Lost my partner recently to Luekaemia (Cancer )(blood)

[demonblaster]

My darling of 28 yrs recently passed away from Leukaemia. He had 7 ish months of chemo, copped an absolute flogging and just kept hacking it. He was an absolute hero throughout.Nearly died 3 times.
We knew it'd come back but not as quick as it did. He got about 5 wks back home and was told he had less than a month to live. Imagine hearing that. 

It's really hard. I miss him terribly. Can't fully comprehend he's not coming back. 
We were happy and lucky to have each other but that's hard to think about atm. 
The mind's an amazing thing and protects you from the pain. 
I have Bipolar so that certainly gives me a dose of pain when on the down side. 
I've seen small changes in the grieving process.(Moving through). 
Got good friends but sometimes it's just too hard to fathom or want to for that matter. 
Love him sooo much. 
Not bloody fair. 

[Jacko777]

Hi demonblaster,

Very sad to hear this mate, I don't think it is something we ever fully comprehend. I am glad that you can feel that you are 'moving through', with the fullness of time you will feel better, don't hesitate to seek help with this, some times we are not aware of things that might slow our recovery.

It helps me in times like these to think of my lost ones with love, instead of missing them, I know it's hard. I try and focus on being thankful for the time we did have, the experiences we shared, forever they are in my heart, my life goes forward knowing that a part of them lives on in me, I honor them by being the best I can be.

Much love to you, talk to us any time.

Jack

[Neil_1]

Dear demonblaster

This will be quite possibly my shortest post of all time on this site.

It is NOT BLOODY fair.

Neil

[demonblaster]

Thanks Jack 🙂

Your as has been many others support is very uplifting, I really do appreciate people and their kindness. 

Yeah in time and sometimes now I can look at good mems thlinking of our good times but atm there's soo much ouch and I don't fully understand although it's slowly sinking in that I won't see him in this life again. God that hurts knowing that. 
I keep thinking back to how sick he was, all the weight he lost, was a big solid fella, cute too :), and had Red blotches under the skin as he was bleeding, (part of this kind of leukaemia, a very aggressive one). He was soo quiet and so exhausted. 

I was holding his hand for his last breath which was a good thing. 
I use to be an Enrolled Nurse & moved around a lot, saw a lot, Often the ones with the worse are the ones that truly do shine.
He did. 

A lady said the person dies but the love doesn't. Sooo true.

I haven't ever forgotten Dad or Mum but am scared of forgetting him, but think it's the grief dumping. I could never forget our love.

:')

Thankyou.... from within

[demonblaster]

Thankyou Neil 🙂

 You are sooo right, It's not fair. 

He was just over 2 wks off having spinal surgery.

He had a third heart attack the night it came on. 

He wasn't old. 

Champion

 Ya you baby

[demonblaster]

soz Jacko, I did answer to your post but not here.

 Thankyou for your support as with many others it's very uplifting and a great boost. Means a lot. 

Yeah time's a great healer, atm it's hard to see the good bits through the pain and still not fully fathoming that he won't be back ...ever. Hating that. Can't or don't want to believe it. Too bloody hard.

We are very lucky to have had our time Yes and many don't ever get what we had. Later I'll be able to appreciate it more without hurting as much. 

Lovely you saying talk to us anytime 🙂 

 Thanks again for your caring and support. 

Awful thing to go through isn't it.

[Jacko777]

Thanks for replying DB. It is an awful thing, a harsh ride you have been on. And if you are like me you can only let the grief take it's course, I find it to be physical at first.

Do keep in touch with your friends and I hope you can find some time each day to divert your attention for a little while, you may need to go rock climbing or sky diving! In between the waves try and find some peace. Anyway, we care how you are going, keep us posted if you feel like it.

Jack

[demonblaster]

Thanks Jackon 🙂

Yeah there was time for us to say goodbye, we never ever doubted our love for eachother so made a big difference. 
With Dad it was sudden when I was a teenager and very in your face. The shock although with my partner here too even though I knew was incredible with Dad. 
Still a nasty cruel shock though isn't it. 

I had done quite a lot of grieving where he had chemo too. 

Thanks again Jacko, and same for you, if you ever wanna talk, I can listen too 🙂

Take care

[demonblaster]

soz meant to say I have been in touch a lot with friends and been out, I started going out early in the peace, didn't wanna get stuck at home in a rut.

Yeah the mind wanders which is a good thing and haven't been dwelling although hard cause he's in my mind 24/7. But that's part of love and grief I guess. Trying to fathom it all. 

 cya

[Neil_1]

Hi there D.B.

That’s been awesome to read your latest responses and having Jack posting also – I hope it’s ok for me to chip in again.

You wrote, “I haven’t forgotten Dad or Mum but am scared of forgetting him, …”   You won’t, you simply won’t forget your Dad or your Mum – and for so many many reasons that I probably don’t have to list out, cause the list would be HUGE.

You also mentioned you won’t forget the love – and yes, that’s possibly the starting point and there the memories and the thoughts will just snowball and develop and grow and in time, the pain will be replaced somewhat with more pleasant memories of times gone by.  Then, if you’re anything like me, it’ll then shoot you down again and the grief will come back – I kind of hope you don’t go down that path, cause grief is an awful thing, when it won’t go away or that it keeps coming back again and again.

Also awesome to read that you’re trying to be in contact with your friends again – which is fantastic – just at a nice slow pace and perhaps just a couple at a time;  but then again, each to their own, eh?

As Jacko wrote, please please write back as often as you would like too – we’ll always be here.

Neil