Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Start a discussion

JN2014 Not coping with a death
  • replies: 3

Hi My brother passed away - too early he was only 48 years old - and i am not coping. He passed away in March 2014 and I am still having trouble coping. I want him to be here, to answer the phone when I call, to talk to me, to tell me I am an idiot w... View more

Hi My brother passed away - too early he was only 48 years old - and i am not coping. He passed away in March 2014 and I am still having trouble coping. I want him to be here, to answer the phone when I call, to talk to me, to tell me I am an idiot with some of the things that I do. Our mum passes in july 2000 and we never quite got over it, now I can't see how to get over losing him. Have any of you gone through this, and if so how do you cope? Any help will be very much appreciated. Thanks JH2014

rah first reaction to death
  • replies: 2

I have lost a few people and each time ive laughed when I found out. this time I didn't laugh but ive been too happy its been a few hours and I havnt come down yet I just don't understand why this is my first response

I have lost a few people and each time ive laughed when I found out. this time I didn't laugh but ive been too happy its been a few hours and I havnt come down yet I just don't understand why this is my first response

lucy2 Estranged from daughter.
  • replies: 2

Hello friends I posted nearly 6 days ago. The answers I had helped me so much, I feel very much unchained from my problem, and now want to look forward. My only problem is now my son has been hurt by his sister, I spoke to him last night, he was stra... View more

Hello friends I posted nearly 6 days ago. The answers I had helped me so much, I feel very much unchained from my problem, and now want to look forward. My only problem is now my son has been hurt by his sister, I spoke to him last night, he was strangely quiet. He told his sister about how much I was hurting but he has discovered a huge brick wall from her. He said she's not the same anymore. I felt sad for him but at the same time I told him she is not going to change and be the person we once knew. He is 34 yrs old, and I know his father's death hurt him so much as he didn't say goodbye. I didn't realise how close he is with me until last week and his wife explained how very sad he was with what has happened to me. My son finds it very hand to show feelings but he gave me the biggest hugging crush I have ever had from him. Now I have to help him and I guess this is going to be very hard. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated. I told him last night life goes on and we love him so much and he is not to dwell on his sister, but as we all know it is easier said than done. I had a phone call from a girlfriend last night that I haven't spoken to in a year, I told her why and without crying. I have made arrangements to have coffee with her soon, not that I want to tell her the whole story, I can't, its gone, it is time to go forward and onward and stop eating like there is no tomorrow. Thank you again.

lost87 Which life path to take...
  • replies: 3

I'm lost, confused, lonely and indescribably hurt! Rewind 12 months and i was as content as they come. Life was great! This time last year i was 7 months pregnant with what i dubbed our final masterpiece. Number 3 was our honeymoon baby and i couldn'... View more

I'm lost, confused, lonely and indescribably hurt! Rewind 12 months and i was as content as they come. Life was great! This time last year i was 7 months pregnant with what i dubbed our final masterpiece. Number 3 was our honeymoon baby and i couldn't wait! I had been married to my high school sweetheart for 8 months, we'd been together for just over 9 years. There was no problem in my little spot in the world. Our little boy arrived in Sep, happy and healthy like his big sister and brother. Complete perfection. I was living the life i always dreamed i would - married to the man of my dreams, mummy to his 3 beautiful babies. Hubby never wanted a third, he said the stresses of two was enough and we were blessed with one of each anyway. I disagreed and convinced him i wouldn't be content with two. So number 3 came. Number 1 was far from planned at 18 and 19 but loved and wanted and number 3 was no different. In Oct hubby starting heading out and drinking ALOT, every weekend. I pulled away and for the first time felt things didn't look bright. Feb i received a letter in the post telling me hubby was cheating on me. My world fell to pieces in front on me. I sit here 5 months later still in shock, still unwilling to accept my reality. I've been to hell and back trying to save my marriage. The affair continued and still does today. I have been treated with the most repulsive lack of respect, it hurts. The lies I've been fed cut me more deeply than he'll ever know. Yet he says he loves me, he wants to be with me and that he doesn't want to be with her. She has told me he has said the same to her regarding me. So why is she still there? I'm being faced with two life paths - with and without him. We officially separated 15th June and I'm not coping. How can this possibly be my reality? How are we here after everything we worked so hard for? If a friend sat with me across a table and told me everything i've forgiven, i'd want to slap her in the head and tell her to wake up! Love is blind! I don't want to want my husband anymore - ouch, it hurts typing it! But its true. I want a new life, new love, one with trust and honesty, one that honours everything it vows it will. But i don't know how. I've never even broken up with a boyfriend before. Im incapable of even sleeping on my own! How do i move forward? Can anyone help with advice on firstly accepting everything and then moving past it? How do i stop the anxiety, the panic i feel when i see her? Please help.

