Family member who committed suicide

[Amber3]

Hello I'm amber and my brother suicided in June and I'm really struggling with the why's and other thoughts. Is there any other people out there that have had a family member suicide?

[homegoddess]

Hello I'm Homegoddess. I lost my son to suicide 18 months ago he was 21. He had been struggling for severals years as he had a acquired brain injury when he was 7yr old.At first I thought all was ok and I was getting the help he needed but he was fulling everyone. He had been in the medical rollercoaster for years. He would say what they wanted him to say and no one thought anything was wrong. But we were all wrong and I blame myself that I couldn't stop him from committing suicide. I still have nightmares when I hear a knock at the drop and the police are there . My son was a lovely and happy boy but I didn't realise how much he was hurting I feel so sad he went down that track but he was pushed over the edge by one person on his 21st and that is when the spiral started he committed suicide 1month after his 21st birthday. How does a Mum come to grips with such a tragedy I always think it should have been me to take away his pain. Does this journey get any better and does the pain subside as I think of him every single day and I do tell him off for doing what he did. I just want to know does this loss and grief slowly subside as time goes by.

[blondguy]

Hello Homegoddess

My sincere condolences for the loss of your 21 year old son. 18 months ago would be no different to 5 minutes ago and bless his heart for what he had to endure with his acquired brain injury (and thoughts) from when he was seven

This is so very sad Homegoddess. I am nearly 60 and coming to grips with a loss like you have gone through would be nearly impossible. Just in my humble opinion the journey of your loss will alleviate.....somewhat....yet this is a huge loss that you have experienced

Only if you are comfortable talking about it....Can I ask about when you mentioned that he was 'fooling' everyone? I have had chronic anxiety followed by depression for 35 years and I have been wearing mask all the way through this awful illness. I am not saying I understand what your son was thinking yet I hope you can understand where I am coming from

The deep sorrow of your loss and grief does slowly fade over time homegoddess. Of course the good memories wont. Your son will be with you

Im sorry about asking another question.....Can I ask if you have someone you can confide in during this difficult time?

My brother committed suicide when he was 24 (in 1983) I do remember the pain yet now I only have the good memories....not the guilt I felt for not being around him at the time

If I can thank you for reaching out and being a part of the forum family homegoddess

When its convenient for you, I hope that you can post back with any thoughts or comments

please be gentle with yourself....

Paul

[homegoddess]

Hi Paul

The reason I said he was fooling everyone was outwards he was a very happy outgoing person. None of the medical team picked up on how he was really feeling. He went into his sessions answering all the questions that were asked of him and there were never a negative response as they have all told me this. I think he knew how to say what they wanted him too. He was always happy when he went into therapy and always said he was fine. It was ashame as a Mum I really didn't pick up on it. I do have someone to talk too but sometimes this is not always possible.