Worthless

[Guest_1055]

Hello

I am wanting to know if anyone else feels just worthless. And what they did about that feeling that creeps inside of you.

Thanks

[Kazzl]

Hiya Shelley anne - thanks for your message hun. Yes I do love birds, especially cockatoos - they are so beautiful yet make such an awful noise! And they're wonderfully silly. Have you looked at any dancing cockatoo videos on Youtube? Guaranteed to make you laugh.

Yes I do know what it's like to feel worthless, and inconsequential and invisible almost. I've come to realise over time that it's me that thinks that way though, others don't think I'm worthless. It's a hard thing to shake - I am still surprised if someone listens to what I say (I'm actually quite outspoken when I'm well, but I think that's because I don't ever expect anyone to actually take notice. When I'm not well I withdraw.) And, now in my 50s, I'm only just starting to accept that I do have an impact on people - they don't just dismiss me. And it's only lately I realised I've thought myself inconsequential since I was a child.  Strange eh?

Hope you're feeling OK today.

Aaaaah Wayne, a false start eh mate? Take care, give yourself time, wellness will come back to you. Crap feeling though isn't it. Keep hanging out here.

Sherie - very best wishes for your job interview! Fingers and toes crossed for you! 

[Guest_5218]

Hi Wayne,

Thanks for the intro.  Scotties are great little dogs, my grandma had one when I was a kid.  Your farm sounds great.  I really miss the farm life since we sold about 6 years ago.  Are your sheep Dorpers by any chance?  And are they black and white like your logo here?  Yes true, meat sheep are a little less work intensive than merinos.  I presume you have a ram?  Do you just run him with the ewes all year, or join at a set time of year?  

I am happy if I have managed to take you away from some of your negative thoughts.  Thats great.  And I hope you really enjoy your morning walk around the farm tomorrow.  Go early its the nicest time, before it gets hot.

Watch out for snakes.  We lost our last little dog when she was digging under the shearing shed after rabbit kittens.  Unfortunately a brown snake had the same idea and the little dog got bit.  Too far from town to get her to the vet in time, so that was the end of her.  Really sad.  We sold the farm soon after.  And our current little dog we got when we moved up here.  We live outside of a small town now about 7 hours from where our farm was.  Came up here for the better weather.  Its nice - 3 acres is just enough to create a mowing headache for my husband!  But certainly not the same as nice relaxing walks along lovely gurgling creeks on a farm far from anywhere.  Oh, I do miss all that ................

Okay Wayne, you take care.

Sherie xx

[Guest_5218]

Thanks Kazzl.  I appreciate that.  I just need to stop freaking out about it.  Worry, worry, worry it seems.

Sherie xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Kaz

Those cockatoo birds can be extremely vocal. I have actually seen huge patches of grass, by the roadside where tons and tons of them are hanging out. I think they must be nibbling on grass seeds or something. No I have not seen any ytube clips of any cockatoo. But I have seen a few clips with animals acting in funny ways. Mainly dogs and kitty cats. Way cool...

Definitely can relate to the invisible feeling Kaz, for me that makes me feel like a no body and like I do not matter to anyone I am very surprised when someone actually listens to me. And when someone does, I do start to feel worthwhile.

Well I hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Hugs

Shelley xxx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Sherie

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious niece. And the injury of your brother. Is your brother much better now?

Is it OK to ask you what type of job is the interview for? I hope all goes well for you in that regards.

Your past farm life sounds interesting, I have not been exposed to sheep much. Though I have bottle feed a lamb once. Aw.. so cute. There is also a large warehouse/ factory, not far from us that makes sheepskin boots.

Well I hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Bye now and with a hug

Shelley xxxx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Wayne....... Is it OK if I say don't be too hard on yourself? I'm sorry you slid down into that place, that we all know of. Has Lucy been sitting near your feet again? You will be alright Wayne. But even as I say that to you, I know from  my own experience that it does not feel alright, when you are actually in the place. Big warm friendly hug for you. 

Like Sherie, I did like hearing about your farm life. That is a very different world to mine, I live about 15 minutes to the coast line. I was wondering, like how far you are away from like a shop or something, and what sort of mining did you do. Was it coal mining?

I do hope you are feeling somewhat better when you read this.

Shelley xxx

PS  can you give Lucy a good pat from me?

[Guest_5218]

Hi Shelley Anne,

Yes my brother is slowly recovering physically, but still has a way to go.  Hopefully in time it will be a full recovery.  Psychologically he isnt doing so well.  Having been the driver he blames himself which I guess is pretty normal.  Even though it wasnt his fault.  But he is improving.  He is still off work until at least the end of January.  He is a farmer and a truck driver so his work is physical, thus making it hard to work with a broken neck.  But he will get there.  My little niece was their youngest child and only daughter.  

My job interview on Tuesday is for a part time admin/clerical position in my local town.  My expertise is in the areas of bookkeeping, admin, clerical, secretarial, reception.  So it fits okay.  It is only for about 6 hours per week and that suits me well.  I am only permitted to work for up to 10 hours per week anyway due to a long term back injury I have, which flares up whenever I overdo things.  Then I could be struggling to crawl out of bed for a week.  So I just have to be really conscious of that.  My restrictions mean that suitable jobs are really hard to get.  But for my own sense of worth, I really need to be doing something constructive.  I have been doing weekly volunteer work for over 6 years now, but it doesnt really challenge the old brain much.  I visit residents in aged care facilities.  Many of them have no family or friends to visit them which is really sad.

Regarding farms, I grew up on farms where my Dad was a farm worker.  And then eventually he was able to buy a small farm himself and run it.  My husband has a similar background and when he semi-retired about 15 years ago we bought a small sheep farm.  It kept him busy while I worked in a clerical position in town to supplement the farm income.  Then 6 years ago we sold up as it was becoming too much for him physically and he was ready to fully retire.  We'd been through about 8 years of drought too which was pretty hard to bear.  But I've always being a 'farm girl' at heart.

So now I must continue to stew over this job interview tomorrow.  I worry that I wont get it - I will be really dissappointed and feel rejected.  But I also worry that I will get it - Will I be able to do it, what if my injury flares up again?  I dont want to start something I cant do, and definitely dont want to let anyone down.  Stupid isnt it?  Anxiety is such a pain in the butt!!!

Gotta go.  Catch you another time.  Thanks for your well wishes.  xx

[Guest_4987]

Hi Sherie,

Good luck with the job interview sounds like all you need to do is just be you.

Wayne.

[Guest_5218]

Thats a nice thing to say Wayne.  Thankyou.

How was your walk this morning?

Sherie x

[Guest_4987]

Hi Shelley, It's always nice to read a post from you. I gave Lucy a big pat for you and she liked it heaps, My property is about 30klms from a small town.

My mining was quite varied we developed both coal mines and metaiferous mines like gold,copper and base metals. Most projects start with the sinking of vertical shafts these could be from 200meters to 1000meters deep and 6meters in diameter dam big hole if you think about it, when not working in a mine i worked on tunnelling projects building sewer, water and road tunnels.

Hope you have had a good day Shelley,

Lucy's at my feet again trying to keep a bit cool.

Wayne xx