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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Nick86 Needing to be proved wrong.
  • replies: 6

Hi all, New member in need of guidance and support and basically to find my happiness again. I have a daughter who is my breath of fresh air and my reason for holding on to the my small thread of happiness. i am her hero and she has unconditional lov... View more

Hi all, New member in need of guidance and support and basically to find my happiness again. I have a daughter who is my breath of fresh air and my reason for holding on to the my small thread of happiness. i am her hero and she has unconditional love for me which is a feeling that keeps a real smile on my face as opposed to a drawn on one. I have been on anti-depressants for a little over 4 years after experiencing my first anxiety attack. All stemming from past family history and the break up of my past relationship with my daughters mum ( who surprisingly is the driving force behind me finding myself again) She is happy and has moved on and is engaged, i am happy for her as she deserves the world. guess the problem is that i am holding on to the small amount of happiness i once experienced and finding it hard to let go and move on with a healthy lifestyle . i don't know if want to get into my past family history just now but i can advise that my childhood had multiple contributing factors as to why i am not happy. I apologise if my thread is a little confusing and cryptic... basically i feel as though i don't deserve to be on anti-depresants and in my own point pf view feel as though i am weak for seeking help to find happiness and don't want to spiral down the dark hole of chronic depression. i am no where near that stage and don't want to ever be near the edge. thanks for listening Happy Friday Nick

Sparkles183 regretting ever seeking help
  • replies: 50

A few months ago I could see myself slipping back into depression, so I went to the GP to get a mental health plan. Now I am regretting ever seeking help as everything I have tried does not seem to work which frustrates me and makes me angry inside. ... View more

A few months ago I could see myself slipping back into depression, so I went to the GP to get a mental health plan. Now I am regretting ever seeking help as everything I have tried does not seem to work which frustrates me and makes me angry inside. I see both a psychologist and my GP every few weeks but in reality I don’t know why I bother they both must think I am a drama queen and wasting their time it is not like they listen to me anyway. And my psychologist even told me that I am choosing to walk in depression (which annoyed me because I know that it is not true) I tried meds a few weeks ago but had a bad reaction to them and I am not allowed to try anything else until 4 to 5 weeks after my last dose. This is the first time I ever reached out to get medical attention for my depression and follow through with the treatment plan, but now I am regretting it as I feel it has triggered my anxiety more than anything. I faced an 18 month battle of depression on and off and won once before without any help. Even though this depressive episode has only been for the last few months some reason it feels different and kind of worse as I can no longer cry anymore but really feel like I need to cry I know I need help to get through this depressive episode but when I do reach out for help no one listens to me. And they say I am choosing to walk in depression. I faced this battle once before and won without any help and I know I can do it again.

allisonwonderland depression or anxiety? Or neither?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I've just recently fallen into another one of what I've named "bad patches," where a trigger pushes me into a month or two of lethargy, low mood and anxiety (more so than usual). It's not all day every day, because I can be distracted, b... View more

Hi everyone, I've just recently fallen into another one of what I've named "bad patches," where a trigger pushes me into a month or two of lethargy, low mood and anxiety (more so than usual). It's not all day every day, because I can be distracted, but it's a general feeling of grey with days of true sadness. Last week I was really foggy in the mind and absolutely lethargic (could have been down to sleep deprivation) and when I saw a psychologist she said I was exhibiting symptoms of depression. It's never been called this before, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. This week I'm coming out of the fog and seem to be thinking a bit clearer, but with that has come this paralysing fear because I know that I have to face life again. It's as if I want to hide behind the sadness and lethargy so I can just stay in bed and not face up everyday. It makes me really hate myself and feel like a coward. I wanted to know if anybody else experiences this. There's this voice in my head that's telling me that I'm a fake, and that I just need to get over it and stop being weak because it clearly wasn't anything serious. The problem is that instead of listening to that voice and pulling myself out of it I just retreat further into an anxious state. I am confused about what's going on- it just seems so layered and complicated.

