Lost my sister and not coping

[Gaijingirl]

Hi everyone

I'm here because I lost my sister to suicide 5 months ago and I'm not coping. I feel anxious, on the verge of tears all the time, hopeless, irritable and unsure of myself. My partner, family and friends are supportive but I don't want them to worry too much or overload them. I feel like my whole life is pointless even though objectively I know it's not. I'm seeing a counsellor periodically and reading a lot of books. I have a strong desire to change my job and location, but I'm not sure if now is a good time to be doing that. However my job seems intolerable now and I hate going there. I don't know what to do as I'm scared of feeling so hopeless.

Thank you for any help you can give me.

[smallwolf]

Gaijingirl,

Hello and welcome to beyond blue. Sorry to read about the circumstances that bring you here. You are going through a hard time that none of us would wish for.

I am unsure what advice I could give you. It is commendable that you have looked out for help and found a counsellor. How has that been going? Are you finding it useful? The things you mentioned in your post about changing jobs and location... have you mentioned these to anyone yet? Or your counsellor? I would assume that when you chat with the counsellor you would be talking about the grief, anxiety, relationship between these, as well as your thoughts about the job. So for me make a suggestion would probably be unhelpful. But I will sit in the silence with you as you search for some peace.

Here are some things to think about...

In addition to your counsellor do you write much? Perhaps you could use this space like a journal? The people here are supportive. If not here, then in a book at home?

Can I ask if you have looked for groups in your area for people whose family members died because of suicide? Being able to talk to other suicide loss survivors?

My last question is... what is it about your job that makes it "intolerable"?

Tim

PS. For what is worth, you are not hopeless.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Gaijingirl

I am very sorry for your loss and the pain you are experiencing. I want to welcome you to the bb forum and congratulate you on having the courage to write what would have undoubtedly been a difficult post.

I too have lost a family member through suicide, so I can relate. I liken the effect to an explosion that leaves one disoriented, confused and shattered. Please don't under estimate the significant impact and the myriad of ways your sister's death could be effecting you or the time it will likely take you to heal.

I would like to encourage you to give yourself a little more time to consider leaving your job and changing locations. I say this for three reasons.

First, after such a death of a loved one, it takes time to return to a place where one has the right frame of mind and capacity to make big decisions. Second, starting a new job takes a lot of energy and this is energy that you might need for healing. Third, changing jobs will add stress and pressure to your everyday life.

So, could you entertain the idea of taking a break from work but putting the decision to permanently leave on hold for a little while?

If so, you could consider taking some extended leave from your current job. With a little space and time to build up your strength and work with your counsellor, it's possible that you might see things differently down the track. Or you could work with your counsellor to prepare for the change and ensure that your health is safeguarded.

These are just my thoughts based on my experience. I appreciate that everyone is different and I know how tough it is for you.

Kind thoughts to you