white knight Past the pain zone
  • replies: 9

I've just come out of the forest. I'd had 6 weeks of my youngest daughter (21) coming back in my life after 2 years of nothing. It started when she was 14yo. I'd had 10 years of fortnightly visitations then one day she rang me. "I dont want to see yo... View more

I've just come out of the forest. I'd had 6 weeks of my youngest daughter (21) coming back in my life after 2 years of nothing. It started when she was 14yo. I'd had 10 years of fortnightly visitations then one day she rang me. "I dont want to see you anymore" were her words that would echo through my mind for...well still does today. No reason was given. I pressed her on more info- "I just dont want to see you anymore". In addition to the child support I paid $14,000 towards her teeth and jaw operations. I mention this only because I'm not a dead beat dad. Every yar or two years she would contact me and I'd forgive her...in my mind anyway...and we'd swap small talk. Nothing ever got resolved. One meeting in a park was arranged. She was 19yo. She mimicked her mothers words, that revenge comprehension that you just know she got from her. Non custodial parents know when their child has been brain washed, they not need evidence. Then 6 weeks ago she asked for my friendship on Facebook. I accepted and was looking forward to a slow regain of a daughter. Baby steps was the plan. My eldest daugther warned me- "she wouldnt have changed dad". My eldest endured the same unworkable relationship with her birth mother and sister for years until at age 16 (she left home to live with me at age 12) she stopped seeing them altogether. Clean cut, no further contact. I remarried 3 years ago to my childrens once auntie by marriage. Their favourite auntie. So there is no step mother issues at all. All was going ok in the 6 weeks. Then without warning she defriended me yesterday. The yo-yo went down again. As I said to Lucy2 on another thread, you ask yourself what do you do? what can you do ? I stayed strong until the afternoon then "lost it". I had an arguement with my wife and walked out towards the bush. In reflection I was a time bomb today about to explode at any time. My wife copped it. Then I broke one of our golden rules. I left the property boundary. I found some peace in the bush and pondered. I have previously on this forum given advice that anyone in this grieving situation should think of other people not themselves. It wasnt easy but after 3 hours I returned home to a more angry wife. I've been home one hour now. My wife apologised for her actions and I did about mine. It's ok. Now is the time to make a stand about my youngest daughter and my decision is- Close the door almost till it hits home. Leave a little bit for miracles. Move on for my protection and happiness.

Jo3 Feel like I've lost something
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone I feel so alone and feel that I need a hug. I want to feel someone put their arms around me and tell me it's okay and that I will be alright. Things will work out. Sorry, this is how I feel at the moment, sad, depressed, lonely and needin... View more

Hi everyone I feel so alone and feel that I need a hug. I want to feel someone put their arms around me and tell me it's okay and that I will be alright. Things will work out. Sorry, this is how I feel at the moment, sad, depressed, lonely and needing a hug Jo

SubduedBlues It's peaceful in the house
  • replies: 10

My teen aged children and I were sitting about the dinner table this evening having congenial conversation. When my eldest daughter remarked how peaceful it has been over the past couple of weeks since mum has left. At first they saw it as unusually ... View more

My teen aged children and I were sitting about the dinner table this evening having congenial conversation. When my eldest daughter remarked how peaceful it has been over the past couple of weeks since mum has left. At first they saw it as unusually quiet, but have since changed their perception to peaceful in that their mother is not creating unnecessary argument over miniscule things such as a dirty glass left on the table, or a bedroom light left on for a few minutes attending a phone call in the other room. Is this normal?

everhopeful87 I am struggling to cope...
  • replies: 4

Um...not really sure where to start on something like this, but I am struggling with coping with my down thoughts all the time. About 3 years ago my partner of 2.5 years left me with his final words being "you are no longer worth my time, and you don... View more

Um...not really sure where to start on something like this, but I am struggling with coping with my down thoughts all the time. About 3 years ago my partner of 2.5 years left me with his final words being "you are no longer worth my time, and you don't deserve to be happy". Ever since then I have had a string of "relationships" where it either ends up that I am only being used for one thing or it turns out that they are "not ready for a relationship." I finally met someone about 3 months ago that new everything about me, we got along great, he wasnt the most attractive, but his personality won me over. Things were going great, he knew that I was afraid of getting hurt and that I had walls built up, but he managed to make me not want to have walls with him and so I let my guard down. Out of nowhere 3 weeks ago he pulled the usual "Im just not ready for a relationship". I spiralled down hill fast, not so much over the breakup but to me it feels like I will never find that happiness with a partner. I am constantly afraid of being alone and am so lonely that it makes getting out of bed difficult each and every day. I have seen a dr and can't get in to a psychologist until the end of sept and I just needed to vent to people that I hope would have some understanding. What coping mechanisms can I use to get me through this? I seriously don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, and I am petrified of being the crazy cat lady. I am 27 by the way. When my partner left 3 years ago my soul felt like it was crushed, and it took me months to recover, and I developed a codeine addiction. I have since kicked the habit, decided alcohol is not my friend and am trying to make positive changes in my life, but on bad days it feels as if I have taken 1 step forward but 30 million backwards. How do you convince yourself that you are worth something when everything and everyone around makes me feel like I am not? I know there are worse things going on in people's lives, and whinging over a breakup seems so petty to me. but I just can't escape the bad thoughts in my head, and constantly hope that the next morning I won't wake up, because then I don't have to deal with this anymore. Sorry about the rant.

