I'm back, but not much better

[Bandybaby]

Hi, I haven't posted for a while,my son had 75% 3rd degree burns and suffering all manner of problems. We went out bush off grid for a while and my son appeared to be getting better. He still had his moments,though. I'd gotten him off all pain killers except panadeine forte, and all other meds except anti depressants and mood stabilizers. There was light at the end of the tunnel {and it wasn't the train}, until Sept 21 when he'd gone to town for the day,and was hitch hiking home that night when he was hit by a car and killed. We are so devastated, and finding it hard to get on with life...although I know he's not in any more pain now, I miss him so much.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Bandybaby

Bless you for sharing your story. I can't imagine that it was an easy post for you to write, but I am glad that this forum can be a light in your darkness. Welcome back.

A mother's love knows no bounds and unfortunately neither does her grief. I am so very sorry for the loss of your son and the pain that you are experiencing.

It sounds as though you two went through a lot together after his injury and I'm sure you shared a very special bond as a result. I'm so glad that he had you to care for him because I can feel your love for him in your words. That love will never die. Your beautiful boy now lives in your heart.

Please take things one day at a time, literally. See your doctor if you are having trouble sleeping. Try to ensure you eat. If you can, I encourage you to take a walk each day. The fresh air and movement will be good for you.

Grieving is a very individual experience. There is no right or wrong. Perhaps you can try a few different things to see what might bring you comfort.

For example, you may want to talk to your son. Many people talk to their loved ones after death, as it can be quite comforting. You may also like to start a journal to record your memories and feelings. You may just want to cry and sleep for awhile--and that's okay. Warm baths are very relaxing. Talking with a close friend or family member can help too.

You're on a tough road. It's going to take time to process everything that's happened and try to make sense of things. Please post anytime and me and others in this community will help you through it. You are not alone.

Courage to you

[Bandybaby]

Thank you so much for your kind words,just knowing SOMEONE cares helps immensely. We went through a lot of trauma with him and his burns, the depression, anxiety and PTSD, just getting him out of his room was a drama. He was on the road to recovery, even writing more songs when we lost him. At least we can listen to his voice any time we like as he has music up on soundcloud and youtube. He goes under the pseudonym of Atlas Carter if anyone wants to hear his music. He wrote the lyrics himself and the music,produced and edited it all. It is rap music,though...Rythym And Poetry.

[Sharna]

Hello Bandybaby

The first reply to you really does say it all. The only thing l wanted to do was let you know l read your story and l am here for you. I am sitting here with my staffy dog Lola and l am cuddling you through texting. Although we have never met, we are connected through your story and if l could wear your pain for a day l would. Xoxoxo

[Summer Rose]

Hi Bandybaby

Atlas Carter. What a strong name, I love it. I will try to find some of the videos today. On my way out the door to work. More later.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi Bandybaby

Just touching base to let you know that I am thinking of you.

I did look for some of your son's videos online but unfortunately I couldn't find them. I am in mid-50s and no so great with technology. Sorry.

Kind thoughts for a better day today xx

[White_Rose]

Dear Bandybaby

My dear my heart breaks for you losing your precious son. What a dreadful thing to happen as he was getting well. Please accept my condolences. I want to hug you and say the pain will end one day and you will remember him him, probably with sadness but without the gut wrenching pain you have now. It will be a hard road so I hope you have people around to give you support.

Grief is so very individual and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Let you feelings out so you do not get choked up. Have you thought of planting a bush or tree in his memory? This sometimes help to do this or to make a small garden. Painting or any other hobby where you can express your feelings can be helpful.

Sorry I have just caught up with your thread. Please keep in touch.

Mary

[Bandybaby]

Hi Sharna, thank you for your kind words, it's taken me this long to get back on here. The grief is better now and I talk to my son a lot. He has been around, in a way, whenever I see a sign of some sort. And I occasionally dream of him. I know he's not in any pain and he's with my father yukking it up.

[Bandybaby]

Thank you, Summer Rose, and if you go to "SoundCloud" you'll find his music there easier. The hardest part lately has been when I am sorting something and find his clothing... I've been doing a lot more praying than I used to, and find the Bible to be helpful too. I've also got myself a new puppy,who was born on my son's birthday, which I thought was an omen! He's a miniature fox terrier I named Lobo. He makes me laugh at least once a day, and keeps me occupied. Thanks to everyone for their words, it's good to know someone cares.

[Bandybaby]

Hi Mary, thankyou for taking the time to write to me, I appreciate it very much. It's so nice to know there are kind people out there. I'm slowly getting better with the sadness, but sometimes it creeps up on me and I'm useless for the day. It helps when I dream of him, and sometimes it feels like he's just gone on a holiday. Then something reminds me he's gone. At least he's not in any pain any more. I'll try and stay in touch through this thread.

Anita