Loss of my best friend

[Lizzy27]

It was almost 2 years ago, a normal day at home watching tv, I get a call saying there was police and an ambulance outside my best friends house but I thought “typical”. Later that day I get the dreaded call that my best friend had taken his own life. My heart shattered into a million pieces, almost 2 years later my heart is still breaking. I still cry at night. I miss him so much :((

[Sophie_M]

Dear Lizzy27,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear about your loss. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 
 

[Croix]

Dear Lizzy22~

I wish I had words to make things right, I don't. I do know there is no timetable on greif, and the more a person means to you the deeper that grief. I was lucky and expected my partner to pass away, it was a straight medical condition. Even so it was a very long time and many things had happened in my life before I could remember good times with her and smile at them, enjoy her sense of humor, as well as the hole that was the loss.

I know what you face is harder, suicide is a special loss, and comes with things to deal with one top of the greif.

For most peole always wondering why, wondering if they could have done something, if the signs were special and obvious this time, but were missed. It can be easy to blame oneself, and at the same time for many there can be anger, resentment and feeling betrayed. Why he should have left me - was I so bad?

I guess the fact you said "as usual" about the police and ambulance may have meant your friend had suicidal thoughts or actions before. Even if htat is the case no one person can keep another alive, it's not possible. It takes a medical team, some help from those around if they can, and a little spark inside the person themselves. Without all of these it does not work.

All these things have no answers, or at least not logical ones.They are things one lives with, and at special times, such as an anniversary come more to the front of the mind. Planning for such events helps.

I guess my way of dealing with grief, once the mind had started to think of things, was to try to live as normal a life as I could. Going to work, supporting those that needed it (even if that just meant sitting beside them as they cried) and trying to look after myself - even if there seemed no point at the time. Exercise, good food, trying for sleep.

If you are lucky like me there may be someone to talk with, someone who cares and does not try to 'fix', just has patience and listens. Is there anyone in your life like that?

There are things you used to enjoy, maybe sport, maybe music, maybe art, anything. They are there to try again. They can come back and be a pleasure and occupation.

I've said enough for one go, lease come back and talk some more

Croix

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome to the forums.

relationships are always tricky. In your case it was a friend, for someone else it could be their parents? Someone I know is grieving over the loss of someone a year later. The sense of loss may not happen straight away; it can be a delayed reaction. All I know from your post is your relationship with this person must have been quite strong. And with that I am sorry to hear of your loss.

Can I ask whether you were able to talk to someone, friends (?) about what happened, how it made you feel etc.?

I cannot make anything better for, but I can listen if you want to share something about your friend and your story?

[geoff]

Hello Lizzy, I can only join those above me in sending you our deepest thoughts for the loss of your best friend and understand the pain and the grief this is still causing you.

There are no answers to the questions you may be asking yourself and to keep searching may not give a reason why unfortunately.

There could be different situations that you didn't know about which he hadn't spoken about but were causing great concern for him and times when you had no answers to the questions he wanted to know why, this is definitely not your fault but there was a strong connection between the two of you.

It may be possible for you to grow stronger by talking to him and may give you even a better connection in understanding what he had kept secret from you because all of us do have our own thoughts which we don't want to talk about with anyone else.

I hope you can find some answers that will finally appease you.

My thoughts, Lizzy.

Geoff.

[Stellz85]

Hi Lizzy,

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a best friend is a huge loss. Best friends are the ones we share the most with, even more than our partner/spouse. They know us more than anyone. The person you choose to go on your journey of life with through all your ups and downs, never leaving your side. The moment you lose your soulmate you also lose a big part of who you are.
I met my best friend in pre-school, age 4. We were best friends all through school.
I lost him to suicide last year. He was 34. I am lost without him.
Some days I just don’t know how to deal with it and other days I am doing fine, or so I think I am.

While I have a lot of amazing friends, no one can take his place and it give me more pain knowing I’ll never have a friend like him ever again.
I spend a lot of sleepless nights crying on my own as It’s hard for others to understand my pain so I hide it.
I don’t have any answers but am able to relate and listen.