Everthing is a challenge

[kezza21]

Hi my name is kerrie. Nothing seems to go right for me I moved to another suburb 8 years ago and since then everything seems to be going wrong. I got married which ended after 2 years due to my husband's intravenous drug use and DV. I moved house then met someone else we were together for 1 1/2 years which also ended due to his alcohol addiction ; DV and controlling attitude which only ended one month ago. Now I have decided to move back closer to my family. But I lost my licence for a month so this makes everything so much harder. I just want to move with my 4 children and start a fresh life but nothing seems to go right I applied for a house last week and didn't get it my house is packed ready to go but I feel I am sinking further into depression I now have no motivation at all I just want to sleep all day I don't feel like going out or doing anything. it would just be nice if everything wasn't such a challenge and things started to go right for me for once. 

[Hspar2]

Hi Kerrie

 I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate to you having no motivation. I have been unemployed for a few months now and due to having no structure or purpose I have sunk into a depression and have no motivation. I used to love having my first coffee in the morning and making myself some breakfast but now I just lie in bed. I have no motivation to even do the washing or cleaning.

I hope you have been to the doctor? I am not a doctor however as I understand it when you don't do much activity your brain slows down and in turn you feel more tired and less motivated. I force myself to do small activities each day. The night before I might write down 3 things I will do the next day, for example do a load of washing or change my bed sheets. These small accomplishments can snow ball and you will begin to do more.

Please don't feel alone or like you can't talk about it.

[White_Rose]

Dear Kerrie

I am sorry to read you are having such a hard time, especially when you have the care of four young children as well.  I have four children and can remember how much work it all entails. Let me welcome you to Beyond Blue and the caring and supportive community here.

It's a real pain in the rear end when things go amiss and seems that once one thing has gone wrong, so does everything else. On the positive side you have got rid of your abusive partners and can start again. I understand this not an easy thing to do.

Have you been to your doctor? It is one of the first things we often suggest to people who write in here. This is because it sounds as though you have become depressed, or at the least very tired and down.  It's a good idea to get a check up make sure there are no underlying health problems, and if you have depression to start on getting well again.

Losing your licence for a month makes a huge impact on your life. Can your children get to school without you? And while you are stuck can your order your groceries on line until you get your licence back?

Are you looking for a private rental home or Housing dept? If the latter can your GP help with a letter to the Housing dept? I take it your family is too large to live with your parents in the meantime.

Hspar2 has suggested that you do several activities each day but I imagine you do many more in caring for your children. However, it is true that doing something nice is a morale booster. Can you go for a short walk several times a week. Take the younger children to the local park for half an hour. Phone a friend or sit out in the garden with a cuppa and read a book. These do not seem like huge things but they have a great impact on your feeling of well-being.

I do not know what the rental market is like in your preferred area, and if it is fairly limited then you may be in for a long wait. This is why I was asking about moving in with your parents or possibly other family members. It would give you some much needed support and away from you current situation.

Another option is to phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636. This is available 24/7. Your call will be answered by a mental health expert who may well have other alternatives to offer you. Can you also contact the Domestic Violence hotline in your state? Again they may have alternatives for you.

Please write in again and tell us how you are going.

Mary

[kezza21]

Hi

Thankyou for your reply. I have suffered depression for a number of years now and I take antidepressant tablets every day, I am going to the doctors on Tuesday to get a check up and let them know how I am feeling. I force myself everyday to do something extra but most days I am just to tired to do anything other than what I have to do for the kids. Normally when my depression is playing up I just feel down and out but this time it is more severe.

[kezza21]

Hi Mary,

Thankyou for replying its good to have other people to talk to.

It is so hard when i am feeling like this and i have 4 children to look after on my own and with everything else going on in my life to try and be strong and put on a good front for the kids.

I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday for a checkup i take Cymbolta every day but lately my depression is getting worse.

My boys catch the bus to high school but my daughter is only six so I catch the bus with her to and from school.