RosieQ Self Blame anxiety and nowhere to go
  • replies: 3

First off context: I come from a family with a history of mental illness - anxiety and depression. My dad died recently and I had severe anxiety attacks after this - probably as a result. So bad that my therapist said she almost wanted to hospitalise... View more

First off context: I come from a family with a history of mental illness - anxiety and depression. My dad died recently and I had severe anxiety attacks after this - probably as a result. So bad that my therapist said she almost wanted to hospitalise me! I went on meds and they made a small difference. I took a month or so off work and got myself together again through exercise and mindfulness. Am off them now and no panic attacks. But I do have physiological symptoms of anxiety all day...no spiralling,crippling worries and negativity just the underlying physical / mental symptoms - heart palpitations numbness mild dissociation mind racing ahead. Nothing triggers it - no reason behind it. I can't focus and I wake very often at 3am with this insane feeling...it goes on and on. I get no sleep and I am lost in a racing mind unable even to read, listen to music plan, the day properly or relax. My husband can't understand me and is angry at me for not showing affection and not connecting with him. He often says he can't cope anymore because I don't smile and show him any love and is on the verge of leaving. Fair enough. I tend to get angry but then I blame myself. ( I come from a family where there was a lot of anger between my parents - they were cruel to each other and little love was shown and displayed between them Or to us. As a result I'm not good at affection and openly expressing my love) I hold everything back from him around how I am feeling because I fear the conflict and what it will do to me emotionally. I really hate myself at the moment. I blame myself for relationship problems, I feel like a failure because of my anxiety, think im stupid and worthless with no talent at all, I hate that I can't get my act together and blame myself for all the problems we have with our children - their learning and development (youngest son is bombing in school we are not sure what's wrong with him) . Of course I blame myself for this - it's all my fault as I took some medication for a health condition when I was pregnant And it probably affected his capacity for learning. I think I'm erratic and disorganised and volatile and selfish ...and not a good person who has nothing to offer anyone. I can't think of any good qualities I have that make me proud of who I am. I hate myself even more for being so selfish when there are others on this forum who are struggling terribly with distressing experiences far worse than my stupid selfish ones

Creating_A_Better_Future Feeling lost, on and off.
  • replies: 5

I am new to this forum, and have considered seeing a doctor to get on a mental health plan which I may still do, but as I am such an independent person I thought I would try this first. As like most of you on here, I have my good days and my bad days... View more

I am new to this forum, and have considered seeing a doctor to get on a mental health plan which I may still do, but as I am such an independent person I thought I would try this first. As like most of you on here, I have my good days and my bad days. Previously in life I have made some pretty awful and embarrassing decisions, which I block out most of the time and a rush of guilt and shame swoops through me when I think of it too much. I am nearly fully healed of those 'bad' decisions with learning to forgive myself.. but from those hard times has brought depression and anxiety into my life, and I can relate to those feelings when I am going through something completely different scenario wise. My most recent head space, in the last 8-10 months has been that I don't feel 'alive', I don't feel 'well' (anxiety) but I do not have anxiety attacks, I more so feel sad about myself and my life, as what I want to achieve is in reach but it's not the right time. I have been working from home the last year and a half (not for health reasons, just a gig I scored) and I have sadly put in 13 kilos of weight. Of course, this would bring anyone down naturally, by not being happy with their physical self. I have no career ambition or goals, I have dipped my toes in a lot of different jobs and hobbies, but nothing sticks. I know I am much better off in life than a lot of people in this world, but that isn't a curable thought. I feel lost like I have nothing to work towards, I don't have physical interaction with people at work which I miss, but if I was to give up my job I would not be able to find an income remotely close to what I have now. I'm trying to find a thirst, a passion for life, to work hard, lose weight and have something to look forward to doing on the weekends/week nights rather than plotting through the days and getting sad and uninviting thoughts in my head. In the past 3-4 months I have re-assessed who I spend my time with, friends wise and have had some friendships break down, but I have always been the type of person to know and love everyone and I have always felt the same back from other people. Now my time is spent with quality friends and not quantity, I feel as though that's created some sadness as that has never been the way it was for me, even though I know it is much better to have quality than quantity relationships. I'm hoping someone can give me some friendly advice.

