worse than I though but don't know where to start?

[Nishii]

After being in an emotionally abusive relationship for a year, coming out of it, I realize I have been broken down a lot more than I though. With a new boyfriend now, he has helped me take steps towards getting help. As it's that awkward time of year where my usual help is unavailable, I have found myself feeling anxiety, exhausted , crap sleep and scared. My head feels clouded and I just can't get my feelings and emotions straight. Today both my parents and my boyfriend that in the past few days, something has changed but I can't pick what it is myself.

Not much information to work with sorry, I'm new to this. I just want to know what it is I can do to get my head back on track, atleast until next week.

[white knight]

Hi Nishii, welcome to Beyond Blue forums

If you have depression or one of the many mental illnesses possible, then getting help "at least until next week" is amusing for me because most mental conditions are lifelong. Therefore, if you have one you might need to accept it rather than fight it or seek a 'quick fix'.

Your most logical first step is diagnosis. Make an appointment with your doctor and get a referral if he/she issues one.

Getting over a broken relationship can take a lot of time and much emotion.

Tony  WK

[White_Rose]

Hello Nishii

Welcome to BB and thank you for your post. Tony is right in saying that broken relationships take time to get over.  And when the relationship has been abusive then it takes even longer because there are all sorts of other issues to repair.

Being broken is a standard condition of the human race. We learn to live with it, heal from the hurts and traumas, help others to heal as much as possible and learn what is worthwhile and what is rubbish.

I realise this may sound cold and scary, and when I first realised I was the one to make my life better I just about collapsed because I wanted 'someone' to fix me. There is lots of help out there. Not sure who or what you mean by your usual help being unavailable. If you are seeing a psychologist or similar, what do you usually do between visits?. Take one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. There is nothing that says you have to have a plan for the next two weeks.

Look at being with someone, or completing a task or enjoying a hobby for the next hour, then consider the next activity.  Looking ahead too far can be terrifying because the horizon is almost infinite. And under those circumstances you will never reach it. So lower your gaze and look at the path directly in front of you. What do you need to do next? My daughter told me to take baby steps on my journey and this is what we all need to do. In the end it is a quicker path that trying to cover great distances in one jump.  You just set yourself up for failure.

I suggest you take Tony's advice and make an appointment with your GP for an assessment. Your family and boyfriend are probably loving and caring and having their support is great. It's what we all need. But sometimes they become too anxious and want you to get better quickly because it hurts them to see you so miserable. What I have learned, and others too, is that these things cannot be rushed. So see your GP and be guided by him/her. Go and see a psychologist if this is recommended.

If you do not have a GP or are not comfortable with you regular GP, then look up the list of GPs under the tabs above. Explore the information there and ask BB to send of the literature you think helpful.

Please write in again and tell us how you are going.

Regards

Mary

[Nishii]

Sorry, I was meaning until next week because that is when I have an appointment with my psychologist. I was after help to try get me though until then.

[Nishii]

But Thanks for the judgement.

[gasping_for_air]

Hi Nishii,

 Even if its something to get you through the next hour, the next day, its worth doing. 

 Yes many mental illnesses are lifelong, however if I stop to think about that, it seems a feat to large to overcome it, so why bother? 

For some, taking bite size pieces of life is all that is manageable.. to get you through to the next day, next appointment, whatever it is. 

 Hope you find something to get you through 

x

[Nishii]

Thank you for this advise, it's what I was looking for. I have a psychologist I usually see onvery a fortnight but because of the holidays, She has been unavailable and with the stress of Christmas and it being y first year back at home for 2 years, it's always a bit tense.. My gp I also see is on holidays until next week also, so I got a bit stuck and confused with it all. I have been going out and using new relaxation techniques which has helped dramatically.  I plan on getting a new plan in place with my gp and going on with the things I have recently started.

[gasping_for_air]

you're very welcome, im glad it helped. i find breaking my days up into manageable chunks helps when i feel overwhelmed.

its a difficult time of year for many & not having the usual supports or routine of seeing your psych/gp can throw it out further. 

im glad you've got some strategies to get you through & deciding on some more with your psych is a great idea 🙂 

[White_Rose]

Hello Nishii

So pleased you have been able to respond. Good to know you have some professional help in your life. I imagine returning home, whatever the reason you went away, is always hard. You will have changed while your family are expecting the same person back. Still, you are all coping.

I do understand how difficult it can seem when your normal help is unavailable. Until you have learned some coping mechanisms for your life it can feel as though the bottom has dropped out of your world. Maybe this is something you can discuss with your psych when you next meet. How to manage when she is not available. And of course you can start to put these strategies in place between appointments as a way of practicing and becoming stronger.

Have you been prescribed any anti depressants?  For many years I was dead set against them because I believed I should get well without this kind of help. Only for wimps I thought. Well I finally agreed to medication, although I felt it did not do much.  Then a couple of months I suggested to my doctor that the ADs be increased. No idea why I said that. She said she had been considering this as well. Talk about serendipity! Anyway the ADs were increased and suddenly I was thinking more clearly, far less emotional, smiling like the Cheshire Cat and far more relaxed.  A small miracle I felt. So now I am a convert.

The reason I mention this is because we do a great job of putting ourselves down when we are depressed. We are without doubt the worst people you could meet: useless, lazy, uncaring, not fit for the human race. I thought taking ADs simply proved my inadequacy. While this may not be your particular struggle I have no doubt you put yourself down in a similar manner. So work towards believing you are as worthwhile as anyone else.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Mary