Hi Outback1_
I feel for you so much, I really do. I think one of the hardest factors to manage at work can involve emotion, especially challenging emotions conjured up by work colleagues. Being a real 'feeler' (someone who feels so much) can add to the challenge. A few examples
- Feeling other people's stress, stress they're not managing
- Feeling other people's obsession with control. Often they're the kind of people who completely fall apart when things start to go south so they employ strategies like micro managing those around them, creating a strict sense of order, putting people in their place, passing on some of their work load (so as to deal with a lighter load) etc
- Feeling other people's sense of self entitlement, especially when it comes to them feeling entitled to degrade others or treat others with a lack of respect or consideration
The list goes on. All stuff that can be easily felt.
Working with a mixed bunch of characters, I definitely find some more challenging than others at times. When it comes to the way I manage my interactions with them, I've found the number one biggest help has involved learning to read them (their nature and how they tick under different circumstances). This tends to help with taking action before something escalates, threatening to take me to the brink of insanity. To save my own sanity at times, I've had to learn how to emotionally switch off from one co-worker who can become highly stressed out and super controlling. I've learned to not feel her stress through my nervous system. I've also had to learn to develop the comedian in me when it comes to overall workplace stress or pressure. Making light of what can feel dark or enraging at times can also be good for the nervous system. Figuring out who else is a 'feeler' can also make a difference. I find learning to communicate non verbally can create a shared experience with someone who can feel where you're coming from. For example, for someone to verbally scoff at our ideas in meetings is just plain disrespectful. If we find someone else on our team who can feel that put down, sharing a raised eyebrow and a smile with them can come as a relief. Feeling who's on our side can strengthen workplace relationships.
I think one of the biggest challenges has involved learning to develop the intolerant part of me. With a long history of being a people pleaser, this one's a toughy. If I want the people pleaser in me to take a back seat, the challenge becomes about allocating a new 'driver' (the facet of myself that's going to drive a point home or drive me to achieve the goal I need to achieve). What part of you would say 'I don't have time to read all your emails. Only send me what's highly relevant and cut out the rest' or 'Stop directing me in a job I already know how to manage'? What part of you would be inclined to question 'Do you know why you insist on behaving like my manager?'. Maybe that could be the part of you that likes to genuinely wonder. Developing the wonderful or wonder filled part of us can definitely challenge others at times, especially when we're wondering at them 😁. What part or parts of you is she pushing you to develop or bring to life? Sometimes it's rather amazing how, when someone pushes and pushes and pushes us, something in us suddenly comes to life. The most upstanding part of us can be birthed under pressure and it can take a certain type of person to bring that part of us to life. Btw, your boss sounds like absolute zero help throughout these brutal labour pains.
Of course, in no way is it easy to bring a whole new part of us to life that we've never met with before. Again, I feel for you so much at this incredibly challenging time.
