Worthless

[Guest_1055]

Hello

I am wanting to know if anyone else feels just worthless. And what they did about that feeling that creeps inside of you.

Thanks

[Guest_1055]

Sherie, I read about what you briefly mentioned about the incident, that happened to you 20 years ago. And it hurts me to know that someone that I have grown to care about went through all this. I'm so, so sorry, and I long to take it all away from your heart, take away the pain and whatever else is buried there in your heart. And take it away from your memory as well. 

I don't know what else to say, except I do truly care about you.

Bye now and many hugs for you. And I do hope you feel them, because if I ever did meet you, face to face that is actually what I would greet you with.

Love Shelley xxx

[Guest_2350]

Hi All,

what a great thread - it is bad that we are feeling worthless but good to know we are not alone.

I also agree on the overthinking - calming my mind is near impossible at times.

Take care, Yggy

[Guest_1055]

You are in my thoughts Wayne at the moment, as I stare out this window looking at the blue sky. But I have to be honest, I do have that image of Shaun the Sheep in my mind as well. Anyway I just wanted to say good morning, because it is indeed good. And I so much love reading about what is happening in your world. I am also hoping you don't feel overridden by the women here or something. Because I think you are the only man that regularly posts here. Are you OK with that?

 Well here is a good morning hug to you, and I am hoping you are OK or better than that. Please can you give little Lucy another pat from me.

Shelley xxxx

[Guest_1055]

Good Morning to you too Kaz ,in case you pop in or fly in and read this. Hope you are enjoying your freedom from your work behind your desk. Will you be working in your garden today? 

And I still remember how special you made me feel by calling me 'hun'. You may not even realise you call people that, because it sort of rolls off your tongue, and comes out naturally or something. But I just wanted you to know that I did indeed feel blessed by this so cute name.....

Hugs

Shelley xxx

[hope4joy]

Hi everyone, I hope its okay to come in with a post here - its lovely to read the support that you have for each other. I saw this post the last few days, just the title 'worthless' and didn't relate at all, and then this morning I read the title as "worth - less" and it was like aha, I do that all the time. The making myself worth less than others. I think its why I often befriend people who are struggling themselves because I feel a lot less judged and a lot less worthless. And it made me think how my 'worth-less' thinking started when i was young, probably when my mum left. I'd never made this connection to how its a big part of my depression thinking. So how do we combat those thoughts of being worthless? I mean I can do it in my head and rationally I know i'm not worthless. But perhaps it is having people in our lives who care about and love us - that care and love are strong proof we are not worthless? Its like a catch 22! I'm isolated cause I feel worthless but connections help me know I'm not worthless! I guess it shows the importance of reaching out and connecting, on here and in person. Thanks for being here everyone xx

[Guest_2350]

Hi hope4joy,

 like you I've just come across this thread. It is a catch 22. I made myself go out this morning and meet with a group. I felt so strange going there and so ashamed and worthless only to be surprised when everyone made me feel welcome. It actually made me feel better when I was there. But it takes me courage to meet with a group. If I sit down and write down all I have and value in life I feel silly for thinking I am lonely and worthless. I just don't understand why my heart cannot click into this and enjoy the moment - I am always ashamed to be so miserable, nobody around me deserves this and I should just toughen up and look at what I have. 

I am making a conscious decision to listen to happy music now and perhaps do some colouring - fake it til you make it, I just keep smiling...

What can you do to feel less isolated? Any plans to meet with someone?

Take care, Yggy

[Kazzl]

Morning all - I'm a bit later this morning, decided to do the food shopping before it got too hot. It was about 30 just after 9, will reach 37 later. 

A big hi and welcome to yggy and hope4joy. It's a good thread this, truly lovely people, not  a worthless one amongst us! I know we feel that way sometimes, and it's hard to shake, but when we're feeling good we need to remind ourselves that it just ain't so. And if you can't do it yourself, come here and let your friends do it for you!

Hugs to you too Wayne - how are doing today? Hope your plans include air conditioning mate. It's an inside day for me, gardening can wait!

Shel, I do call people hun but only people I like and care about, like you. Hope you're having a good day today hun.

Sherie, hugs to you too, you're a strong lady. Hi to your sweet little doggie too. I love dogs, got 2 poodle crosses, mad as cut snakes they are.

Hi Chicken - hope you're feeling better today. I keep wanting to call you Chook which, in case you're offended, was a term of affection in my family. Mum called us possum, chook, chookie, pumpkin or sausage. Never seemed odd at the time .... does now that I think about it! 🙂

Take care everyone and stay cool!!

