Lost yet guided?

[Guest_87472616]

I'm not even sure if what I feel is depression, but I guess it varies for everyone. Lately I felt like I was getting better, like I was finally escaping the hole I was stuck in only to find I'm in a much bigger crater. I'm fifteen, and it feels like I'm being increasingly dramatic. I got a job interview, saying away from sad/depressing content/music, and I found something that helped me (that isn't harmful) so I felt like I was finally getting out of where I was only for something to hit me while I was sulking in my schools bathroom toilets stall. I still have zero friends, no one to rely on, not even attending half of my classes (just recently got back to school after a year or two long break that was more sitting in my own tears), only feeling worse for myself, picking up physically harming myself again. Before it really gets to the point where I again considering getting out from here (If I stop being a coward), I decided to come onto here. My problems are much less than others, so do I really still have the right to complain? Does it ever really get better? I feel so sad, and still so empty. Maybe I should just let it pass if it's a phase, but I'd like to see if anyone else feels the same.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

Im sorry glad you wrote in, it was brave to do so and it proved you are not a coward as you fear.

There's always someone worse off but our problems to us are still problems to overcome so we can function properly.

We cant diagnose an illness, your doctor has to take care of that but we can support and offer some guidance.

At your age so many changes have taken place on the road to maturity, no wonder you dont know if you have depression or other issue. Have you spoken to a school counsellor or a parent and what was their reply? Can you ask a parent to make a GP appointment? See GP's have lots of tools at their disposals for example a simple blood test can expose a potential issue like an iron deficiency or excess sugar and these problems can be corrected to - get the balance right. At 53yo my doctor found 2 issues I'd had all my life but I didnt know.

Friends and hobbies. While we put great emphasis on academic achievements we also need a balance with activities away from studies. This clears our minds. Getting involved in a sport networks you with people and friendships form automatically, a hobby, find something you're good at thats cheap, even icypoles sticks from a $2 shop and create by glueing them together. Drawing and painting? Your mind will thank you.

I hope that helps. Life is a roller coaster, we need to make the track less bumpy and strive to be positive. 

Well done. Reply anytime for clarity or for any reason.

TonyWK 

[Guest_87472616]

Hello!

It really means a lot to me that you replied, truly. I have previously been to a psychiatrist, however stopped going around half a year or so ago because my guardian took me out of it for reasons I never really got informed about (I think it was because my psychiatrist recommended a mental hospital). I haven't spoken up to anyone yet about my problems that started showing up again recently, as confrontation really makes me queasy. I'm really afraid that I'd be taken as dramatic, even though at the back of my mind I know my guardian would never shame me for it verbally. I really do love writing, especially fanfiction lol, so I do that a lot, and it helps distracting me, as well as meditating/guided meditation despite having a loud mind. 

Thank you again for your reply!

[white knight]

Wow, what an articulated reply. You have good writing skills.

Mental hospitals are almost a thing of the past as you need to be really unwell in terms of all functions to be sent there plus, poeple go there for a matter of weeks on programs that stabilise them and its all about monitoring that and getting the medications right so they can return to society. If you ever have fear of that process please relax because it is all good for us if ever needed.

What you do highlight is you dont have all the answers. Nor the clarity as I said above. That would put your mind at ease so you can move forward. When you dont know the answer to something (like why your visits to your psych were stopped) we can only guess and imagine the worst eg it could have been a financial decision as they can be hugely expensive or other reason. That's why I always stop guessing until I get a direct answer by mouth, not even text.

I'm interested in your writing. Here we have a poetry corner where I have many poems, some funny, others sad etc. Have a read if you want to.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/bb-social-zone/the-poetry-corner-post-your-poems-in-here/td-p/54...

I have written my life story including my time as a prison officer and my travelling through my mental illness. I havent got it published.

Fanfiction is a activity that I had to look up in wiki and its quite interesting as I havent seen it before. So writing a novel or story using real celebrities but creating a storyline of your own- is that accurate? I'm fascinated and I can only encourage you to pursue that and remember- you dont know how good you are at an activity until someone is in awe of your work. That moment came for me way back around 1996 while living in a caravan park, I recited poetry to a WW2 veteran, a very old man, he began to cry and I stopped, he them begged me to contiune telling me that he hadnt heard of such emotional poetry about the war as mine. A moment I'll never forget.

I say wow again because you are a hidden talent. Do you think so?

TonyWK