A lot of Grieving Going On

[Bella_Louise]

I am Grieving for the relationship I had with my Brother after he severed all ties with me due to my apparent betrayal of him

I am Grieving for the Father I never knew and will never know now

I am Grieving for my lost innocence and childhood after being continually abused by my step father

I am Grieving for what could have been and the opportunities lost.

When you grieve for someone who has passed over, it is so very final but doesn't hurt any less. What I am finding so difficult is the grief is overwhelming. It feels like someone has died but without the finality of attending a funeral or celebration of their life.

[white knight]

Hi BL, welcome to Beyond Blue forums.

Indeed, constant grief is hell on earth. And I was totally unaware that (in my case at least) I was suffering mental illness. Then I visited a very good psychiatrist and he found, among bipolar 2, anxiety and depression a illness named dysthymia.

I'd grieve for life itself, dying animals, my brother that checked out on life, my wonderful dad, my estranged daughter etc.

Now since medication was applied and dosage fine tuned....I'm far less in that state.  Much, much better. More realistic, less of that grieving feeling.

I hope I've given you some hope that you do not have to be in that condition and you seek some help.

take care

[AGrace]

Hi Bella Louise,

It sounds like you have experienced a great deal of loss, and I hope that you find sharing with us another positive step in moving through the grieving process. Grief is such an important part of life and sadly the only thing that we can do is move through it. It requires time and patience, gentleness, compassion, and self nurturing. Unlike most other processes, it does not occur in a linear fashion, and will never be the same for each individual. You may find that you swing from one stage to the next, and sometimes back and forth between a few stages, however the process occurs for you, the best thing to do is allow it to happen/ In time, and you will know the right time, grief will become a memory rather than a time to mourn.

The one thing you haven't lost in all of this is you. Hold onto that, and cherish yourself. You are such a unique and very brave individual. I hope here you will feel supported through this time, but don't hesitate to seek additional support from your GP or a grief counsellor to assist you through this process.

AGrace

[Bella_Louise]

Thank you,

I feel as though I am drowning. I touched base with a relative yesterday who opened another can of worms for me to try and get my head around and at this stage I am not 100% sure her memory is serving her well but at least I hopefully will be able to clarify some of the dates she has given me.

I wish I could get rid of the side of me that says everything must be straight in my mind before I can move on and just take things with a grain of salt.

It was my psychiatrist who pointed out to me I was grieving, I thought the only time you grieved was when someone died, but I realise now I am grieving for the loss of my relationships and we are working through it slowly at the moment. Some days I just want to pack up and go and live in a cave somewhere but then other days I am fine and life goes on.

[AGrace]

It's the other days are fine, and life goes on that you will benefit from investing in. Hopefully over time these days will be far greater. I'm glad that you are seeing someone for support. It's odd how they are unable to lock that which we've kept within us for so long. Earlier this year I had to grieve for my boyfriend whom I lost to suicide nearly 20 years ago.