Worthless

[Guest_1055]

Hello

I am wanting to know if anyone else feels just worthless. And what they did about that feeling that creeps inside of you.

Thanks

[Guest_5218]

Hi Chicken.  So sorry that you are going through all this again.  I wish I could take away all your worry and fear about this UK trip, and keep it until you return again.  But unfortunately I cant do that, and nor can anyone else. Its obviously a really big step for you, but I strongly urge you to go and book your trip.  Will your boyfriend go with you on this trip?  What time of year is the best time to go for where your Mum lives?  Are you able to get leave okay from your work?  It would be good if you could stay for a month or something, and spend some quality time with your Mum and even to do a bit of sightseeing things.  I expect you have been to the UK before though?

Try to concentrate on all the positives that can be gained in going, rather than the worries you have about getting there.  Ha ha, yes I hear you say - its so easy to say, but far harder to do.  And yes of course you are right.  I personally dont have any concerns about flying, so I really dont know what you are going through.  But I do know that like most people, I always anticipate that something is going to be worse or harder than it eventually turns out to be.  But once you do it, you think, gosh that wasnt so bad, what was I worrying so much about?  And it will be a major accomplishment once you have done it.  Are you a procrastinator?  If so, once you make the decision and book, I'm sure you will feel much better.

So...... you're a Kiwi then?  Has your Mum been in the UK for long, and is she a Pommie, Aussie or a Kiwi too?

Yeah thanks re my work, I think it will all turn out well and I will be quite happy there.  I am just hoping that my injury doesnt rear its ugly head and ruin things for me.  But since they are prepared to be quite flexible, hopefully I will be able to work around that if it happens.

Stress and anxiety can be a real appetite killer.  Although for some people I think its the opposite, where they eat and eat.  I'm one of the non-eaters though, which is probably preferable.  But I hope you get your appetite back soon.  I am making roasted pork belly for our dinner tonight.  It was on special at the shops today.  And having roasted carrot, parsnip, sweet potato, and beetroot with it.  How does that sound?  Do a practice flying trip and fly on over and have dinner with us!!!!!!!!!!

Hi and scratches behind the ears for Hadley and Baxter.

Sherie xx

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Sherie,

the flights are booked 🙂 I'm just scared and constantly thinking about cancelling. We've got a few things listed that we would like to see including Stonehenge. Work have been begging me to take leave for ages as I have heaps owing.

mum lives in the south so it will be cold, but there is still plenty to do. My boyfriend is coming with me, meeting mum for the first time. She's been back there for 6 years now, she was born over there and moved to NZ in the late 70s.

im trying to keep reminding myself of the positives and i know once I'm on my way I'll be fine, I just need to do it. 

Is your injury likely to cause you trouble? Does it mean you have to have time off?

i think I will be able to have some dinner tonight. We're going to a friends house for a BBQ

[Kazzl]

Evening all, just catching up on this thread - big hugs to you all.

Hunting Happiness, I don't think we've 'met' yet. I just wanted to say how much I appreciated your post. What a beautiful soul you are. Please keep posting, and come join us in the cafe sometime if you'd like (we've even got a cat now!)

Hope to catch up properly with everyone later.

Kaz

xx

[Guest_5218]

Hi Chicken Wings,

Booked already!  Hooray.  Well done, great news.  Noooo ..... dont cancel!  Everything is set, and all perfect. You'll never get a better opportunity.  I cant express how proud I am of you..  Thats fantastic.   So many positives to all this.  You'll never regret it.  What is your departure date?   Take a sedative or something before you fly, and before you know it you'll be there.  

So CW are you an Australian National now, or still a Kiwi?  I believe its not exactly easy for Kiwi natives to become naturalised Aussies these days.

My injury is a long standing issue which I have been 'managing' now for 16 years.  Its the reason I dont work full time any more.  I can manage it if I dont overdo things, and am able to juggle my days when I am unable to crawl out of bed on any given day.  There are times that I cant move at all without going into painful spasms.  So yes, it has the potential to cause problems down the track.  I have told my new employer of the situation during my initial interview, so they are aware of it and have said they are happy to make allowances when necessary.

Enjoy your BBQ dinner, which I imagine you should be heading off to about now.

Sherie xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Scotchfinger

Just sending you a friendly hello this morning.

Hugs

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

 I bought this post back up from pages ago, I really liked it, and I think it relates  a bit to some of the discussion at the moment.

hope4joy said: I saw this post the last few days, just the title 'worthless' and didn't relate at all, and then this morning I read the title as "worth - less" and it was like aha, I do that all the time. The making myself worth less than others. I think its why I often befriend people who are struggling themselves because I feel a lot less judged and a lot less worthless. And it made me think how my 'worth-less' thinking started when i was young, probably when my mum left. I'd never made this connection to how its a big part of my depression thinking. So how do we combat those thoughts of being worthless? I mean I can do it in my head and rationally I know i'm not worthless. But perhaps it is having people in our lives who care about and love us - that care and love are strong proof we are not worthless? Its like a catch 22! I'm isolated cause I feel worthless but connections help me know I'm not worthless! I guess it shows the importance of reaching out and connecting, on here and in person. Thanks for being here everyone.

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou for the hug Sherie, yes you may be right, if we ever did meet up..... it may be with tears.  I definitely  would hug you. But I think that I would actually feel awkward as well and not know what to verbally say. Communication via the written word, is far more easier for me, then actually verbally having a conversation with someone.....

I am glad your new job is working out for you, and it does sound like you are enjoying it.

I am also thinking that the reason older people and children gravitate to you, is the fact you do feel comfortable and free to be yourself. It is like it sends out a rader or something. I long to be free and be myself all the time in any circumstance. For I am most happier if I am. To be truthful, I think when I feel awkward, this seems to send out a 'stay away from me' rader. And also the times I feel like no one loves me, or I am struggling with rejection or something, this also sends out some sort of 'stay away message' from me rader. Well this is what it is like for me away from the BB safe walls here.

Well I hope you have a good day today.

With hugs

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

Good Morning CW

You know I have often wondered what your real name actually is......

I wish I could send my arms with you on the flight. So you could have a physical  reassuring hug from me whenever you wanted one. To me your holiday really sounds like an adventure. You will be OK... you will be OK. I keep trying to re assure you with these particular words, because you mentioned it in another post of yours, that you liked it. So do you still like it? Do you feel re-assured?. 

We're you able to eat something at the BBQ? I can't remember what day you were having one now with your friends. I don't really have many friends that I can do things with, but I long to be so free within myself, that I could hang out with some. 

Hugs to you

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Kaz

Here is a huge hug for you this morning. Are you still on holidays from your work? Have you been working in your garden? I quite like working in the garden, if it is not to hot. You can sort of loose yourself in it or something like that. And it is good exercise.

I am not sure what else to say kaz......

Shelley xx

[White_Rose]

Hi Shelley

Have we finished our conversation on Small Talk?  I rather hope not.

Mary