyed princess. at his funeral on the 16/01/14 i verbally attached every other loved one around me in an extr... View more

i am 49 and have just lost my father to lung cancer on the 10/01/14. he was the only man who ever loved me unconditionally and i was his blue eyed princess. at his funeral on the 16/01/14 i verbally attached every other loved one around me in an extremely bitter way and even though i had a lot to drink and was grieving i cant remember a thing and a friend and my mother told me the next morning that it was very cruel. now i have accepted the horror that i caused to my son, daughter and best friend from high school and like an alcoholic admitting they drink too much i finally admitted that i have a problem in that i try to sabotage every relationship in my life to avoid pain and loss. i have been doing this from as long as i can remember hence 2 failed marriages and now its like i am pushing everyone else away so i dont have to ever go through this pain again.