Worthless

[Guest_1055]

Hello

I am wanting to know if anyone else feels just worthless. And what they did about that feeling that creeps inside of you.

Thanks

[Guest_1055]

How did you go at the job interview Sherie? We're you OK? I am guessing that sort of work would be really good for your brain.

That is a very worthwhile thing that you are doing too..... visiting the residents in aged care facilities. Yes I do believe some would be quite lonely and they probably look forward to a visit. I visit this dear little lady on Sundays, well I have been going over to her place for about 7 years. And I have grown to love her. She tells me so many interesting stories about her childhood and stuff and I love to simply just listen to her.

Gosh I am sorry about your back Sherie, how did you hurt it? My sister hurt her back a few months back, doing something heavy in her garden. She fixed it though by doing all these exercises to strengthen muscles.

Hope your day went OK, and that you weren't too anxious about your job interview. I would like to know how it all went, if that is OK?? 

Hugs to you...

Shelley xxx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Wayne

Wow! that is an enormous deep hole, right now I am trying to imagine like five 200 metre sporting fields sort of long. So what is at the very bottom of these holes, is there just rock or water??  So did you actually go down into this holes soon to be mines, like physically down? I just want to know what it is like that's all. I'm now feeling scared that I appear ignorant, but I am really quite interested in what you used to do.....

Anyway I do hope you are feeling better today and thankyou for giving Lucy a pat, I feel like I am getting to know her a bit as well. And do you have a dam, or something that you can simply jump into, if it gets too hot?

Shelley xxx

[Guest_4987]

Hi Shelly,

Hope my post finds you well and happy today, that Lucy of mine crack's me up! today she was walking in the paddock next to the house and a bird swooped down at her so she chased it at a hundred miles an hour around the whole paddock she can run so fast but never catches them, so funny.

Working in shafts is very dangerous but if you are careful it's ok. Most shafts are in hard rock so we use explosives to blast our way down usually 1800mm rounds when we drill by hand or 3000mm by machine either way it's bloody hard work all the gear is heavy to handle, when we hit shaft bottom there is nothing so we then drive a tunnel off to the side or open an area up for whatever it requires. If there is water sinking the shaft or at shaft bottom that's bad news such hard work to keep it in check but we do have ways to pump it out. There's not much light underground, usually the norm is to use cap lamps they are personal lamps you wear on your hard hat.

Well thats a short run down of shaft sinking, i'd rather be swimming in one of the two dams on the property.

By for now 

Lucy and Wayne xx

[Guest_5218]

Hi Shelley Anne,

Thanks for asking.  My job interview today went pretty well actually.  Both really nice people, and that helped.  I think I am still in with a chance.  I expect to hear from them within a day or two.  On the drive in I was shaking like a leaf. Then I had to pull over to compose myself because I started to cry.   Anxiety is horrible!   ) :

My volunteer work of visiting aged care residents is very rewarding for me, as well as being appreciated by the residents themselves.  But it can also be really sad.  You see you are allocated a particular person who has similar interests to yourself, and you become their special friend and visit them every week spending a couple of hours with them each time.  I had been visiting one old lady for about 12 months and she died unexpectedly in February.  I had become really attached to her as though she were one of the family really.  I think she had become a bit of a surrogate mother figure for me.  My own Mum is alive, but lives a long way away.  I bawled for weeks afterwards, at her funeral, her memorial, and every time I see her daughter.  But one nice thing is that her daughter (who doesnt live nearby) has stayed in touch with me and still phones me every couple of weeks.  

Then I was allocated another lady who I had only been seeing for 3 months, and she died in July.  That was hard too, but I hadnt really got to know her as well I guess.  

And then the following month my little niece died in the car accident.  It just seemed as though everyone was dying on me!  Of course thats silly, because I know that when visiting old people, they are going to die.  Thats the industry after all.  But at least when they arent dying on me, I do enjoy it.  As you have found with the lovely old lady you visit on Sundays, they really do have some fantastic tales of their youth.  And mostly they just want someone to listen to them.  And luckily I'm good at doing that.

My injury is a couple of protruding discs in my lower back.  I did it doing some heavy lifting as part of my work 16 years ago.  So it just 'goes' on me any old time, often for no real reason.  I have sciatica all the time, but sometimes it becomes unbearable.  I have done all sorts of exercises and relevant muscle strengthening exercises over the years but it just seems to make it worse.  I was advised to have a risky operation 15 years ago, but I was too scared to go ahead.  So the damaged discs remain unstable.  I do pilates when I can.

xx

[Guest_4987]

Hi Sherie,

What compassion you have for the aged, JUST FANTASTIC.

