Hi Laura jane, welcome
I too lost a brother in the same circumstance. I wasnt that close to him. It was 1979 and he was a teacher 4 years older than me.
I've come to the conclusion that commiting suicide is sad for everyone. That the act in itself leave so many people feel helpless. And 17 years after that time I went through a terrible marriage breakup that included my two young children. But although my plans for the same outcome was there I thought of my kids and stopped. Glad I did. Life has completely turned around now. The discovery of mental illness in our family in the early 2000's also made me realise that this also could have been an element of fact in my brothers demise.
I can say to you that it does get easier to accept as time goes by. But I still, 37 years ahead, think about how he could have let us know and seek our support. This and other thoughts are all to do with the grieiving experience and you cannoit press delete and it will go away. So there really is only one answer- coping with it.
How?. Well for a start it was your brothers decision. His choice no matter how we might think about it as an inapproriate act. We dont know how bad his demons were. What I often ask myself is what would my brother want me to feel and the answer is always the same- to live life happily....the way he couldnt. Also to help promote to others (like you) what you can do to cope with this horrible event.
Funny enough my brother loved Elvis, I couldnt stand Elvis but love him now. And my brother and I had a fight when we were teens. He left a scar on my arm that I despised him for. Now I cherish it. There are many thoughts that begin as negative that you can turn around to be inspiring.
You will elvolve into an inspiring person due to this. Take this event and use it towards your life and others. To help others.
Your brother would have wanted that.Take care.
Tony WK
