Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Djman Empty and lost
  • replies: 1

Hi , thanks for a good site... 7 years ago I lost my 80ish year old mother to Dementia , I delt with that ok , as I had my dad around with me , but over the christmas holiday, and on christmas day, my dad (90) passed away. He was battling lung cancer... View more

Hi , thanks for a good site... 7 years ago I lost my 80ish year old mother to Dementia , I delt with that ok , as I had my dad around with me , but over the christmas holiday, and on christmas day, my dad (90) passed away. He was battling lung cancer for 4 months...my sister has helped out a lot... but I live on my own and I'm finding it extreamly difficult now , it like I looked after him for so long, and now nothing. My father and I were best friends too, we traveled all the time together. I went away for the weekend a few weeks ago and cried in bed every night I was away. I haven't felt like before, and I'm struggling . had kind of thought of a counselor but dont know if i can afford one on my pension.. I do things during the week , but just some days its a real struggle to get motivated any more, how do you cope with no more parents around ? I'm in my 40's ...

lavenderquartz Advice on picking up the pieces as I emerge from my depression and anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hi Friends, This is my first time posting on the forum. In brief, I had a very traumatic nervous breakdown last spring/summer: during a period of extreme stress (work, financial, etc) I developed a severe panic disorder as well as depression. My anxi... View more

Hi Friends, This is my first time posting on the forum. In brief, I had a very traumatic nervous breakdown last spring/summer: during a period of extreme stress (work, financial, etc) I developed a severe panic disorder as well as depression. My anxiety revolved around being a hurtful person, and so I pushed away the people closest to me including my girlfriend at the time. I am way better now - not dealing with active panic attacks or severe depression - but I still battling some feelings of sadness, despair, and doom from time to time. In the period since, I have tried valiantly to reconcile with my (now) ex-girlfriend. She is very distant, indifferent, and unresponsive to me. And, I found out this weekend via social media that she started seeing someone else. My question is how other people have picked up the pieces after the storm. In other words, I feel much better and yet her utter rejection of me (and seeming lack of continued compassion towards me/refusal to engage in a conversation with me) makes me feel like a terrible, monsterous person. How do you recover from depression when the debris of your former life are cause enough to slide back into sad feelings? And, how do you make peace with yourself when those you once turned to for unquestioned love no longer seem to care about you? I can't quite demonize her - she also went through a very traumatic time (I was confusing about boundaries - pulling her towards me, pushing her away from me, telling her not to call, etc). and is now putting her life back together, too. So neither explanation, "she wasn't right for you, she couldn't see you through this!" or, "you have to atone for what you did!" don't quite make sense to me. I think my actions weren't so severe that they merited such utter refusal, and this aftermath/shrapnel may re-trigger some negative feelings I was having. How have folks picked up the pieces? Made peace with things that changed irreparably during your depression? Thank you.

Seachel I'm hoping to receive some advice of what to do next?
  • replies: 3

My current girlfriend and I have been going through a bit of a tough time recently, mainly coming from a place of me going through depression and basically being hard to be around, I understand where my girlfriend is coming from and I don't blame her... View more

My current girlfriend and I have been going through a bit of a tough time recently, mainly coming from a place of me going through depression and basically being hard to be around, I understand where my girlfriend is coming from and I don't blame her or put any of the responsibility of our problems on her. The thing now is that the past couple of days I have finally realised that I need to be the mature one and end things now because I know I am bringing her down, she is becoming more sad the longer she's with me. We spent a lot of time talking last night and i have explained everything to her, I'm just so confused right now because I really don't want to be without her, I don't want to go through a break up but I also think I need to be alone to get past my depression and I think she needs to be alone to get back to a place where she's happy. It just feels so final and scary and I don't think I can handle it. I don't know what to do...

Rosie49 My soulmate died suddenly
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm new here. My partner of 20 years died suddenly 12 weeks ago. We never married and had no children. We lived in adjacent units and spent time together every day of those 20 years. I was numb for 6 or 7 weeks then full blown grief hit me like a... View more

Hi, I'm new here. My partner of 20 years died suddenly 12 weeks ago. We never married and had no children. We lived in adjacent units and spent time together every day of those 20 years. I was numb for 6 or 7 weeks then full blown grief hit me like a sledgehammer. He was too young to die, only 54. The past two weeks I have developed anxiety and have daily panic attacks when I feel like I'm going mad. I haven't been to my GP as he was my partner's as well and I cannot walk through the surgery door. I get panicky and tear-up just walking past. I'm having a rare "ok day" today, bv those are usually followed by days filled by unbearable despair. I have trouble sleeping and am panicky the moment I wake. From reading grief sites my symptoms seem to be "norm l" grief. I don't know what I am expecting from my post here. I just had to write stuffwdown. I don't know whether a GP wovld prescribe something to help me sleep. My gp is one of those who tells you to have a paracetamol and a lie down. I feel likeI am not making any progress, just going backwards.

Leigh 8th Anniversary but still feel the pain
  • replies: 1

My Dearest Son Andrew, The 25th of February this year will mark the 8th year since you left us, yet it still feels like yesterday. I know that as a father, I'm not supposed to have favourites but in your ever so short 23 years you were my best mate. ... View more

My Dearest Son Andrew, The 25th of February this year will mark the 8th year since you left us, yet it still feels like yesterday. I know that as a father, I'm not supposed to have favourites but in your ever so short 23 years you were my best mate. So in your passing I lost not only my son but my best mate also. Do you recall when you were only 5 and your Uncle Dudley along with some other friends took you caving at Wee Jasper? You just simply loved playing in the mud and squeezing through the holes and narrow passage ways within the caves. What about the last cave we went through, the 'Dogs Leg' we were both so tired that we fell asleep and waited for the others to return. I remember with deep fondness us playing ball in the backyard as practice for Baseball, the sport you loved along with your football. Your son Lachlan is now 9 and growing very tall. You'd be very proud of him. I was there the day you were born and there the day you left us. I miss you more each day and until we meet again, All my love always, Dad.