Pete54 My cotton wool room
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I hope sharing my story will help me to express something that words have always really failed to do. I'm 61. My messed up thinking about myself and relationships led to poor choices that were destructive; choices that hurt others and which, ... View more

Hi all, I hope sharing my story will help me to express something that words have always really failed to do. I'm 61. My messed up thinking about myself and relationships led to poor choices that were destructive; choices that hurt others and which, in the end, cost me my first marriage. There is a huge disconnect between my life as a health care professional and my personal, internal life. I'm told I'm good with people; that I can talk to others easily & interact in a caring, consultative way, with good communication that contributes good outcomes for clients. Yet I have no friends. I have no one (other than my current wife) who is close to me (and even there I feel a lack of understanding). I must send out non-verbal "stay away" messages, because rarely do family, or people I might wish to call friends, initiate contact with me. Life can be very lonely. Perhaps I'm afraid that others will see the messed up fraud that I am and I subconsciously push them away. For me, depression is like home being a small, dark room with walls lined with thick cotton wool that has pieces of broken glass embedded in it. Somewhere there is a light switch that would go a long way to helping me find my way and avoid the pain from the broken glass, but the darkness makes it pretty much impossible to find. At the same time the cotton wool muffles the soundness of my thoughts and choices and also the voices of anyone offering help or direction. And all those thoughts seem to want to get my attention at the same time. Everything is just a mumbling jumble of painful thought, and no one seems to be able to hear when I call for help. I can sometimes break free from that bad place for a few hours to go to work where most people wouldn’t know anything is wrong, where you can trick yourself and others into thinking that everything is ok, but it’s exhausting keeping up the act of being normal; I can put on a good mask make it look like everything is OK. At the end of the day, though, you have to go back to my "room" – back to that place of confusion and pain – which also doesn’t make sense because any rational thinking person would choose to stay away. Depression isn’t rational. I'm not really able to be explain it with words! I've seen counsellors/psychologists. My GP has me on an antidepressant which gives a little help, but life is still flat, without purpose & full of guilt. Some days I just wish I didn't have to wake up and do it all again. I just ache both inside & out.

Ghengis Just the Beginning
  • replies: 4

Hey all, I'm a 44 year old male that has just hit the wall. Nothing is good enough, tired, headaches, frustrations, wondering how people feel about me and if I'm doing the right thing, looking over my shoulder consistently to find nothing there. I ha... View more

Hey all, I'm a 44 year old male that has just hit the wall. Nothing is good enough, tired, headaches, frustrations, wondering how people feel about me and if I'm doing the right thing, looking over my shoulder consistently to find nothing there. I had to walk out of a Meeting at work the other day to cry and then 1hour later I was good again. It feels like 10% of my brain is telling me all the good stuff and then the other 90% kicks in and takes over and feeds me with all of the confusion that I have now. I suspect I have been depressed for years but it hasn't been until the last week where everything has started to multiply that has started to scare me. I have a doctors appointment this afternoon but cant get into a psychiatrist until next week. I will continue to read these forums and the information on this web site as it has been a great help to this point in time. Why does this happen to somebody like me that has a great family, job and in general a great life and really don't have anything to be stressed about. I don't understand it but here's hoping I learn to deal with it. Until next time everybody take care. Ghengis

Holdhopes Today it's the first time I cry at work
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, My name is Nick and I'm 27. It's the first time I use this forum. I was a little hesitant at first until I recently found that it might be a little too much for just my partner to handle my issues all by herself. I have had depression/an... View more