Taz22 Lost and sad.
  • replies: 1

Hi, This is my first time posting so feel a bit silly but I know I need to start somewhere before I take another step in the wrong direction. I'm recently out of a 3 and a half year relationship. The thing with it was that for 2 years of the relation... View more

Hi, This is my first time posting so feel a bit silly but I know I need to start somewhere before I take another step in the wrong direction. I'm recently out of a 3 and a half year relationship. The thing with it was that for 2 years of the relationship, we did it long distance between Ireland and Australia. I'm only 22 but I based my whole life plan around it and my goal was to move back there next year after Uni. He broke up with me though because of the distance and my world seemed to shatter. Nothing made sense. This is when the bad choices started.. I was very quickly approached by what seemed to be a knight in shining armour who distracted me from the pain and had me convinced that I was wonderful when I felt so low.. I knew I wasn't over my ex and might never be but he assured me I was worth the wait etc.etc. And admittedly the distraction really did help. Up until the point where he decided to end it by txt the morning of my half-way ball that I invited him to but still went himself. I then got so drunk that I woke up in bed the next day and didn't know how I got there.. I was told that I cried, fell, shouted... and overall made a fool out of myself. I'm so embarrassed and I was so scared.. I've always been a happy person and I don't know how I reached this point where I don't want to leave my room out of embarrassment and shame.. My mum is also going through a bit of a scare as she has to go for a biopsy for possible breast cancer and I can't seem to think anything but the worst. She may have nothing wrong but I can't think anything but the worst.. I can't stop crying about that either. I've never felt so lost. I'm surrounded by people but I feel embarrassed and that I deserve to stay in my room. I'm worried my mum is sick. I always thought I'd move back to Ireland next year but now I don't know if I can.. I'm a girl who needs a plan and I have none.. I feel too embarrassed to go to class tomorrow because I don't know how to face anyone.. I don't know how I became the girl who drinks so much that I black out and cry... I'm scared that I reached that point.. I feel lost and feel like I need to hide in my room and stick my head in the sand and that everyone is judging me because I know I'm judging myself... I just don't know where to start to be me again. Any advice would be amazing and so totally appreciated because I've never felt so lost. Thank you

joanyl husband is depressed, lost nephew to suicide
  • replies: 3

My husband is a good man and this is in no way a running down session, he has been depressed for a while we were having financial problems that he blamed me for as it was a credit card that i spent on. this went on food car bills etc, but he was a an... View more

My husband is a good man and this is in no way a running down session, he has been depressed for a while we were having financial problems that he blamed me for as it was a credit card that i spent on. this went on food car bills etc, but he was a annoyed i did not tell him, I have always dealt with the money and he has never taken any notice.Then last year my blood nephew died by suicide, he is my husbands nephew by marriage. this has devastated the whole family and I eventually went off sick from work as I could no longer cope, my husband has finally hit rock bottom and no longer feels able to support me, I thought we could support each other but he seems not to have the capacity to do this.I can understand this but still have really bad days and struggle with the support rug being pulled away and I feel like I am now floundering. He is so angry and blames me for everything, said I have ruined his life, when he is calm said he didn’t mean this, then another time said if he had somewhere to go he doesn’t know that he wouldn’t.I am also upset that he said this to me while I am grieving for my nephew. I understand that he needs my help but I am not strong enough to do this everything feels such a mess, it is coming up to the anniversary of my nephews death which I am finding hard, a suicide is a very different death from illness I cant explain it but it turns everything you think about life upside down and you no longer feel safe.I know that this sounds like it is all about me but its not I just have no one else now to talk to now. I have always been the stronger one and it feels like yet again I am having to hold everything together, I am so sick of being the strong one. I read on a post about her husband treating her like the enemy and its true, nothing I can say is right, he also seems to want to be separate from me and seems to go out of his way to avoid me. He is finally going to the doctors and I hope this helps.