Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Harry1989 I need help to deal with and process these things that are haunting me.
  • replies: 22

I'll start from the start. I really need to get this out before it completely consumes me. My problems like most start with parents splitting up. Mine didn't have an amicable separation to say the least. My memories of that time were mum not at home,... View more

I'll start from the start. I really need to get this out before it completely consumes me. My problems like most start with parents splitting up. Mine didn't have an amicable separation to say the least. My memories of that time were mum not at home, dad supposedly in jail and not going to school. They both had problems with drinking and it led them to be violent to each other. I remember countless birthdays of mine ruined by arguments and fights. It got to the point where my father had attempted to kill my mother. I didn't know about this until years later because I was protected from what was going on because I was the youngest of 2 children. My older sister dealt with what was going on then - not to say it's any better that she had to witness it but she at least had the opportunity to come to terms with what had happened because of which. There were multiple years that this continued and I feel like I didn't have the support to really grow up. I feel like I havent had any positive role models. Following the separation of my parents my mother got with somebody else, my father decided to stop working and abandon the life he had in Sydney to move back to the country with his elderly parents. Even typing that out makes it sound ridiculous. He used multiple excuses to pretty much justify him not working, living with them and excessively drinking and having no contact or relationship with me or my sister. I had a very close relationship with my father for quite a while. I had moved down to the country with him at the time. Needless to say that his parents (my grandparents) didn't exactly get along with me that well. We always argued and I ended up leaving and coming back to Sydney. My mother was then (unknowing to me) pregnant with my half sister. I was excluded from the news and was pretty much the last person to find out due to my attachment with my father. I was just expected to be all fine with it - when at the point it was too far gone to hide it anymore. (baby bump) My mum had been with that guy for quite a long time. 13 years I believe. Now they've split up and it's deja vu. Mum is out all the time and is clearly out with someone else. I was lucky enough to have a supportive partner. She had pretty much come to live with me - because of my desire to spend time with her and the circumstances she was in she didn't have a place to stay for a little while. We discussed a future. We had made jokes about the things we would say to our kids. Our relationship was great and blissful. So much time together doing what we wanted to do. Things had been crappier than usual as of late. I've been really unmotivated and feeling down about everything. To the point that I don't really feel motivation to leave the house. Which is stupid of me to bring in to a relationship.. But I addressed that issue with her last week and I was trying my hardest to make a change. Then on saturday night when we got in to bed I asked her whats wrong with the intimacy in our relationship and it escalated in to being that she doesnt want to be with me anymore. I felt completely blind sided by this. I feel like I have been living a dream since then because none of it seems real. She told me she still loves me and I still love her but I can't continue to feel like this. I'm alone and I'm very afraid of it. I know people are supposed to be okay with being alone but I don't want to be. I don't want to dwell in my thoughts.

Eastendboy Over it
  • replies: 2

My son passed away in my arms. I got divorced. Diagnosed with manic depression. For me life sucks badly. I am finding it hard to cope. Finding it hard to survive. I feel sad and want to sleep forever. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often ... View more

My son passed away in my arms. I got divorced. Diagnosed with manic depression. For me life sucks badly. I am finding it hard to cope. Finding it hard to survive. I feel sad and want to sleep forever. beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

EllieB85 lost..alone..need advice/a point in the right direction
  • replies: 2

Not sure if anyone will read this, but really don't know where else to turn for advice. I am a 28yr old mother to 1, and am about to embark on a very much unwanted separation from my fiance. After going through post natal depression and making it out... View more

