Of course you can't tell me the answer to my purpose, per se, but how am
I supposed to figure it out for myself? I've soul searched and cannot
come up with a point. What's the point to my life?I'm not suicidal, I
don't want to die until I'm an old la...
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Of course you can't tell me the answer to my purpose, per se, but how am
I supposed to figure it out for myself? I've soul searched and cannot
come up with a point. What's the point to my life?I'm not suicidal, I
don't want to die until I'm an old lady, yet I have still found myself
writing out who I want my belongings to go to when I pass, and hurting
myself, as if it will be next week! I am confused at why I keep feeling
so down. It hits like a Mac truck.I feel stuck in a job that I have lost
passion for, but that everyone tells me I'd be stupid to leave as I'm
about to clock up long service leave, and they have an amazing mat.leave
policy for when my husband and I decide to start a family (in the next
few years) which makes me feel stuck. It's not the job I want to do, but
the job opportunities are next to none for a woman my age in my town.I'm
studying a general uni course (Bach Arts) part-time (reg. job 4 days a
week) because I don' t know what else to do/what I'm passionate about,
but I want a degree with the hopes it'll get me a better job. My grades
are starting to slip. I've let myself go the past 6 or so months and the
weight is creeping on. I've gone from an active, 3-4x a week at the gym,
kinda girl who this time last year triumphantly ran her first 10 kms
(after forever declaring I'm 'not a runner'), to coming home from work,
sleeping and watching TV and basically not moving at all every single
night.My sleeping pattern is all over the shop. I won't go to bed until
quite late then wake up early, but force myself to sleep as long as I
can because I can't bear to face my closet thinking of what I can wear
today that won't make me look pregnant (even though I'm not, but
everyone is harassing us about it and my weight gain has people
whispering), and wondering how I can structure my day so that I can
speak to as little people as possible, because the effort of pretending
I'm 'normal' is so hard.I'm just confused. I have great friends,
supportive family, wonderful beautiful loving husband, great job with
perks (despite feeling 'over it'), and I'm an ungrateful, lazy,
whingeing , who can't be happy with my lot- then I feel guilty and
shameful that I'm feeling yuk about my life. I'm thankful for this safe
place to unpack my mind from time to time, even if it is non-sensical
and makes me appear to be a vain, silly person. These feelings have
intensified since my mother-in-law passed 3 mths ago.beyondblue's
clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on
issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general
supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have
concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service
on 1300 22 4636.