Would really appreciate peoples thoughts on a housing situation !

[randomxx]

Hi to all.

lt's an unbelievable time in life to find myself stuck in this position, just don't know how to look at it, or what to do about with it, if l can anything at all. 

Problem is, at almost 60, yeah l've mixed up details in other threads just a bit concerned some l know may also be here and haven't wanted any connection here that l might know, butttt, yep.

Thing is l didn't get anything out of my last house, the people l went into the property with as it was a big place, went broke.

Well , sort of lucky although maybe a curse , not sure anymore but l do still have a 1ac country property, 18yrs now, from back when l was married.

l can't work anymore for mh reasons but if l took care l can survive until l can get the pension- living at the 1ac place- it only has a small over nighter atm but l could extend and it'd come up quite nice .

Problem is, it's in a ting town, 30mins to the main town which is a really nice place and there's also a couple of tiny ones in between before that main buttttt, out where this place is, is tiny and out on it's own .

l always planned selling it about now but problems are now that for 1, even if it did sell, it's just a cheap little country block it'd only be a good deposit on something closer in- but circumstances now that'd mean a new mortgage and l'd have to keep working too, don't think l could stomach either of those especially the stress in trying to make it happen.

2nd thing highly possible it doesn't even sell anyway.

l know l'm lucky to at least have it and all , with the housing crisis and so many in worser positions , l just never dreamed l'd be living on it though and honestly, just don't know but it looks like l might be forced to.

l grew up in the city and have lived in some of the nicest places in the country but to have to settle on this place out there now- look the property itself is a really cute block and in a nice little back street- if l could put it on a truck to somewhere else it'd be really nice - but this town.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx, 

Yes, accommodation worked out well for me. I had a room in someone’s house with an Airbnb, so if you don’t mind sharing someone else’s space, you can find some less expensive options. The host was a friendly, welcoming person and was able to also give me some idea of the general area in terms of what it might be like to live in. I’m back in city accommodation now and it actually feels a bit lonely by comparison, which really shows me how much I value human connection. I’ve really learned that I don’t like feeling isolated. That’s why eventually I think it would also help me to find a way back into work, maybe where there’s a team of people. I realise how much a sense of belonging and connection makes a difference for me. My last job was mostly customer service and I got to help people, plus our team would do things like occasional work dinners, or there would be a night someone would show photos from their trip, or a birthday party etc. 

I get what you mean about your work being your therapy. It gives a sense of purpose, doesn’t it. I think it can give a sense of identity too. And obviously it also makes life easier financially. It sounds like you’ve done the right thing vanning though, taking the break to try to figure stuff out. It sounds like it’s a bit of an effort to get jobs going in your situation, but that it’s good once it’s underway. 

The main town near you sounds like a decent size, in terms of being spread out. My town is pretty small by comparison, and I can walk to literally every service that I use in the town. The suburb I’ve just been staying in, here in Melbourne, is actually a bit like a small country town. It’s like a village within the city where you can walk to everything. That would be my ideal if I came to live here, but it depends on one of the small apartments being available. Places do come up but some are more central and some are bit further out.

Anyway, thanks rx and hope you have a good rest of the day and evening. It’s a lovely day here today weather-wise and I imagine it may be where you are too.

[randomxx]

Yeah gees you've done really well for sure, shame your missing the earlier place and people now, hope your doing ok though.

My old town and house was about the size of your town at home. The main town from here was the same main town from there to just from a different direction and a bit closer. Kinda miss my little old town , never thought l'd survive 8yrs in a town the size of that one butttt, got through without blowing anything up ha ha.

Matter of fact there's a great property for sale over there atm right in my old town, wouldn't wanna go back though now that l've finally made the break.

lt's weird isn't it how you can get something like where you are now tucked away in a huge city's suburb isn't it, pretty cool to really l like that about big cities.

Work wise yeah , for me not really missing it myself as such l def don't wanna go back but l suppose l'd just say l am none the less sort of missing the automatic good effects that come from just working back when. l've always got plenty to do though mind you getting pretty good at dodging them to now that l can though is all ha ha.

For you yeah l could well see the benefits though hearing you talk about it, maybe when you get resettled somewhere later on you might feel like looking into that later who knows right health permitting l guess.

Welpppp, pretty slack day. No human contact, just mowed a bit this morning , did a bit on the shower later, had a few reds and took it very very easy ha ha, pretty well my day.

[randomxx]

Have wondered about my old town, it's only 35mins from here. Leaving was a weird thing bc it hadn't really wronged me as such, l'd actually become kinda excepted over the yrs, bits of chit chat in shops and about. Nice place to live to really in the way of it's just peace in a mad world out there, especially through Covid and most of the people were quite nice really just in passing.l was different they could see that think they knew l was a city boy to but anyway.

Thing was, in 8yrs l'd never made one friend though or had any life or fun at all really from the town itself, not even a party, never even saw a party, not even just a real sit down and real talk, with anyone or even a few beers.