Hi everyone, My name is Nick and I'm 27. It's the first time I use this forum. I was a little hesitant at first until I recently found that it might be a little too much for just my partner to handle my issues all by herself. I have had depression/anxiety since 2005 but things'd gone on and off until recently. I have seen a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist too. At the moment, I'm struggling particularly as I really want to give up on my PhD programme in medical field. However, I do realise it could just be my avoidance trait. As I have had the exact same feeling when I was jobless or doing jobs which supposed to have lower stress level. I also found it really hard to concentrate in my reading. I choose many ways to proscastinate. I even want to take an intermission. As an Asian, as explained by my psychiatrist, I have vulnerabilities in seeking approval from others (this has internalised in me as my father has been telling me I'm not good enough more than half of my life). My other issue is I always need a sense of success to keep me going, in order for me to feel that I'm worthwhile as a person. However, this is my main problem as a PhD student. Sometimes, you don't necessarily see the end of the tunnel. I am so close to giving up. Today I have had a panic attack after receiving the email from my supervisor asking if I've had returned after a whole week of "day offs" due to my viral infection. I told my gf how I felt so worthless. Then all of a sudden, it became the first time I ever cry at work (or at the sports facility) as a man (although I always feel miserable). I feel so helpless and I really need someone to talk to. Just to see if any of you out there have had similar issue at work with depression/anxiety. How did you overcome? Looking forward to hearing from you. Nick

caroline_ Struggling with depression and anxiety due to living arrangements
  • replies: 3

I'd been doing well coping lately. Been off meds for a bit, been able to bounce back after minor episodes. But now, my anxiety has spiked and am feeling hopeless and worthless because one of my housemates doesn't like me. Maybe I wouldn't mind if I d... View more

I'd been doing well coping lately. Been off meds for a bit, been able to bounce back after minor episodes. But now, my anxiety has spiked and am feeling hopeless and worthless because one of my housemates doesn't like me. Maybe I wouldn't mind if I didn't overhear her whispering about me to someone else lately. Or if she didn't leave passive aggressive messages on the house whiteboard. I feel trapped. My partner is great, he understands my concerns and tries to help me feel better, but he's able to just laugh off her little spiteful comments and actions. I just sit here and dwell on them, and feel scared to leave our room. We are looking to move, but it just doesn't happen fast enough for me. I still have to cope with this until we find somewhere. I feel like a stupid teenager, even though I'm 35. Don't want to go running back home only after a few months of finally being away from them, even though part of me really wants to just run away from all this. I think therapy could help me... but it's incredibly difficult for me to choose someone just from a website or a list. The last therapist I went to was ok, but I just didn't click with him and didn't feel like it was helping so I stopped going. I really wish I could still see the woman I had at uni, but I'm not a student anymore.

Creative_Mind Life feels hard today.
  • replies: 5

Why can one day start normal you feel happy.Then all a sudden a cluster of small things that don't go to plan cause you to breakdown.Then you obsess or over think everything and somehow you make it seem like its all your fault.Today i wanted the day ... View more

Why can one day start normal you feel happy.Then all a sudden a cluster of small things that don't go to plan cause you to breakdown.Then you obsess or over think everything and somehow you make it seem like its all your fault.Today i wanted the day to be perfect and a few tiny minor issues have resulted in me hysterically crying and wanting to run away from everyone and everything.I have been diagnosed with social Anxiety and i have it given a good fight for 7years without medication .But now i feel like it has just manifested into something so big and its starting to consume every waking hour of the day and in fact even in my sleep i grind my teeth with the stress.I'm the happy carefree mum of 2 at school that has a fulltime successful hairdressing business 2 dogs a cat a husband with his own business and i just manage it perfectly and carefree and never get mad or frustrated........yeah right!I've become a master now at covering up the real me but now i finally feel like i shouldn't that it's making things worse everyday living up to everyone else's expectations of me what they tell me i look like from the outside calm and carefree , organized instead or being true to whom i am and admitting i can't fix this on my own anymore.I need the help of medication i already see a psychologist but i know im even fake when i talk to her.I don't want to be the one on meds i want to be the one that can cope.How do i get it right in my head that i need this extra help and not fear taking medication , not fearing the very thing that could take this sadness, frustration and fear away.

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