Not sure if anyone will read this, but really don't know where else to turn for advice. I am a 28yr old mother to 1, and am about to embark on a very much unwanted separation from my fiance. After going through post natal depression and making it out on the other side, my fiance and I have come to the realisation that after all of my drama/anxiety/depression, we are no longer in love. Hence my next battle, I can feel myself slipping back down into that darkness, but with all of the other things I need to arrange, I dont have time to focus on that. Im sure others have been through a separation, but I dont know where to start. We have built a home which wont sell high enough to cover our loan, I wish I could stay in the house, but that is also unviable. My son starts school next year and I want him zoned for a certain school, but not knowing what my next step is, I cant enrol him anywhere. I work full time and require the support of my fiance, but he seems to have vacated the whole 'family' and doesnt care about anything. I am sure I need legal, financial, mental help.. but where do I start? Can anyone tell me that they did make it out on the other side of a similar situation? At the moment I feel like I am drowning and there is no light at the end of this extremely long tunnel. Thankyou in advance for any help

Dad_Matt I lost my 9 year old son. I can't cope.
  • replies: 10

We have our sons funeral on Monday. It's been 2 weeks since he passed away suddenly. I am so angry. A dad should be able to look after their children. I have a beautiful wife and 2 other boys. But I just can't cope. I can't sleep. I can't eat. And I ... View more

We have our sons funeral on Monday. It's been 2 weeks since he passed away suddenly. I am so angry. A dad should be able to look after their children. I have a beautiful wife and 2 other boys. But I just can't cope. I can't sleep. I can't eat. And I other than these view lines of insure I can't talk about how deeply broken I am. I feel like something is gonna give.

bethany-mc A year on.
  • replies: 1

Nearly a year ago I was raped, and I fell pregnant. As soon as my family found out, they sent me to the doctors and I got an abortion. I think about my little girl every day, and how much it hurts. I'll never get to hold her in my arms, kiss her, cud... View more

Nearly a year ago I was raped, and I fell pregnant. As soon as my family found out, they sent me to the doctors and I got an abortion. I think about my little girl every day, and how much it hurts. I'll never get to hold her in my arms, kiss her, cuddle her, nurture her. It's the most pain I've ever been through and although my boyfriend tries to help me through it, I'll never forget her.

Simone1974 My mum passed away late last year, finding it difficult to get on with life
  • replies: 6

My mum passed away late last year. I've really tired to get on with my life but I'm finding it extremely difficult. I seem to go through good and bad patches. Lately I've been feeling worse and worse. I'm just so depressed and exhausted all of the ti... View more

My mum passed away late last year. I've really tired to get on with my life but I'm finding it extremely difficult. I seem to go through good and bad patches. Lately I've been feeling worse and worse. I'm just so depressed and exhausted all of the time. I am on anti depressants and something to help me sleep and I don't even know if they are working or not. Just feeling horrible and I don't know what to do.

Light9 When is enough enough?
  • replies: 3

I have grown up in a household with extreme mental illnesses. Both my older sister and mother are bi polar and sister is schizophrenic also. I have never received the protection I needed or deserved. My father cares for both of them and is very close... View more

I have grown up in a household with extreme mental illnesses. Both my older sister and mother are bi polar and sister is schizophrenic also. I have never received the protection I needed or deserved. My father cares for both of them and is very close with both of them, all 3 have violent and aggressive/manipulative controlling ways. I have lived away for at least 10 years now. The last visit home (6 months ago) I was pregnant. I lost my child 2 weeks later after I was taken away in a mental health van (which my family called for). They could see I was perfectly sane and had the wrong person. My parents want to visit me suddenly this year (they have never visited me in 10 years before, I must visit them. I have told my sister I do not want contact anymore and I really don't want to see my parents either. I don't know what to do. I have been very suicidal and alone for many years.beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

Slrau My brother
  • replies: 3

6 weeks ago my life was turned upside down when my little brother took his own life. It came as a huge shock to me as there was no sign that he was suicidal at all. He was my only brother and just being the two of us, we were very close, I don't unde... View more