So it was weird really bc on one hand l'd become pretty excepted and liked around the place just in passing chit chat, and it was a nice place to live but even after 8yrs there was still zero depth to any of it. l felt like if l stayed that would just be life forever.

[Eagle Ray]

I think I sort of understand what you mean about your town. I think towns of a certain size can have limited opportunities. Even if it is pleasant enough, and you have friendly chats here and there, I think it is possible that there can be a lack of depth, as you say. I’ve had a couple of bad experiences in my town that have been pretty stressful actually. But even putting those aside, it’s very much the same day in day out. Like you, I’ve made one good friend in my town. Actually, she rang me here a couple of nights ago, not realising I wasn’t back from Melbourne yet. She totally gets why I want to move to Melbourne. She also has to get out of that town on a regular basis. So it makes sense to think long term, I think. It’s like thinking where you want to be in the coming years and the kinds of things you would like to do. It’s like can your old town fulfil your needs or do you need to look further afield?

Larger towns and regional cities may offer more opportunities, but small places can have their charm and be peaceful. It does seem like you have to spend time in a place to really learn about it. It’s such a tricky thing working out where to live isn’t it. There is a suburb here where I was staying where I think my spirit felt the most free. That is the best way I can measure it - on the basis of feeling like my spirit is free and I can be myself and feel relaxed and safe. And, really importantly, the sense of community and connection with others is so central for me now. I guess if you think about all of the things you value most, and that make you the most happy, then you can look for places that match those needs.

I do understand about looking ahead and seeing that things will not change in your old town. That’s how I feel about my town, I cannot see things changing at all. And I can feel I really need change.

Anyway, all the best rx. I’ve got a couple more days exploring here. Take care, er

[randomxx]

Well, l'd organized a new job over the last wkend and picked it up yesterday.lt was 3hrs ea way, had to leave early with about 10stops on the way to boot before even getting there so she was a good 11hrs.

l felt sick to the stomach, almost threw up on the way, almost turned around about 10 times, almost called and cancelled butttt, l got there. Got the job and headed back, picked up some beer on the way and had a damn nice beer patting myself on the back when l finally got home.

lt is a v good job though, now the shytty parts over and hopefully l'll settle into cruise mode later and get it done it's an easy job from there but l also come up with a way to make it even more worth my while financially so it will be well worth it.

Tell you what though, def' the last , can't go through the bad stuff again and even the good stuffs gonna really take some pushing but l'll take it easy and should get there.

There's sooooo much pushing in your own business that once you've walked away, despite the goods, at this stage though, l know l can't go back.

Yeah towns can vary so much can't they er , it's all about the people. Some we fit some we just don't. The larger one l'd had in mind was damn nice and much closer to Melb so they were 1/2 Melbourners there anyway which is a mix l love.

But your spot on yep , it's all about the spirit which feels nice and feels free and at home in the right environment doesn't it.

Laughin to myself today thinking God almighty if this place doesn't need me round whatever after Christmas and this next job , might have to head back up the Murray for another damn good holiday ha ha before anything else.

Take care, hope your holding up .

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx,

Well done on getting through setting up the job. That sounds so tough and I’m sorry it was unpleasant like that. But, yes, you can totally pat yourself on the back and hopefully things will cruise along now. Doing your own business really is tough in terms of being responsible for everything, including making all aspects of the process happen. It’s so different to turning up to a job where many aspects are handled for you. I can understand why you don’t want to keep going through it when it takes a lot out of you.

Yes, it really seems to take some sussing out to really know if the town is the right fit. I am back at home now after a long day. I am appreciating the peace here and the clean air. But I know the isolation I feel in this town is not going to go away, and I felt so much less isolated in Melbourne. Yesterday I considered taking the train out to a regional town to check it out. But in the end I kept exploring parts of Melbourne. If I do decide to live over there I will most likely be house sitting for a few months as a way of saving money while I look for a place. There is the option of living in a town not too far out from Melbourne and things are very well connected with trains in Victoria, compared to here anyway. But I am so averse to isolation now that I may find I prefer to be in the city. I do have a favourite suburb option and it gives me a bit of a mix of being close to nature but not too far out from the city. But it totally depends on the availability of units that I can afford. There were a couple available with easy access to the train a couple of weeks ago, but they’ve gone now. It just depends what’s available when I’m in a position to act. It will take me quite awhile to sort things out here in any case.

Anyway, I hope the new job gives you a  sense of security with improving things financially, and maybe in the process of doing it things will feel a bit clearer going forward. And, yes, heading up to the Murray again sounds great! It can be a reward for the work. I’d love to go up there. I’ve looked at the places you can get to by train. Being a keen photographer, I love the idea of doing some landscape images of the river up there.

Well I am going to crash on the couch again after already sleeping here a few hours. Too tired to put clean sheets on my bed and my couch is actually very comfy.

Take care and all the best with the new job,

er

[randomxx]

Looks like l lost yet another post, dk, pressed something, we'll try again.

But heya er and thanks for the thoughts . Really nice to hear your all home again safe and sound and cosy resting up, hope you enjoyed that couch you've earnt it hey.