Kaz xxx

[hope4joy]

Hey Yggy,

its really nice to hear from you! And well done for going out this morning, I think it is the hardest thing to go knowing that we might not even actually enjoy it or feel good or happy or connected when we're there. I went ot an event on friday and was simple in 'survive' mode. My goal was simply to go. I guess the reason I still do even when i know my depression is bad and I prolly wont enjoy it is to (i) avoid the guilt of piking out (ii) know that if i go it makes going next time a tiny bit easier, or at least not harder, sort of like the positive snowball effect. Its weird because I feel proud of you going... and i guess it is the same for me... its always easier to see someone else's achievements.

What motivates you to go Yggy when you are feeling low?

I really relate to what you're saying about being there and feeling so sad to not be able to join the moment and enjoy being with people. I was at work yesterday and am in a real low at the moment, and one of my co workers who is so easy going and friendly made a real effort to be kind to me, chatting and trying to cheer me up. And it makes me cry now actually, because while I appreciated his kindness so much, I just couldn't "snap out" of my low mood - i couldn't relax, i couldn't really smile properly pr openly, and i didn't have my sense of humour (i can be so fun at other times) and that shame of being so defective, emotionally, i that moment. Sorry I'm all teary. 

I guess I was telling my mum the other day that depression for me is not a quick fix, it takes me time to come out of a low period and while i'll have little good moments and even days here or there, basically it takes some weeks and even months to get to the point where i'm feeling good again. In the past I was worried that I was a broken person who was incapable of love and connecting deeply with people. I guess I sometimes still worry about that. But i also know from experience that if i feel a strong emotion like anger, fear/anxiety, sadness/depression then i am sort of blocked from connecting to people - it helps me to know that I am okay, I can feel connected, but temporarily there is an emotion in the way blocking it. Gosh i hope some of this makes sense, I haven't even answered your question yet Yggy!

Its really nice to hear that you're listening to positive music. I only let myself listen to very small amounts of sad music and then transition to more positive, nurturing music before turning it off... 

[hope4joy]

I think for me the best way to feel less
isolated is to talk to someone. I have one friend who struggles with depression
and she has this gorgeous dog that she walks every afternoon, so at the very
least i can normally text her at the last minute and join them for a walk, to
get just a little contact. My neighbours are also awesome for a small chat
every once in a while – although I find it hard to talk to them if i’m really
down.

 

I often listen to TED talks or something
interesting and positive. Gardening helps. Reading if I can get started.
Sometimes I’ll call someone or make a card for them. And if i’m really
struggling I might call a phone line.

 

What helps you Yggy to feel less isolated?
I’m sorry you didn’t connect that much at the group today.

 

I’m really happy to chat 🙂

[Chicken_Wings]

Morning all, it's only just 8am here.

so the BBQ was a success. I felt good around the people there and I laughed real honest laughter. A couple of times I did think in the back of my mind "I wish this would last forever" and have a bit of foreboding knowing that I would probably slip back into not feeling great. But I tried to stay in the moment,

I woke up at 6am again this morning & came into the lounge to do my breathing exercises on the couch. The tightness in my chest is back. But at least today it is not accompanied by tears, so I guess it's an improvement. I haven't managed to rid myself of the anxiety, but hopefully over the day it will improve.

im going to see a friend later in the morning about looking after the dogs whilst we go away. I'm a bit nervous because it's taking me even closer to flying and I'm also nervous that I might appear anxious in front of her. I'll do my best.

Sherie I wish I could make things better for you. I feel like you deserve so much love and care. I hope we go some way to providing it for you here.

do you think you might be in  position again to find a little work? I know sometimes I'm so nervous going to work, but being there is generally a fantastic distraction. 

I so wish you & your husband could see a psychologist together.

Shelley, I can't say I feel calm, but I feel rested. I do wish I could sleep longer though. My anxiety has been waking me up between 4:30 and 6am for the last week. I think later in the day when my anxiety improves I might be able to sneak in a nap.

youe right about getting it out making you feel better. I'm hoping being here now is improving my state this morning.

STS, your grandmother sounds like a lovely lady. I'm so glad you had her & your grandfather in your life. Are you & your brother close? I'm not ready to lose mum yet, I'm terrified.

Kazzl, you can call me Chook if you like. Mum used to call me all sorts of little names, still does sometimes. Mainly "munchkin" these days! 

Im so thankful for you all. I honestly don't know how I would be getting through these days without you. And here come the tears...