Wayne

[Guest_5218]

Oh Wayne, you are good for the ego!  What are you saying, that I shouldnt be posting on the WORTHLESS thread?  Its funny, I just dont see it that way.  I suppose I make a difference to these old people in general.  I know they dont have anybody to talk to week in and week out, but I still dont really feel as though I have a purpose.  I mean if I didnt visit them, they'd still be there, they'd still struggle through each day in their own way.  I dont make a 'real' difference to their lives.  I cant prevent them from suffering from all their ailments each day.  I cant take their pain away!  I am anly making a very small and insignificant difference to them.  I sometimes wish that I could hold back a little and not become so emotionally attached to them, but I guess in soing so I wouldnt really be doing my best for them.   I dont know how the people who work their whole lives in the aged care industry do it.  It takes a special person I think.  To care enough but not too much.  I am yet to work out how to do that.

Anyway that aside, how has life been on the farm today?  Do you have enough feed, or do you supplementary feed your stock?  Do you have lambs from spring, or do you lamb at a different time?   How's little Lucy?  Like Shelley Anne, please give her a pat from me.  My little dog was waiting for me when I got home from my job interview today.  Instantly made me feel better, and I could relax again.  She's a beautiful little dog, and I love her to bits.  She turns 7 on Christmas day, so will be officially classified as 'aged' at that point I believe?  She still seems like a puppy to me.......  

You didnt tell me if you went for a morning walk?  With Lucy being a Scottie, do you have problems at this time of year with grass seeds etc getting in her hair?  Thats the reason we always had short haired breeds on our farm.  I used to love going walking early in the mornings along a large creek we had running through our property.  We had a couple of elusive platypus in the elbow of the creek, and I often used to see them when I went walking.  Quite priveleged, as noone else used to see them.  But they didnt go at the right time of course!

Okay Wayne, you keep well.  And I do appreciate your responses.

Sherie (not my real name - I have a very unusual name so cant use it) xx

[Guest_1055]

Hello Lucy and Wayne

Yes I have been happy today, I am only feeling a little anxiety over the prospect of visiting extended family over Christmas. I am no good at small talk, or even verbally speaking. I also don't look as healthy as last Christmas. So I am scared that they will stare at me. Sometimes I think they only see the outside of me, and not the inside, like who I actually am. Sometimes I have even hid somewhere at Christmas gatherings. But I will be going, because it brings happiness to my mum and dad.

Lucy would get a lot of exercise running like that after that bird. I am so, so glad she helped you to laugh and see the funny side of things. Way good....

That mining sort of work does sound really hard going. I am guessing when you do go underground, it would feel like another world or something. A bit like when you go snorkeling. There is a lot of coal trains that pass on the rails, about one kilometre from us. These trains are so so so long. 

Where I grew up, we had a couple of dams. Our place was not isolated like yours though. We had neighbours close by. Anyway I did not like to swim in the dam, because there were ugly eels swimming in it. So is there eels in yours?

OK bye 

Shelley xxx

[Guest_1055]

Oh Sherie you were so brave attending that interview. And it is so good, that the people were friendly. That would have made it a whole lot easier. I'm sorry you shook like a leaf, whilst you were driving there. I can imagine that, I would most likely have done the same thing if I was in your shoes. Definitely would have cried too.

Ok bye now, really should go to bed.

Shelley xxx

[Guest_5218]

Gee Wayne you are good for the ego!  So, what are you saying that I'm NOT WORTHLESS after all?  Wish that were so, but it often doesnt feel that way.  I think I am still a genuine contributor to this thread.

Actually I posted a nice long reply yesterday, but it never appeared.  The moderators must not have liked something that I wrote?  Anyway this reply is much shorter, but I wanted you to know that I had responded to your post, and appreciated your thoughts.

Hope you have a good day on the farm today ................

Sherie xx  (not my real name - my own name is too unusual to use, as it would be recognised)   ( :

[Guest_5218]

Hi Kazzl,

I noticed your post on Cockatoos.  Yes I agree they are a lovely bird, with lots of character.  And yes, I have seen some of the videos of dancing cockatoos, so funny.  But boy, the racket they make.  Sooo screachy, and I hate loud noises.  Do you get any of the Black Cockatoos where you are?  They are even worse noise wise, and much more destructive.  They are quite a bit bigger than the white cocky.  There are two different varieties I think, one with a bit of yellow on their wings, which is what we get here, and some other areas (SW QLD I think) have one with a bit of red on their wing.  My little dog absolutely hates them.  You can usually hear them coming from a long way out, and straight away she's outside barking at them and following them from tree to tree.  She doesnt do that with any other bird, just the black cocky.  Its the noise she doesnt like, and I dont blame her.

I have a large aviary here and keep some budgies.  They lovely little birds.  I have some babies hatching at present.  Beautiful little pets, and they love human company.

I'm glad that now that you've reached your 50's you finally realise that you are being listened to and your ideas appreciated.  That you indeed are not inconsequential at all.  I am in my mid 50's as well, and find that my opinion on things is often sought out.  But I just dont have the confidence in myself to be more obliging with an answer.  Its a pity because I suppose I really do have something worthwhile to contribute.  Our own perceptions of 'self' are often very distorted. 

Have a good day ...........

Sherie xx