To You, My Dad, John. 11-12-64 ~ 5-12-92 22 years today it's been since you left. Left the physical world, left your uncertainties, left your own life. The years pass, and I get older and time changes most things, But never the fact that you're not here. Nothing will ever change that and it never gets any easier. In your absence and as the years pass, I've learned so much about reality and life's short comings, But mostly about what happens when finality kicks in. There's no closure, no questions answered and no bringing you back to tell us why!!! And with that I realised quite quickly in my young life that there's nothing myself or anyone else can do about it. So what do we do?? Lose grip on reality and live a life We can blame on tragedy and the downfalls?? No chance. We keep living and fighting with a cause. Im not delusional and I know I can't make miracles happen, but I take losing you, the uncertainties, the sadness and all the unknowns and I channel them and use them as power & ammunition for me to get through my days. I refuse to lose or be beaten, I will never wallow in self pity or blame anyone or anything for my downfalls and losses, I live a life I'm proud of, And try to make the world a better place. I struggle, I fall, I hate life sometimes. It's reality, it's life, But despite the struggle, life is always worth staying and fighting for, your death taught me that. There is so much greatness to live for, the blessing I've been given with my family, friendships and the opportunities created for myself. The light and hope does appear, and there's always people willing to help & support other people. I will spend the rest of my days trying to lift the taboo's and negative opinions that surround Suicide & mental illness and I will advocate for and support causes that help people with their turmoil and tough times...Because I wish with all of my soul that there was just one person to help you when you went through yours. I will never hear your voice, see your smile or feel your hugs of support. But I know with every ounce of my being, you're my guiding light and biggest support and ali. I feel that in the decisions I make and the things I think and feel. May your soul be resting eternally in the solace you so deserve Dad, and I'll be sure to catch you on the other side. Until then, I will love you immensely, and miss you even more. All my love for you always ❤️❤️