Amanda09 Separation from Husband
  • replies: 1

We had been married for almost 12 years until he left me 3 weeks ago. I have had depression for a number of years, he left me 6 months ago which prompted me to seek help. He was back in 1 week. This time he is saying that even after my obvious progre... View more

We had been married for almost 12 years until he left me 3 weeks ago. I have had depression for a number of years, he left me 6 months ago which prompted me to seek help. He was back in 1 week. This time he is saying that even after my obvious progression, he feels that he has fallen out of love with me and that he can not see us working. He is willing to give it 6 months to see if things change for him, he has moved in with his brother at this time. He has never seen a counsellor and feels that he doesnt need help. During the last few years, I have been damaging to his self esteem and all of the other things that generally damage a relationship due to depression and anxiety. I openly admit these problems and have started working with a psychologist to help me past this. Every time we have seen each other it turns into me pushing him to see where things are at, I see now how bad this is and am trying to old contact him regarding our two kids 8 & 4. He has asked me to only contact him for these reasons to give him some space. It's so hard.

Rodb So lost and lonely
  • replies: 1

Even though it has only been a week since my defacto and I split and I have not seen my children in that time it doesn't make it any easier, I am used to seeing my children every day and never being with out them I would look forward to coming home w... View more

Even though it has only been a week since my defacto and I split and I have not seen my children in that time it doesn't make it any easier, I am used to seeing my children every day and never being with out them I would look forward to coming home walking in the door and having my children call dad with excitement that I was home now I come home to a empty home that is quiet and lifeless there is sound of children playing or arguing (I miss the fights too) my ex won't let me see them or talk to them and I won't lie I have had thoughts of ending it all. but I know if I did that only hurt them more than what they are feeling now. I just feel so empty and lost

kthraa Crushed
  • replies: 1

Hi all, My name is Lynden, just as an introduction i'm a 24 yr old male, i was in a committed 4+ (just over 4 yrs) relationship, we were engaged, and things looking amazing, to give you an idea of what happened i need to expand my story a little, so ... View more

Hi all, My name is Lynden, just as an introduction i'm a 24 yr old male, i was in a committed 4+ (just over 4 yrs) relationship, we were engaged, and things looking amazing, to give you an idea of what happened i need to expand my story a little, so bear with me please. My parter had been asking me to fix her laptop for a little while, and after much research and troubleshooting i finally figured out how to fix it, when i finally logged into the computer so i could start repairing the damage, the first thing that popped up was the internet with the last open tabs, one of which happened to be Facebook. There were a lot of message notifications, and the message screen was right in front of me, now i trusted my partner, so it didn't bother me that there were a few guys names in there, but one of them seemed odd as the messages were only an hour or so old, and i didn't recognise the name. To cut a long story short i opened the message and found that she had been cheating on me for the last almost 5 months, what makes it then worse is that according to her we (her and i) were on a break so this guy had no clue, or so i thought when i started reading the messages. as i progressed further with the reading i found more and more that the last 5 months had been a massive lie from her, after checking the timestamps there were messages in there from the day before at the exact time when were out for a meal setting the dates for our upcoming marriage. This may seem like a rather calm thought out response, but I don't know what to do, and how i will handle it when i see her again, we also have the issue of, animals and housing to consider, i have very few friends, and no family to speak of, and i can see myself slowly sinking into a state that is not going to end well for me or someone else if it triggers. I need some help and advice, please?

Jet2014 Breakup
  • replies: 19

My partner and i of 11 years are taking a break/no longer seeing eachother.. or what ever he wants to call it. Im not coping at all. I hate him so much but i want him back so bad. This was his idea, he said he was stck in a rut and wanted change. It ... View more

My partner and i of 11 years are taking a break/no longer seeing eachother.. or what ever he wants to call it. Im not coping at all. I hate him so much but i want him back so bad. This was his idea, he said he was stck in a rut and wanted change. It came out of the blue late one night and i was gone the next day. Its been 3 weeks now and all i do is cry. I wake up anxious and start crying, im anxious all day and i cant eat or sleep. I dont stop crying until the second i fall asleep. I had to move 2 hours away as thats where my closest family is. I dont work now and have no friends or know anyone out here. He says maybe in time wew can get back together but there is no guarantees. I dont know how long he wants. 6-8 months, 2-3 years. We try to talk but i get no answers. Im going to see someone next week to talk to, hoping they can help me.....hope she has tissues!! Im so confused at the moment.

Suzbj I've lost the last of my Biological family member
  • replies: 5

The last of my sisters in my world accused me wrongly of lying. So I said goodbye to her. So I have no family. For a year I thought I had someone but the truth is I have had no family since my mother committed suicide when I was five years old. From ... View more

The last of my sisters in my world accused me wrongly of lying. So I said goodbye to her. So I have no family. For a year I thought I had someone but the truth is I have had no family since my mother committed suicide when I was five years old. From six years old I understood I didn't only lose my mother by her choice, but as a result was stuck with a man who hated me, sisters who hated me, godparents who turned their back on me - I was on my own. In this last year I thought I got one sister or half sister back, And now realise I didn't. Family is not an option for me. It doesn't exist. I am completely alone and need to draw strength from that.