I am putting in the paperwork tomorrow for Dept of housing but I am also looking privately but it is very difficult without a licence. I will talk to the doctor about writing a letter for me because I just want to move asap, my ex only lives 12 minutes from me and I am a bit afraid as he came around last November and smashed 4 windows in my house which he was charged for, but the phone calls and text msgs still continue but I just ignore them and they are getting less frequent and as soon as I move I will change my phone number.

I haven't even thought about doing my shopping online thankyou that's a good idea I have been catching the bus then struggling home with bags of groceries.

My parents look after foster children and no one in my family would have enough room for all of us.

I am going to the local shopping centre tomorrow just to have a coffee to get out of the house for a while so hopefully will feel a bit better being out and about for a little while.  

Thankyou for replying its nice not to feel so alone.

[White_Rose]

Dear Kerrie

You are certainly an organised person and I take my hat off to you. I can appreciate your concern about the ex. Can you block his phone calls and text messages? That way you will not have them niggling at the back of your mind. And yes, it's a great idea to change your phone number.  What about your email address as well. You could do that now.

It's good that you are getting out of the house. Nothing makes you feel worse than being stuck at home and brooding over everything. At least that's what I do. I am shortly going to see my psychologist. For a host of reasons I have not seen him for about five weeks, but in many ways it has been good as I have discovered I can manage without him. Or at least manage without seeing him frequently.  It's quite a revelation.

When I read your post about going for a coffee I wondered if your preferred shop had home delivery of groceries.  I have used online shopping twice but somehow it's not as satisfactory as walking around choosing what I need.  If you can get to the shops it's another outing and no hassle with getting the shopping home if it is delivered.

Yes I understand about putting on a good front. Us folk with depression are very good at that and not just for our children. It becomes an automatic action as we leave the house to put on the mask. And let's face it,it's something everyone does to some extent. The difference with us is that we rarely or never leave home without it and it uses up our energy in a big way.

Are you going to discuss your increasing feeling of depression with your GP? If you are tired please talk about this as it may be a side effect of your AD.

Apart from your parents, do you have any other family nearby, or rather near where you want to live? If you get on well with them it may help to talk to someone about your depression and get some support.

I know it's difficult at the moment without a car, but once you have wheels, and especially when you have moved house, have you thought of what you would like to do? Do you like reading and is there a local library? Have you ever thought of volunteer work?  I realise that sounds a bit much when you have the care of four children, but it would get you out of the house and mixing with other people. And volunteering hours tend to be more flexible than paid work, which is important when you have young children and of course school holidays.

Great to hear from you.

Mary

[geoff]

dear Kezza, I have strong empathy for you and these two previousrelationships with these indescribable men who would have taken advantage of you in anyway possible, and associating with them is not what you want, but you have left them, and that's great.

With this chap who is only 12 minutes away from you then you should have a restraining order which I presume is already in force, and a protection order for your boys, and as he has been charged before, I know that the police will be looking out for your safety, because they don't like these type of chaps.

The Department of Housing can be slow, but where I live there is 'Quantum support services' who help people like you get accommodation, it's in Gippsland but there must be other places/services where they can do the same.

In other words I managed to get someone who was homeless and broke get an unit in the Housing Commission, which is now known as DHS, Department of Housing Services and the only way this was possible was to hook up with someone from Quantum who can pull the strings, so please let me know what State you live in and I will try and find what I can.

Please if I forget your post then please enter another comment so that it gets back onto page 1.

I'm sorry but with all the posts us older folk forget. L Geoff. x

[kezza21]

Hi Geoff.

Thank you for your reply yes I have a DVO order in place but I know what he is capable of and it scares the hell out of me. I even had to cancel my doctors appointment for tomorrow because he goes to the same doctors and i rang them to see if he had any aopointments tomorrow as well and he had an appointment 1/2 an hour after me so I cancelled until next week i dont want to run into him anywhere.

I live in Brisbane Qld I put in forms for Dept of housing today with all my dv paperwork and a support letter from my social worker so i will just have to wait and see what happens. I only hope i getba house quick because the stress of living here is really affecting my depression and my sleeping at night. But if you can find out any more information for me it would be greatly appreciated. 

Thankyou 

kerrie