Just sad

[Tessa_Bella_Ghost]

My husband passed away 2 1/2 years ago and my 2 sons recently moved into their own townhouse.  I have a dog who is keeping me distracted and is great company.  It's not the same though.  I miss that 1 person that always has your back.  That 1 person that is always ready to hear you talk about your day or offload, without judgement.  I hate going out with friends because they are all a couple and I am the 3rd wheel.  They are good support but it's just not the same.  I know this is my new normal but I'm not coping too well with it.  My emotions are just simmering under the surface and I cry at the drop of a hat.  I'm showing people what they want to see, that I am strong and doing ok.  Most of the time I am, but just recently I have struggled.  I found Christmas particular hard as it is such a big family time and brought back the realisation that I am alone.  I want to see the positives in life, but at the moment I just cannot.  I am picking at things that don't usually bother me and I'm talking to myself in such a negative way.  I know there are many many people in the same situation and I am a lucky one really; there's always someone else doing it tougher.  I have a lovely home and a good job, am surrounded by nice people at work but often don't want to go home to that lonely routine. I'm sure I will feel better tomorrow, and that I'm just having a down day.  Everyone feels sad sometimes.

[indigo22]

Hi Tessa_Bella_Ghost,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out to us.

You are dealing with a number of things at once so it's not surprising that you are not doing as well at the moment.

Losing your partner is a loss that can take a long time to come to terms with. Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries all impact your emotions around that loss. With your children leaving home as well, I can imagine how difficult it is to be in your home alone with only your fur baby to keep you company. They are a great comfort and offer unconditional love, but you can't have a conversation with them.

I have lived alone for a good many years, so for me it is the norm, but I imagine it is really difficult for you not having lived alone for a long time, or ever, as the case may be. This is your challenge and how you feel about it is important, comparing your challenges to others is not the way we see things. If it is important to you, it is important to us.

I wonder if it is possible for you to do some volunteer work somewhere local, perhaps at a hospital, where you will be able to interact with people. Helping to make someone else's day better often has a similar effect on your own day and you will feel less alone. Learning about something you have always had an interest in but never tried, is also something you could look into. Perhaps some type of club or group.

I really do feel for you in your current situation, but you are right, some days will feel worse than others until you find your feet again. In the meantime, you are not alone, we will be here for you and feel free to continue this conversation if you wish.

Take care,

indigo