Estranged from daughter.

[lucy2]

Hello friends

I posted nearly 6 days ago.  The answers I had helped me so much, I feel very much unchained from my problem, and now want to look forward.  My only problem is now my son has been hurt by his sister, I spoke to him last night, he was strangely quiet.  He told his sister about how much I was hurting but he has discovered a huge brick wall from her.  He said she's not the same anymore.  I felt sad for him but at the same time I told him she is not going to change and be the person we once knew.  He is 34 yrs old, and I know his father's death hurt him so much as he didn't say goodbye.  I didn't realise how close he is with me until last week and his wife explained how very sad he was with what has happened to me.  My son finds it very hand to show feelings but he gave me the biggest hugging crush I have ever had from him.  Now I have to help him and I guess this is going to be very hard.  Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.  I told him last night life goes on and we love him so much and he is not to dwell on his sister, but as we all know it is easier said than done.   I had a phone call from a girlfriend last night that I haven't spoken to in a year, I told her why and without crying.  I have made arrangements to have coffee with her soon, not that I want to tell her the whole story, I can't, its gone, it is time to go forward and onward and stop eating like there is no tomorrow.  

Thank you again.

[white knight]

Hi L, welcome back

Your son has loyalty, cares a lot for you, enough to confront his sister. But your daughter needs a lot of time alone to find your standing.

Your son, well, tell him to not include you in his relationship with his sister. Let them work themselves out. If she wants to go about her life without you it is her decision. She likely thinks her brother doesnt understand.

I know your pain. My youngest daughter came back in my life for 6 weeks and last week took off again, no explaination, cutting contact ties. Her loss. I've done nothing to deserve it but it is her choosing not mine. She decided not to communicate, to chat about it.

Be strong. If you feel happy to disclose all to your girlfriend thats ok, just limit the time on the topic and listen to her story of life. Build relationships that the other party wants building.

Cheers

[lucy2]

Hi WK

Thank you once again for your thoughts.  The other problem for my son is that his sister doesn't talk to him like she use to.  My son and his wife have asked for the company of her family for a meal etc or to come and eat at their place but, she doesn't want to commit anymore.  It is like she has decided to close ties with us as her family and remain loyal only to her husband and his family and my ex sister-in-law, (who my son doesn't hear from anymore).  

Sometimes I feel likes it a war, no won wins, except her husband who doesn't want us near her.

I have had fights with my mother when I was her age, I do remember thinking oh well mum thinks she knows everything, but now my mother is age 92 and she has seen alot in her life and I am grateful that we are very close and I try to look after her.  But it has been nearly a year since I have seen her and my grandson and I know it my heart now that it isn't going to change.  The door is always open for her, but I don't feel close to her anymore.  

Lucy2