withdrawn and angry

[frogman]

very new to here so here goes i have very long story spanning almost 30 years and still find myself dwelling on issues from long ago along with feeling angry most of the time and sometimes just crying to myself for no real reason the smallest things that would not normally make somebody angry seem to anger me greatly also find it hard to be active on a social level and when i am i put on smiles like life is perfect im on medication to help this but the past 2 years have struggled greatly i feel like closing myself off at times the thought of being in a group of people will make me sick and ill often vomit as a result its affected every aspect of my life im feeling very lost what i can do now without anybody to turn to with so much having failed already how ever hard i try maybe others have had similar things or have advice thanks

[Neil_1]

Hi there frogman

Firstly, welcome to Beyond Blue and secondly, thank you for coming here and providing your post.

Your name also conjures up images of big Arnie in the movie, True Lies at the start of it, when he went underwater to enter inside a palatial residence.  That either works for you too, or you’ve got no idea what I’m on about!  🙂

What you’ve described I can safely let you know that you are NOT on your own with all of this – though personally, I’ve never reached the throwing up stage but with a lot of the other stuff, yes, I can feel and understand what you’re saying and experiencing.

I’m not sure if you’ve been to your gp recently, but from what I’m reading, it would sound like a reasonable thing to try and do – just to give them an update for how you’re travelling and also importantly to get a possible review on your meds?   It could be that a bit of tweaking in that area might be needed?

Also sounds like you’re mostly on your own, is that right?   No family ties close by?   Or any close friends?

I do hope to hear back from you.

Neil

[frogman]

i do have a partner and 3 boys aged 3 8 and 12 as for my brothers and sisters i cut ties with about a year ago i see gp every few weeks they have sent me to a new psychologist which has helped in the past but very much feels like its at its worst so far atm last night something happened that i think was a panic attack but unsure heavey breathing felt like my heart was pounding out of my chest very fasy got dizzy but never passed out this happened 3 times over a 5hr window btw my name is based on kermit the frog always been big fan also thanks for your reply

[Neil_1]

Hi there frogman

That panic attack didn’t sound too good, so would have made for a bad night’s sleep – or if any.   I wonder if you can trace back to what might have been the source for it?  No need to let us know here, but perhaps something to try to find out, to possibly assist for the future with any such happenings – something to avoid?

Just with what you’ve also described, it seems that you’re doing good things to help with your battle.  It’s just a long hard process – at times it’s kind of like climbing up a hill that has turns in it and you’re never sure where the top is, but each time you go around a corner, you encounter yet more climbing.

Neil

[frogman]

been trying to do the things i can to help seems to keep it in check most the time this can be a struggle as always feels my like im just hanging in there without it really getting any better not that i expect a cure but sure would be nice to have improvement to many bad memories make a hard hurdle then family having told me over and over my memories are not right has made things worse as most are from about age 11-15 and thats the reason i cut family off long ago maybe i should write a book

[White_Rose]

Dear Frogman

I join Neil in welcoming you to Beyond Blue. Also Neil forgets his age sometimes and doesn't realise his memory of films is waaaay earlier than others. Having said that I must confess to being 20 years older than him (almost). However he has given you some great support. Not sure if I can add much.

The difficulty with new psychs, and also new GPs, is that it takes a while to get to know them and vice versa. I'm not asking for details of your consultations, just to comment that I hope the past events are being discussed. They obviously had an intense impact on you and 20 years or so is too long to carry such wounds.

Panic attacks can be dreadful. I have ended up in hospital on several occasions after a panic attack. Perhaps you can discuss with your psych some strategies for managing these.

Anger is a huge problem for me. I have no idea why this is such a common problem with depression. Maybe it's the frustration of not getting well quickly enough. Perhaps our capacity to control such emotion is severely reduced. Well, actually it seems our capacity for everything is reduced. The message I want to leave with you is not to feel guilty. I hope you are going to write back and say you don't feel guilty, which will be great, even if I do feel silly.

Remember to focus on the task at hand not on the future. Take each day, each hour, as it comes . Looking too far ahead can only add to your depression because the journey seems unending. It's not but the end is not yet in sight. So baby steps only.

Love to hear from you.

Mary

[sadgirl95]

Hey frogman

Its awful to hear about someone struggling but it is somewhat comforting to know that you're not alone. 

Keep hanging in there, we can all get through it. 

The past can only keep haunting you if you let it, that is what I try to tell myself sometimes anyway. 

Best of luck to you x