Know the feeling all too well of that peace so many times getting home from a job or Sydney or Melb, man, my old place was so heaven.

You did so well though , pat on back, you've been seen and conquered eh hopefully with some good rest and time things and head will fall into shape when they're ready later.

Yeah got through the pick up though , very just. ! Yaknow, back in the day you were in work mode and prepared mentally and workwise it was just your job tell you what though, 12mths up on the Murray ha, bloody funny really right. It's an easy job from here though so l can't complain now l guess right. l dunno how people take their 2wks off though and race off os somewhere come back a second later and its Monday - slam back into life and work full on . dk how they do it.

You'd love the Murray areas and nature then. My d's going into photography, l'm hopeless at it myself but l must of sent her 100s of pics from up there. She lovesssss nature to.

You have some nice me time eh.

rx

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx,

Ah, yes, I’ve had posts disappear too. Not quite sure what happens at times. 

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I’m really glad I went to Melbourne and feel I learned a lot about myself in the process. One thing that was confirmed beyond doubt is that isolation is really not good for me, and there it was much easier to feel connected with people. I felt more at ease communicating with people and things seemed to flow. In my country town it feels stifled and difficult. Other larger towns are likely better and I do feel better in some of those towns. In Melbourne I felt part of humanity but here I feel like I’m kind of spinning in nothingness. It’s a very strange contrast. I have to work a lot harder here to find connection and can easily go days without any human contact at all, which I’m learning that in my case is not good for me. I really love people and although I also have an instinct to withdraw to my own space, without the human connection I start to spiral into depression quite rapidly. That started already yesterday, so I’m working on preventing it and keeping connected and working towards a more connected future.

I’m glad it’s an easy job for you going forward now. You’ve got through the tough part. I understand what you mean about the balance of wage/salary work and then cramming in the holidays. If you can find a way to run a business in a way that gives you flexibility it can be a good thing. Sometimes it’s good to hand over certain things to an employer and turn up for the job, but in other ways it’s empowering to be your own boss and feel self-directed. I think we are all different and some of us are more suited to self-employment. It sounds like it has suited you overall, even though it has its challenges.

Up on the Murray sounds great and I am guessing that maybe you might be up there for Christmas again. I have no idea where I’ll be at Christmas but I feel like finding a way of possibly not being here but in some other place might be good for me. Not sure yet.

Take care and I hope your day is going well, er

[Eagle Ray]

Hi rx,

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I really appreciate it.

Like you I am having to rewrite my post. In my case, the moderators totally misunderstood my meaning. I was saying how I was imagining you might go up to the Murray for Christmas again and that I was thinking of not staying in my town but going somewhere else for Christmas this year. But the way I wrote it I said I was thinking of not b$&ng here (have to disguise otherwise will set off the moderation system again) but going to some other town/place at Christmas. It was pretty clear what I meant, but they interpreted this as su$&@!dality, and said they couldn’t publish my post and suggest I call their helpline instead. I immediately emailed back and said that’s not what I meant at all, that I meant staying somewhere else for Christmas. Tbh I’m so close to not trying to participate here anymore as it’s not the first time I’ve had an insensitive response from the moderators that is totally inappropriate. I appreciate this forum exists, but sometimes it can actually cause damage rather than be helpful in terms of inappropriate moderation. Despite having sent two emails now explaining my meaning, there has been no response from the moderation team, which leaves you feeling kind of awful.

Anyway, I’m glad it will be easier now that you have gotten through that initial job set-up stage. There are definite pros and cons aren’t there to being your own boss. Certainly having some flexibility in terms of being able to take your own breaks when you need them can be great rather than depending on set annual leave, even though self-employment has its challenges.

I’ve been feeling some loneliness again since about 4pm yesterday. I can go days here without human contact whereas in Melbourne it was like there were interactions throughout the day that helped me feel a sense of connection. So I’m really conscious now that I have to be proactive and not spiral into a depressed space of isolation. So I’m looking at ways I can meaningfully connect with others going forward, which will almost certainly mean engaging in more things outside of my town.

That’s so great your daughter loves photography and nature too. I find it to be the best therapy, just being out with my camera. It’s so nice that you sent her 100s of pics from the Murray. It must be a special and meaningful place for you.

Take care rx.

[randomxx]

My pleasure er and thanku too, always appreciated.

Sorry about your post dramas, might've happened to mine to dk or care now but l know how damn frustrating it is. l think it's some AI checker thing.

Anywayyyyy, yeppa, l know the loneliness and sorry it's at your end to, same here, gets so lonely out here. l've been busy all wk to even this wkend, whales today as l had to go up anyway, brothers yesterday. Home again now, but like for you it always hits me back here sooner or later. Go through so many waves here sometimes like for you it's heaven at different times but usually the dust settles and it always comes back to the same and just internet or forums left, movies, bit of texting.

l reckon we need our partner or own clan in these towns er. l dunno, for a small town here there's actually quite a few out and about but ldk. l don't know any of them and l don't even feel comfortable out there here, feel like everyone will notice me , know my business, and they will.

big hug.

rx