6 weeks ago my life was turned upside down when my little brother took his own life. It came as a huge shock to me as there was no sign that he was suicidal at all. He was my only brother and just being the two of us, we were very close, I don't understand how I never picked something was up. He tried to call me the night he ended it all at midnight but I didn't answer his call, I will never forgive myself! He had rang me often in the middle of the night just to wake me up, he thought it was funny. I assumed this was another one of those calls and thought I'd just speak to him in the morning. I will never speak to him again. I have 3 children, the youngest just 12 weeks old, whom he adored and they loved there uncle dearly. He was only 28. He was handsome, had a good job, no debts, great friends and had just started seeing a girl he seemed really keen on. I don't understand. Some of his friends have since come forward and said they think he suffered from anxiety and looking back on things he hadn't been himself for a little while, maybe he had a bit of depression. He was just so good at hiding it because like I said, I had no idea that things were this bad! I guess I'm just writing this to hear from anyone who has been in a similar position. I am devastated.

longers81 lost the love of my life!
  • replies: 4

hi,I'm 33 I've been in a relationship with a girl for the last two years she was from perth i was from sydney.last year in may we broke up i came home but we kept talking and we kept seeing each other through out the year id go there she would come t... View more

hi,I'm 33 I've been in a relationship with a girl for the last two years she was from perth i was from sydney.last year in may we broke up i came home but we kept talking and we kept seeing each other through out the year id go there she would come to sydney.she moved back in with me in december and everything was going amazing! then she cheated on me with some one she was seeing in perth when we had broken up and is now saying she has fallen out of love with me.and two days before this guy got to sydney we were so in love like i have never felt before i wanted to marry this girl.now she is saying she is going back to perth to be with this guy.im beyond devastated I'm so upset i don't know what to do? I'm so in love with her and i can't live without her she is leaving next week but already she dosent want to talk to me i don't know how this has happened I'm so lost and i miss her so much it hurts!!! every morning my alarm goes off and my first thought isn't **** i have to get up for work,its another day without the girl of my dreams! i can't sleep properly I am constantly thinking of her and them being together I'm going crazy! i really feel on day we will be together but maybe I'm dreaming.im sure people fall back in love and one day I'm going to get her to fall in love with me again. or maybe I'm just dreaming again please help

tap78 confused and lonely
  • replies: 2

Hi All Will try keep this as short as possible just felt this was a good way to vent. I have recently separated from my wife of 10 years ( 10 year anniversary is tomorrow ) we have been together for 13 years and have 2 amazing kids 10 and 14. I know ... View more

Hi All Will try keep this as short as possible just felt this was a good way to vent. I have recently separated from my wife of 10 years ( 10 year anniversary is tomorrow ) we have been together for 13 years and have 2 amazing kids 10 and 14. I know the numbers don't add up my eldest is not biologically mine however I have been her father since she was 12 months old with no contact from her real father. My wife has cheated on me in the past with what I thought was a friend of mine and at that time I chose to forgive and move on which wasn't easy but we got through it. the separation happened when I got suspicious of her friendship with another man who again was right under my nose pretending to be a friend. i didn't want to believe it could be happening again so i shrugged it off for a few days until i finally checked the phone records and noticed all the text messages up to 33 in one day as well as the odd late night phone call. when i finally confronted her she denied everything at first until i told her what i knew then shrugged it of and said it doesn't matter because she was going to talk to me on the weekend anyway. the last year of our marriage has been hard with financial issues me working 2 jobs and her working casual as well so we didn't get as much time together as we would have liked and i had noticed her mood swings getting worse and worse with the smallest things setting her off to a point where she was in tears. I have tried to get her to talk to someone about her emotional instability as she herself has told me she thinks she is suffering from depression however she would not take that step. I have noticed the personality changes even more so now since the separation as one minute she is telling me she is sorry she has done this and hates that she has hurt me and within minutes it changes to abuse over money or the kids. I am left confused wondering what to do. I will always care for her and although i know we can never go back i still want to help her overcome her mental issues but i feel she is still manipulating me while still pursuing a relationship with the other man. I know we can never go back but just don't know how to move on. Thanks for listening to my rant any advise or personal experiences are welcome.