Grief and loss

I only found out my father was ill once he had died

replies: 4

I have been estranged from my Mother for two years and haven't spoken to my Father as a result. My Brother phoned last November to tell me that my Father had died after a six month hospital stay. I am having such a hard time coping with the fact that... View more

I have been estranged from my Mother for two years and haven't spoken to my Father as a result. My Brother phoned last November to tell me that my Father had died after a six month hospital stay. I am having such a hard time coping with the fact that no one had told me that my father was so ill and that they deprived me of the chance to say goodbye. How do I get past this?

A different kind of grief

replies: 2

When I was a child I used to cry into my pillow wailing that I was so alone. I was always told I was dramatic as I had a large family. After years of denial I now understand why I felt that way. From growing up with a mother who unfortunately had no ... View more

When I was a child I used to cry into my pillow wailing that I was so alone. I was always told I was dramatic as I had a large family. After years of denial I now understand why I felt that way. From growing up with a mother who unfortunately had no motherly instincts and was emotionally unavailable and my father who has abandoned me because of his partner who I would no longer let emotionally abuse me, I’m left grieving. I’m grieving the loss of the pictures I had created in my head of who I wanted my parents to be. No longer in denial I know feel like I’ve lost my roots. But I haven’t, they’ve never been there. I’m not sure how to except that the expectations I have of needing my parents to be the parents I’ve always needed. I don’t know how to except this and move on..

How do you cope with grief over the holiday season? (Feel free to post)

replies: 8

Hi everyone, Christmas can be a really wonderful time of the year but it can also be a really difficult time of the year. I thought I'd create this post to talk about ways to cope or even just acknowledge some of that pain you might be feeling over C... View more

Hi everyone, Christmas can be a really wonderful time of the year but it can also be a really difficult time of the year. I thought I'd create this post to talk about ways to cope or even just acknowledge some of that pain you might be feeling over Christmas and the new years. For me personally, it feels heavy - I think there's a part of my brain that's like "oh they aren't here today" before it hits me, or conversations that used to be light become harder and heavier. I think it also brings up a lot of sad memories not just joyful ones, as a lot of Christmas's for me were hospital visits which is not something anyone wants to experience. So here's a couple of things I've come up with - maybe you can add to the thread if you like about how you cope or what makes things easier? If you are struggling know that we are here for you and the forums and the support lines will be open all over the Christmas break. - It's okay to say no and not do all the things. - It's okay to let go or create new traditions, or to keep the ones that you have. - It's okay to take time to think about your loved one. Maybe you want to go to the cemetery, look through photos, leave an empty chair at the table, make their favourite dish, write letters to them, donate to a charity, light a candle or even just talk about it. - It's okay to not give gifts, or to give different gifts. I do a lot of my shopping online which makes things a little less overwhelming. - It's okay to take time for yourself. - It's okay to cry. Or scream. Or talk about it. - It's okay to ask for help. - It's okay to laugh or have a nice time. We're allowed to do that and not feel guilty about it. The biggest thing that's going to help me over Christmas and new years is to be kind to myself and give myself permission - and somehow I think that might help you too. We don't owe anyone anything. We're allowed to hurt and cry and feel like the Grinch (or maybe that's just me!..). But we're also not alone.

Can’t pull it together

replies: 1

I’m finding things especially hard this year. I’m supporting my fiancé after the last 3 mental breakdowns with 2 hospitalisations within the last year. I am feeling so low that I’m running on empty. I spend the little hours I have when I’m not workin... View more

I’m finding things especially hard this year. I’m supporting my fiancé after the last 3 mental breakdowns with 2 hospitalisations within the last year. I am feeling so low that I’m running on empty. I spend the little hours I have when I’m not working finding ways to help and support my partner. Most research tells me that I need to look after myself however it’s easy to say this when you aren’t constantly worrying. My partner has been constantly mentally unwell for over a year now and have no peace. He is my soulmate, I will not walk away because I love and cherish him. I understand he is not well causing his constant I’ll state of mind and downward spiral. Im doing all I can to keep him alive or medication, healthy diet. He has tried ECT numerous phycotherapy, recently a failed drug trial which sent him into psychosis.. got worse from there. He doesn’t take alcohol or illegal substances and never has. Why him?! My dads death anniversary is New Year’s Eve. This time of year cuts me deeply and feel so sad and low, hurts that I can’t just be sad around him. I know he can’t take it when I am low. What can I do besides hold it in?

What to do?

replies: 4

Hello first time writing in a forum I recently started seeing a psychologist for helping cope with the loss of my brother passing away. I had been avoiding my feeling completely for 2 years and it resulted in my partner of 10 years breaking up with m... View more

Hello first time writing in a forum I recently started seeing a psychologist for helping cope with the loss of my brother passing away. I had been avoiding my feeling completely for 2 years and it resulted in my partner of 10 years breaking up with me for being too sad I have been to 8 therapy sessions and my psychologist has suggested i might benefit from anti depressants. I’m unsure about this as I don’t have any experience or know anyone who has been this type of medication. I don’t really like taking medication in general. I want to feel better but since opening up in the sessions I find I cry all the time. In general I feel completely hopeless about my life now and have so many negative self thoughts that I really struggle to make go away. I dont really know what I’m after with posting this, just I guess if antidepressants help with these problems thanks for reading

Salutations all

replies: 4

Hi guys, As you guys can tell I'm new here. I have difficulties reaching out in real life. I've had Depression since I was 12 years old, and anxiety hit me hard when I was 21 until present. Things just really started falling apart for me after my fat... View more

Hi guys, As you guys can tell I'm new here. I have difficulties reaching out in real life. I've had Depression since I was 12 years old, and anxiety hit me hard when I was 21 until present. Things just really started falling apart for me after my father's death in 2012. Sadly, I've had many counsellors and Psychologists during my teenage and young adult years but I could never really communicate well face to face. I know I need some kind of help and support, but I'm always so stubborn and in denial. I feel like I'm just strapped down and chained to the floor, inside of a locked cage. I find it difficult to keep swimming in this huge ocean called life. There's so much going on in my life that I literally feel like curling into a ball in bed and going to sleep for good. I don't know who to reach out to, I live with my mum but I don't want her to stress and worry about my issues while she has medical problems herself. I have a boyfriend, but my whole relationship is just very complicated and hard to explain. I have no friends, due to my anxiety. I do work but since quitting my last job and moving on to my current job now, my salary has been a complete flop. I have about $8.5k in credit that I desperately need to pay off, but can't because my job sucks. I have missed calls and emails from credit companies and property agents about overdue payments that are going over my head and I am living each fortnight with just barely enough money left over for petrol and cigarettes. I'm drowning and even with the support of my family, I feel like the dark shadow that has been with me for years will end up being the thing that drags me down until the end. I don't want to burden anyone but I just need a sense of direction in my life. I want to take control of myself and be able to not feel like I'm miserable each day. I really need help. Thank you.

Dad just took his own life

replies: 28

My dad took his own life two weeks ago. There was no warning. He always seemed happy. No one I've spoken to had any insight that this would happen. It has shaken me to my core. I keep asking him why but get no answer. My uncle (his brother) also took... View more

My dad took his own life two weeks ago. There was no warning. He always seemed happy. No one I've spoken to had any insight that this would happen. It has shaken me to my core. I keep asking him why but get no answer. My uncle (his brother) also took his own life 10 years ago, and I've learned their father was also a recluse who basically drank himself to death. I can feel depression pulling at me. On top of being unable to believe my dad is gone, and how he did it, I am also thinking that I will be next. Clearly, it runs in the males in the family. This scares me so bad. Having daily anxiety attacks. Scared of where this will all lead, but not showing anyone to be strong for the family. Just can't believe this is happening. It's like a nightmare I want to wake up from.

Lost a lot

replies: 1

I lost my grandfather this year he was my best friend, hasn't been any easier since the day he left me. He raised me since I was 2 weeks old him and my aunty (my dads sister) but she past away when I was 11, I grew up with her always travelling away ... View more

I lost my grandfather this year he was my best friend, hasn't been any easier since the day he left me. He raised me since I was 2 weeks old him and my aunty (my dads sister) but she past away when I was 11, I grew up with her always travelling away for operations because she had cancer... my pop lived 5 years after her now im left feeling alone - my brother is pretty messed up he used to bash our mum even when she was sick after chemotherapy and I was to little I couldn't help it, I resent him but my mum told me to forgive him before she passed away - uhhh ive tried to but its hard, my brother is locked up in jail at the moment thank god because he was on heavy drugs, I guess that his only way of coping with it all - he didn't even make our grandfathers funeral because he was in jail, I spoke to him on the phone it was hard out opf all people I thought he could of been the only person that would understand what im going through since pop helped raise the both of us since we were babies. Man grief is hard to cope with its my first time opening up but typing makes it easier than talking to someone for me; I just hope everyone that is grieving can find the help they need on these online forums - that's what I'm going to try and do. Feel free to share your story with me; I'd love to hear and help if I can. xx

How/what can I do to help my parents? Son/brother suicide 2 months ago

replies: 3

Does anyone have any suggestions (maybe based on past experiences) I am from a close family of 5. I am one of three boys (I am a twin - the oldest) and I recently lost my little / brother 30 years old. is there anything I can say or do that will help... View more

Does anyone have any suggestions (maybe based on past experiences) I am from a close family of 5. I am one of three boys (I am a twin - the oldest) and I recently lost my little / brother 30 years old. is there anything I can say or do that will help my parents through there grief / trauma???

The emptiness of miscarriage

replies: 5

My partner and i have only been together for 9 months, but we have known each other and been bestfriends for 10 years. We have been trying for a baby for about 5-6 months now. And i have had 2 miscarriages. its so horrible. The first time i had to po... View more

My partner and i have only been together for 9 months, but we have known each other and been bestfriends for 10 years. We have been trying for a baby for about 5-6 months now. And i have had 2 miscarriages. its so horrible. The first time i had to point to a pregnancy test to tell my partner. Naturally first he asked if i was pregnant, i shook my head than he asked "your not" all i replied with was "anymore". And the second time was a month ago and i only told him 2 days ago. The physical pain is the worst pain, but the emotional pain... its hard to explain, you feel as if you have lost part of yourself, like someone has taken one of your traits or characteristics and a piece of your heart aswell. Its been really hard recovering as the first one i didnt have any time off of work and the second one i had a single day off of work because i was further along and the pain was too much to bare. And since then i havent had a day off of work, i have movdd house, done almost all if the unpacking and moving around the furniture, and doing every last one of the house chores without any help. This is all on top of working 6 days a week. im exhausted both mentally and physically, i just wish that it had never happened because it plays on my mind all the time, seeing babies breaks my heart at the moment because its all i want. And it doesnt help i struggle to admit it to my partner so i bottle it up. And its hard to talk to anyone about it...

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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

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